


Who Will Love You?

by panda_bear21



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: AU, Child Harry, Child Louis, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Growing Up, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-04
Updated: 2014-12-26
Packaged: 2017-12-28 08:41:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 142,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/990002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panda_bear21/pseuds/panda_bear21
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry was abandoned as a child, but soon after was taken in by his favorite school teacher, Niall Horan.  Every year they visit Niall’s childhood friends Liam Payne and Zayn Malik who are happily married and the nicest people Harry’s ever met.<br/>But he doesn’t believe he deserves any of their kindness.<br/>What happens when Zayn and Liam adopt a child that will end up changing Harry’s life?  Will it be enough to make him understand that he’s allowed to be happy?</p>
<p>Inspired by the song: Skinny Love by Birdy</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Orange hues of a setting sun began to peek through the high windows.  They angled downwards painting gritty tiles of the institute’s floor a range of colors and shades.

The chairs lining the long hallway were empty, all except for one nearest the exit; it’s only companion a young boy.  The child’s legs swung beneath himself as he wasn’t quite tall enough yet to touch the ground with his petite shoed feet.  He tucked his hands away under jean covered thighs. 

The boy wore a small backpack and a ratty blue jacket easily hiding thin arms.  The sun flicking off his brown curled hair sparkled over those vacant green eyes.

Clenching small fists together, his stomach began growling.  He was used to the feeling though, ignoring it as a nearby door opened with a click, the switch of the light inside flipping off.  The blonde man who exited, mind in his own thoughts, started locking the room with a deafening snap; humming a bit of a tune before jingling the keys in his palm.

He turned around, stilling.  Eyes settled on the child before him, who he was surprised had been there the whole time.  “…Harry?”  The child turned at the calling of his name, stilling his legs movement.  Fidgeting to turn himself completely towards the older gentleman, he bit at the inside of his cheek.  “What’re you still doing here?”

No response fell from the brunet’s lips.

The man, in his worn black coat and questioning gaze leant over to meet Harry’s eye level.  A thick Irish accent filled the empty hall as he spoke, “…Are you waiting for your parents?” 

With an indirect nod, the adult grew grim.  Allowing a quick glance to his watch he noted it was close to seven o’clock.  Concern grew within him; class had let out four hours prior.

“Alright bud, umm—I guess, I’ll take you home.”  He tried giving a reassuring grin, standing; waiting for the small boy to push himself off the much larger chair.

Holding a hand out for Harry, the youth tentatively took it, walking at a pace slightly behind the man’s much larger steps.  The teacher’s hand was large and warm, contrary to the cold state Harry’s had been in previously, the hallway housing a mild draft.

Glancing at the name tag of his favorite teacher, Harry read, ‘ _Mr. Niall Horan_.’  At least that’s what he hoped it said; he was still working on improving his reading skills.  After all, he had only started learning to write the preceding semester.

The blonde, looking down, grinned at him, baring teeth and all; a small uncertain smile began fighting its way onto Harry’s own lips.  He turned forward though, watching as they reached the exit, leaving claustrophobic rooms and thick air behind.

 

Hopping in Niall’s rusty buggy, he began fighting with the old seat belt, trying to tighten it around himself.  Niall helped after a few moments, quickly turning the car on to let it warm itself.

Chucking his briefcase in the backseat, he grabbed a bag of crisps from the many bags littering the floor, tossing one to Harry.  Taking another for himself he turned towards the steering wheel, finally putting the car in drive.

Following twists and turns in the road Niall hummed to the tunes falling from the radio.  This was not his first time driving the boy home.

 

Moving to help open the broken passenger side door, he let Harry out, who immediately reached for his hand like a lifeline.  Niall looked ahead at the paint peeling from the sides of the one story in front of them.  Weeds covered dying grass; hiding it from the world.  Shutters hung off at odd angles, blinds blocking light from entering the home.  The two walked up to the dirt stained door.

A crisp piece of paper was taped to it, a bold statement at the top.

Harry didn’t know what the words meant or if he had even read them correctly, but looking up at his teacher, he could see a deep frown encompassing the older man’s expression.

He looked back to the note, sounding out the letters in his mind.  ‘Fore-clo-sure No-tice.’

Niall observed the boy out of the corner of his eye; his hand seeming so feeble in his own grasp.  He felt almost cruel for bringing Harry there.

Turning back towards the door, knocking a few times, a quiet covered the two.

Niall wasn’t surprised when no one came to open it.

He glanced back at Harry whose eyes were now set forward, staring seemly at nothing.  He felt a clenching in his heart, how could people be so cruel?

As for Harry, there was no noticeable expression on his face, no sadness, anger, not even confusion; as if he had been expecting this very thing to happen.

Niall didn’t want to ask what he did next.  “Are your parents… not here?”

Taking Harry a few moments, the boy gave a shallow shrug.

“It’s cold.  Let’s go sit in the car.”  And that’s what they did as Niall made a few quick calls on his mobile phone, leaving Harry in the stuffy interior.  The boy, scrunching into himself, saw the way Niall’s breath came out in puffs of air in the coldness outside.

Zipping his jacket higher, tucking his chin into it, he played with his index fingers, clasping two tiny hands together.  To an onlooker, the gesture would look like a silent prayer.

Niall stuck his head back in the car flipping his cheap mobile into the cup holder before taking a deep breath and looking to Harry.  He hid sympathetic eyes, concealing anger with a faux-smile, one he hoped the boy couldn’t see through.  “Well Harry…  How would you like to stay at my house?”  The curly haired child turned to face him, his eyes widening in what Niall hoped was excitement.

“Like a sleepover.  We can watch movies and eat candy all night long!”  He added in, watching Harry start to form a small smile before he began nodding to Niall’s suggestions.  “Well, I suppose not all night long though.  We do have school tomorrow.”  He considered looking over to Harry’s assenting head nods.  “And I just got these new chocolate candies.  I hear they’re really good.”  The thought itself was making his own grin grow.

Revving the engine, slowly backing out of the decrepit driveway, he continued his musings, “…But, does that sound okay?”  He made sure to meet eyes with the boy before turning his gaze back on the road with a resolute nod, determination set in his jaw.

Harry nodded, smiling gently; looking down at his knees as he padded them together, the almost nonexistent grin still present on his rosy lips.

Niall hoped he could keep that smile, minuscule as it was, there for as long as he could; hoped he could let some happiness warm the cold hollowing out the child’s bones. 

“Harry?”   He waited for a glance in his direction before speaking again.  “How… are you?”  He wondered whether Harry, young as he was, would understand the seriousness of his question.

The youth blinked slowly up at the blonde man who had his eyes set forward, grip tightening on the steering wheel.  “I… I’m-- fine.”  The quiet words slipped from his lips; he wasn’t quite sure whether they were a lie or not.  Not quite sure whether he deserved to really feel fine at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the first chapter!!  
> The song that inspired this is Skinny Love by Birdy!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry is six in this chapter which takes place half a year after the last.  
> And shit goes down in this chappie so check out my warnings before continuing to read!

Harry stared out the hazy window, watching rain trickle down the pane before falling, disappearing from view.  He pressed the pencil tighter in his palm, fidgeting with his posture to sink lower in his chair.

He turned back towards his teacher when she asked a question to the class, too high pitched of a voice ringing through the silent room.  When no one responded to her query she continued on, handing out the artwork they had completed the previous week.

When she placed Harry’s down in front of him, he didn’t even notice, his attention too monopolized by the whispers he could hear being said about him, the glares shot in his direction from the other school children.

He'd rather be overlooked than hear the words they spoke, rather have it that no one paid any attention to him whatsoever.  That’s what he was used to, after all.

“Queer,” One of the boys called as a wad of paper was thrown at his head, smacking him in the temple.

He didn’t dare acknowledge the crumbled sheet now waiting at the bottom of his chair where it had fallen; he didn’t want to pick it up, knew if he did he would end up opening it to see more unkind things written about him on the inside of its crumpled exterior.

 Ignoring the slur thrown his way, like he always tried to do, Harry sat silently, studying the small picture handed back to him.  A geometric house lacking in detail, with crayon marks colored messily outside the lines, stared back.  A few flowers littered the green grass in front, a stick figure of a boy holding one of the blossoms also stood outside the home, curly brown hair messy atop his head and the faintest smile painting his lips.

Harry stiffened, over hearing a girl whisper not so quietly to her friend, "His picture’s ugly," as she passed by where he was sitting; he kept his gaze focused on the boys smile, the loud bell ringing, signaling recess.

The rain outside meant everyone would be playing indoors though as Harry stayed in his seat and everyone else got up to walk around and chat with each other.  He could hear giggles coming from somewhere in the room, words being exchanged between acquaintances.

Reaching towards his school supplies, the ones Niall had bought him before the new school year had started, he clasped small, lean fingers onto a pair of safety scissors.  Pulling the colored tools out, he cut the drawing in half.

He placed his scissors back, slowly assessing the now separated pieces, bits of the boy split between the two, his smile no longer whole.  Harry quickly grabbed at the papers, tucking them away in his hands before walking towards the trash can.

Keeping his head down he dropped the artwork into the open pit, staring for a few long moments before returning back to his seat.

 

The rest of the day, like every other, he stuck to his busy work, doodling pictures in the margins of his paper, scribbling them out before anyone else could see.  He was glad it was Friday, anxious to go home to Niall’s apartment; small as it was, it was perfect for them.

Harry looked to the clock as the last period bell rung throughout the dreary halls.  All the children began packing their things, bustling about, talking about weekend plans.  Harry put his stuff away before heading towards to door to go to his old classroom where Niall would be waiting.

“Harry, can I speak with you for a moment?”  He paused as the rest of the class left, no one even bothering to give him a second glance.  He gripped tiny fists onto the straps of his backpack before turning towards his teacher, who reminded him so much of his mother with her long black hair and caring smile that hid well the lies she told.  The only difference between the two women was that his mother had dark green irises, much like Harry’s own, whereas his teacher had dull brown ones.  Harry shuffled his feet, looking to her.

“Your father has to go to a meeting.  He asked me to watch you.   Said he’d come pick you up here when he was done.”  She spoke cheerfully, her voice grating on his ear drums.

He nodded; sitting back in his seat before taking out a notepad to work on a bit of the homework he’d been assigned.  He began marking down math problems, adding numbers together, ignoring the feel of his teacher’s eyes on him.

She cleared her voice before moving to sit at the desk next to his.  “What’re you working on?”  She asked sweetly, not even looking towards his paper.

“Math.”  He responded quietly, putting extra effort into doing the problems right.

She lingered her eyes over his body before placing her hand lightly onto his shoulder.  He didn’t mind much, just kept to his work as a few more minutes passed by.

His teacher continued watching, trailing her hand down his arm.  Her voice came out quieter than it had before, as if she was sharing a secret with him, “…Can I touch you?”

Harry didn’t respond, his brows furrowing, she was already touching him, her hand coming back up to rest on his shoulder blade.

A few long moments of deafening silence flit through the room as she moved her other hand to his thigh, pressing fingertips lightly onto his trousers.

He squirmed under her touch, but didn’t move away, too afraid, not wanting to anger the woman who was so much like his mum; in the past, whenever he had done something to anger his mother, she would slap him. 

He didn’t want to be slapped.

Harry gripped his pencil tighter as his teacher dragged her hand upwards.  Stiffening as she undid the button of his jeans, tugging his zipper down.

She moved her fingers to the flesh beneath his pants, touching him; pulling at his private area, stroking.

He could taste bitterness in the back of his throat, but didn’t dare move; only clutched his fist tighter, feeling fingernails dig into his palm.

“It’s too bad you haven’t hit puberty yet.”  She ruminated, continuing her roaming.  “I would’ve liked to have seen you ejaculate…”  He didn’t know what her words meant, but her tone made his skin crawl, the back of his eyes sting.

She finally pulled her hand away.

Straightening her blouse she spoke, “Don’t tell anyone...  Not even your dad.”

Zipping up Harry’s trousers, buttoning them like they’d been before, she continued, “He won’t believe you anyways.  I’m his friend; he’d believe me and think you’re a liar…  You don’t want him to think you’re a liar do you?”  She questioned keeping her gaze on the tiny boy till he slowly shook his head, his eyes still set forward.

“Good boy,” she murmured, patting his head, getting up to walk to the back of the classroom where she sat at her desk, returning to her work.

The cold in the room licked at the back of Harry’s neck, his cheeks much too warm, his breathing difficult.  He wouldn’t cry, his mother always used to punish him when he did.  Harry squeezed his eyes shut, waiting.  The numbness sitting in the pit of his stomach, making him feel ill.

The click of the opening door brought him back to reality.

“Harry, I’m here to pick you up!”  Niall called out, quickly scooping the boy up after he ran to him, burying his curls into Niall’s neck.  Niall didn’t wonder why Harry was acting the way he was; didn’t wonder why his things were still unpacked or why he wouldn’t look up to meet his gaze.

He went over to Harry’s scattered school supplies, shoving them into his backpack before lifting the strap of the bag with one hand and heading towards the door, Harry still clinging to him, eyes set downward.  “Thanks for watching him Shanna.”

She twirled in her chair to face the blonde, lips pressed into a thin line with upturned edges.  “No problem.  Harry’s always such a good boy.”  She flipped her dark hair over one shoulder, eyeing the small boy wrapped in his dad’s arms.

Niall grinned back at her.  “Have a good night.”

He exited the room, feeling Harry’s shallow breaths on his neck.

“I’m sorry Harry.  I forgot to tell you about the meeting this morning.”

He felt awful, thinking Harry was so upset because he thought Niall wouldn’t show up, like his real parents hadn’t that year before.  Harry only held tighter to Niall’s shoulder, keeping his eyes closed, not wanting to see, anything.

Niall hoped Harry’s silence wasn’t because he was upset with him, but he didn’t push the subject, walking them outside where the spring breeze blew the hair out of Harry’s face, tickling his nose.  He kept his eyes closed though, feeling the setting sun touch lightly on his pale cheeks, the rain having stopped hours ago.

Niall paused outside his buggy, pulling keys from his pocket to unlock it.

“…So I was thinking we could make some mac & cheese tonight.  And watch some cartoons?”  Niall paused for a moment, yanking at the creaky door with the generous force needed to open the broken thing.

He set Harry down in the passenger’s seat, bending forward to catch his green gaze.  “You can help me grade my students spelling papers.”  He offered, knowing Harry enjoyed being helpful.  With a tilt of his head and a small smile, “How’s that sound?”

Harry looked to Niall and after a beat, nodded; hoping cartoons would consist of cuddling.

Niall ruffled his hair before shutting the door and walking towards the driver’s side.

 

“We won’t be able to stay up too late tonight.  We have class tomorrow…”  Niall made a face at the admission as if he were a student being forced to go and not a willing teacher.

“Today’s Friday…”  Harry corrected.  When his words registered in Niall’s brain, the man beamed, lighting the whole room like the sun.

“You’re right Harry!  It’s the weekend!  I can’t believe I didn’t even realize...  Thank goodness I have you around.”  He prattled placing a pot of water onto the stove’s lit flame.  He left it to grab a beer from the fridge.

“Oh that reminds me!  Do you remember me talking about my friends Zayn and Liam?”  Niall waited for a response tossing a swish of the alcohol back, throwing a kitchen towel over his shoulder before turning back towards the boiling water he was now only passively watching.

Harry nodded, sipping on his apple juice.  He remembered thinking that they sounded like really nice people.

“Well we’re going to Doncaster tomorrow to meet them.   I always go every year!  Well except for last year… I wanted you to get situated to living here first before introducing you to my crazy friends.”  Niall grinned tossing the boxed noodles into the now boiling water, stirring them together.

Harry paused, tilting his now empty cup.  “…Do you think they’ll like me?”  He asked after a few moments of silence.  Niall turned towards him, flinging hot water off his spoon where he lifted it out of the water.

“I think they’ll love you!”  He declared, gesturing with his hands, more water flinging off the wooden utensil.  Harry let himself smile timidly in response hoping Niall would be right.  No one else seemed to like him; he wouldn’t want them to not like him either… especially if they were Niall’s best friends.

He’d have to make sure to be on his best behavior.

 

“How was class today?”  Niall asked filling Harry up another cup of juice where they sat at the kitchen table.

His mind flooded with instances of the day.  “F-fine.”  He stuttered out, quietly, almost unnoticeably.

Niall glanced to him.  “Did something happen?” he asked, eyes assessing Harry’s frown.  Harry usually always had something happy to say about school; from getting a sticker on his homework to showing Niall some of his art, which inevitable always ended up on the refrigerator door.

Harry quickly shook his head, looking back down at the now refilled glass.

“How… was, your day Daddy?”  He asked as Niall got up to set out the steaming bowls of mac & cheese.

Niall spoke animatedly as he ate, cheese flying through the air with each emphasis he put into his hand gestures.  “It was great!  Except for that meeting…  That was boring.”  He shook his head.  “It’s like school all over again.”  Harry grinned at Niall’s words; eating up the food he was given.

 

Watching cartoons didn’t do much to stop Harry from remembering his nightmare of a day, but it did tire him out.  Both shuffled into his room after thoroughly brushing their teeth and combing their wet-from-bathing hair.

Niall sat on the edge of Harry’s bed, “Which book would you like me to read tonight?  Dr. Seuss?  Harry Potter?  When You Give a Moose a Muffin?”

Harry grinned, pointing to the last one.

“Good choice.” Niall praised, flipped the pages open, words spilling from his mouth in a bright Irish accent that had Harry giggling to himself.

When he had yawned for the third time and Niall had finished the short story, he closed the book, tucking Harry into his blankets.  The man grinned down at his curly haired boy.  “I love you Harry.”

“I love you too,” Was mumbled back as Harry looked over to his night light feeling sleepiness settle into his bones.  The ever-present nagging in the back of his mind, sounding all too much like his mother, continued to tell him Niall was lying, that no one could love him.  He tried to ignore it.

Niall smiled down at him, placing the book he had just read on the bedside table.  He pinched lightly at Harry’s cheek before bending forward and placing a kiss to his forehead, “Good night.”

He got up silently, hitting the lights before leaving a crack in the door, disappearing down the hall and to his own room.

Harry tried to not think about the day he had just had, tried to forget the mean things the other students had said to him, he should be used to them by now… He tried to forget what his teacher had done; the thoughts wouldn’t leave his head.

Pulling his stuffed dog closer to his chest he could feel its soft grooves with his fingertips.

“You don’t hate me, right Teddy?”  He asked it, softly, not wanting to disturb the sleeping darkness surrounding them.  No response came from the toy except for the one playing in Harry’s mind.

“You’re one of the only ones…”  He whispered back, curling up to it.  He pet at its fuzzy side, snuggling deeper into his bed sheets awaiting the next day, praying Niall’s friends wouldn’t hate him like everyone else did…  But there was only so much hoping and forgetting he could do before dreams took over and his little breaths could be heard in the silence of the night.

 

They parked in the street outside a brick home with smoke billowing out of its chimney.  Niall jumped out to stretch his aching muscles before moving to the trunk to pull out a bottle of wine and a cake he’d bought at a bakery on the way there.  Letting Harry hold the box, he grabbed the child’s hand knowing he was nervous about meeting his friends, like he often was around new people.

They walked leisurely up to the door, Niall exchanging one last grin with Harry before ringing the bell.  A few moments passed; shuffling and muffled voices coming from the other side of the barrier.

The door flew open revealing two men looking much too excited.  “Niall!”  They cheered throwing arms around him.  Niall let go of Harry’s hand to fully embrace the two.  He hugged the brunette with puppy dog eyes and a wide grin first, the darker one with black hair and sharp smile after.

“Vas happenin?!”  The second one called making Niall laugh before punching him on the arm.

“Not much Zayn.  Harry,” He turned back towards the child who now had his let go hand clasped around the cake box, staring to the side, not wanting to be a burden.  He looked to Niall. “This is Zayn,” Niall gestured to the one who had just spoken.   “And this is Liam.”  He added in, swinging his arm in the other man’s direction.

Liam quickly got on his knees to be on Harry’s level.  He grabbed his hand, shaking it, grinning sweetly.  “Hello Harry.”  He stared at him, blinking a few times.  “How are you?  We’ve been so excited to meet you.” 

Harry glanced at his friendly expression, feeling his cheeks turn a light shade of pink.  “I’m okay.”  He responded back, quietly, liking the warmth Liam’s hand gave off.

“I made some chocolate cookies for you.”  Liam added in.  “Niall say’s you really like them.”  He offered, smiling some more.  Harry wondered if he always smiled like that, or if he only was because Harry was there.  He supposed it was probably the first one.

Harry glanced to the chuckling blonde who was looking down at them, affection in his eyes.

“I think he told you that because he wanted them.”  Niall’s face broke out into an obnoxious smile before Liam looked up to him, squinting his eyes.

Niall threw up his hands in defense.  “Ok you caught me.   I told you that because I wanted them...”  He admitted as Zayn wacked him on the back of the head, grinning himself.

“It’s okay… I like them too.”  Harry added in not wanting them to be mad at Niall.  Liam looked back to him, beaming, before standing up to usher them all into the other room where the strong smell of melted chocolate lingered.

“We redid our kitchen.  What do you think?”  Zayn asked, reaching for a cookie that sat on a pan on the stove top.

Liam smacked his hand away, “They’re too hot, you’re going to burn your tongue.”  Niall laughed at the pouting man before responding with how much he liked the new format and colors they decided on and of course, adding in a joking comment of “controlling husbands,” which made Zayn chuckle before looking down at the polished ring on his finger.

When Liam turned to grab some napkins Niall tried his own luck, grabbing for a cookie and quickly shoving it in before he could be yelled at.  He soon found himself holding his mouth open, letting a stream of bad words leave his throat.  Zayn covered Harry’s ears so Niall could curse as loudly as he wanted to.

“Told you it was hot.”  Liam remarked smugly, taking the cake from Harry to put it out on a tray.  “Would you like anything to drink?”  He asked their guests.

When Niall got ahold of himself, though his tongue still hurt, he let out a, “What kind of beer do you have?”

The answer to his question was a simple, “It’s not even lunch yet!”

“No point in not starting early.”  He shrugged back, poking at his now burnt tongue.

Zayn walked towards the fridge pulling three alcoholic beverages out.  “Harry what would you like to drink?”

“Uh…”  Harry shook his head not wanting to impose.  Best behavior, he repeated to himself.

Niall looked to their hosts.  “Do you have any juice?  He likes juice.”

Zayn put the beers on the counter, reaching back into the fridge.  “How’s orange juice?”  He asked, turning to Harry.

Harry nodded, prodding his feet lightly against the tiled floor.

They all sat down with their drinks, cakes and cookies littering the table.  Harry sat on Niall’s lap as the three men laughed, exchanging old stories and new anecdotes about how their lives were progressing.

 

They ordered a pizza for lunch and ate, chatting and enjoying themselves.  Harry found himself smiling with the enthusiasm in the room, little laughs escaping his lips.

He didn’t talk unless spoken too, but soon found himself sitting in Liam’s lap instead of Niall’s; Liam playing with his curls, laughing at what the others were saying.

“Well at least it wasn’t as bad as when you caught my oven on fire.”

“Hey it was an accident!”

Zayn rolled his eyes at Niall’s exclamation as Liam laughed recalling the moment.  “And didn’t you get grounded for like three weeks?  I’m surprised Zayn’s mom even let you back into her house.”

“Nah, she always had a soft spot for me.”  Niall chuckled, winking at the darker haired man.

They finished up their meals, Liam taking the guests around the house to show them the other renovations they had made.  It wasn’t until they were back in the kitchen that Harry spoke again.

“Harry how’s your second year of school?  Are you liking it?”  Liam asked the boy, sipping on a cuppa.

“I like it.”  He spoke up after a few moments of thought.  He enjoyed the learning, though he had no friends.  He tried ignoring the clawing feeling in his stomach again, thinking back to when his teacher had—

Niall nudged him, noticing he was zoning out in thought.  “Not as much as you liked it when I was your teacher right?”   He asked chuckling.

Harry grinned, watching Niall glance down at his watch before seeing his eyes go wide.  “It’s five already?”

He huffed out an exasperated breath.  “We should probably get going...  I hear there’s going to be a big storm later.”  As if on cue, water droplets could be heard thudding down on the roof.

No one got up to leave, not wanting to end their fun day quite yet.  Niall took another swig of his drink before his eyes flashed with a thought, “Oh, I forgot to ask.  How’s the adoption thing going?”  He asked, standing up to clear away his and Harry’s trash.

“Great!”  Zayn spoke, looking lovingly towards his husband.  “Next time you guys come over, we’ll have our own little one.”

“You’ll have a playmate Harry.”  Liam added in, glancing to him.  Harry nodded, already feeling nervous for the meeting.

They made their way into the main hall.

“That’s great guys!  I know you’ve wanted to adopt for a long time.”  Niall spoke, giving the two another round of tight hugs as they nodded, beaming at his statement.  He turned back towards Harry, helping him adjust his coat so he wouldn’t get rained on.

Harry turned back to the strangers.

Quickly Zayn bent down, pulling him into a hug.  “So squishy!”  He exclaimed making Harry grin as he was squeezed in Zayn’s embrace.

Liam gave him a hug next before pinching his cheek, much like Niall had done the night before.  “Bye Harry, it was lovely meeting you.”  He spoke, backing away from the youth who glanced up to see Niall reaching his hand out for him.

“Good bye.”  He responded back as they made their way outside the house.

“See you next year!  Don’t forget to call!”  Niall bellowed back to his friends as the two, hooded and all, ran to their car, trying not to get drenched on the way there.

“When they say April showers, they honestly meant it.”  Niall laughed flinging a few rain droplets off his hair when they were safely inside his vehicle.  “What’d you think?  Did you like them?”  He inquired, driving away from the house back to their own apartment.

Harry nodded.  “I liked them a lot.”  And it was true.  He couldn’t wait to come back the next year.  He was also excited to meet their new child though nerves lingered in the back of his mind.  He wanted to make a good impression… wanted to maybe, make a friend.

Harry stared out the window as the storm clouds approached from above.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry is seven and a half in this chapter. Louis is nine!  
> Enjoy!

“Come on Harry, sing along!”  Niall called out, turning the radio up as warm air blasted through the open windows and the sound of his voice harmonized with the wind.  Harry laughed when Niall purposefully sung off-tune as he played the steering wheel like a drum.

When Katy Perry’s _Roar_ came on the radio Harry started singing along, voice tangling with laughter when Niall began belting out lion noises.

His throat itched from singing so loudly, but he didn’t mind; was so captivated with the fun he was having that he didn’t really notice they had arrived to their destination till the car lurched to a stop.

He immediately lost his smile, eyes widening as he bit down on his bottom lip.

He stared out the open car window at the house that looked exactly the same as it had the previous year when they had visited; the only difference being that the summer sun now warmed the brick, glistening off the speck-less windows; lightening the area to look as if the house was also enjoying the beautiful weather they were having.

Niall noticed Harry’s apprehension return; what he’d been trying to distract him from on the two hour car ride there.  “Hey Harry, it’s okay.  Louis will like you.  Just like his parents, yah?”  Niall reassured.  Harry turned back to him, nodding, though he could feel his palms starting to sweat; which wasn’t from the heat outside.

Sneaking into the backseat Niall grabbed a case of beer before turning back towards the vehicle and locking it, walking up the drive with Harry close behind.

“Do you want to ring it?”  He asked looking to the doorbell.  He turned back to see Harry fidgeting where he stood.

The boy nodded before jumping out to ring it, vanishing behind Niall again after the deed was done.  Niall almost wanted to laugh at the ding dong ditch, but contained himself as the door opened revealing his two best mates and who he assumed must’ve been Louis, resting in Zayn’s arms.

“No they wouldn’t.”  Were the first words Harry heard the child speak, the sound of it making him more edgy from where he stood behind Niall.  The voice was pretty and bright; boisterous in nature, one that would have had Harry smiling if he wasn’t so very scared.

Harry was never any good at meeting new people; they all ended up hating him in the end.  And he didn’t want that at all.

“He’s just grumpy coz we made him clean up his toys.”  Liam told Niall in means of explanation for the boy, who had a small frown on his mouth, squinting his eyes at Zayn with a slight tilt to his head.

Louis must’ve heard his dad because, “Am not,” was the next thing he shouted out, scrunching his nose up.  Zayn set the child down as Liam rolled his eyes with the happiest smile still gracing his lips.

“Well hello, little man!  It’s nice to meet ya!”  Niall exclaimed, sticking a hand out to Louis.

His high five was happily received, the youth grinning up at the blonde man.

“Wait, where’s Harry?”  Liam asked after noticing the other child wasn’t there.  He glanced towards their guest as Niall moved the slightest bit to the side so Harry could be seen from where he stood holding the back of his dad’s jacket, too nervous to come out from his hiding place.

Harry looked up, immediately meeting eyes with the other boy, who now stood in front of him; blue gaze questioning.

“What’re you doing back there?”  He asked curiously as Harry quickly let go of Niall’s jacket before staring back at the ground, Niall moving fully out of his way.

“No-nothing.”  He mumbled out, teetering in his shoes.

A few moments of silence passed, “Harry this is Louis… Louis this is Harry.”  Zayn introduced.  Harry looked up to his gentle smile before returning his sight back to the floor.

“I already know who he is.  You already told me.”  Louis informed his dad before stepping back and taking his hand; also mildly anxious about the boy with the curly hair and distracted eyes.

“Don’t be shy.  Go on.”  Niall soothed Harry, ruffling his curls.  His gentle urging had Harry turning towards Louis whose curious stare had never left him.

“Hello Louis.”  He spoke up softly feeling so worried that this boy would end up disliking him.

He waited with bated breath, Louis’ lips forming into a grin.  “Hello Harry!”

The child relaxed a fraction, a smile of his own appearing; his worry lifted the slightest bit as he let out a silent breath.

“Well come on back.  We were thinking, since it’s such a nice day outside, that we should have a barbeque!”  Liam spoke up, guiding the crowd through the house to the patio in the back. 

“Just like the good ol’ days eh?”  Niall grinned handing Zayn the case of beer.

“Don’t you know it.”  Zayn beamed back.

The five shuffled out of the air conditioning into warm heat.  Beige bricks lined the ground, green bushes and flowers outlining the perimeter of it, leading to a medium sized yard.  There was a football lying near a small goalie post to the side; trees providing a backdrop of greenery.

The two boys sat with their parents, not really knowing what else to do.

Louis was fidgety, getting up often to eat the nuts on the glass patio table where Harry watched silently.  Louis often caught him looking, giving a smile, before offering the other boy some of the snacks.  Harry would shake his head no before turning his attention to the side, heartbeat quickening.  It didn’t seem like Louis disliked him yet, he just had to make sure to not mess that up.

 

Sitting in the generous shade the house bestowed upon the patio, hours passed, Zayn eventually getting up to start grilling burgers and hot dogs.  The other two still sat, bantering back and forth before they laid eyes on the kids.

“You boys should go play.”  Liam spoke up looking at the two.  They merely stared back before glancing in each other’s direction.

A few moments of silence passed before, “Okay!  C’mon Harry,” was spoken, Louis pushing himself off the chair he’d been sitting in; grabbing a last peanut before shuffling towards the grass.  Harry looked towards Niall to see him nodding enthusiastically before lifting the boy off his lap and letting him stand.

Harry stared after Louis who was now trying to kick a football into the kiddie goal set.  When he scored, he screamed out an enthusiastic ‘wooooooooo!’ running around with his arms in the air.  Harry bit back a giggle making his way towards the strange boy.

Louis smiled at Harry when the other youth reached him.  “Let’s go on an adventure!”

Harry was about to respond, but before he could, Louis’ face formed into a scared frown.  “Harry!  What’s that behind you?”  He asked, pointing behind the boy.  Harry quickly looked to see nothing.  Just the normal yard.  He turned back to Louis, a questioning gaze on his face.  Louis’ face was filled with an animated fright.

“Come on!  We got to hide!”  He quickly grabbed at Harry’s hand, pulling him back towards the trees.  His hand was soft on Harry’s, his palm squeezing easily against his own.  Yanking him behind a bush, he crouched putting a finger up to his lips.  “We have to be quiet.  Don’t want the monster to get us!”  He added, before stilling his heavy breaths, quieting so the still of the day and the chirps of bugs filled the air.

“Louis, what monster?”  Harry asked simply, crouching as requested.  Louis rolled his eyes at him.

“The big furry green one of course.”  Louis stated back, shaking his head as if that was the most obvious thing ever.  Harry stared at him before sneaking a peak from behind their hideout.  He glanced around the yard, which was now a dark forest of trees, till he finally saw what Louis was talking about.  There was a large ogre of a creature, breathing heavily, a large mallet in its hands.  He looked like he was searching for something, big huffs of air leaving his snarling mouth.  Harry turned back to Louis his eyes wide to which Louis nodded knowingly.

“Do you think we should try talking to it?”  He asked.  Louis shook his head swiftly, glancing around their hiding place which was now a small cabin.  The lights were out as they hid beneath a window.

Harry peaked out again, no longer seeing the monster.

“Oh my gosh!  He’s trying to break in!”  Louis whispered excitedly before standing up and pulling Harry with him again.  They scurried along the trees, hiding behind the furniture in their make believe cabin.

They scurried out of the home, through the back door, rushing around the plants littering the area.

“He’s catching up!”  Louis whispered, both their breaths heavy from running around.  He picked up two sticks from the ground.  “We’re going to have to defend ourselves with these swords!”  He explained handing Harry one of them.  Harry stared at the weapon; he didn’t know how to fight with swords.

“Louis, I don’t know—“

“Harry get it!”  Louis cut him off, pointing to the ogre that had just appeared out of the trees.   Harry turned towards the beast that stood twelve feet taller than him, its angry face hideous.

Harry stepped forward, swinging his weapon.  The ogre howled falling to its knees.  Harry stared at the sight, poking it again as it crumpled to the ground, disappearing into a poof of smoke.  Louis smiled, patting Harry on the back.  “Good job Harry!”

His words had Harry genuinely smiling a grin that was larger than any he’d had in the past year.  “Oh behind you!”  Louis yelled before pushing Harry out of the way and laying siege to another tree, or rather, another monster that had appeared behind them.

Louis helped Harry up from where he fell after he took care of the threat.  “We better get back inside the cabin before more monsters come.”   Louis added in as they snuck back through the dark woods making sure they were ready for any other attack.

They had just made it inside, locking the wooden door of their cabin when, “Louis, Harry time for dinner,” was called out. 

 

Their imagined dream world fizzled away as the two boys looked at each other for a few moments, letting the real world take back over.

“Boys?”  Liam called again.  Louis broke eye contact with Harry to burst out of the woods to their yard.

“We’re coming.”  He answered as Harry followed him back to the patio.

Harry crawled into the chair next to Niall where a hot dog sat, ready for him to eat.

Niall smiled down at his boy, seeing the grin that was returned.  Harry was feeling much happier than he had in a while.

The five ate, enjoying each other’s company; the kids listening intently to their parents stories, munching on their delicious dinners.

 

It was a bit after they ate dessert that Louis asked his parents whether he and Harry could go watch a movie.  They nodded as the two boys scurried inside, both jumping onto the sofa.

“What d’you want to watch?”  Louis asked sweetly flipping on the television.

Harry shrugged.  “Whatever you want.”  He said quietly, playing with his hands.

“Okay!  Let’s watch Spiderman.”  Louis responded simply, getting up to flip in the DVD.  When it was ready he turned the lights out and sat on the other side of the plush couch.

They stayed attentive, watching the film, only moving when the air conditioning started to become too chilly and Louis got up to grab a blanket for the two of them to share.  It was so large that they could each still sit on opposite ends of the sofa and have a bit of the comforter.

About halfway through the film neither of them were still watching, both curled up into themselves, fast asleep in their world of dreams.

 

When the movie ended the adults came in to get Harry so that he and Niall could leave.

Upon seeing their sleeping boys they stalled.  “Wait, don’t wake them!  I have to get a picture.”  Liam whispered excitedly running to get his camera.

“They’re so cute.”  Niall added in quietly, looking at the two sleeping children.  Zayn nodded in agreement, smiling down at their pudgy cheeks and even breaths.

Liam came back in with his digital, snapping a shot of them.  He glanced back at it, grinning widely.  “Okay, you can wake them now…”

Niall did as Liam said, sneaking over to Harry.  “Hey buddy,” He spoke as Harry wriggled in his spot.  “It’s time to go home.”  He added in, nudging him lightly.  Harry opened his eyes, confused at first to where he was.  When he remembered, he got up, holding his arms up to Niall who laughed, picking him up.

“Bye Niall, bye Harry.”  Liam spoke up, squeezing Niall’s shoulder.  Niall grinned back as Zayn tapped Louis on the cheek, who eventually squinted up at him.

“Harry’s leaving.”  He spoke to him.  Louis sat up, pulling the blanket around himself, staring at their guests where Harry had his head resting on Niall’s shoulder.

“Bye Harry.  Bye Mr. Horan!”  He called as Zayn got up to see them off.  They both wished him farewell as they walked towards the main door; Harry’s ‘bye Louis’ soft and sweet sounding to both their ears.

“No but really, you know you miss us.”  Zayn spoke up before Niall could step out of the house.  He was met with a jolly laugh.

“Think about it, okay?”  Liam spoke up next.

Niall shook his head though he agreed he would.   “But moving back would be such a pain…”  He added in as an excuse that had Liam and Zayn both rolling their eyes.

Niall stepped out still holding onto Harry.  “Till next time then.”  He called back to them as he made his way towards the car; the clouds of night filling the air, a few flickering rays of the setting sun making the grass appear golden.  Liam and Zayn waved to Harry who moved his small hand back and forth in return, holding tighter to Niall.

“I told you Louis would like you.”  His dad teased before setting him down in the car.

Harry merely nodded in response, hoping that was the case.  Just because Louis was too nice to not say mean things to him like the kids at school did, it didn’t mean he liked him.

Still, Harry found himself not really wanting to leave.  He had had so much fun that day; playing with Louis and answering Liam and Zayn’s questions when they asked him things about himself.

He stared out the dashboard window; thoughts circling his mind, not noticing the pair of blue eyes glancing at him from inside the home; the others own brain flitting with silent thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost a year and a half has passed since last chapter.  
> Harry is eight, almost nine and Louis is turning eleven in a few days.

_“Stupid.”_

They tripped him, laughing as he stumbled over.

_“Ugly.”_

They shoved at him, pinching skin.

_“Wanker,”_

_“Disgusting,”_

_“Freak,”_

They kicked at his legs under the desks, stomping on his feet.

 

Each insult, each bruise hurt worse than the last.  He closed his eyes wanting to keep the tears at bay, until he got home.  There he could let them fall, in the loneliness of his room where Niall wouldn’t be able to see and feel ashamed.

_“Don’t talk to him.  He’s weird.”_

Harry didn’t know why; what he had done to get every ones hate.  His mother had also been sickened with him; her shrill voice playing in his mind, constantly reminding him of what he was: pathetic, annoying, a mistake.

She was right, she was always right.

_“Mute.”_

He felt hollow, like he was snapping beneath the ridicule of his peers.

_“No one likes you.”_

He tried brushing their words off; they ate at him on the inside.

_“Why’s he even here?”_

He held tight, his fists clenched, feeling sick to the stomach.  He just wanted to be home already.  Just wanted to be alone, like he already felt on the inside.

 

 

Tears pricked at his eyes as he walked into his room, silently closing the door.  He tossed his things on the ground, grabbing his stuffed dog, moving into the closet where he shut the door tight, the only light coming from under the crack at the bottom.

Scrunching up, holding Teddy close to his heart, the first few tears escaped.

“Why do they hate me?”  He asked, quietly in the confines of his closet, a sob hitching off his voice.

No response came.  Because he didn’t know… he didn’t know why he was so loathed, and that made the pain that much worse.  He must just be an unlikeable person; sometimes even he found it hard to like himself.

He let the tears rack his small body, mixing with the whimpers that crept out of his lips.  He held tight to his dog feeling so, so sad; trying to squeeze the toy so tight it would feel like maybe it was hugging him back.

He didn’t want to feel this way.  He didn’t want to feel so alone.  He let the warm liquid stream down his cheeks, not even bothering to wipe at them; not wanting to move from his position, trying to hold himself together.

He pressed the bruise on his arm harder, remembering when he had gotten it from a classmate.  The numbing sensation made him cry even harder.

“I love you…. I love you.” He whispered to himself, trying to calm down; he knew he was the only one.  Not even his parents liked him enough to stay.

He cried into his stuffed animal, tucking into himself letting the sadness leave his body.

He took a deep breath, rubbing at his nose and his cheeks, letting the tears soak off onto his sleeve.

He felt all those things, weak and pathetic.  He wiped the last trace of moisture from his face, letting his heart beat slow.

Taking another deep breath he sat in the silence of his room; the only noise, a faint hiss of the heater in the background.  Even with his sweater on, he couldn’t stop the cold from creeping out of his thoughts and into his bruising heart.

 

An hour passed before Harry left his closet, tiptoeing out of his room and down the hall to see Niall fast asleep in front of the television.  The man’s mouth was slightly ajar, the blue of the screen flickering across his relaxed features.

Harry sniffled again, feeling empty without the tears aching to get out.  He moved to lie on the couch, curling into Niall’s side; the movement causing the blonde to stir.

“Harry?”  His voice was rough with sleep as he resituated so the boy could fit more easily next to him. 

Harry tried to keep his red rimmed eyes down as Niall pulled him in, squishing him tight.  The man yawned before closing his lids again.

Harry sat in the quiet snores of his dad, snuggling closer to the warmth that he produced, soon finding himself closing his own eyes, tired from his overwhelmed emotions.

He could feel himself fall asleep; hoping he maybe wouldn’t feel so lonely when he woke up.

 

It was close to ten o’clock when Niall shifted himself awake, accidently bumping the child in the nose on the way.  He snickered when Harry sneezed in response, the quake waking the child up as well.

“Bless you.”  Niall laughed, rotating his shoulder blades to get the soars out of them.  Harry just closed his eyes again still too tired to want to move.  “Are you hungry?”

Harry shook his head in response, tiredness winning out over the rumbling in his tummy.

Niall stroked Harry’s hair when he heard the boy’s stomach growl, getting up to drape a blanket that had been resting on the armrest over the youth.  “I’ll go make some chicken noodle soup.”  He added in as Harry nudged himself further into the cushions.  “We’re visiting Louis, Liam, and Zayn in two days.  How does some Christmas shopping tomorrow sound?”  He asked.

Harry nodded in response, which was good enough for Niall as he walked off to make them some late night dinner.  Harry felt the tiniest bit of excitement nip at his heart; he’d be seeing Louis in two days… he didn’t think he could wait.

 

 

“Let us in, it’s freezing!”  Niall yelled as Zayn opened the door for them to enter, leaving the snow and frigid breeze outside.

Harry noticed as they made their way out of the entranceway that gingerbread and candy canes scented the home, Christmas decorations sitting on every untouched ledge; the tree in the living room dripping with ornaments in too many hues of reds and greens.  The festive feel of the place had Harry wondering when he and Niall would decorate their house.

“Wow, you really did deck the halls with boughs of holly…”  Niall motioned, noticing the plant outlining picture frames that stood on the walls.  He picked up one of the gingerbread candles on a nearby table, sniffing at it before putting it back down.

Zayn and Liam beamed.  “Yeah, we got a little carried away this year...”  The light haired brunette admitted sheepishly.

Niall laughed in response.  “Yah, Harry and I haven’t decorated yet.  But I did buy the Christmas tree!  It’s a monster.”

He indicated just how large the tree was by holding his arms out in a circle.  Harry grinned up at his dad before glancing around, wondering where Louis was.

His unasked question was answered as he heard footsteps trampling down the stairs, a body running into the kitchen where the rest of them were.

“Hi Harry!”  Louis’ smile lit up the entire room.  He turned to Niall after watching Harry’s own lips form into a grin.  “Hi Mr. Horan!”

“Why hello Louis!  What’re you up to?”  Niall inquired as the boy bopped up and down on his toes.

“Not much… but I am hungry.  When’s dinner?”  He asked turning towards his parents.

Zayn glanced at his gold watch and then over to the oven.  “Uh, thirty minutes.  You and Harry can go watch the telly if you want, while we finish preparing it.”

Louis nodded before leading Harry into the other room to watch some Christmas movies while the adults stayed in the kitchen to enjoy some fine Christmas wine.

 

“Harry, Louis, time for dinner!”  Liam spoke up from the doorway to the living room.  Harry turned to look at him, though Louis kept his gaze on the TV, rather wanting to finish _Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer_ than eat, even though he’d said he was hungry earlier.  “Are you ignoring me, sir?”  Liam asked eyeing his son.

Louis spoke up with his eyes still cast on the screen, “No.”

“Oh I see how it is.”  Liam smirked before calling for Zayn.  Louis’ face fell, as if he knew what was coming.

He waited and Harry watched as Zayn and Liam came a bit closer before giving Louis a pointed look.

Louis grimaced back still not wanting to turn off the program.

Strangely enough though, Zayn pulled out a piece of mistletoe he’d brought with him, raising it to his and Liam’s eye level.  Louis didn’t falter, glaring, as if daring them to continue.

Zayn lifted the mistletoe above their heads, and with one last blink turned to Liam before kissing the other man.  Harry had never seen two people kiss in real life before; his eyes widened as Louis squealed an ‘Ewwww!,’ before immediately running into the kitchen.  Liam and Zayn pulled apart laughing; shutting off the TV that Louis had left on in his rush.

Harry stood from the couch, making his own way to the kitchen.  “Gets him every time.”   He could hear Zayn utter from behind him.

Louis was sat at the table telling Niall about how gross his parents were.

Niall chuckled, listening.  Responding with, ‘Oh I know man.  I know.’

All five sat down, before burying themselves in food; enjoying the tastes that made up the meal in front of them.

It wasn’t till afterwards that Liam suggested the boys go outside and play in the snow.  The idea was excitedly accepted as the youths moved into the back room to slip on snow suits and heavier jackets.

“Good thing I brought all your snow stuff eh, Harry?”  Niall questioned before pulling winter clothing out of a large bag they’d brought in with them.  Harry nodded before pulling on a few extra jumpers.

When he’d finished, Harry glanced over to see Louis having issues with his own clothing.

The older boy tried moving in the overstuffed coat Liam placed on him.  He couldn’t though, his struggles making Zayn laugh.

“I told you, you shouldn’t have gotten that one.”  Zayn informed his husband, where the other dad was tugging a hat onto Louis’ head.

“I don’t want him to get cold!”  Liam defended making Zayn scoff in amusement.

“I can’t even move!”  Louis complained shifting his arms, trying to get used to the excessive insulation that made him look like a plump marshmallow.

Harry fidgeted with the scarf around his neck, wiggling his socks in the big boots he wore.  He was already starting to feel a bit warm from standing in the heated home, all dressed up for the cold outside; he couldn’t imagine how Louis was feeling.

“Alright let’s go Harry.”  Louis spoke up as he waddled his way to the garage door.

They made their way into the chill with the sun no longer in the sky, only streetlamps lighting the white world around them.  Harry noticed tiny flakes fall from the black sky; shiny icicles hang from the house’s gutter.  He breathed out watching a puff of air leave his warm lips.

He blew out another stream of breath, fascinated, looking over to see Louis glancing back, sticking his tongue out to catch the snow.  Harry watched the flakes melt on Louis’ tongue before the other boy laughed, closing his lips.

He turned to face Harry before leaving boot prints in the snow where he trudged, to reach a bigger pile of snow.  He bent over, doing something Harry couldn’t quite see.  Turning back around, a piece of snow flew at him from Louis’ hand, missing though a few flecks fell off, sticking to his face.  He quickly wiped the frigid water off, bending forward for his own handful.

“Yah, I’m more of a football person…”  Louis spoke up, excusing his awful throw, pulling the maroon beanie further onto his pink ears.

Harry piled the snow high in his palm before throwing it in Louis’ direction.  The white dust fell to the ground not even making it a foot away from him.

Louis laughed, watching Harry furrow his eyebrows confusedly, wondering why his snow hadn’t gone anywhere.

“That was a sucky snowball..."  Louis pointed out, snickering as he made his way back over to the other boy.

Harry stared down at his gloved hands.

Louis laughed again, loud and sweet. "Here let me show you."  Reaching towards the ground the boy scooped up a handful of the cold, pressing his small palms together, continually adding more.  The ball morphed into a spherical shape making him beam as he showed it off to the younger.  "See.  This is a snowball!"

Harry gazed at it for a few moments, before copying Louis' movements and scooping up the cold ice crystals, crushing them together; the key step he’d forgotten earlier.

Upon finishing his creation Harry held it in front of them, receiving an enthusiastic head nod from the other.  He felt a small smile spread across his lips as Louis marched a few steps away, stopping and turning to face him again.

Louis threw his snow ball, hitting Harry square in the chest.  The face and noise he made while doing so had Harry’s voice echoing out a bright laugh into the brisk air, which he quickly tried covering up.

Still grinning, he took his own snowball and tossed it at Louis, who tried dodging but instead got his boots caught, falling over.

 A few noises of struggle could be heard from the lump lying in the snow.  Harry treaded over to him catching Louis’ blue eyes; their bright color contrasting with the white pillowing beneath his head.

 "Can't," he wriggled his arms in the air above him.  Heaving out an exasperated breath he continued, “get..."  He repeated the motion as if trying to grab onto something. "up..."

He let out another frustrated huff before letting his arms fall limp.

Harry stayed silent, looking down at the youth who closed his eyes, letting the snowflakes fall onto rosy cheeks.  His features were relaxed, looking almost as if he could be asleep.  Harry watched the even exhales leave his lungs.

“You know, it’s rude to stare.”  Louis’ voice cut through the silence of the street.  

Harry immediately averted his attention hoping Louis wouldn’t be mad at him.

The boy grinned, opening his eyes.  He looked over to Harry noticing how the white specks clung to his curly brown hair and rested on his long, pretty eyelashes.

“Let’s make snow angels!”  Louis added into the quiet.  Harry nodded before walking a few steps over and plopping himself down into the snow.

 

“What’re you guys doing?”  The boys looked over to Zayn who had just come out into the yard, his hands stuffed into large coat pockets.  The other parents filed out behind him, Niall laughing at something Liam had just said.

“We’re making snow angels!”  Louis responded, still moving his arms in a vertical motion.

“Wouldn’t it be more realistic if yours was a snow devil?”  Liam teased from where he stood behind Zayn.

Louis stuck his tongue out at the grinning man.  “You’re so _funny_ daddy.”  He retorted to both parents who were now chuckling to themselves.

Niall’s boots crunched through the snow as he bounded over to the kids, peering in Harry’s vision to make a silly face.

Harry made a silly face in return as Niall moved back to draw little halo’s above the boy’s heads with his long fingers.

“Perfect!  All done!”  Louis exclaimed sitting up to check out the indents made in the snow.  Harry did the same, glancing behind him to see the halo and wings stamped in the ground.

They turned back to their parents as Liam held up a camera.  “Smile boys.”  He instructed, snapping a photo of them before pocketing the camera, scooping up a bit of snow in his gloved hand and making his way over to Zayn.  Before the other man realized what was happening, he had a shirt full of snow making him yell out as Liam quickly scurried away.

“Oh, I’m going to get you for that.”  Zayn threatened, trying to get the cold off his back.

When it had all melted, he made his own snow weapon, chucking it at his husband who grabbed Niall to use as a shield.

The boys watched as their parents frolicked about in the snow, fighting as if they were kids themselves.  The two children soon found themselves joining in the battle, laughing as they were all hit with the freezing wet slush.

 

Niall was the victor of their snow fight when they all crammed inside the house, wanting to defrost.  They stood in the back room, stripping off wet clothes and pulling on warmed sweatshirts and jeans instead.

After Niall finished getting out of his own stuff, he helped Harry, while Liam helped Louis and Zayn piled all their clothes into the dryer.

Liam assisted Louis out of his cold, damp jumper and snow suit, talking to him, “You know, I love it when you go out in the snow because you always get a cute little cherry nose.”  He spoke before pecking its cold exterior.

“Dad!”  Louis was quick to complain as he wiped at it.  “I’m too old for nose kisses!  I am turning eleven in a few days.  In case you forgot.”  Liam merely chuckled before standing and ruffling at Louis’ fringe.  He walked over to Zayn, grinning, telling him what Louis had said as the child took off his scarf, throwing the cold wet knit to the floor.  He tried bending over to take off his boots, but couldn’t reach, the stuffing in his snowsuit making it nearly impossible.

“Need help Lou?”  Zayn asked, walking towards him, swiftly untying them.

After he was able to tug the shoes off, he turned back towards his son.  “I heard what you said to your dad.”  He glanced back in Liam’s direction before turning back to Louis who gave a small shrug.  “You know you shouldn’t talk to people like that.”

A beat of silence passed between them before a smug grin made its way onto Zayn’s lips.  “Guess you’ll just have to be punished then.”  Before Louis could process his words, Zayn leaned forward giving him the wettest smooch he could onto the boy’s tiny nose. 

“Dad!!!!!!!”  Louis squealed in reply, rubbing at it furiously, a large frown encompassing his whole face.  Zayn laughed, joining Liam who had watched the transaction go down.

“Now aren’t you glad you aren’t their son?”  Niall asked Harry where he was helping him out of his own snow suit.  He glanced in their direction, smirking as they denied the statement.

“What?  We’re great parents! Isn’t that right Zayn?”  Liam added, crossing his arms.

Zayn nodded.  “Sure is.  We just like teasing Louis, isn’t that right?”  He questioned back.  He received an agreeing response as the group made their way into the kitchen where Liam put boiling water on.

“Would you boys like some hot chocolate?”  Zayn asked turning towards the children.

“Yes please.”  Niall responded back making Zayn shake his head in amusement as both Louis and Harry grinned, nodding.

“Extra marshmallows please dad.”  Louis spoke as Liam poured five mugs of the hot water.  “Do you like marshmallows Harry?”  He questioned turning to the other boy as they sat at the kitchen table.

Harry glanced back, pulling at the sleeves of his sweater.  “I’m… allergic.”

Louis frowned turning back to his dad.  “Extra whipped cream instead daddy.  I don’t want marshmallows anymore.”

Niall helped Liam move the five mugs of steaming cocoa to the table before relaxing into the nearest chair, adjusting his black framed glasses.  Zayn pulled a can of whipped cream out of the fridge, piling all five high with it, adding a bit extra for Louis’ and Harry’s.

Harry licked, small kitten licks at the topping, savoring the sweetness that melted onto his tongue.

Louis on the other hand went right in, trying to drink at the liquid, getting a bit of the whipped cream all over his grinning face.  He wiped it off with a napkin, missing a bit that made Harry giggle as the adults continued talking.

Harry pointed to it, indicating the spot, but Louis just tilted his head confused, before catching Liam’s eye.

His dad grinned before starting to lean towards him.  Louis realized what Harry had been trying to tell him as he abruptly covered his face, his palm just barely covering the whole bottom half of it.  “No!  No nose kisses!”

“But you’ve got some on there and it’s so cute!”  Liam pleaded as Louis quickly brushed the cream off.

Liam laughed again before turning back towards his husband and best mate.

“Close one.  Thanks Harry.”  Louis spoke up taking another, more careful, sip of his drink.

The parents must’ve been discussing something because next thing that happened, Niall stood, saying, “I’ll be right back.”  He moved towards the door before Zayn got up to help him with what he was doing.

When they returned, a few presents lay in their hands, which they quickly gave to their respective suitors.

Harry was surprised when he got one from Louis, Zayn, and Liam.

There sat three in front of Louis, two of which were from both Niall and Harry, and one specifically just from Harry.

Even the parents each had one present sitting in front of them.

“Merry Christmas everyone!  Louis, those two are for your birthday, that one’s for Christmas.”  Niall spoke up, pointing at them, voice very excited.

Louis beamed.  “Thank you Mr. Horan!  Thank you Harry!”

“Well shall we begin then?  Harry you can open your present first!”  Liam smiled at the boy who slowly made to grab the present, noticing the cute reindeers on it and the small note at the top that read his name.  Harry felt strange; he’d never gotten a present from someone who wasn’t Niall or family before.

He began tearing off the paper as everyone watched him pull out a box.  He glanced up at Zayn’s smile before continuing, opening it to see an adorable stuffed giraffe and two new books.  He absolutely beamed looking to his dad, unbelieving he’d been given three things instead of just one.  He turned to Zayn and Liam before holding his new presents close, “Thank you.”  His voice was timid, genuine.

Zayn and Liam smiled back.  “You’re welcome Harry.”

Harry looked back at his treasures before turning to Louis who was smiling sweetly at him.

“Okay Louis, your turn.”  Zayn spoke up catching Louis’ attention as he suddenly became extremely enthusiastic.

“Open the Christmas one first Louis.”  Niall indicated by pointing to the red and green wrapped one.  Louis easily ripped off the paper, eyes widening as he gazed down at a deluxe nerf gun.

“Wow!  This is awesome!”  He exclaimed before trying to get it out of its cardboard packaging.

Zayn laughed.  “Open your other ones first Lou.  Then you can play with that one.”

Louis seemed to have forgotten he had more as he returned his eyes to the other two.  He grabbed the one from both Niall and Harry unwrapping another nerf gun, this one with extra bullets and a long range feature.

“Thanks Mr. Horan!  Thanks Harry!”  He repeated turning to the last present.

“Oh Harry, doesn’t want you to open that one till later.”  Niall quickly added before Louis could get his hands on it.  Louis glanced in Harry’s direction before returning to Niall’s.

“Okay.  Later then.”  He smiled, sitting back in his chair, studying his new guns.

Liam grinned in Niall’s direction.  “Okay, Ni.  You first.”  Niall grabbed his present from Liam, animatedly shaking at it as if he didn’t already know what it would be.  Throwing the paper off he pulled out an ugly penguin covered sweater, and a hat shaped like a Christmas tree.  He let out a roar of laughter, throwing the cap over his blonde locks.

“This is great Liam!!  Thanks!”  He let out another chorus of amusement assessing the hideous penguins on his new shirt, before nudging Zayn to open the present he’d gotten him.

That’s how they always did it, even before Liam and Zayn had started dating; Liam would get a present for Niall, Niall a present for Zayn, and Zayn a present for Liam.  And it was the same every year; with variations of course.

Zayn looked timidly at his present, a bit afraid of the grin growing on Niall’s face.  He opened it, pulling out a sweater that had trillions of sparkles falling off of it, tinsel and puff balls decorating the edges.  His mouth fell open as he stared at it and Niall let out another laugh.

“Oh God Niall.  You outdid yourself this year...  It’s absolutely hideous.”  Zayn spoke up as Liam poked at one of the puff balls.

“Ha, yah I only bought the sparkly sweater.  I hot glued the puff balls and tinsel on.  It’s delicate, be careful with it.”  Niall added in as Zayn let out a chuckle, a huff, and a silent thanks.

Liam began un-wrapping his own to find a bucktooth reindeer staring up at him from where it lay sewn into another marvelously obnoxious sweater.

“…I think this is the scariest thing I’ve ever seen.”  Liam said as Niall begged to see it.  Liam showed him, making the blonde let out an affronted noise.

“That is scary!!!  Jesus Zayn, its Christmas not Halloween.”

Zayn snickered at their reactions.

“…Why are you giving each other those… ugly sweaters?”  Louis asked from the sidelines.  The three adults turned to smile at him, as if the answer was an inside joke.

“We always got them for each other to wear on Christmas when we used to celebrate together.”  Niall disclosed, letting out a laugh as he thought back to it.  “Best one, I have to admit is the black Santa shirt.”  He confessed turning to Liam as the other two let out guffaws.

“Nah, I particularly liked the patterned turtle neck-itchy vest combo.”

Zayn grimaced when he recalled what Liam was talking about.  “Oh God.  My mum nearly had a heart attack when she saw that one.”

“I got cat hair all over mine.”  Niall added in also making a face at the memory.

“Well, Harry and I are going to go into the other room.”  Louis spoke up, letting the adults recall their memories with each other as he took their unfinished hot chocolates and Harry followed after him, grabbing Louis’ unwrapped present on the way.

They sat in front of the fireplace as Louis put down the mugs and Harry handed him his present, biting on the inside of his cheek.

“You can open it now…”  He spoke up as Louis held it in his hands.

The older boy smiled, before easily pulling the birthday paper off.

He stared at it confusedly before looking up to Harry.

“It’s a wish jar!”   He spoke excitedly, hoping Louis would like it.

Louis glanced back down at the empty tomato jar with a few ribbons tied around it, the writing ‘Louis’ wish jar’ scrawled on top in Harry’s underdeveloped writing.

Louis smiled timidly.  “What is it exactly?”  He questioned, opening it up.

“Well when you have a wish you write it down on a piece of paper and stick it in.  And it usually makes the wish come true.”  Louis still looked confused.  So Harry took another breath.  He hoped he wasn’t rambling.  “Like, you can write down your birthday wish, when you blow out your candles and your wish will come true if you stick it in the jar…”  Harry explained, fiddling with his hands.

“Oh…  Thanks Harry!”  Louis spoke up, not sounding nearly as excited about this present as he had the nerf guns.  Louis must’ve noticed Harry’s saddened frown because the next thing he said was, “I like the decorations.  Red’s my favorite color.”  He motioned to the red ribbon tied around the mouth of it.

His compliment had Harry’s lips quirking into a small smile as they sat for a few minutes sipping on their drinks.

The orange flame flickered in Louis’ eyes, warming his skin.  He put down his mug, scrunching his legs up to his chest before smiling over at Harry.

“I’m so excited for Christmas though!  What do you do for Christmas Harry?”  He questioned, easily changing the subject, moving his sitting position to crisscross apple sauce.  He took another sip of his now only warm chocolate.

Harry took a moment to think.  “Well, daddy wakes me in the morning and we open presents, and, then, we usually go out to eat breakfast, and, and then go ice skating or something else fun…”  Harry looked to the ceiling recalling what they had done that past holiday.  “And then we go, umm, visit Grandpa and Uncle Greg’s family, and… umm, then we come home, and, we cuddle and then daddy tucks me in.  And I sleep.”  He spoke holding on to his too long of sleeves, curling tiny fingers over the worn fabric.

Louis smiled as Harry stumbled over his words, grinning when the other boy found himself smiling at the memory.  “What do you do Louis?”

He resituated so one knee was propped up where he rested his head.  “Well, I usually wake up super early, sometimes I don’t even sleep, to see Santa and if I see that he’s come I wake up both my dads!  And when they’re awake we open the presents and then Dad makes us a super big brunch.  And I play with my new toys for the rest of the day before we watch Christmas movies and drink more hot chocolate!”

He glanced into the fireplace, watching the flames dance, flickering into the air.

“It’s the best day!”  He added in as Harry nodded.  “Oh and guess what I got!”  He reached into his back pocket pulling out a piece of green, dark leaves held together by a silk red ribbon.  He held it up so Harry could inspect it.

“Now my dads can’t kiss anymore!”   Harry looked up at it as Louis repositioned himself again, so he was sitting on both his legs, also inspecting the plant.  He must’ve stolen it from Zayn when his dad had been helping him get out of his snow boots.

He suddenly glanced back at Harry, his eyes growing slightly wider.  “Oh no.”  Louis looked up towards it again, before returning his attention back to the other boy.

Louis slowly dropped the mistletoe to the carpet, glancing sheepishly towards the ground.  “Will Santa not come if I break the rules…?”  He asked quietly as if he didn’t want Santa to overhear him.

Harry tilted his head questioningly, noticing Louis fiddle with his fingers.  “What rules?”

“The rules of the mistletoe… are that you have to kiss under it.  I just…”  He looked back down at it before gesturing with his eyes where it had been above their heads.

Harry shrugged, “I don’t know, we don’t have any mistletoe in my house…”  He added quietly watching Louis’ eyebrows knit together before he turned his gaze back to Harrys.

Without a blink, he leaned forward, letting his soft lips press onto Harry’s, leaving a chaste kiss behind.  Harry blinked a few times feeling his mouth tingle from the weird sensation.

“There, now Santa knows I’ve been good.  Haven’t broken any rules yet.”  Louis admitted proudly, looking back at the carpet, flicking the mistletoe with his finger.

Harry stilled his movements, biting on the inside of his cheek.  His own eyebrows furrowed before he nodded to Louis’ words.  He wouldn’t want to keep Louis from getting his gifts from Santa.

The moment passed, Niall barging into the room.  “Time to go Harry!”  He called fixing the glasses on his face.  “Say bye to Louis!”

Harry stood as Niall grabbed their empty mugs returning to the kitchen.  Louis followed Harrys lead, standing before pocketing the mistletoe again so his parents wouldn’t know he had it.

“Bye Louis.  Have a happy birthday.”  Harry finally spoke up, the two of them walking towards the kitchen where they could hear their parents romping about.

“Thanks Harry…  Have a good Christmas!  I hope Santa brings us both lots of presents!”  Louis added in, his usually vibrant emotions somewhat subdued.  Harry nodded his consent, not wanting to disappoint Louis by telling him that he probably wouldn’t get anything but coal from Santa that year.  He’d been a bad boy; one of the reasons why no one liked him.  Harry bit at his tongue as they emerged into the brightness of the kitchen.

Niall helped Harry into his coat as they all spoke their farewells, wishing each other ‘very Merry Christmas’ and extremely happy New Year’s.’

It wasn’t until Harry was buckled into his seat, watching the ice still flit onto the window in great white flakes that he wondered when he would see Louis next.  He hoped it wouldn’t be too far from then. The other boy seemed to have a way of making Harry forget about himself and smile just a bit bigger than he ever really did; and that made butterfly’s wriggle in Harry’s stomach and excitement tingle through his veins.  Niall got into the car turning up the Christmas music on the stereo.  Harry bit at his bottom lip, the dark icy road ahead of them lit by the stars in the sky above, their glow falling off the snow in intricate chaos.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So this chapter is a little dull. But the next one will be super important so get excited! And thanks for reading if you are! ^_^
> 
> Harry is nine and Louis is still eleven!

“Let’s go on another adventure!”  Before Harry could respond with his consent Louis eagerly continued, “You can be a princess.  And I’ll be the knight that saves you!”  He sounded so enthused.  Little could he tell, Harry was just as excited as he was.

“You have to save me from a dragon then.”

“Of course Harry.  What else would a knight do?”  Louis shook his head at the silly suggestion making Harry smile, his cheeks growing rosy.

“Okay, I need a crown…”  The boy walked over to a few dandelions rooted in the grass as Louis looked at him curiously, wondering what he could possibly be doing.  Harry began tugging up a few of the weeds before weaving and tying them together like he’d seen girls at his school do before.  He glanced to Louis to see him still interestedly watching, eyes squinted, eyebrows quirked.  He cleared his throat, “Uh, good knight…?”

Louis’ quickly adjusted into character, standing a bit straighter, as he turned to face Harry.  “Yes your heiney-ness?”  He slurred with an amusing accent lacing his tone.

“Get me more dandelions?”  Harry asked in reply, unable to stop himself from letting out a small laugh when Louis said heiney.

A sharp head nod was his response as the older boy ran about gathering more of the yellow flower, tossing them into a pile by Harry’s feet.

When the child finished the masterpiece, he placed it delicately over his curls, smiling radiantly.

He turned to see Louis staring in awe.  “You are the prettiest princess in all the land.”  The older added, still in his knightly character.  Harry giggled softly before sitting down in the grass; on his golden throne.  Louis liked the way Harry’s eyes lit up when he was complimented; he’d have to make sure to do it more often.

“Why’re you here?”  Harry questioned, sitting straighter, the robes of medieval royalty dawned on him.  He could feel the weight of the golden jeweled crown resting on his head.

Louis’ expression filled with concern.  “Your father, the King was taken… by a dragon.”

Harry’s countenance fell; he couldn’t resist glancing over to see Niall sitting on the porch, laughing and smiling, before he returned his attention to the other boy; the yard transforming back into the castle they were in.  “You have to get him back.”  Harry informed, standing as the knight kneeled in front of him.

“It would be my honor.  But you can’t stay here...  It’s unsafe, the dragon could come back.”  He glanced up, fringe obstructing his vision, he quickly flipped it to the side.  “You’ll have to come with me.”  Harry nodded slowly, looking around at his palace’s large stone walls, intricate colors shining through the stained glass window that illuminated the middle of the chamber.

The two got up; making their way out to the royal stable’s where they had horses readied for the long adventure ahead of them.

The rest of the day they traveled in search of the king and the dragon’s lair.  They watched the sun set behind an entangling of trees before setting up camp, creating a small fire for warmth.

Lying down next to it, they were to fall asleep, but Harry stirred, hearing some rustling.  He sat up, looking over to Louis, before tapping the knight awake.

Louis immediately sat up, ready for any type of attack.  “What is it?”  He questioned, reaching for his metal sword.

“I thought I heard something…”  They waited for a few moments, cricket’s chirps and owl’s soft calls filling their ears, no other strange noises alerting them to anything out of the ordinary.  Louis shrugged before the two laid back down, closing their eyes.

 

In the morning, Louis awoke, peering over to find the princess gone.  He jumped up before yelling Harry’s name.  “It couldn’t have been the dragon, I would’ve heard him…  It must’ve been some bandits that kidnapped the princess!  I must go find him!!”  He yelled the last part making Harry laugh from where he watched, hidden behind the nearest tree.

Harry sat by the base of the wood, no longer able to move as he delved back into the story; realizing he was tied to it with ratty ropes.  He stared up at the gruesome faces of the dirty bandits who had taken him captive.  They snarled, spitting cruel words at him.

It’d be a lie if Harry said he wasn’t imagining some of them as his classmates.

“Harry?”  Louis whispered from behind the tree.  “I’m going to get you out of here, don’t worry…”  Harry let out a breath, glad to hear the knight’s voice.  “How many bad guys are there?”  He looked back at the group in front of him, counting four disgruntled brutes.  He whispered back the number as the crowd debated whether to give him up for a ransom or to kill him.

Feeling the ropes loosen around his arms from where they were cut from behind, Harry quickly stood as Louis appeared in the open.  The bandits immediately realized what was happening and moved to attack the knight who yelled for Harry to run.

The princess did as was told and made it a bit away, breath coming out heavy, before he heard one of his captors call out for him to stop running; one of the bad guy must’ve followed after him.

Harry’s heart beat tripled speed as he hid behind another tree, looking for anything he could use as a weapon.  He laid eyes on a large branch lying a few steps away on the grass.

Running over, he lugged it up; turning to see the evil man standing right behind him, a dagger pointed out.

“Put the weapon down!”  Louis’ commanded from where he appeared behind the man, a bit of dirt and sweat covering his cheeks, no major wounds, only a few dents in his silver chest piece.  The man turned towards Louis as Harry swung the wood, knocking the bandit out.

Louis let out a breath, slumping to the ground when he saw Harry was alright.

“I’m so sorry.”  He mumbled as Harry came to crouch beside him. Harry just shook his head.

“It wasn’t your fault.  Are you hurt?”

It was now Louis’ turn to shake his head.

Harry let out a huff, relieved, as he helped the knight stand.  “Let’s go then.  We have to save the King.”

 

They continued walking in the trees, the smell of flowers and fresh cut grass enveloping their senses.  A small breeze kept them cool as they marched on; stopping only once to discuss which way the dragon’s lair probably was, the next time to rest for the second night.

Louis was so distraught with almost losing the princess the night before he swore he wouldn’t sleep.  Harry told him that he’d have to ‘keep up his strength to slay the evil creature though,’ which convinced him just enough to close his eyes, making sure he was nearer to Harry than before; he wouldn’t let the princess get taken again.

In the morning, they traveled out, knowing they’d be reaching the dragon’s cave by that evening.  Nerves crept into both of them.  Harry had never seen a dragon before; he had always been in the castle, never really seeing much of the world outside.  Louis spoke of the one time he had, how a dragon had attacked his whole village when he was younger, killing everyone.  It was quite a morbid story, but coming from the young boy’s imagination, it wasn’t that surprising.

The woods around them started to clear out, heat warming the air.  They knew they were close, some of the trees ashen and black.

They heard the grating screech before they saw the beast as they strode into the clearing where the dragon lay, guarding a cave with its riches inside.  The fantastical creature rose when it saw them, snapping its large teeth in their direction.  It had blood red scales dripping from its body, eyes the color of obsidian.

The color fell from both their faces as the giant creature neared and Louis pulled out his sword.

Another snarl ripped through the air.  

“Lunch, boys!”  Niall called loudly.

The scene vanished, the two kids back in their normal clothes, staked out in Louis’ backyard.  “One second Daddy.  Louis’ killing a dragon.”  Harry yelled back from where they were hidden in the trees.

There was a slight pause.  “Okay, want my help?  I’m a pretty good swordsman.”

“No thanks.  We’ve got it.”  He responded, trying to refocus on what had been happening in front of him.  The scaly beast blew out a stream of fire, letting out a gruesome roar.  Louis used his shield to block the attack as he moved in closer to try to stab at the creature.

Harry ran over to the King, who was lying immobile by the mouth of the dragon’s lair.  Harry nudged at him trying to wake the old man.  He kept his eyes focused on Louis and the dragon though, hoping the beast wouldn’t hurt any of them.

Louis dropped his now burning metal shield, going in for a final strike.  The dragon swung its tail, knocking the knight over, the blade flying out of his hand.

“Harry, the sword!”  Louis shouted as the dragon approached him, jaw snapping.  Harry ran over to the weapon, picking it up by its worn handle.

The beast’s sharp teeth neared Louis, its hot breath coming out, smacking him in the face.  He squinted, making a face at the smell.

Harry took his opportunity, bolting forward, shoving the weapon deep in the dragon’s flesh.  The creature let out a dying roar as it stumbled backwards, toppling over itself.

Harry ran to Louis, bending down to be by the knight’s side.

Louis’ breathing was heavy as Harry helped him out of his banged up armor, the weight of it compressing his chest.

“Did… Is the King dead?”  He questioned, looking to the man that still lay on the ground.  Harry nodded making Louis’ eyes darken as he glared at the evil monster that had killed him.  “I’m so sorry Princess…”  His breathing evened as Harry pulled the chainmail off his arms.  “I guess you’re in charge of the castle now…”  He added in.

Harry blinked, realizing what he just said.  “I can’t… I can’t run the castle…”

“You have to.  There is no one else.” Louis concluded looking to him.

Harry shook his head.  “I want you to do it.”  Louis gave him a questioning gaze.  “I want you to… run the castle.”

His mouth fell open.  “My Princess, I couldn’t possibly…”  He seemed distressed; the words weighing down on him.

The sun entered the clearing, shining off the vibrant scales of the dragon’s skin.

“We can run it together.”  Harry compromised.  “I need your help...  I can’t do it alone…”

It took the knight a few moments before he agreed, standing on his feet.  “Then let’s head back, Princess.  We have a castle to run.”  And with that the two boys headed towards the yard, their imaginations easing away into the background.

 

“That was a lot of fun!”  Louis commented when they were halfway back to the house.  Harry nodded in agreement, thinking about how he always has fun playing with Louis.

They rushed into the home through the back door, sitting down to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with juice pouches and teddy grahams.

“Are you sure you want to come?  It’s only a scrimmage.”   Liam spoke up, wiping at his mouth with a napkin.  Niall grinned, nodding fervently.

“Of course we want to come!  You know how I love football.”

Louis seemed to catch on to his words, “Wait, you guys are coming to my game?”  He asked, excitement emanating from his voice.

He turned to Harry, who had no idea on the matter, as he glanced to Niall to see him nodding.  Harry copied the gesture, verifying the other boy’s question.

Louis smiled wider than before as Zayn ushered him to go change into his uniform, and he ran upstairs to do just that.

 

The sun glistened off of Louis’ skin as sweat beads began to form.  It was a breezy day, but running had his body trying to cool itself further.

Harry was sat next to Zayn with Niall on his other side, who was standing, cheering as loudly as he could, yelling exclamations every time Louis’ team had the ball.  Zayn and Harry watched on, Zayn subtly mentioning to Harry that Niall had always been like that when they used to go to Liam’s football games.  The boy nodded, wondering what his dad really was like when he was younger; he assumed he was probably just as fun and crazy and happy as he was now.

Harry glanced around himself, noticing Liam wasn’t there.  He glanced towards the field seeing Louis’ dad talking with a few other player’s mums, who were pointing out their children; chitchatting about them he supposed.  Liam smiled winningly when Louis scored a goal and called out a ‘fantastic job!’ to him when he was near enough to hear.  The way Louis’ lips lit into a grin had Harry smiling himself, feeling warm inside; happy for the other child.

Niall was bouncing out of his seat congratulating Zayn for his sons ‘epic score.’  Harry enjoyed the way Niall was looking so cheerful and pleased in Louis.

He bit at his cheek, smiling and waving when Louis looked over at them, putting a thumb up for good measure as Louis’ eyes crinkled happily while he ran back to his spot on the field.

 

Harry watched intently, the way Louis’ muscle’s stretched and compressed as he moved, how his jersey fit so well on his torso.  How his hair had a life of its own, flitting in the wind that was created when he sprinted.

The game came to a close, Louis’ team winning by a good three points.  They shook hands with the other team, before going over to their coach for a rundown of the match.  Liam was already there with a cooler of juice boxes and bags of crackers, for the after game snack.

“Yah, Li was a little disappointed this season since he couldn’t coach Louis’ team like he usually does.”  Zayn ran a hand through his dark hair as he, Harry, and Niall began to make their way over to the team.  “He’s happy with the results though, they haven’t lost a game yet.”  Zayn admitted grinning.

“They really are good.  Louis especially, he’s got a great kick!”  Niall added in, thinking back to it.  There was nothing he liked better than watching a good sports match.

“He’s been working on it.  Liam’s been teaching him some stuff.”  Zayn couldn’t stop the proud smile from forming on his lips.

“Well no wonder.”  Niall let out a laugh.  “Liam was captain in secondary school for a reason.”

 

“Harry!”  Louis called.  Harry looked up from where he was staring aimlessly at the grass, meeting eyes with the boy who was waving him over.  “Come here!”

Harry did as requested, making his way to the child who was standing with another boy with brown hair messy and wide grin set in his lips.

“Harry, this is Stan, my best mate!  Stan this is Harry.”

“Hello.”  Harry spoke up quickly, still not used to being introduced to people.  He tried to hide his nerves; he didn’t want Stan to not like him and make Louis stop being his friend, if that’s what they even were.

“Hi Harry!  Nice to meet you.”  Stan grinned some more, seeming like an extremely friendly person.  Harry felt himself starting to immediately like the boy.  “You’re right Lou, his hair really is super curly.”

Harry looked to Louis at that, feeling extremely self-conscious as he forced himself to not reach up to try to hide his hair.

“Cute right?”  Louis asked Stan, laughing when the other boy jabbed him in the side with his index finger.

Harry tried to hide his reddened cheeks.  “Good job playing…”  He took a breath as the other two returned their attention to him.  “Like… your goal was really awesome.”  He elaborated.   “And yours too...”  He complimented both as they thanked him in return.

“Oh let me go ask my dad’s, Stan.  I’ll be right back.”  Louis spoke up, remembering something.  He ran over to the adults leaving Stan and Harry alone together, surrounded by all the families and footie players.

“Do you play football Harry?”  Stan asked after a few beats of awkward silence passed between them.

Harry shook his head.  “I’m not very good at sports…”  He admitted sheepishly.  Stan nodded thoughtfully.

“You should give it a try though, you may be good.”

“Maybe…”  Harry acknowledged his response, though he didn’t think he could.  He’d probably trip and hurt himself; something he often found himself doing.

 

“Stan and I want to play.  Can I go over to his house?  His mum say’s it’s okay with her.”  Louis voiced from where he stood in his cleats.  Liam looked down at him unsure.

“I don’t know Louis, we have guests.”  He glanced in Zayn’s direction to gauge his opinion.

Before he was able to give it, Niall spoke up.  “It’s okay Liam; we’re probably going to head out now anyways.”

“Are you sure?”  Zayn asked him as Louis looked to Liam hopefully.

“Please dad.”

Liam listened to Niall’s assurances before turning back to his son.   “Okay Louis…  But make sure you’re on your best behavior.  And we’ll pick you up at six yes?”

Louis’ started running back to Harry and Stan, Liam waving to Stan’s mum, smiling.  “Okay daddy, thanks.”  Louis yelled jogging away.

Harry returned, meandering his way to the parents.  He glanced only once back to Louis who was laughing at something Stan had said.  He shrugged to himself before turning to the adults who were still discussing something that Harry had little interest in listening to.

 

When they made it back in the car, they drove the two hour ride back home, Harry’s mind on the fair weather outside.  How the calming blue sky reminded him of the feelings Louis gave him; the slight wind excited as it brushed passed the leaves of the trees.

He wasn’t sure what that gnawing feeling on his heart was, though he tried keeping it off his mind.  He hadn’t really thought about the fact that Louis probably had _a lot_ of friends, more than just Stan at least.  

Harry slumped back in his seat, feeling the tiniest bit insignificant.  He knew he shouldn’t feel that way, but he couldn’t stop himself.  He knew deep down he shouldn’t be comparing himself to the other boy.  

He reminded himself that that’s why people didn’t like him.  He didn’t want to mess his friendship up with Louis; he shouldn’t be jealous…

The boy bit down the budding feelings, knowing they were pointless.  Harry was just a tiny speck of bland color in the painting of Louis’ extravagant life.

 

Harry found himself back in his room when they returned home, shuffling about, cleaning up the area; stuck with his thoughts.

It was nearing ten when he, clad in his pajamas climbed into bed, after being said goodnight to by Niall of course.  He plopped his stuffed dog on his face, smiling, thinking back to the game he’d played with Louis earlier.  How he was a princess… and that thought alone made him giggle.

It was nearing eleven when Harry was close to lulling himself to sleep.

The harsh sound of the flat telephone woke him from his sleepy trance.

A few sharp rings sounded before the phone was picked up.  He wriggled in his sheets, tugging the blanket up further.  He could hear Niall’s voice mumbling some things into the receiver from where their doors were cracked open into the dark hallway.  No one ever called their place that late, especially on a school night when both Harry and Niall would have to wake up early the next morning to get ready.

He could hear the click of the phone being shut off, before nothing but silence could be heard.  It didn’t feel right, the hush in the quiet, small apartment.

Harry waited, sitting up, trying to hear the sound of Niall’s loud snores that should’ve been coming.  Ten more minutes passed; still no noise.

Harry set himself down off the large bed, creeping out of his room; the only light in the hallway came from a night light in the bathroom whose door was open.  He silently shuffled passed it, making his way to Niall’s room.

He stood in the doorway, staring in.  The lights were also out, only a stream of moon light trailing in through the window.  Niall sat on his bed; hands covering eyes where Harry could see a trail of tears glistening.

His dad sniffled, wiping at reddened eyes.  Harry didn’t know what to do.  He’d never seen his dad cry before, and he didn’t like it.

The tears stilled as Niall stared ahead, out the tiny window, deep in thought.

A few beats of silence passed before Harry came out of his hiding place, climbing over the bed to sit in front of him.  The man looked to Harry when he noticed him enter, trying to put on a smile.

“Daddy, what’s wrong?”  Harry asked softly, his words sounding as upset as he felt.  He didn’t want his daddy crying…  He copied the motions Niall always used whenever he cried; wiping the wet still resting on the man’s face.

“It’s nothing Harry.”  He responded, wiping at his nose; feeling even worse now that Harry had caught him.  He didn’t want the boy to worry.

Harry’s concerned expression made Niall backtrack his words even though he really didn’t want to; the child deserved something of an explanation.  “It’s just… Grandpa’s really sick…”  His voice cracked on the last part as Harry wrapped small arms around him, trying to comfort.

Niall hugged him back just as tightly.

“It’s okay daddy.”  Harry mumbled quietly, patting Niall’s hair, trying to soothe him.

Niall nodded along, not wanting to continue worrying the boy by saying anything more.

“I love you Harry.” Niall let out, clearing his voice.

“I love you too.”  Harry repeated the sentiment, continuing his comforting.

“We’re going to go visit him tomorrow okay?  I’m going to call in sick for work.”  Niall mumbled.  Harry nodded.

A few more minutes passed, “You should go back to bed Harry…”

The youth backed away, frown still in his eyes.

“Thank you.”  Niall pulled him in for another crushing hug.

Harry gave his dad a kiss on the forehead before crawling off the bed and heading for the door.  “Good night Daddy.”  He said gently, leaving a crack in the door, just like Niall always did when he put him to bed.

He made his way back to his own room hoping his grandpa would be okay; he wondered what could’ve been wrong with him.  ‘Really sick’ could mean a lot of things.

Harry curled up in his sheets, hands clasping together, letting silent prayers leave his thoughts to reach whoever would listen… _please let Grandpa be okay… please don’t let daddy cry again._

With eyes shut tight, hands squeezed together, sleep eventually overtook him; leaving the vulnerable child alone in the room where shadows played and darkness danced.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ARCHIVE WARNING!!!! Please check it out before continuing.
> 
> And thank you to everyone who has read this far into my fic! Especially if you're enjoying it. That makes me very happy. :D  
> Now let's get back to business... Almost a year has passed since last chapter. Harry is ten, Louis is twelve.

Harry felt a slight tapping on his forehead.

The motion had him opening his eyes to find his dad beaming down at him.  “Happy birthday Harry!”  Niall cheered excitedly, though he kept his voice at a hush so it wouldn’t be too loud for Harry’s waking brain.  “I have waffles for you when you’re ready!  And I made sure to make lots of syrup!”  Niall bounced around, content, as Harry sat up, rubbing at his eyes. 

He smiled, smelling the delicious aroma waft through the flat.  Harry loved when it was his birthday because his dad would always make waffles for breakfast; this spurred him to get ready for school much quicker than he usually would, as Niall read the newspaper comics waiting for him so they could start chowing down.   As they ate, Harry got syrup all over his lips, grinning from the sweetness.  He loved waffles.

When they were done, they hopped into the car, leaving the dirty dishes in the sink for later as they made their way to school.

 

The two walked through the crowded halls, passing children who were scampering their way to classes.  Niall handed Harry a packed lunch before telling him his Uncle Greg was going to pick him up later to take him out for ice cream.  That made Harry even more excited, he hadn’t seen Uncle Greg since Christmas, and the adult was even stopping by to take him out; Harry felt quite special.

“Have a good day birthday boy!  …Or are you a man now?”  Niall put on a thoughtful expression.  “Big 1-0 and all...”  Harry smiled up at his dad as the man disappeared into his classroom with one last wave and a parting smile.

Harry shuffled into his own homeroom, finding the way to his seat.

His only friend, Cher, that he’d made two months prior when she moved to Cheshire, turned around at her desk to face him, her wavy brown hair falling to her shoulders.

She poked his showing dimple with her eraser tip. “Why’re you smiling like that?”  She asked, tilting her head.  Harry tried to wipe the creepy grin from his face.

“…It’s my birthday today.  And… Daddy bought me cookies for lunch…”  He muttered.

When Cher heard that it was his birthday she quickly wished him a happy one, excitement coloring her tone.  “That’s yummy!  You can have my fruit rollup too.  Since I didn’t know…”

She grabbed her ladybug covered lunch box before rooting around inside and pulling out the piece of candy.  She put it on his desk when he refused to have it, saying she “didn’t want it anyways,” so he would take it.

He thanked her profusely; just glad he actually had someone to talk to…  Since Cher was the only other child in the class that no one seemed to like they ended up banding together; the other kids found her personality a bit obnoxious.  It didn’t help that her parents had tattoos all over their skin making her family a social pariah to the community.

Harry liked her though; she was always nice to him.

 

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, he was just glad no one stole his lunch box like what usually happened.

Remembering that Niall had said Uncle Greg would pick him up afterschool, Harry made his way outside to the parking lot.

 “Harry!”  He turned to see his Uncle waving at him from a red dinged up car.  He scurried over as the man got out to hug him.  “Happy birthday!”  He bellowed, grinning.  It was moments like this where his Uncle reminded him so much of his dad, their eyes both crinkling a bit in the corners when they smiled.  “Want some ice cream?”  He asked as they both got in the automobile and he started the engine up.

Harry nodded eagerly, beaming as his Uncle rambled on about his day, asking him how his had been, wondering how Niall was doing, telling him how Aunt Denise couldn’t come because she was with his new baby cousin Theo, and about Grandma’s recent day excursion.  Harry found it very refreshing, he missed them all.

When they arrived at the ice cream shop, it was completely empty; since it was still very chilly outside.  Greg ordered a mint chocolate chip cone, not caring that the weather predicted temperature drops in the next few hours.

Harry picked out the rainbow sherbet flavor making sure to get the smallest size; he didn’t want to spoil his dinner.

Greg drove him home after they finished their sweets, making sure to have Harry tell Niall to call him as he wrapped the child in another hug, kissing the top of his forehead.  “Aunt Denise sends her love.  And we’ll probably see you in a few months, around summer time!”  Harry nodded, thanking his uncle as he got out of the car, making his way up the flight of steps to his apartment.  He watched the man pull out of the parking lot as he turned to face the door again.

Harry stilled where he stood, hand outstretched towards the handle.  “Can I please jump out of the cake?!!”  A not very hushed voice came from inside the flat.  He’d recognize that voice anywhere, its light inflection and bright aura making his inside’s squirm.

“No.”  Came back an immediate response; the tone also familiar to Harry.

“Pleeeeaaaase Dad!  It'll be a surprise!  I won't get icing everywhere I _swear_!”  The voice pleaded, still unable to quiet.

“No Louis sorry, you can't.” Liam responded.  Harry could just imagine him shaking his head at the child’s antics.

A long silence followed.  “What about if I give you a quarter?  I've been saving them up...”

A chuckle was his response.

“I just want to surprise him!”

Harry reached forward, touching the cold metal, pushing the door open, stepping into the living area.  He could see into the kitchen where Liam and Louis stood, staring back at him with wide eyes.  Liam had a mixing bowl in front of him, clad in an apron, a bit of flour on his cheek.

Louis was next to him, mouth hanging slightly ajar as if he was about to continue with what he’d been saying to his dad, but was cut short by seeing the curly haired boy enter.

He turned to fully face Liam, resting his hands on his hips.  “Thanks a lot dad!  You ruined it!  Now he knows I'm here!”  He waved his hand in Harry’s direction indicating just who he was referring to.

“Wha- I wasn't the one talking loudly.”  Liam defended.

Louis crossed his arms mumbling out an, “...it's still your fault.”

 Liam merely rolled his eyes again as Harry made his way towards their guests.

“Happy birthday!!!" Louis suddenly exclaimed throwing his arms around the boy in an overbearing hug.  Harry almost toppled over upon impact, but was able to right himself as Louis grinned, breaking away.

“Happy birthday.”  Liam added in, pinching his cheek lightly.  “I hope you like chocolate.  Niall said you did, but that could just be him wanting chocolate cake...”  Harry laughed, positively beaming as Liam continued his stirring.  He couldn’t believe Liam and Louis came to visit, for _his_ birthday.  He didn’t think his day could get any better.

“Oh Harry, you’re home!”  Niall came rushing towards him before scooping his child up into a massive hug.  “Greg didn’t tell me he’d bring you back so early...”  He mumbled eyes squinted as if that hadn’t been part of the plan.  “Oh well I guess you already know the surprise.”  He added glancing towards the guests.

Harry smiled so widely he wasn’t sure his face wouldn’t break under the tension.  “Thank you daddy.”  He hummed, hugging the man tighter as Niall set him down, ruffling his hair.

“Zayn wants me to wish you a very special day Harry.  He couldn’t make it tonight; has to work.  But he really wishes he could be here...”  Liam spoke up swatting at the hand that was reaching for the cake batter.  Niall rubbed at the slight pink mark, making a pouty face in response; Liam flicked his hand again for good measure as Harry and Louis were shuffled into the next room so the adults could make dinner and finish the cake.

The boys ended up taking out a board game, breaking most of the rules and really just playing with the pieces.

When they were called in for supper, they ate up, the four chatting about trivial things; it was one of the most enjoyable birthday dinners Harry could’ve ever asked for.

 

Afterwards, the kids moved into the TV room, flipping on the tube, sitting crisscross applesauce next to each other on the sofa. “Louis, what does your daddy do?”  Harry asked, curious since Zayn couldn’t come visit with them.

Louis glanced to him, thinking.  “A brain surgeon, or something.  Like Frankenstein.”

Harry nodded though he really didn’t know who Louis was talking about.  A long pause prevailed before Louis spoke up again.  “I’m so excited for you to open your presents though!  I got you a good one!”

“You did?”  Harry questioned finding it hard to believe the older boy.

“Of course!  I only give the best.”

As if on cue, Niall and Liam called them back to the kitchen table.  An iced chocolate cake, the one Liam had been making earlier, sat in the middle with ten pink candles topping it.  Six presents sat in a pile behind it making Harry widen his eyes.  There were so many, he couldn’t believe they could all be for him.

“Sit down Harry.  It’s present time!”  Niall cheered as the boys took their seats.  Harry fiddled with his fingers as he sat, still too small for his feet to touch the ground.  “We’ll do cake afterwards!”  He took a second to glare at Liam.  “Li convinced me to wait… said the cake needs time to ‘look pretty’ before being consumed.  Psh.”  Liam let out a small chuckle.  “Alright,” Niall picked up one of the presents from the pile, passing it to the head of the table where Harry sat.  “This one’s from Uncle Greg and Aunt Denise.”  Niall grinned bearing the gift down to the curly haired youth.  Harry stared at the fine wrapping skills before gently pulling at the edge of the fold, tugging the paper apart.

He smiled, showing Niall, Liam, and Louis the Lego set he’d gotten.

Moving on to the next ‘one’ Liam handed Harry four separately wrapped gifts from both him and Zayn.  Harry opened the big, flat one first, finding two coloring books; a Disney princess and a superhero.  He couldn’t contain his smile.  The three smaller parts added to his happiness, as they consisted of a Crayola box of 120 crayons, a box of rainbow color pencils, and a pack of 64 washable markers.

He didn’t want to accept the gifts, there were far too many...  But Liam’s satisfaction at being able to give Harry something that made the child happy had Harry’s heart swell.   He couldn’t believe how much they had gotten him; he thanked the adult numerous times, staring at the pretty designs and colors imagining the combinations he could make with them.  Niall also thanked them though Liam admitted he wouldn’t have known what to get Harry if Niall hadn’t told him.

Louis held out his present next, brandishing a card on top.

As Niall and Liam were discussing the origin of Crayola Harry read over the paper, Louis’ messy scrawl filling up the entire thing, the older boy rambling on, about birthday’s, about Harry, about his hair, everything.

Louis grinned as he watched Harry’s eyes wander over the mini stick drawings he’d penciled in the card.    When the youth had finished reading, Louis nudged the poorly wrapped present his way.  Harry didn’t want to open it; he’d already gotten so much. 

He felt like he was being spoiled.

But he did as indicated, Niall and Liam’s attention returning to him.

 

A crown glistened up at him, but not just any crown.  It had Spiderman on it, red and blue colors sparkling up at him.

“I got the normal thing, but added Superman stuff to it so it’d be awesomer!”  Louis proclaimed, sounding so proud of himself.  A few of the spider stickers looked like they were about to fall off, but Harry smiled anyways, surprised Louis had remembered he’d been a princess the last time they had played.

Niall let out a laugh.  “So cute!”  He coo-ed when Harry placed it on his head.

“Thanks Louis.”  The ten year old mumbled to the older who was grinning like he won an award for giving the best present possibly ever.

“Now would you like your last one?”  Niall asked Harry who nodded feeling his cheeks warm from all the attention he was getting.  “Stand up then, and close your eyes.”  The blonde took his son’s hand, guiding him to somewhere else in the flat.

 

Harry could hear the footsteps of Liam and Louis follow after them as he was stopped, Niall resituating his position so he’d be facing whatever it was that he’d be receiving.

“You can open your eyes now.”  Harry did as told, looking ahead at a cardboard box.  There was a bit of shuffling coming from inside as Harry glanced to Niall who ushered him forward with a head nod.

Harry crept over to the box, peering down to see a pretty grey fuzz ball looking up at him with bright green eyes.  It meowed, staring up at Harry’s own green iris’ before licking at its paw with a tiny pink tongue.

Harry turned around to stare at Niall, incredulous; unbelieving that he was being given a kitty.  Niall only grinned back as Harry smiled back down at the small animal.

“Pick her up Harry.”  Niall urged as Louis walked over to see the baby kitten.  Harry did as was told, feeling the soft fur, the animal small enough to fit snuggly in his palms.  It meowed louder before licking at the finger Harry had near its mouth.  Harry’s smile could’ve possibly been the happiest thing anyone had ever seen.  Niall felt so full of joy to see the boy as happy as he was right then.

Louis pet at the kitty’s head where Harry pulled her close to his chest.  Liam eventually came over, ‘aww-ing’ at the cutie.

“What’re you going to name her?”  Liam asked Harry from where he was kneeling to partake in massaging the pet.

It took him a few moments to think about it.  “…Simon.”  He said sweetly staring into her large green eyes.

“Wait, you know it’s a girl cat right Harry?”  Louis questioned from next to him.

Harry nodded.  “And she’ll be the cutest Simon kitty ever.”

 

The four headed back towards the kitchen for some cake while Niall informed Harry of the rules of having a kitty in the flat, and how he would have to take very good care of her.

Harry nodded along, keeping the precious animal in his hands, its soft fuzz tickling his palms.

“Thank you Daddy.”  He spoke up when Niall finally took a pause to breathe.

Niall smiled down at him, fluffing his hair up before they sang to him and began eating the tasty cake, Harry making sure to block the kitty from getting at the chocolate mess.

 

The boys walked into the other room, petting at the kitten till it was soundly asleep.

On Niall’s instruction they put a blanket in the cardboard box and put her in so she could rest undisturbed.  They looked down at her, fascinated, patting at the smooth fur watching as it bristled under their touches before softening again.

The two kids stared down at the baby animal before smiling at each other and slowly backing away.  “What do you wanna do Harry?”  Louis questioned, whispering quietly, as they made their way back to the kitchen table where Liam and Niall were.

“Can we color?”  He asked back, picking up the Disney princess coloring book he had gotten.

Louis shrugged before helping Harry carry the markers, colored pencils, and crayons to his room where they sat at his desk, pulling up an extra chair at the side for Louis.

Harry let the older boy choose a page he wanted to decorate first, before choosing his own, and ripping them gently out of the book.  He opened the colored pencils, beginning to color as Louis stared down at his picture for a few long minutes as if unsure what to do with it.  He eventually opened the markers, also setting to work.

After a while, Harry glanced over at the older boy’s paper.  “Louis, Rapunzel doesn’t have a mustache…”

Louis merely continued coloring the brown lines on her face.  “You sure?  I think she looks pretty good with it…”  He drew a circle where her mouth was, next a flame protruding from it.  With an added unibrow and devil horns atop her head he chuckled to himself as Harry continued shading his Tiana, making sure to keep all the pigments within the lines, giving her a vibrant green dress.

“What do you think?”  Louis finally asked, lifting the artwork up so Harry could see it all.

He couldn’t stop the smile that found its way onto his lips.  “It’s nice...”

Louis looked taken aback.  “Only?!  This is a masterpiece Harry!”  He grimaced before muttering an “everyone’s a critic.”

Harry stilled, watching Louis sulk down at his paper.  He leaned over drawing a small red heart in the corner of it, hoping to make the other boy smile; instead Louis scrunched up his face, pulling out a pink marker from the pack, uncapping it.  He reached towards Harry’s face with a devilish smile, smudging the marker onto the younger’s cheek as the boy pulled away a bit, unsure of what the older was doing.

Harry reached up to touch his face as Louis wacked his hand away to fix the heart he had drawn.  The felt tip tickled as Harry wrinkled his nose when Louis backed away, smiling at the shape.

They looked at each other for a few moments longer before deciding to show off their artwork to their parents.

Liam and Niall both complimented them when they saw the pieces, admitting the artwork was so good they should have them framed and displayed in art museums around the world.

Harry decided he wanted to do just that and hang them in his room to brighten the atmosphere.

It wasn’t much longer after that, that Liam and Louis had to start heading back; there being school the next day, and Liam having a few meetings and his book club to go to.  The two left, giving Harry a few last birthday wishes, making sure to ruffle his hair on the way out, in Liam’s case, and poke the heart on his face in Louis’.

 

Niall helped the youth get ready for bed by tucking him in and leaving with a kiss goodnight.  Harry made sure to thank his dad.

He’d never had a better birthday; he was so unbelievably happy.

The child fell asleep feeling warm and loved, something he often thought he was undeserving of; but for that night it was okay for him to feel that way, he was okay; everything was okay.

 

 

It was a week later, Niall and Harry sitting at the dinner table munching on watermelon as a night time snack.  The blonde rubbed at his chin, wiping the sticky fruit off from where it stuck.  “Harry, you know the school nurse right?”

Harry nodded, looking up at his dad who was smiling like a teenager with a crush, a light pink tinting his cheeks.  “She said she’d be my valentine’s date.”  The adult blushed some more, before clearing his throat trying to contain his joy.

Harry grinned.  He really liked Miss Baker; she was the sweetest, prettiest adult who worked at their school.  At least that’s what he thought; he’d only met her a few times before though.

“But anyways, I’m going to be taking her out for dinner...  And since you are _only_ ten, you’re going to have to have a babysitter.”  Harry’s smile fell.  “I know, it sucks.  But Miss Munson, you remember her right?  Your first grade teacher.  She said she could watch you!”  Niall grinned, but Harry couldn’t bring himself to do the same.  His stomach muscles clenched, he hadn’t forgotten what had happened before… when they’d been in her classroom.  He blinked a few times letting the memories fade.

He’d seen her in the halls every once in a while where she’d wave and ask him how his year was going.  Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, maybe it wouldn’t happen again.  “Okay.”  He uttered out.

Niall continued after the confirmation, “I’m just so excited!  I haven’t been on a date, in…”  He stared off for a second, “since before I adopted you.”  He backtracked.  Harry nodded his head, listening to Niall prattle on.

He pet at Simon as she purred under his touch, trying to put the feelings out of his mind, but he was nervous; happiness for his dad was the stronger emotion though.  He wanted Niall to be happy.

 

The few days in between flew by rather quickly, Niall anticipating his hopefully enjoyable date, Harry slowly mulling on his doubts; he _was_ worried.

 

Hearts, pink and red, crowded the hallways at school; kids giving out valentines to those they thought worthy enough for their affections that day.  Harry bit at his lip, not looking forward to that afternoon much at all.

When Niall drove them home after school, he was a nervous wreck.  He really wanted to impress his date.

He’d be picking her up at six and taking her out for a nice dinner, somewhere Italian is where he made reservations for.

Harry sat at the kitchen table coloring in his Superhero book, as he watched Niall flit about and around, preparing everything from Harry’s dinner to making sure he had the chocolates ready for his date.  He even had to call Zayn to get help in picking out a proper outfit for the occasion.

 

When Harry’s first grade teacher arrived he continued his coloring, stopping only to say ‘hello’ to her. 

Niall went over normal protocol: stating where everything was, telling her she was available to do whatever she wanted, and thanking her profusely for doing this favor for him.

She responded cordially, pulling her long dark hair into a ponytail, making sure to remind him to grab the daisy he had gotten for Claire as he tried scurrying out the door.

“I’m going now.  Don’t want to be late!  Bye Harry, bye Shanna.  Be a good boy.”  He reminded his son though Harry already knew that.  He nodded as Niall rushed out of the flat fixing his hair one last time in the mirror hanging by the entrance.

Miss Munson chuckled.  “Your dad is crazy.”  She lamented, shaking her head, a smile on her face.  Harry nodded, returning back to his coloring.  His superman was looking pretty spectacular if he had to say so himself.

 

They sat in mostly silence during dinner; participating in what little small talk Miss Munson always tried starting.  Harry felt weird having her there, even though she had been his teacher before.

He went straight to his room after eating, slipping into his favorite pajamas; ones with tiny dinosaurs on them before getting into bed, not even caring that it was early.

He shut his lids, wanting sleep; wanting the day to be over and his dad to be home.

 

The door creaked open, Harry’s ears perking wondering if Niall could possibly be home already.  The weight that rested on his bed wasn’t the same as when Niall sat there.  He tried to keep his breaths even as his teacher stroked her long finger nail down his cheek.  He furrowed his brow trying to keep his face still.  “Didn’t you miss me Harry?”  She asked.  He kept the blanket pulled up to his chin, hoping she would think he was asleep and leave.  “I missed you...”  She added lightly before dragging the duvet down towards his legs.

He fidgeted under her gaze.  “You can keep your eyes closed… it’s okay.”  She spoke as if trying to soothe him, her clammy hands touching him through the fabric of his pj’s.  She leaned forward, kissing at his neck.  He kept his eyes closed, her hand reaching below his waistband; playing with him.

He felt his insides churn, he just kept his eyes closed, his jaw shut tight; not moving, not feeling as she continued her roving.

“I’m going to make you feel good, okay?”  Her voice was mocking as her cold fingers came back up to tug his bottoms down.  His hands came up, clenching the fabric by his waist.  He was scared; he could hear her let out a faint laugh before she gently pulled his hands away.  “Don’t worry.  You’ll like it.”

His eyes fell open when he felt her press her mouth on him, the prick of tears clinging to his lashes as he tried to breathe.

When she was finished with him, she sat up, taking a few moments to fix herself before exiting the bedroom.

Harry took a shaky inhale, enough for him to move, before he rushed to the bathroom, the only room with a lock, confining himself inside.  He felt his feet stick to the tile as he made his way towards the toilet, the taste of throw up burning his esophagus though it never made it all the way up.

 

 

There was a light knock on the door.  “Harry, Miss Munson left.  She said you’ve been acting weird all afternoon, not eating your dinner and spending all of your time in here or your bedroom…  Are you feeling okay?”   Niall tapped at the door, trying the handle as Harry stared at it, slowly getting up to open the thing.  He felt a twinge of relief to see his dad shrugging out of his coat, his teacher nowhere to be seen.

Niall rested his hand on Harry’s forehead.  “You don’t feel sick.”

Harry shook his head as Niall walked to his room to put his scarf and coat down.  Harry followed after him, glancing to see the time was 11:21.

“H-how was dinner?...”  Harry asked quietly trying to distract himself of any thoughts of earlier, still feeling queasy.  He stood behind his dad who was now taking off his glasses and shoes.

Niall spared him a grin, “It was great; wonderful even,” before he glanced at the clock.  “You should be in bed though.”

Harry paused, squirming where he stood.  He didn’t want to go back there, not where it happened.  “…Can I… sleep with you?”  He asked timidly, hands squeezed together, toes digging into the carpet.  Niall glanced over at him, his eyebrows furrowed before a head nod was the boy’s answer.

 

When Niall was finished readying himself, he climbed into bed, Harry already there.  He stayed sitting up, glancing over at the boy.  “I just have a question for you Harry…”

Harry sat up when he was addressed, the tone of Niall’s voice making him think he was in trouble.  “Is it because I went on a date with Claire?  Is that why you’re acting like this?”  He was concerned, though it sounded like anger to Harry’s ears.  Harry shook his head, shrinking into himself.  “Shanna told me you mentioned it a little.”  Harry shook his head again.  She was lying.  He wanted to tell Niall that, but the words wouldn’t come to his vocal chords.

The blonde gave him a sideways glance.  “Harry you can’t act like this every time I leave…”  He let out a breath, running a hand through his hair before lying down, a frown still set in his lips.

Harry didn’t lie back down though.  He sat, staring at the comforter, feeling disappointment crowding him.  Niall was upset with him now too.

 

He got up from the bed making his way out, passing by his room, down the hall; taking a few steps out the door.

The cold chill bit at his neck sending frigid breezes through his thin clothes, clamping onto his skin; leaving goose bumps behind.  He rubbed at his dry eyes.  He wouldn’t cry again, he wouldn’t.

He sat, letting the cool concrete tickle his bare feet.  He didn’t close his eyes, not wanting to recall what had happened.

Looking ahead, towards the stars twinkling in the sky as they shined on, he felt even worse.  Niall was mad at him; he was mad at himself.  He deserved it…  He really wanted to cry.

But he wouldn’t.  He promised last time he had, he never would again.  His mother’s words filled his mind ‘Only those who are weak and pathetic cry.’  She had told him this the night before she left and never came back.

Now he had upset Niall; what if he didn’t want him anymore either?

Harry scratched at his skin, digging his nails into the pale flesh that shown only whiter back, leaving dark pink indents that would soon fade.

Niall wouldn’t come outside for him, probably thinking he was back in his room.  Harry bit the piece of skin on the back of his hand, looking towards the shadowed trees below.

It was a mistake; he didn’t want Niall to be mad at him; it had been an accident; he shouldn’t have been so clingy.

He couldn’t tell Niall what she had done, he’d only be more disappointed... more frustrated with him.

Another chill ran up his spine, he bit hard on the skin tasting a bit of blood on the tip of his tongue.  Pulling away, he looked down at it, quickly wiping the bit of red color on his pajama bottoms, standing to find his way back inside, the cold rubbing too hard on his bare, flushed cheeks.

Creeping his way back in, Harry stared at his bed, unable to get himself to move into the room, the feelings still too fresh.  He crept his way to the couch instead, throwing a blanket over himself, hiding his head underneath; hoping the sheet could protect him from the monsters clawing their way at his mind and into his thoughts.

He gnawed on his inner cheek, clenching and unclenching his fist to keep himself busy.  Focusing on the sensation, he kept his eyes open still.

He took a few deep breaths, and then another few, in and out; letting the bad leave with the exhales.  The sounds of the flat echoed; the leather of the couch clinging to his side.  He watched the darkness crowd around him, his breath coming unsteady the rest of the night.

His fist was still clenched when morning arose.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry is eleven, Louis is thirteen.

The air flew from his body, a sharp kick slamming into his stomach.  Harry squeezed his eyes shut, letting the pain flicker through him.

Tucking his legs up to shield from the next incoming kick, he knew he would bruise; fresh purple shades adding a second layer to the older fading blues.

“Cunt.”

He kept himself buried in the fetal position as they kicked at him again, stomping on his sides; his ribs compressing beneath the weight of their shoes.

“Get away from him!”  Cher’s voice could be heard as she shoved at the boy who was attacking him; throwing the kid off balance.  Her anger could be seen from the glint in her eyes as she shot daggers at the group.

“We’ll do what we want.”  One of the taller boys called, looking down on her and her petite form.  She clenched a fist; contemplating swinging a right hook into his jaw.

“Leave.  Before I get the teacher, you fucks.”  She must’ve decided against it as they sneered at each other, the crowd begrudgingly turning away.  

“Can’t even defend yourself Styles?  What a pussy.”  The one who’d been shoved spoke up, as he followed after his friends, a few cackles erupting from their lips.

Harry sat himself up, leaning against the concrete building, feeling the ache in his sides; the sting of his skin as it started bruising over.

He could hear Cher turn, crouching down to him.  “Why?”  He breathed out, voice grating, opening his eyes to find his friend’s worried gaze staring back.

She wiped at the dirt on his cheek, shrugging when he looked to her for an answer.  “I don’t know Harry…  Some people just have nothing better to do with their lives.”  She glared at the bullies retreating figures as Harry shut his eyes again, taking a deep breath.  The inhales felt like they were crushing his diaphragm from the inside out.

The things they had spoken didn’t rattle him as much as the actual wounds they had inflicted.  He didn’t care if they thought he was weak for not being able to defend himself.

He didn’t even care that Cher had to come save him; he saved her too, when no one would talk to her, when rumors spread and she would cry.

They protected each other.  So he didn’t care about what they said…  At least he tried convincing himself that he didn’t… but he really did.

He cared that no one liked him, and that they probably never would.

 

Cher helped him stand, wiping at his face again.  He didn’t need her understanding gaze, or troubled frown; he needed to get home, and be alone.   He pulled away from her soft touch, picking up his bag; getting his trembling muscles to move so he could leave.

Muttering a goodbye, he kept his head down, curls blocking his vision, small hands wrapped around the straps of his backpack.

He felt a few concerned glances from the other kids who had seen what had happened, but had done nothing about it.  There were always those who gave him sympathy, with a timid hand on his back, asking if he was okay; but they never spoke to him outside of class.  Never wanted to become his friend or talk to him otherwise.

He didn't blame them; he didn't have much to give anyways.

He wasn’t even sure how Cher could stand him, but he needed her, his only friend; so he held on tight whenever she was around.  She was one of his only constants and even though he was used to being lonely, her hugs and her smile always seemed to brighten his mood and make him feel just the tiniest bit better.

He wanted to get away though, wanted to not feel hated every moment of his life; he just wasn’t quite sure whether he deserved that pleasure.

Chewing on his bottom lip, the self-loathing swirled within him.  He didn’t even blame the bullies anymore; he’d do the same thing too if there was a kid just as worthless as him going to their school.

 

He hurried inside the empty flat, into his room; reaching for the bag of small white pills hidden in his bedside drawer.  Cher had given them to him, after she’d snitched some from her brother.

She’d told him that she often used them whenever she felt really awful…  Harry found it hard to not use them on a constant basis.  Not because he was addicted; no, because he felt awful almost every day.  The bullying had gotten so much worse when he had entered secondary school.  There were more kids now at his new school; more kids to hate him… he shouldn’t have been surprised.

He slipped the tiny capsule into his mouth, letting it rest on his tongue; allowing it to slide down his throat.  He was pathetic.

 

He could feel the effects beginning to take over, his heart beat picking up pace; a large smile painting its way onto his lips.  He felt like he could run laps, if he really wanted, he wasn’t tired at all, he could do anything really.  And at the moment, dancing sounded like an astounding idea.  He pulled out the old radio Niall had given him from where it lay under his bed, flipping onto a station that had loud screeching and a pounding bass.  He didn’t even care that it sounded so unpleasant to his ears as he started to twirl around the room in circles, light hearted, a false happiness filling his core.

He grabbed his stuffed animal, spinning Teddy with him; picking his giraffe up along the way.  He continued his loopy movements, thinking back to the Christmas when he’d gotten the toy from Louis and his parents.  Harry missed the other boy; he started thinking of Louis’ smile, his bright blue eyes and pretty hair… and that made Harry giggle.

When he spotted Simon staring at him from where she was perched on his desk, he ran over to her, patting at her head before laughing to himself, tapping her rough nose with his finger.

He was starting to feel a little warm, but not thirsty; overall he felt pretty great.  Even great enough to open the window in his room, yelling out how much he loved his cat, with numerous sniggers in between words.

Everything was bright, and hot; suddenly so hot.  He threw off his shirt, not even paying any attention to the light blue chalked across his stomach and chest.

He acted crazy again, knowing Niall wouldn’t be home for a while, having errands to run.

Harry didn’t mind though, he was used to being alone.  What was a few more hours anyways.  

 

After a bit, he grew restless, feeling much more tired than he had before.  He knew the drugs affects were slowly ebbing away.  He could feel his energy draining as he flopped onto his tummy against the mattress; the medication blocking out most of the pain on his stomach.

Keeping the window open so a warm breeze could skim across his back, he fell into a quiet nap.

 

Harry heard a quiet knocking on his door.  He looked up to see a blonde head popping though the opening, warm brown eyes smiling down at him.

“Harry, Niall wanted me to get you for dinner.”  Claire informed him, her voice velvety soft.  Harry nodded his head though it was still lying horizontal on his pillow.  She left, closing the door, as Harry bent to get up, feeling the discomfort on his abdomen; what he’d forgotten about when he’d fallen asleep.

He’d also forgotten he wasn’t wearing a shirt, and he was so glad he’d been lying on his front when Claire came in or she would’ve seen his injuries and would’ve told his dad.

Since Harry couldn’t even defend himself against the other boys at his school, he knew Niall would be ashamed.  He quickly slipped on a t-shirt before anyone could come back in and see his frailty, his weakness.

 

His head hurt as he stood, his throat scratchy and dry.  He walked to the kitchen greeting his dad on the way to get a glass of water to drink.  Niall grinned before pulling him into a tight hug.

Harry tried not to wince when Niall’s arms wrapped around his soars.

“Got Chinese food for dinner!  And your favorite.  You’ll have to steal some egg rolls from Claire though, those are her favorite.  She’s probably going to hog them all.”  He whispered the last part, smirking, looking over to his girlfriend who was setting out the food on the kitchen table.

“Hey, it’s not me with the unhealthy addiction to fried things.”  She put down the boxed rice.  “And I may not let _you_ have any, but Harry can have as many as he wants!”  She responded back making Harry smile as he looked between the two of them.  She made Niall so happy.

“Okay now what do you think, beer, ale, or wine?”  Claire asked moving towards the fridge.

Niall laughed again before deciding and sitting down at the table.

The other two joined him as they began to chat, chewing on steamed rice and sauce covered chicken.

They filled up their plates with the greasy mess, sharing their days with each other.

Claire made sure to ask about Cher like she usually always did, segueing into how she had to bandage the girl up once, when a staple had found its way into her finger that previous year.

They all cringed at the memory, Harry remembering Cher trying not to cry, though he could see it hurt bad enough that she wanted to.

They continued their eating, talking about random things here and there.  Claire was chattering about visiting her family the next day when she turned to Niall, quirking her head.  “Do you guys have any weekend plans?”

Niall took another swig of his drink.  “We’re actually going to my friends tomorrow.”

“Zayn and Liam’s?”  Claire asked back putting another egg roll on Harry’s plate.  He began nibbling on it, listening to them chat.

He nodded.  “Yup, good ol’ Liam and Zayn.”  The blonde grinned.  “You’ll have to meet them eventually.”  

Claire smiled back.  “I definitely will.”

They finished their meal, the adults packing away the leftovers, exchanging hushed flirtations though Harry could hear them well enough as he tried not to cringe.  He was an eleven year old boy after all, and even though he was happy Niall and Claire liked each other, it was still gross.

 

 

Liam greeted them at the door, holding a pan of cookies that he’d just taken out of the oven.  He looked a little frazzled as the timer continued going off in the kitchen.  Liam ushered them in, explaining that Zayn was in the shower and Louis was who knows where in the home, leaving him to get the door while wielding his freshly baked goods.  The guests followed after him, Niall helping himself to the batch of desserts when Liam was looking away.

Louis was next to snag a cookie when he appeared from the other room, standing next to Harry as Liam and Niall talked on about something they thought was quite amusing, but the boys were not so interested in.

Louis nudged the younger boy, silently asking him if he wanted to leave the kitchen.  Harry was quick to comply with a head nod as they ambled into the living room; the sunlight streaming through the window, carving patterns into the wallpaper.

They turned to look at each other, Louis flipping a hand through his fringe to move it out of his face, clearing his voice.  “So, I'm no longer the person I used to be Harry...  I've matured now."  Harry glanced to him as the older boy stood straighter.  "See, I've gone through puberty and everything."

Louis grinned smugly, folding his arms behind his head.  “So we can’t play like we used to…  I just wanted to let you know.”

Harry watched the way he shrugged like that wasn’t such a big deal.  It may not have been a big deal to him, but Harry was saddened by the idea.  "What's puberty?..."  He questioned.

 Louis smile fell as if he didn't actually know the answer.  "Uh we'll it's where you grow taller..."

 Harry assessed the boy standing in front of him.  "You don't look any taller."

 Louis frowned further before perking up again.  "Oh it's also where your voice gets deeper!"

 "Your voice doesn’t sound deeper either..."  Harry admitted before quickly biting his bottom lip watching as Louis began to glower.  Maybe he shouldn’t have said anything…

Louis frown turned to a pout.  "Well you also get more muscular!"  He exclaimed, throwing his arms out in front of him.

 Harry glanced down Louis’ body.  He nodded this time.  "Okay."

 At that Louis grew smug again.  "But like I was saying, since I am so mature now, we can no longer go on any adventures.  Sorry Harry, I'm too old for an imagination."

Zayn who was passing through the room on his way to the kitchen let out a snort which Louis habitually ignored.  The adult greeted Harry with a wave and a grin as he left the two alone again.

“That’s okay…  I brought a movie.”  Harry added in softly, wondering if that meant Louis didn’t want to play with him anymore, ever.  That made him upset; he loved playing with the older boy.

"Yah... Okay, a movie’s okay."  Louis spoke slowly, as if checking himself to see if that was too childish of an activity.  "What is it?"

Harry ran into the hallway to grab it from where he’d left it, handing it over to Louis when he’d returned.  "It's called Peter Pan."

Louis glanced at the cover before flipping it over to skim the summary.  "I’ve heard of it.  Never seen it though."  He mumbled turning it over a few more times.

Harry smiled, folding his hands together.  "I really like it."

Louis glanced up at him before turning to put it in the DVD player.  The two sat in silence as the opening credits began.  "Is this story sad?  The older boy asked, tucking his legs under his chin.  Harry shook his head which Louis caught out of the corner of his eye.  "Good, I don't like sad movies."

 

The movie faded to black as Louis indifferently wiped at the wet rimming his eyes, sniffling.  "I wasn't crying." He claimed as Harry looked to him, fiddling with the hem of his shorts.  "Just tinker bell almost died and that... That was so sad."  He tried explaining himself.  Harry nodded, turning his attention away to give the other boy a few moments of privacy, though he would rather watch the tears slide down Louis’ pink cheeks; he had the urge to wipe them away.

"You know what Harry, this is dumb! I don't want to grow up!  I want to be like Peter and be young forever...”  Louis stilled for a moment, before continuing as if coming to a conclusion, "Let's go on another adventure Hazza!"

Harry blinked at the nickname; this was the first time anyone had called him something, good; nice.  A light pink colored his cheeks.  “Hazza?”  He questioned softly forgetting the rest of what Louis had said.

Louis looked to him for a few brief seconds as if wondering what he was getting at.  “Oh,” He smiled.  “Hazza yah… it’s a nickname…  Do you not like it?”  He asked scratching the back of his head.

Harry’s eye’s widened.  “No I like it.”  He quickly defended.

“Good!  …Now let’s go do something.”

“But I can’t have a nickname if you don’t have one…”  Harry added in self-consciously making Louis falter.

“Umm, no that’s okay.”  He shook his head.  “I don’t need one, really.”

They stared at each other for a moment before, "His nicknames boo bear..." drifted from the other side of the archway separating the living room from the kitchen; Liam nonchalantly whispering so as he walked past to get another ice tea from the fridge.

"Dad!  What did I say about telling people that?!!"  Louis quickly rebuked.  He turned to Harry as a small smile began to form on the younger’s lips. Harry thought the name was oddly fitting.  "It's not true Harry I swear."

With a smirk the boy mumbled a discreet, "Okay boo..."  Louis cheeks burned red with embarrassment.

"Harry!  Don't!"  He pleaded.  Harry only grinned back, shrugging his shoulders.  He didn’t know when he got so comfortable around the older boy, but he certainly didn’t mind.

“Hey before you guys get into anything, its dinner time!”  Niall called from the other room.  The two followed his voice, Louis being abnormally quiet.

Harry wondered if the name really bothered him, he’d stop if that was the case…

 

When they were finished with dinner the adults paraded outside, sprayed down with bug spray; bringing their drinks and delightful personalities with them.

Harry looked to Louis who had been almost silent the whole meal.

The older boy glanced up at him, before reverting his gaze back to the ground.  “…You can call me that… Boo bear if you want…”  He mumbled under his breath.  Harry’s lips twitched, a soft grin forming.

“Okay Louis...”  He didn’t want to push his luck by saying the name again.  “What do you want to play?”

The question had the older child’s energy returning as he put on an animatedly thoughtful face, tapping away at his chin.

His eyes lit up with a spark.  “Okay, got it!  It’s perfect.”  He admitted as Harry felt the excitement deep in his gut.  “So we’re in the middle of the jungle.  Our group got attacked and there’s only us two left, but we have to make it back to humanity before we die in the wilderness...  And it’s a really, really dangerous place out here.”  Harry nodded his head, beginning to see the layers of foliage surrounding them; vines of dark green, grasses of emerald, olive toned trees.

Wild creature’s howls filled his ears as he rubbed the perspiration from his forehead.  It was so unbearably hot where they were.  He reached into his backpack, pulling out a water bottle to rehydrate.

They marched forward, Louis chopping at the leaves and plants blocking their way.  He held a compass, glancing warily around them.

“Do you know where we’re going Lou?”  Harry asked, pulling out a map.

The other boy gave a frown.  “I- I hope so.”

“Let’s stop and look at the map...  Here.”  Harry passed over the diagram which seemed like a maze of sorts.  He had no idea where they were going, he just hoped Louis would.

“Okay, yah we’re going the right way.  Let’s keep going.”  They walked a bit further before stopping in front of the couch that stood in the middle of the room.  “Oh no!  It’s a large tree that fell and it’s blocking our path!   We’re going to have to climb over it.”

Harry did as Louis, clambering on top of the cushions, swinging his leg over the back of it and hopping to the other side, landing on the carpet.

They continued, making sure to avoid the swamps that surrounded them, not wanting to run into any vicious crocodiles or leeches.

“I think we’re going to have to climb the mountain.”  Harry spoke up, continuing to look down at the map.  Louis glanced to the left of them, seeing the stairs leading to the second floor.  He gave a nod.

“Looks like it.”  Letting out a dramatic sigh, he got down on all fours.  “Well, we best get on our way then.”  He began heaving himself up the stairs, complaining the entire way up.  It was hard for Harry to not laugh at the silly statements Louis was yelling out, the pained expressions he was making as they climbed the ‘fifty thousand’ foot mountain.

It wasn’t until they made it to the top that they pulled out a bit of food they had gotten from their group before everyone had been attacked.  They traveled across the plains at the top, the sun even hotter where they were.   They passed by Louis’ bedroom door when they heard a growl.

Both of them turned towards the noise, seeing a large golden lion gaze at them from a grass bed.  It was hunched over, ready to spring.

The boys turned, running down the hallway away from it, before the lion pounced.

Harry tripped, falling on his knees, feeling a stinging sensation rub his skin.  He looked behind him as the lion disappeared.

 

Louis rushed over to him as Harry moved to sit on his bum, covering the pink injury. "Harry, are you okay?"  Louis bent down, lifting Harry’s fist to try to inspect the knee.  His hand was soft; much like his gaze.  "I think you got a rug burn…  I'll go get a band aid."  Louis stood before rushing down the stairs.

A bit of fumbling could be heard coming from the kitchen as Harry shied away from the boo-boo when he touched it again.

Louis came back, peeling the paper from the bandage, struggling with getting it off.

When he had it, his gentle hands guided it into place as Harry watched Louis’s fingers, the other boy focusing on the burn.

Louis turned towards him when he was done.  "All better."

Harry was slow to nod, liking how close Louis was to him.  He felt safe.

"Don't worry Harry.  I’ll always be able to bandage you up."  And it sounded like a promise.

"What happened to the lion?"  Harry asked looking around the jungle they were back in.

Louis shrugged.  "It left.  Ran off with two animals named Pumbaa and Timon or something."  He had Harry grinning again.  "Let's go, we're almost back to civilization."  Helping the younger stand Louis began leading the way again, cutting down the greenery in their way.  Harry followed behind, swatting at the gnats clinging to their sweat.  They climbed down the mountain, stopping at a waterfall on the way, trekking passed the tall grasses, through the dining room, towards the kitchen.

When they entered, their eyes rested on the adults who had come back inside and were now looking back at them, intrigued by what they were doing.

Louis turned to Harry throwing his arms in the air.  "We made it to civilization!"  He exclaimed as the background noises faded, the wild savanna they had been in dissipating; the house returning to its polished furniture and paints of pastels.

"What're you two up to?"  Zayn asked quirking an eyebrow so it was tilted up like the corner of his grin.

"Just playing around."  Louis shrugged.  "Not much."  He went over to the table munching on a few chips the adults had out.

He sat listening for a few minutes before glancing outside at the sun which would soon begin its descent.  "Hey can Harry and I go to the park?"

Harry looked to him at the mentioning of his name.  "Oh I don't know..."  Liam spoke up, not sure if he wanted them to go by themselves.

"Please?  It's just over there."  Louis pointed.  He looked to Zayn who turned towards his husband with an indifferent expression.

"It is pretty close..."

Liam gave him a wary look before sighing in defeat a second later.

"Here take my cell in case you need anything."  Zayn pulled a really expensive looking mobile out of his pocket, handing it to Louis who held onto it tight.

"Okay thanks!"  He turned towards the front of the house. "Let's go Harry!"   The curly haired lad quickly caught up to him as they left their parents behind.

They let the golden sun cover them in its blanket of warmth, making their way down the street, passing houses with beautiful lawns and even prettier interiors.

"Just this way Harry.  We're almost there."  Louis informed him as they walked at a leisurely pace, Harry taking in his surroundings.

The grand houses began trickling away, becoming more subtle in detail, smaller, antiqued; bricks creating a rough exterior.  These houses were clearly less expensive, but they still looked nice in Harry's opinion.

Louis turned right at the neighborhoods intersection running ahead to turn back and yell to Harry, pointing.  "Here it is!"

Harry made his way to the other, turning to see a small park.

The bright colored bars of the jungle gym smiled down at him, cheerful slides and swings sitting in the scattered mulch.

They scampered around the play yard, swinging next to each other, talking about everything from favorite foods to whether they thought schools should always have recess; the answer being yes obviously, for forever.  It wasn’t until after sliding down the largest slide for the tenth time that they lay down next to each other, near the play set; mulch pricking them in the backs, clouds sliding across the darkening sky.

They were still giggling from Louis pretending to be a baboon on the monkey bars and tripping when he’d gotten down.

They looked up above, trying to pick out cloud shapes that reminded them of anything really.  Louis had effectively found all the lost boys from the Peter Pan movie; at least that’s what he had said, Harry wasn’t quite convinced.

Their laughs subsided, a soft quiet lazing next to them.

Harry watched a white cloud, thinking he could see a flower blooming from it.  He continued watching, a small smile gracing his lips.  “…Hazza, don’t you think that one looks like you?”  Louis asked, his voice a whisper in the air, as he pointed to the only cloud left in the sky.

Harry was already looking at it, squinting his eyes to try to see what Louis was.  He shook his head.  “I see a flower...”

Louis let out a quiet laugh, a few moments of silence.  “I still see you.” 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry is twelve and Louis is fourteen!

Harry toed at the ball by his feet glancing up to Louis’ encouraging gaze.  The older boy stood a few feet away as he waited for Harry to make any kind of movement.

“You got this Hazza.  Don’t be shy.  Just _kick_ it!”  He urged after a few moments of staring.

“But I’m—I’m really bad…”

Louis waved his hand in a flippant gesture.  “You already told me that.  But you can’t get better if you don’t try.  Now c’mon Harry.” 

Harry looked back down at the football.

He took a small step back, swinging his leg forward; the ball moving diagonally away from him.  Louis jumped to get it before he sent it back, his aim perfect.  “That wasn’t too bad…  Now do it again, but try to angle your foot towards me.”  He indicated with his own shoe, pointing to the inner arch.

Harry tried again, the ball moving closer to Louis the second time.

He received a large grin as he was directed to do it yet again.

They continued like that, Harry kicking the ball (trying to, at least), targeting it towards Louis who gave him supportive glances as he shot it back, the ball landing right in front of Harry each time.

The younger boy passed it for the tenth time before looking up to the sun in the crisp blue sky.

Louis tugged on his sweatshirt, scrunching the sleeves up as he grew warm, though the chill in the air helped keep him cooler.

Harry followed suit, unzipping his jacket, pulling a small beat-up mobile from the pocket, to glance at the time.  He read that it was almost six as Louis neared the younger, an inquisitive look on his face.  “What’s that?”  He questioned, quickly grabbing it from Harry’s palm though he clearly already knew what it was.

Harry automatically reached back out for it as Louis’ eyes perused the old thing.  “I got it for my birthday…”

“A flip phone?  Wow.”  Louis continued flipping the screen open and closed, watching the little white screen light up.

“It used to be my dad’s.”  Harry added in quietly, hoping Louis didn’t think he was a loser for having such an ancient phone.

Louis glanced up at him, smiling.  “My first one was my dad’s too.  It broke last year though, so I got a new one!”  Louis felt around in his pockets, looking for his phone to show off to the other boy.  He shrugged when he couldn’t find it, explaining that he probably left it in his room.

Harry reached out again, for his own mobile, but Louis just pulled it further from his grasp, turning his body away from the younger to create more distance.

“I’m only going to give it to you after I put my number in…  And if you promise to text me.”  He imposed, as Harry quickly nodded and the older boy began fiddled with the buttons, typing his contact in.  When he handed it back, he didn’t try very hard to hide the smirk on his lips.

Harry was about to check what Louis had done to be making that kind of expression, but Liam called them in for dinner so he slid the phone into his pocket and turned towards the home.

“I already sent myself your number, so don’t worry about it.”  Louis added in as they slipped through the back door.

Harry nodded again as they were shuffled over to the table and he beheld the feast set out before them.

 

“The holidays are coming up in a few weeks, and as we all know, you’re going to be spending it with your family,” Liam acknowledged, speaking in Niall’s direction.  “And we’ll be spending ours with…”  He took a pause beginning to count on his fingers, “well Amy’s doing a dinner… and Rick and Melissa wanted us to come over…  Plus we have to visit our own parents… And then there’s the neighborhood bash on top of that…”  He began mumbling the last bits to himself, a stressed frown crossing his face as he glanced over to his husband before looking back to their guests.

“Well, we’ll be busy as well.”  He supplied, chipper again, before continuing with his original thought.  “And because of all that, we decided to have a precursor to the holidays with this dinner.  So we could all spend it together!”

Liam smiled brightly, passing spoonfuls of the mashed potatoes around the table as he finished his explanation for why they were eating the special meal.

“Hey I’m not complaining.”  Niall spoke up, putting an extra-large pile of macaroni and cheese onto his plate.  “Your cooking’s the best Liam!”  He complimented flipping a bit of the food onto Harry’s dish.

The brunette thanked him before Zayn took a sip of his wine, allowing himself the pleasure of admiring his husband. “He’s a fantastic chef, isn’t he?”

Liam couldn’t help but smile adoringly back.  “Well I wouldn’t be able to do it without your mother’s family recipes.”  The adults grinned at each other as Niall tried to not gag on his food, but pretended to anyways, making both Louis and Harry let out snickers of laughter.

Liam rolled his eyes at the blonde before telling him to, “Just eat your food.”

Niall complied easily, stuffing his mouth with a freshly buttered roll of bread.

“And don’t worry Niall; you’ll still be getting your ugly Christmas sweater in the mail.”  Zayn supplied giving Louis another scoop of green beans, which got him a groan of displeasure.

Niall cheered happily as the lot of them appreciated the tastes of the banquet, partaking in discussing what was going on in each of their busy lives.

They listened to Liam’s detailed plans for the school’s holiday party, what he was planning on making for the neighborhood bash, and how he was going to deal with the unbelievable lack of orange juice at the supermarket.

Zayn would add in little bits during Liam’s stories, eventually telling them about how he got a performance raise from work.  Niall made sure to give a toast to the man.

When it was Louis’ turn, he mostly talked about getting on the school football team and how much fun it was.  Though he did mention classes every once in a while, it didn’t seem like he was very interested in the topic.  Harry, on the other hand, mentioned all of the classes he was taking and why he enjoyed each one.  After being prompted of course, he didn’t want to bore anyone by talking about himself the whole time.

During Niall’s time to share, the blonde made sure to brag about his son and after being forced by Liam, hit the recaps of his latest date with Claire.  He had taken her out somewhere fancy with just the two of them, and they had had a blast.

Harry was just happy to have been able to spend the weekend with his Grandma instead of having to get a babysitter again.  The thought had him losing focus, but he quickly rejoined the enjoyment circling the table as he pushed the memories to the back of his mind.

 

“We’re going to go play video games.”  Louis informed his parents as he grabbed his dishes from the table, dropping them off in the sink to be cleaned later.  The adults’ okay-ed the idea, continuing with their chat as Harry mimicked the older boy with his plate; quickly following him up to his room where a play station was hooked into a small television set.

Louis handed Harry a controller while simultaneously asking him which game he wanted to play.

The younger boy had only played on a gaming system once or twice before, when they were at his Uncle Greg’s house and his dad and uncle would duke it out, but Harry knew he wasn’t very good at all.

He let Louis decide as the older picked Mario Kart and they sat down on the carpet to lean against Louis’ bed frame.

They were quick to learn Harry really was awful at videogames.  And that his driving of virtual cars was probably the most terrible either of them had ever seen… but he made a pretty decent passenger where he could toss banana peels out the back to slip up the other players.

So they ended up teaming up, losing some of their races, but winning (because of Louis) most of them.  In between the contests, when the game was loading, they would converse about measly nothings that had the two giggling like they were back in primary school.

Harry felt so comfortable around the older boy, he thought he’d find it odd, but he didn’t.  He never really felt strange around him in fact, not even when his heart beat would quicken when they made eye contact, or when his stomach would flutter when their arms brushed.  Any kind of contact he made with the other had him smiling.  Because Louis was his very first friend it made sense that he would feel special around him.

“Did you, umm, did you get a haircut boo?”  Harry asked looking over at the other boy’s fringe, noticing that it seemed to be styled slightly different from when he’d seen it before.  He hadn’t noticed earlier when he had been more focused on not tripping over the football and embarrassing himself.

Louis beamed, though his gaze stayed transfixed with the screen.  “Yup, I did!  It now swoops to the side.”  He shook of his head to show what he meant, as he leaned to the right when the car was making a sharp turn, his motions matching the games.

“It looks really nice.”  Harry admired making Louis grin over at him.

“You’re very kind Harry.”  He added, filling the silence with some form of noise over the background car screeches.

Harry tried not blushing at the compliment; he didn’t feel like it very was true anyways.  “Yah… My friend told me that before too.”  He mumbled merely as something to respond back with.

He began to recall the time when Cher had told him that same thing.

He remembered her tear streaked face and upset words, when she told him how her parents were going to divorce.  She said it was her fault.  He had told her it wasn’t.

Even so, she still had to move away with her mother.  And Harry wasn’t sure whether he’d ever see her again; neither of them had a phone to get each other’s numbers, and she hadn’t even known where they were going.  Her mom just took her, a few belongings, and they left.

Harry didn’t want to think about it.  He didn’t want to be sad again; he didn’t think school could really have gotten worse than what it was, but without Cher there, it had truly become his own personal hell.  The bruises covering his lower ribs stood as a reminder of that.

 

He shook his head, frowning again as he threw out a turtle shell from the back of their kart.

He paused the game before looking to Louis, “Can I, uh, go to the bathroom?”

The older boy laughed before nodding, flipping the screen back to the TV.  “Of course Harry, you don’t need to ask.”  He began pressing a few buttons on the remote.  “I’m just going to see if there are any good shows on so go ahead.”  He remarked, beginning to surf the channels for something mildly entertaining.

Harry nodded, though Louis was no longer paying him much attention, as he got up and stepped out into the dark hall.  All the doors around him were closed; and Harry really wasn’t sure where the upstairs bathroom was.  He didn’t want to and intrude so he turned towards the stairs, deciding to go to the first floor instead.

Ambling down the stairs in the quiet still of the home, he could hear the sounds of the talk show Louis had on fade away as he made it to the bottom step and turned towards the kitchen where the bathroom was connected.

Harry walked through the carpeted dining room, hearing some mumbling from where the adults were inside.

He reached out to open the door separating the rooms, before stalling.

"I don't know... It's just he doesn't even have _two_ parents.”  Harry retracted his hand from where it was near the handle of the door as Niall took a pause, thinking over what he was trying to say.  “He only has me… and one friend at school.  And she moved away last month."  He sounded incredulous as his voice picked up a bit of volume.   He was disappointed; Harry wasn’t popular like the blonde had been.  No one liked Harry.

The child took a small step back.  He shouldn’t be hearing this.

“I don’t understand why he doesn’t have more.  It must be my fault, I mean.  I don’t know…”  Niall was silent again.

“Ni, it’s _not_ your fault.”  Zayn’s voice filtered through the crease in the door, calming and sure.  Harry felt the hair prick on the back of his neck.  It was true, it wasn’t his dad’s fault that no one liked him; it was his own failing.  He was a disappointment, and it sounded like even Zayn thought so.

"It's just sometimes I wonder, if he would've been better off getting a real family."  Harry sucked in a silent breath.  Niall didn’t want him; Niall was going to get rid of him.  Harry’s heart was beating quicker, fear spiking through him.

 "Don't say things like that!  You've done a great job."  Liam scolded from where he had been mostly silent the entire time.

"Have I though?!  I mean, you two, you knew you wanted a child, you had years to decide that's what you wanted and you waited for a yes from the adoption agency...  I wasn't even sure what I was doing with my life.  I didn't think _I’d_ be settling down, I wasn't ready...”  He took a deep breath.  “But I saw him, and I couldn't say no.  Not to Harry...  And I honestly…  I’m honestly not sure if that was the right choice."  There was a long silence after his words settled.

Harry’s mother had said that same sentence before too; about keeping him when she could’ve gotten an abortion.  Harry looked to the ground, letting the words ring through him.

“I can’t believe you just said that Niall!”  Liam’s voice broke through, the scratch of his chair skidding on the floor as he stood.  His tone raised the slightest.  “Is this because of Claire?”  Harry didn’t want Niall to get yelled at; he deserved those words; the regret.  “Now that you’re dating her, you want to start a family?  And Harry doesn’t fit into your plan?!”

Niall stood to his feet as well, the chair being pushed from behind him as he clenched his hand into a fist.  “That’s not it at all Liam!”  He spoke with venom.

“Then you don’t regret adopting Harry?!  Because it sounds like you do.”  Liam’s voice was harsh, clapping against the hush surrounding the eavesdropping child.  The few moments of silence that passed were the longest Harry had ever held his breath, the sound of his blood echoing in his ears.

“No.  I love Harry.  And he will always be my son, whether he was adopted or not.”  His sentence weighed heavy on Harry.  His dad had said he didn’t regret the decision to keep him; but Harry knew better.  No one could put up with him, let alone love him.

Harry bent to his knees, making himself as small as possible, wanting to just disappear as he picked at the tiny hole in his jeans.  He felt the tension in the other room.  Harry wanted to leave, but he couldn’t move.

“I’m worried Liam.”  Niall sounded weaker now, like a child himself.  “I don’t know what I’m doing…”  He slumped back in his chair, bringing his hands up to hide his face.  “I just don’t know…”  His voice cracked and Harry stood.

He turned away, walking towards the door.  Needing to get out of the house that had become unbearably suffocating; he needed to breathe.

 

Stepping out into the cold, Harry sat on the ledge of the front door, letting the wind claw at his pale cheeks.  He scrunched up again, like he had before, tucking his arms beneath his thighs, his knees pulled up to his chest.

Niall didn’t love him; Niall wanted him gone.  Adopting Harry had been a mistake; and now he was just getting in the way of Niall’s happiness.

Harry didn’t blame his dad for feeling that way, he was actually so happy the man had put up with him for so long; had let Harry feel joy for those years in his care.

He really didn’t want to leave.

 

 

The child didn’t look up from the spot on the ground he’d been staring at for the last half hour when he heard the door open behind him.  He didn’t react even when he could feel Zayn sit down next to him, easing into the silence.  “Louis told us you weren’t in the bathroom...or any of the other rooms when he looked.”  He took a pause.  “I guess I found you.”

Harry slumped further, dropping his chin onto his knee, turning his head so Zayn could only see the back of his curls; not the helplessness scratched onto his face.

A few moments of the breeze filled his ears, before he felt a warm weight placed on his back.

Zayn draped his jacket over the boy, enveloping him in the scent of their home; the comforting aroma.

Harry looked up to the man after feeling the warmth; sad gaze looking to Zayn’s calm, ethereal eyes.  The adult gave him a small smile, before rubbing lightly at his back.  He looked out into the street, leaves slipping on the pavement, scratching against the hard ground.  “Your dad really loves you, you know.”  Harry looked away again, an apology on the tip of the boy’s tongue.  It was cold outside; he was cold.  But now he was in Zayn’s worn, loved jacket, being selfish.  Zayn was probably frigid now because of him.

Harry didn’t respond to the adult, he had no response.  He had heard Niall himself, he could tell; that wasn’t possible.  “He just wants what’s best for you.”  They sat in the silence though Zayn knew Harry had heard him; and Harry knew Zayn was trying to explain Niall’s earlier behavior, must’ve known the boy had overheard a part of their conversation.

The moon gleamed down on them, streetlamps aglow in the road.  “Do you love your dad?”  Zayn asked a moment later.  Harry’s head shot up from where it was still rested on his knee.  He stared at Zayn, his brow furrowing.

When Zayn looked down to him, the child nodded.  He loved his daddy so much.

“Well I bet he loves you more than you love him.”  Zayn gave another grin, the sincerity clear in his tone.

Harry wanted to shake his head, deny his words, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.  He just sat on the chilled hard pavement beneath him.

The door opened behind them as Zayn moved over for the newcomer.

“It’s cold out here.”  Louis spoke up, squeezing himself between Harry and his dad.  “Why are we outside?”  He asked after a beat, rubbing his hands up and down his thighs to warm himself.  Zayn smiled fondly down at him, before patting his head and standing.  “Don’t stay out too much longer; I don’t want either of you catching a cold.”  He warned with finality, turning towards the door to retreat back inside.

“What’s wrong Hazza?”  Louis asked noticing the younger boy’s expression; it wasn’t very hard to tell something was amiss.

Harry didn’t respond; only looking back to the ground.  He could feel the light soothing of Louis as the older rubbed circles onto his back; just like his dad had.

“You know you can tell me anything Harry, right?”  Louis asked continuing to add slight pressure to his movements; it was comforting.

Harry nodded his head.  “I know...”   He responded; soft voice hardly carrying over the rattling of the trees as they shed their leaves in the breeze.

They stayed like that for a while longer, Harry being pacified by Louis and Zayn’s warmth.

 

“Shall we go back inside now?”  The older boy questioned quietly, taking his hand back and fidgeting where he sat.

Harry assented, following the older back into the TV room where he was forced to sit on the couch as Louis threw blanket after blanket on top of his head and around his shoulders so he was surrounded completely, only his face peeking out.

Though all the softness made the child feel slightly better, he would’ve rather had Louis closer.

The older boy put Snow White in the DVD player, knowing Harry liked the movie, as he sat back down, keeping his eye on the younger the whole time the movie played.

 

Soon it was that time again; time for Harry to go home, or where he hoped would still be his home.  He wasn’t sure whether Niall would want him to leave or not.  If he did, Harry would do so in a heartbeat, not wanting to upset the blonde any further.  He’d do anything to not be a hassle to the man he would always consider to be his father.

The two families met in the front hallways, exchanging hugs and goodbyes.  Harry tried to not be a nuisance, staying quiet as Liam squeezed him in a hug, exclaiming about at how long his hair was getting and everything that could possibly make Harry smile; he allowed himself that small happiness as he looked up to the kind adult.

Zayn was next to squeeze him into a hug, and Harry wanted to thank him, but he didn’t need to.  Zayn playfully pinched his cheek, smiling down at him before passing him onto Louis who Harry quickly realized he didn’t want to let go of.  But Louis had ended up poking his sides, making him spasm from the feeling, before grinning.

Harry finally glanced up to his dad who was exchanging parting words with the other three, his cheeks were slightly pink; his eyes puffy, like maybe he’d been crying, but did a pretty good job at covering it up. 

They made it outside into their car, before Niall finally spoke up.  “Harry I was thinking,” Harry felt himself scrunching up.  This was what he’d been waiting for.  Niall was going to tell him that he didn’t want him anymore.  At least he had the decency to let Harry know he was unloved instead of just abandoning him like his real parents had.

Harry felt his stomach swirl, he wanted to be good enough; he didn’t want to be everything he actually was.  “I could really use some cuddles tonight.”

Harry paused in the seat, confusion circling his mind because that’s entirely not what he’d expected.  “I know it’s been awhile since we have…  Since you’re growing up, I wasn’t sure if you wouldn’t want to anymore…”  He began mumbling as Harry looked to his dad, feeling something close to hopefulness.  Niall didn’t want to get rid of him…  “I mean, it’s okay if you don’t.”  Niall quickly back tracked, looking tired and apologetic.  “Since you are twelve now…”

“I love cuddles.”  Slipped from the boy’s tongue.

Niall let out a quiet, relieved laugh.  “I know, I know…  You’re just growing up so quickly, is all.”  Harry nodded, pulling at the hole on his jeans again.

The drive back was silent, both too weary to say much; both too far stuck in their thoughts to want to talk.

Harry felt a small vibration come from his pocket when the two of them pulled into their flat’s parking.

He pulled out his tiny phone, eyes scanning the text,

 

**Boo Bear** :

     If I was one of the 7 dwarves right now, I’d be Sleepy… :)

 

The name Louis had made his contact had Harry feeling the tiniest bit better as a second later he received another message.

 

**Boo Bear:**

     Good night, Hazza. I hope you dream of exciting adventures!

 

And a small smile found Harry’s lips as he closed his phone and walked into the lonely flat with his dad; feeling like there was still hope Niall wouldn’t hate him, and get rid of him.

He’d make sure to be extra good; not let Niall know of any of the bad stuff…  He’d be the perfect child.

At least, Harry knew he could try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! Just thank you so much to everyone who is reading this story!!! It makes me so happy when you guys comment and like my chapters. You are all so freaking nice!  
> And I know the story is going a bit slow right now, but eventually (*I'm being vague so I won't give anything away ^^) Harry and Louis won't have to wait so long before they get to see each other! So get excited for that!! And thank you again!!! <3 <3 <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Archive warning! Check it out!  
> Harry is thirteen, Louis is fifteen!

**Boo Bear:**

     So Stan pretty much wants to chuck my phone out the window right now.

 

Harry smiled down at his mobile before typing back a simple response.  “Why?”

 

**Boo Bear:**

     He says I’m texting you too much.  ;P  But thats okay cuz I already sent his girlfriend a very dirty text pretending to be him.  He still doesn’t know bout it… 

 

Harry let out a quiet laugh as he entered the school building, following the thin halls to get to his dad’s classroom.  He’d been having an abnormally good day.  No one had picked on him after school, he’d done really well on his maths exam, and he’d even be seeing Louis in three days, he was feeling uncharacteristically happy.  And he wanted to tell Niall about his test, make the adult proud.

Since the primary school was on the way home to their flat, Harry decided to stop by and surprise him.

 

He made it through the empty halls; not running into anyone except for a few teachers who continued with what they were doing, not bothering to give him a second glance.  He hurried his pace, the clustered halls giving him a touch of anxiety.  He hadn’t stepped back into that school ever since he had left it; too many bad memories playing in the back of his mind.  He wouldn’t let it ruin his good mood though as he walked on, ambling into his dad’s classroom whose door was wide open.

Niall sat at his desk, glancing up when Harry entered; a smile quickly fitting to his lips.  “Harry!  What’re you doing here?”

The boy smiled back, making his way over before placing his test down in front of the blonde.  Niall looked down at it before cheering and throwing a hug around the boy.  Harry knew his dad loved it when he got good grades; seeing as he was a teacher.

Harry glanced to the school desks at the front of the room; realizing there was someone else there with them; a little girl who was sitting, drawing something on her paper, short pony tail sticking up behind her head.

She looked to him when she felt his eyes on her.  “Who you?”

“It’s ‘who are you’.” Niall corrected.  The little girl turned to him.

“That’s what I said.”  She stated before turning back to Harry.

“Umm, Harry.”  He responded, easing his backpack off his shoulder.  She stared unabashedly up at him, as if waiting for him to continue.  “Uh, who are you?”

She grinned widely, tugging on her bangs before pushing them behind her ear.  “I’m Amber!  Wanna help me draw?”  She asked looking back down at her picture.  Harry grinned before sitting in the seat, that was getting to be a bit small, next to her.

“Okay.”  He responded before pulling out the colored pencils he’d gotten from Liam and Zayn.  She stared wide eyed at the assortment.  He scooched them closer to her, knowing she would want to use them too.

“Where’s your mom?”  Harry asked after he began drawing out a butterfly on his paper.

“She had to pick Tommy up first.”

He looked over to Niall.  “She’s coming in thirty minutes.  Sent me an email.”  The blonde responded, peering up at Harry.  There was a pause between the two, Harry’s expression unsettled, before the adult continued.  “Don’t worry Harry, she’s coming.”

The boy turned back towards the little girl who was fidgeting around, angling her picture, though the design looked like a bunch of scribbles.  He hadn’t even realized that little worry had been there.  Of course her parents would come, not everyone was like his.

He nodded, letting Niall know he’d heard as he turned back towards his paper.

“Your picture is pretty.”  Amber spoke up, looking over at Harry’s piece.

“Thanks.”  He glanced back down at it, before looking over at her mesh of colors.  “Yours too.  It’s really pretty.”

She beamed up at him, hopping up and down a bit in her chair.  “It’s a unicorn!”

He smiled back, beginning a new drawing on the same sheet.

“Niall, I was right!  Bankes left the extra cookies in the fridge.  Best hurry if you want to get some!”  Everyone turned to look at the plump woman standing at the entrance of the room.  Her short gray hair was spiked, slicked up with a bit of moose.

“No way!  Imma coming!”  Niall responded shooting up from his desk.

The woman glanced at the other faces in the room before her eyes widened in a smile.  “Harry?”  She asked, before putting her hands on her hips, a poorly disguised frown on her lips. “You can’t just visit your dad and not come see me.”  Harry stood up as she took a stride forward.  “You were planning on seeing me right?”  She questioned as Harry grinned back at her.

She threw her baggy arms around him, gushing over his height.  “Still my favorite.  What an exceptional student.”  She cooed, patting his head, squishing him against her old frame.

“Hey you’re not supposed to pick favorites!”  Niall laughed though he was clearly pleased his son was the favorite.

She waved her hand dismissively.  “Go get your cookies Horan.  I can watch these pumpkins for a few minutes.”

“Yes ma’am.”  He saluted before prancing out.  Amber laughed at her teacher’s actions before showing Mrs. Walden, Harry’s sixth year English teacher, her artwork.

The woman inspected it before complimenting the child and asking her who she was going to give it to.  Niall finally stepped back into the room, as if he’d just ran the whole way, a plate full of cookies in his hands.  He offered the rest of the group some, who all declined except for Amber, who made sure to pick out the biggest one to munch on.

Niall and Mrs. Walden started talking again as Harry moved back over to where Amber was.  It wasn’t until after a few minutes that Mrs. Walden addressed him, Niall sitting back down at his computer.  “Harry dear, could you possibly help me with something?”  She asked nearing the door.

Harry immediately agreed, wanting to be as cooperative as he could; especially since he liked Mrs. Walden, it wouldn’t be a problem.

He walked with her to the main office as she asked him how school was going.  He only told her the good parts, how he was doing excellent in every class; he had wanted to make Niall proud after all.

She smiled; pleased that her former student was ‘so brilliant’ as she picked up a box full of packets and testing material where they stopped.

Harry followed suit, grabbing another box that sat on top of the desk, tailing after her as she prattled on about how the school year was going; how she couldn’t believe it was already three quarters done with.

Harry nodded along; telling her about everything she asked about.  He kept up with her as they traveled the long hallways, passed classrooms, half of them empty, the other half still harboring a few lingering teachers and students.  He wasn’t paying attention to where they were as they stopped by a classroom door, walking inside to put the boxes down next to another few that were already there.  When he stood up, he felt the warmth leave his skin.

“More testing materials for you Shanna!”  Mrs. Walden spoke up, turning towards the woman whose classroom they were in.  Harry hadn’t even realized, but now the memories were hitting him hard as he looked back over to where he had sat when he’d been in her class.  Where she had…  Harry closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before looking back over to Mrs. Walden.  He didn’t dare look at the other, though he could feel her eyes on him.

“Harry!  How are you?  It’s been such a long time!”  The woman spoke up after finishing with what she was saying to the other.

He turned to look at her, the strands of her hair the same dark color that he remembered, her eyes just as frightening to him as he’d grown used to.

She waited for him to respond as he tried putting together a sentence.  He was finding his thinking growing quite difficult.  “I—I’m fine.”  He uttered, his voice almost inaudible.

“Harry’s just here visiting and helping me do a couple errands, the darling that he is.”  Mrs. Walden spoke up, praising him again.  She grinned down at the boy, though he couldn’t find it in himself to return the same expression.

“That is very sweet of him.”  Miss Munson added as she got up to inspect the packets they’d brought her.  “Actually Laura, aren’t these supposed to have the kid’s names and classroom numbers already on here?”

Mrs. Walden rooted around in one of the boxes before pulling out a bunch of white stickers with names and numbers on them.  “You probably weren’t told, but you’re going to have to put these on them. In the top right corner, before we hand them out… so before Friday.”

Miss Munson replied with how she’d get right on it, before beginning to pull out a few of the sheets.  Mrs. Walden looked down at her small wristwatch, heaving out a sigh.  “I have to go Shanna, or my husband is not going to be very happy without supper.  Do you think you’ll be able to handle it?  Harry can probably help you.”  Harry immediately looked to the teacher when she suggested he stay.  He didn’t want to; but he couldn’t say that.  He had to be perfect for Niall, and that meant doing what the teachers asked, even if he was scared.

“Of course Laura.  Go ahead, and make sure you let your husband know I’m upset that he’s taking you away when I need your help.”  Miss Munson joked as the other teacher responded with a witty reply and said goodbye to the two, quickly exiting the room.

Harry wanted to follow her out, but found it increasingly impossible to move his feet from where they were stuck to the ground.  A few minutes passed by as his teacher walked around the boxes, placing a few piles on her desk with the stack of stickers.

She made it a point to walk over to the door, before closing it tightly and locking it with her key.  Harry still couldn’t make himself move as she walked back over to her desk and began sticking a few of the stickers on.  She looked up at him a few times, a glint in her eyes, a smile on her lips, like she found it amusing he was too afraid to move.

She stood, making her way over to him, resting her hand on his shoulder.  He stiffened under the touch, unable to look into her eyes.

“Can you do me a favor, Harry?”  She asked where she was much too close for comfort.

Harry shook his head, curls hiding his eyes.

She took a step back, Harry daring to look up.  There was a frown on her face; irritation in her posture.

“Even after all I’ve done for you?”  Harry felt like he was six again, in her classroom, scared; not wanting to be there.

“Do you know why Niall kept you the first year he adopted you?”  She asked meeting his eyes; he immediately looked back down as she paused.  “It’s only because I always told him how good you were in class; how well behaved.  If I hadn’t, he would’ve gotten rid of you.”  Harry tried denying what she was saying; but he wasn’t sure if he could.

“Like your birth parents did.”

Harry took in a shaky breath at her words.  How did she know about them?  He was feeling smaller and smaller as she continued. “I know what happened with them, how they abandoned you, because Niall’s my friend…  He’s been my friend for much longer than your dad.”

Harry felt his insides churn.  He wondered what else Niall had told her.

There was a break in the conversation as his teacher watched her words tear at him.  “You owe me.”  She added softly; tilting his chin up to look at her.

She could see when he became compliant; that smile that had made it into Harry’s nightmares pasting itself onto her lips.

She lowered him onto the ground before laying him out flat on the hard tile.  “I’ll keep telling Niall you’ve been a good boy, don’t worry.”  She murmured to him as he closed his eyes.

He didn’t want to be there; he already felt sick.  But she would’ve told his dad that he didn’t deserve to be kept, and Niall would’ve listened to her.  No one wanted to keep Harry.  He was just waiting for Niall to finally realize that.

She gripped at his trousers, pulling his underwear down to his knees.

Harry wanted to cry.

Her movements were slow, like she was enjoying him squirm.  "You've gotten so big."  She whispered into his ear as she rubbed, working him up.  His fingers trembled; he shook his head, the only movement he could get himself to make.

"Don't act like you don't like it."  She teased.  "If you didn't, you wouldn't have this."  She squeezed tighter around him.  He tried ignoring her voice; disgust clawing at his skin.  He didn’t like it, he didn't...

She resituated, pulling her skirt higher.  Harry shut his eyes, finding purchase with his fingernails scraping red indents into the sides of his thighs.

She let out a gasp as she moved down; pleasuring herself on him.

Harry couldn’t cry; couldn’t call out for help; couldn’t breathe; he could only hope for it to be over, but he wasn’t sure he deserved for it to ever end.

 

“Good boy Harry,” She murmured when she finally got off the child.  “You’re always such a good boy.”  She cooed as Harry slowly got to his feet, all color gone from his face.  “I’ll see you soon, okay?”  She spoke sweetly as she fixed his clothing.

He didn’t move; didn’t know how; he felt numb; disgusting.  She walked back over to her desk, continuing with what she was doing, having nothing more to say to him; dismissing him from her presence.

He turned when he remembered how, wanting to get as far away as he could; he made it out into the hallway keeping his eyes on the ground, fiddling with the zipper of his jacket; not concentrating on anything but being able to get away.

“Harry?”  Harry looked up; meeting brown eyes, as he walked passed Claire in the hallway, the woman looking worriedly at him.  “Are you alright?”

He didn’t stop his movement as he jerked out a nod, returning his gaze to the ground and continuing his way until he was out the door and into the cool air.

Harry’s fingers trembled as he fumbled with his jacket pocket pulling out the one cigarette he always had on him, just in case his nerves itched for the poison; for times he needed to calm down.  He felt like his flesh was burning as he hid at the side of the school building, sliding down to the concrete as he pulled out a lighter he’d found in their neighbors trash can.  It still had a little juice left in it as Harry lit up his escape; inhaling the smoke, hoping it could calm his clenching heart; his panicked mind; his blistering nerves.

Harry felt sick to his stomach; he wanted to claw his skin off as he scraped dull nails over the skin on his wrists; inhaling again, wanting the drug to help.  It wasn’t working quickly enough.

He trembled where he sat, closing into himself.  He had done what she’d wanted; he only wanted to stay with Niall.  The thoughts had him feeling even worse; even sicker.  Throwing his cigarette to the ground, he stumbled over to the grass, his fingers entangling with the long strands as he retched onto the dirt; the acid burning the back of his throat as he held back the tears.  It hurt so much; everything did.  He didn’t move.  No tears fell; he’d promised himself, no tears.

Wiping with the back of his palm; his jacket sleeve cleared most of the vomit off his mouth.

He stared up at the grey sky, trying to breathe the clean air.

He shouldn’t have been feeling sorry for himself.  He deserved it; the pain, the misery; he shouldn’t have even been born.  His mother had told him those words so many times; he knew it had to be true.  He’d ruined her life after all; he always ruined everyone’s lives.  It was inevitable that Niall would be next.

 

The back of Harry’s throat itched, he needed to tell someone; he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep the secret to himself... He wasn’t strong enough to do it on his own.  He was weak and pathetic...  But he couldn’t let his dad know.  He needed Niall’s love; of anyone’s he needed his fathers.  He couldn’t ruin it.

Harry looked up at the clouds in the sky, his mind remembering blue eyes and a blooming flower, the day he and Louis had gone to the park in Doncaster.  His mind filled with thoughts of the other boy.

Louis always made him feel better.

 

Harry knew he really shouldn’t, but all he wanted was to feel better.  His stomach swirled again as he leaned forward ready to be sick again.

He could tell Louis.  Louis had promised him that he could tell the older boy anything.  He trusted him.

 

The child pushed himself away from the puke, picking himself up off the hard concrete.  He felt disoriented; light-headed.  He gripped at the brick wall, following its rough exterior to the entrance of the school.

He’d be seeing Louis in a few days; only three.  He could wait till then…

As bile touched his tongue again, thinking about what had happened with his teacher, he knew he would have to go back and pretend nothing had happened.  Would have to pretend, for Niall, that everything was okay.

He felt the sting on his eye’s again as he blinked hard.

Louis would listen to him.  Maybe he’d end up hating him too, but Louis was also the only one who could make Harry feel better.  He was willing to risk it, telling the older boy; he wanted him to know.  Because if Louis ended up hating him too, it would only serve to justify his own self-loathing.

Harry took another moment to calm himself.  He still felt sick, dirty; knew he’d probably be ill in the bathroom later while Niall slept, but he wouldn’t have gotten any sleep anyways.  The last time, on Valentine’s Day; Harry hadn’t been able to sleep without nightmares, memories plaguing him for months after the incident.  He would never be able to forget.

 

Hiding behind dewy eyes and an insincere smile, Harry walked back into the school; promising himself that would be the last time he’d ever go in there.  But Harry, of all people, knew promises really meant nothing when it came to him.  His mother had promised everything would get better, that she’d work it out.  But it never got better; and she never worked it out.

Harry wiped at his mouth again, pulling his jacket sleeve back over the red marks he’d created on his thin arm.  He took another breath; just three days… three days till he could feel happy again.

 

 

When they stepped into the house that Harry had quickly begun to associate with joy, he was greeted with so much enthusiasm by both Liam and Zayn that he thought it was slightly strange.  He didn’t try to think too much of it as he glanced around for his friend.

The boy didn’t appear from down the hallway, nor were there any shouts of greeting coming from another room.  It sounded as if no one else was in the house except for them, and though Harry knew he was being impatient, he wanted to see him right then.

“Where’s Louis?”  Harry asked glancing around in hopes the boy would suddenly appear.

Liam looked down at him, breaking off his prior sentence.  “Oh, he’s at his friend’s house.  I thought he had told you…”  He seemed a little irked, like that was something he had told Louis to do that the boy hadn’t.

Harry stared up at him, wanting the man to be lying.  He responded appropriately though, not wanting Louis to get into trouble. “No… but it’s okay…”  It really wasn’t though.  Harry felt even worse than he had in the past few days.

“Well, you can obviously join us, or if you want you can do whatever.  Louis’ game system is upstairs and we have lots of movies, so whatever you want to do, Harry, you can.”  He gave a small smile.

The child nodded feeling a heavy weight on his chest.  “Is… Is he coming home at all?”  He couldn’t help but ask, voice soft.

Liam and Zayn exchanged glances.  “I don’t think so Harry…”  Zayn finally acknowledged.  “It’s his friend’s birthday party.  Or else he would definitely have been here.”  It was a lame excuse, but Harry would take it nonetheless.  Of course Louis would rather spend his evening with his friends; not Harry.

The adults turned towards the living room, Harry deciding to stand in the entryway, unsure what he wanted to do.

Harry really was all alone; he had wanted to tell him; had wanted to be with his friend.

He looked down at his phone, where it was clutched into his hand; he hadn’t gotten any messages.

 

Walking up to Louis room, Harry switched on the light, glancing around the space.  It was exactly as it had been the year before; light blue walls, tan, cluttered carpet.  His bed sat in one corner, a wardrobe next to it, and a desk on the opposite side, near his small TV.

Harry paused in the doorway, before taking a few steps in, he hadn’t really had a good look at the room before as he scanned it with his eyes, trying to take everything in.  He wandered towards a board Louis had hanging on the wall, a mess of pictures strewn across it.

The photos were all pinned and taped on top of each other, showing off large smiles and unforgettable times.  Harry looked at each, starting with one at the very top left which was of Louis’ parents at their wedding, remembering his dad’s identical photo; Niall was in between the two of them, hanging onto their necks, smiling like he was the most honored person alive; the three’s beaming grins and faces almost identical to how they looked now, still just as happy.

A couple of the other photos further down were of Louis and Stan goofing about around their town, making stupid faces and photo bombing their friend’s photos.  One was of Louis with three girls, one blonde and two brunettes.  He looked so happy in all of his photos.

Harry continued trailing his eyes over the captured memories, stopping at the very bottom corner of the board, a picture seizing his attention.  He looked at the snowy pillows of white behind the two boys in the shot; snow angels lying behind them as they smiled up at the camera with pink noses and rosy cheeks.

It was a picture of him and Louis when they had played out in the snow; that wonderful holiday that seemed like so many years ago.

He wished he could smile like that again, so carefree, joyous.  Harry bit back his sorrow, glancing further in the room, perusing the shelves and furniture, as if trying to memorize the place.

His eyes fell on a jar that was on Louis’ bedside table; it’s red and green ribbons tied around the mouth.  Harry moved to sit at the edge of Louis’ bed, staring at the jar in front of him.  Its glass was half full with tiny swatches of paper; the white slips folded as if hiding their words from the world.

It was the wish jar Harry had made and given to Louis for his eleventh birthday.  He was surprised Louis actually seemed to use it; as he wondered what it was that Louis had wished for.  He hoped the older boy had gotten everything he’d wanted.

Harry got up, walking over to Louis’ desk; timidly looking down at it before deciding it’d be alright if he used some paper.  Liam had told him it’d be alright; that he could do whatever he wanted.

With cold, fidgety fingers, Harry opened a green notebook lying on the hardwood desk.  He hoped he wasn’t going to make Louis mad by touching his things.

Flipping through the pages, Harry looked for a blank one.  Much to his surprise, all the sheets were covered with a messy scrawl, words packed and shoved into every corner; arrows the only indicator to where the paragraphs were supposed to go.  Harry flipped back to the front, glancing over the almost illegible words.

It was a story; an adventure really.  Harry wasn’t quite sure what it was about since he could only really read every other word, but he could make out a bit of it.  And what he could read, he really liked.  A boy, an angel maybe, Harry wasn’t quite sure, was fighting some demons, doing something really important...  Harry didn’t want to continue prying though, so he quickly shut the notebook, grabbing another that sat nearby, ripping out the last page which was blank.

Taking a pencil off the desk, he went back over to the bedside table.  Fiddling with his fingers, chewing on his cheek, he knew that wishing all of the things that had happened to him, hadn’t, would just be a waste of a wish.  Wishing he wasn’t born also would be a waste, though sometimes he found himself thinking it.

There was really only one thing he wanted right then though; to feel okay; to forget and smile for just a little bit, and there was only one way Harry could see that happening.  He knew he was being selfish, but he folded the piece anyways, till it was only a small square.  Fumbling with the opening, Harry slipped his wish into the jar, surrounded by those wishes that had hopefully already come true.  He returned the pencil back to the desk where it had been before; his paper sitting out oddly in the jar; his tiny scribble; his want so different from all the others.

 

_I wish he was here_

 

But Harry knew his hope wouldn’t come true.  He wasn’t stupid enough to think it would, but he couldn’t fight the desire for it to.  He looked out the second story window, at the bit of snow still resting on the ground from the prior week’s snowfall.  Harry felt cold, but not from the weather.

Clutching his phone harder in his pocket, he left the room and the jar; spending the rest of the afternoon trying to concentrate on the movie he had playing on the TV.

It was harder than usual; especially smiling.  Even when Zayn and Liam poked fun at Niall like they usually did.  Harry put up a good façade though, used to hiding behind his walls.

 

When the hours had passed, slow and unwelcome, it was time for them to leave.  Harry couldn’t wait to get out of the house that had too much Louis in it; his portraits, his smile, his happiness.  Harry only felt worse as the night progressed.  Louis hadn’t wanted to see him; he wasn’t there.

Harry left the house first; opting to wait out by the car while Niall said goodbye than to wait around any longer imagining Louis appearing from another room to smile at him, listen to him, make him laugh.  He was selfish for wanting to be happy.

He glanced back down at his phone, absentmindedly clicking the screen on and off; waiting for Niall while the air nipped at his neck.

“Harry!”   The boy turned to the voice; surprise stinging him.  Louis was waving at him as he jumped off of a bike, a girl on one next to him stopping by where he dropped his. 

Louis ran over to Harry, throwing his arms around the boy.  “I’m sorry I didn’t text you.  I was hoping I’d be able to come back early from my thing and see you for a bit…”  He explained pulling back the tiniest when Harry didn’t hug him back like he usually did.  Harry relaxed after a few moments, feeling Louis’ smooth skin on his as he pulled him close again, and the older boy squeezed him tight.

“What’s up Harry?”  Louis questioned as if feeling the urgency in Harry’s hug, but the younger boy only backed away trying to put on a smile.  He couldn’t tell Louis now; not with his friends waiting for him, and him and his dad about to leave.  Not when Louis had better things to do with his time.

“I missed you.”  He said instead making Louis grin at him.

“I missed you too Haz.  Sorry for ditching you…”  Though Louis’ apology sounded heartfelt, Harry felt superfluous to the other anyways; he shouldn’t have expected any different though, of course Louis didn’t care about their friendship the same way he did; if he could even call it that.

Harry glanced around at the clouds in the darkening sky; the suns lingering yellow and blue hues falling lower and lower.

“Hi Louis!”  Niall called from where he was walking down from the house with a bag full of containers, comprising leftovers, in his hands.

“Hey Mr. Horan!”  Louis responded, pulling away from Harry the slightest.

“How was your party?”  The adult asked, getting closer.

Louis smiled, looking back at his friend who was standing by their bikes.  “Uh, well, technically it’s not over yet…  I just wanted to see you guys before you left, and looks like I got here right on time.”  He added.

Niall barked out a laugh before slapping him on the back.  “Good timing for sure.  Ten minutes later and we would’ve missed you.”  He acknowledged moving to the driver’s side of the car.

“Yah…”  Louis spoke before turning to Harry again.   “Uh, well I guess I’ll see you sometime soon...” 

Harry nodded in response as Louis scratched at the back of his scalp.  “I’m really sorry Harry.”

“It’s fine.”  The younger responded as Louis pulled him into another bone crushing hug; it actually sort of hurt the bruises and scrapes he’d gotten that past week at school.

“Bye Harry.  I’ll text you okay?”  Harry nodded again as Louis pulled out his phone.  “See, I’ll even do it right now.”  He began typing out a quick message, making a stupid face, before clicking send and grinning at the other boy.  Harry looked down at his phone expecting the vibration when he got it.

 

**Boo Bear:**

     You’re cuter when you smile.  :)

 

The older boy must’ve noticed Harry wasn’t looking very happy, having not smiled at Louis the whole time he’d been there.

So Harry did what Louis wanted, letting a small simper grace his lips.

“Bye Harry.” Louis repeated, walking back over to his friend as he waved at Niall who was sitting in the car now, ready to get on their way.

Harry typed out a quick reply. ‘Bye Boo’.  Louis grinned at him after looking at the message, and Harry slipped back into the car; still feeling so terribly alone, with far too big a secret weighing on his shoulders.

He didn’t even notice how Louis was watching with concern as Niall pulled out and began their drive back to Cheshire; back to his misery.

 

 

There was a light knock on the door.

“Come in.” Harry answered quietly putting down his homework that he hadn’t actually been looking at; his mind distracted with too many other things.  When Claire entered Harry stood up from his bed, choosing to stand up, fiddling with his fingers.  The last time he’d seen her, he’d been trying to escape; afraid.  Like a mouse caught in a trap.

He was hoping she was just going to ask him about dinner.

“Harry, umm…”  She seemed a bit nervous as she spoke.  “Did you, uh… Why were you in such a hurry on Wednesday?”

Harry didn’t respond at first, the memory replaying in his mind; his brain trying to quickly create an excuse.  She didn’t wait for him to respond before continuing, her eyes set on his expression, “Were you leaving Miss Munson’s’ room?”

Harry only looked up at her; his voice unwilling to tell her anything.

“Did…”  She took a deep breath, as if unsure whether she should continue.  “Did something happen?”

She waited a few moments, rubbing at her temples when she realized Harry wasn’t going to answer.  “You just seemed… really upset.”  He didn’t meet her gaze, knowing he was going to be in trouble.

The next thing she said wasn’t what he was expecting.  “Your father can be very unperceptive at times…  But he cares about you so much.”  She took another inhale.  “If something did happen he should know.”  Harry shook his head at that.  Niall couldn’t know; he just couldn’t.

Claire took another step towards him, still keeping a distance between them.

“I don't want to get between you and Niall.”

“Then don't make me tell you!”  The volume of his voice echoed through the room as he quickly shut his mouth tight, biting on his tongue.  He couldn’t believe what he’d just said; he hadn’t meant to.  He shouldn’t have yelled at her; he shouldn’t have talked back.

It had been an accident; the feelings of disappointment from Louis and humiliation from his teacher, being sick, had been eating away at him for the past days.

His heart was hammering; she was going to yell at him now.  She would slap him, and belittle him; he shouldn’t have talked back.

Harry squeezed the cloth of his shirt between his fingers as he closed them tight, waiting for it to come.  He’d learned his lesson early on, when his mother would lock him in the closet without dinner the few times that he had argued with her.  Niall was going to leave him now.

Claire stepped closer as Harry inhaled, fear twisting through him.  She put a gentle hand to his face, making him falter, surprise and anguish in his eyes.  She took a few steps back again, her voice firm, but soft.  “Harry did something happen?”  She asked again as he stared at a spot on the carpet, his hand finding the spot on his cheek where hers had been, the warmth lingering.

If he didn’t tell her, she’d tell Niall he was being bad for lying; and if he did, she’d tell Niall that he was a bad boy for everything he’d done.

He kept his gaze transfixed on the floor; he couldn’t lie to her…  The smallest of nods served as an answer.

Her words came out quieter this time as Harry shrunk into himself; he didn’t dare look up at her.  Claire took a deep breath to steady herself before continuing, “I’m a nurse Harry, I didn’t want to assume, but… This isn’t the first time something like this has happened at our school, with other teachers…”  She took a deep breath.  “Did she touch you?”

Another nod; another truth that made him even more unlovable, he really was going to have to leave; Niall would be so upset with him.

Harry didn’t say anything more, but he didn’t need to.  Claire took a step towards him, before she stopped herself from reaching out.  She must’ve been sickened with him.

“Harry, I’m going to need to tell Niall.”

Harry knew she was going to, he knew it was inevitable, Niall would hate him.  He nodded again, standing in place as she turned towards the door, before moving towards him again, her hand outstretched to lead him out of the room, towards the couch in the area connected to the kitchen.

She sat him down; afraid he might be going through a panic attack.  She was careful when she checked for any signs of shock, before telling him she would go tell Niall and that he shouldn’t be afraid; that it would be okay.  But Harry knew that was a lie.

Claire took slow steps towards the kitchen, as if she didn’t want to deliver the bad news, or as if she didn’t know how to tell Niall about his son; about how he was so pathetic and undeserving of love.

Harry sat in disbelief.  He had just told Claire.  He was going to be leaving.  Niall was going to crush him when he would admit he never loved Harry, and that he was sickened with him; Harry didn’t want to go.  He didn’t want to be hated anymore.  Niall was the only one to have treated him like he was actually cared for; loved.  And now it was all over.  The only thing he could do was stare ahead, frozen in his spot, finding it increasingly harder and harder to get himself to breathe.

He didn’t know how long it was; how many hours, minutes, seconds went by, trying to not hear the mumbles coming from the other room as his heart pounded in his chest and his mind felt like it was going blank.  When Claire came back out to get him, her face was flushed; her lips and eyes displaying a sadness he’d never seen on her before.   Claire made sure he still wasn’t in a panic before telling him to go see his dad.

Harry didn’t want to; wanted to live in his imaginary world where he could stay with Niall for a bit longer.  But he knew he would have to get it over with eventually.  He got up, his muscles stiff from being in the same position for however long he’d been sitting.

He looked back to Claire as she sat down in his spot, telling him that she would just be out there, and that he should talk to Niall alone.

Harry did as told, slowly as he could, walking into the kitchen.

His eyes immediately found Niall who was sitting in a chair, head cradled in his hands.  Harry didn’t know what to say; wasn’t sure if he should apologize and beg for Niall to not leave him.  He stepped closer to his dad, words on the tip of his tongue.

Niall looked up at him then, as if not fully realizing the boy had entered.  He immediately sat up straighter; his eyes red, puffy with unshed tears.  “Harry,” his voice was rough, trembling.  “Is-Is it true?”  His voice cracked with the words as he stood, pulling his son into a hug, so he wouldn’t be able to see the answer in the child’s expression.  Harry held onto him, feeling a tightness in his chest. There was no point in lying now; not with Niall clinging to him so tight.  He nodded, knowing the adult had felt it, as he trembled in Harry’s arms.

Niall shook his head next, as Harry waited to be shoved away, slapped, yelled at.  He could feel a wetness on his shoulder as Niall pulled away, falling to his knees.  “I’m so sorry Harry.”  He chanted, grasping onto the boys hands.  Tears streamed down his face as he shook his head, not looking up into his son’s eyes.  He didn’t deserve to; it was all his fault.

How could he not have known?  He should’ve noticed, he wasn’t deserving of being a father; he hadn’t realized Harry’s suffering.  The tears came harder.

Harry bent to his knees, wrapping his arms around his dad, letting the adult cry into his shoulder, as he hugged the smaller back, holding him close.  “I’m sorry Harry… I’m sorry.”

Harry didn’t speak a word, letting Niall weep for him.

His words were hard to understand, his voice cracking, “It’s all…  It’s all my fault.”  Harry shook his head.  It wasn’t Niall’s fault.  It was his; it was always his fault.  “I couldn’t protect you.” Niall shouldn’t have been crying.  “I couldn’t protect you.”  He repeated between choked sobs.  Harry held him tighter, running his hands through his hair.

“I’m sorry Harry… I’m so sorry.”  Niall lamented, the words resounding through the air, through the quiet flat, as he said them like a prayer, wishing it was enough; wishing he had been a better father.  That he had realized what was happening before it was too late.

Harry wished that he had been better; he should’ve kept his secret hidden better.  If Niall hadn’t found out, he wouldn’t have been crying like he was; he wouldn’t have been sad and disappointed in Harry and himself.  The last time Niall had cried, Harry had made him feel better.  Now he was at fault for his dad’s tears.  Harry hadn’t wanted to hurt him.

And it was all because he had found out.

He didn’t want anyone else to find out his secret again.  He was ashamed; he didn’t want to make anyone sad because of his wrongdoings again.

“It’s all my fault...”  Slipped from Harry’s mouth, too quiet for anyone else to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hoped you guys enjoyed the chapter! I probably won't be able to update for the next two weeks because I have finals coming up, but I should be able to write a lot during break! Good luck to anyone else who is also having finals soon. And thank you for reading and commenting!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Harry is fourteen, Louis is sixteen!

“I’ll see you soon Harry!”  Claire spoke up, planting a kiss to his cheek before poking at the spot, a grin appearing on the boy’s face as he leaned into her hug.  “I’m sure I won’t be able to stay away for too long.”  She added, standing back up to say her goodbyes to Niall.

Harry smiled at the adult’s interactions before picking Simon up, where the cat was lazing by his feet.   

He wasn’t really sure whether he’d miss Claire’s home, where he and his dad had been residing for the past year, as he exited the cramped hallway out into the street where their car waited.

Everything had become hectic for him and Niall after he was convinced to tell the police about his teacher and she had been arrested.  He had only done as his dad and Claire had wanted, turning Miss Munson in and telling people, even though he didn’t like speaking about it, didn’t like having to recall the memories.  It had taken him a few months before he had even been able to tell anyone about the incidents, much less a courtroom full of onlookers.

He had even begun having nightmares about the event, the way his teacher had looked at him, the judgmental eyes of the jurors who were there.  It seemed that telling people about what had happened to him only made everything worse; he had rarely had nightmares before, but now everything seemed so much more real.

His teacher was charged with child molestation and sexual assault of a minor, losing her teaching license and going to jail, but it still didn’t feel like it was over, not for him at least.  He wasn’t sure if the memories would every fully leave him, and he wasn’t quite sure he really deserved to forget.

When he had finally told his dad what had happened on Valentine’s Day the year his teacher had come over, Niall moved them out of their flat without a second thought; and they ended up staying at Claire’s so that Niall could save up money for moving them away from Cheshire; to give them a fresh start, as he liked to phrase it.

He spent that time sleeping in a sleeping bag, next to the couch where Harry was, for the first few months after their temporary move; wanting to make sure his son was okay, feeling bad for letting things get the way they had.  It didn’t do much but comfort Harry the slightest when he woke up from his nightmares to see his dad so close by; though he would never wake the man, keeping the insomnia to himself.

After a few more months of Niall sleeping on the hard floor next to him, when the case was finished and the Irishman’s new focus was buying the house Liam had shown him in Doncaster, Harry told Niall he was okay and that the adult could sleep with Claire in her room; that it wouldn’t bother him.  Niall eventually agreed after a lot of questioning him on whether he was sure, and if he was okay, giving excuses about liking to sleep on the floor, before finally leaving Harry be, on the frumpy couch next to Simon whose soft fur he’d play with when he couldn’t possibly fall asleep.

 

Niall and Claire followed Harry out of the house, the blonde tossing the keys around in his hand, keeping his other arm draped over Claire’s shoulder, where hers was wrapped gingerly around his waist, finger hooked onto his belt loop.  Whenever they would catch the other looking at them, their grins would grow even larger, happy smiles warming the air even more than the sun already had.

“Tell Liam and Zayn I say hi.”  Claire voiced as Harry got into the car, buckling himself up.  The windows were cracked and he could still hear the adults talking as he purred into Simon’s ear making the cat stare at him with large questioning eyes.

“Of course.  They told me they can’t wait for you to visit again.”

Niall turned to face her fully, resting his hands on her hips.

“I’m sure I’ll be doing that a lot in the near future.” She grinned, as he leaned forward to peck her softly on the lips.

“I’ll miss seeing you every day.”  He mumbled between the kisses.  Claire snickered before telling him that she set his phone background as a picture of her so he wouldn’t have to.

When he glanced down at it, his burst of laughter scared Harry half to death as he turned to stare at them.  “This is probably the ugliest expression I’ve ever seen you make…  And I love it.”  Claire smiled back at her boyfriend, sticking out her tongue as he gave her one last lingering kiss; finally dragging himself away from her to get into the car.

“Text me when you get there!”  She called as a last farewell, waving at them.

The two backed out of her driveway, Harry grabbing Simon’s paw to wave back with its soft, furry fuzz.

 

When they were on the road, the air blowing through the open windows, Harry felt exhilaration and a bit of anxiety leaving Cheshire; though he had hated it, he knew his way around the place, it was familiar to him.  Doncaster though was a different story; it would be a new start for him.

He couldn’t help the gnawing feeling that things would end up the same way they had back at his old school; where everyone hated him.  After all it wasn’t like Harry could change his personality in a day, though he often had wished he could.  That was the reason people didn’t like him after all; so really, he was screwed.

He felt the worry sit on his brow as he pet at Simon’s soft fur, trying not to focus on the inevitable and just listen to Niall’s content humming.

“Are you excited to see the house?”  His dad asked him, beaming in his direction.  Harry nodded, hoping he’d like the place, having seen it only once before.  He knew it would be freshly furnished this time though and not just the skeleton of a home like it’d been before.

“Yah, Liam’s gone a bit crazy deciding how he wants everything to look.”  Niall said making a face, “I think he wants to paint the living room salmon or something.”  He tapped at the steering wheel before shaking his head at how ridiculous his friend was.

“Simon likes salmon.”  Harry responded, poking the cat when it looked up at him.

Niall chuckled an agreement to Harry’s words, continuing, “I did give Liam a budget though, so hopefully he hasn’t gone too insane with decorating…”  He said it as if he himself wouldn’t believe that could happen until he saw it.

Harry nodded as they fit back into a comfortable silence; the brunette leaning his head back in the quiet, closing his eyes.  He knew sleep wouldn’t come to him, though he was exhausted, but shutting them was nice all the same.  The radio tune and the soft purr of his cat created a lovely melody as he tried not thinking of anything else, and just allow the cords create a sort of soothing lullaby for his ears.

 

It was much too soon that they reached their home, or what would now be their home, that the car was shut off and Niall was nudging at Harry’s shoulder, thinking he was asleep.  Harry blinked a few times, adjusting to the sun’s heady exposure as his eyes rested on the brick house in front of them.

He’d seen one’s like it before, when he’d walked to the park with Louis; and had always thought they were really pretty buildings.

Hobbling out of the car, Harry watched Niall stretch his arms high over his head, before they walked towards the front, Simon still in his embrace.   His dad gave him one last excited grin before unlocking the mahogany door, pushing it aside to reveal the main hall, which was painted a pale yellow color that was very inviting.

They slowly made their way into the living room immediately to their right.  The walls were still a pasty white color, tape bordering the edges of it to protect the molding.  Most likely because Liam hadn’t decided which color he wanted it painted.

A large couch sat in the middle of the room, a smaller coffee table in front of it, both of which were covered in plastic to guard against stains.  Near the far wall, a bookshelf faced them; tons of volumes filling the shelves.  Harry already felt a bit of excitement glancing at the books, knowing he’d have something to do if he ever got bored.

They walked into the kitchen next; the entire space housing new appliances, shiny and bright, where there had been empty floor when they’d visited before.

Harry glanced up at Niall to see him looking somewhat overwhelmed by all of the expensive looking things.  “Yah, Liam went a little… overboard.”  He mumbled as they moved around their new home, ogling the sparkling, most likely very expensive, furniture.  “I gave him a budget…”  Niall mumbled again scratching at the back of his scalp as if unsure of how he felt about all of the items Liam had purchased.

They wandered around the rest of the home, taking in their new surroundings; a lovely dining room table in the center of one room, and a decent sized television in the other, resting in front of the plushiest couch Harry had ever sat on.

There were three bedrooms and two bathrooms up the stairs; and Harry walked into the bedroom he’d picked out the last time they’d been there, the one facing out into the street.  He glanced around the space, taking in where the desk, closet, bedside table, and bed were all laid out.  Everything was bare, and what Harry thought made them look quite lonely.  He was eager to move his stuff around and make the place homier; make the room his own.

A knock on the door dragged both Niall and Harry back to the main part of their house from where they’d been exploring around the other areas.

They bounded down the steps, walking over to the door before the blonde threw the thing open, both Zayn and Liam on the other side of it with huge grins pasted on their faces.

“Welcome home!”  They exclaimed, arms open for greeting hugs.   Niall let them into the house, embracing them each, before they moved over to attack the curly haired lad next.

Harry could tell, by the looks they gave him, the way their eyes softened and they fought the frowns off their lips, that they knew his secret; why him and his dad had moved back to Doncaster where Niall had grown up.  They each pulled Harry into a hug, quiet and warm, making sure to squeeze extra tight.  Liam lightly pinched his cheek, smiling extra big for him as Zayn scooped the teen up, carrying him over his shoulder, into the other room and out of the main entrance.  Though Harry was fourteen, that didn’t stop Zayn as the boy wriggled around, laughing to be put back down.  He was steadily growing taller, but still the average height for his age.  He wasn’t finished with his growing quite yet though, and was still shorter than Louis.

“Where are my promised sweets?”  Niall questioned looking at both Liam and Zayn’s empty arms after following Zayn into the kitchen where he put Harry down.

Zayn let out a quick laugh.  “We made Louis stay at home till the cookies got out.  Then he’s going to bring them over.”  Harry nodded at Zayn’s words, though he wasn’t the one who’d asked.  His stomach did a few flips when it heard that he’d be seeing Louis that day.

“They’re a welcome to the neighborhood gift!”  Liam explained making Niall buzz with excitement.

“I’m loving the neighborhood even more now.  I do hope they’re chocolate chip!”

Liam rolled his eyes.  “Of course Ni.  I would never give you anything other than your favorite.”  That made Niall smile even wider before patting his tummy like he just couldn’t wait to get the treats in there.

“So I see you put in the furniture…”  Niall started, suddenly getting serious, with a raised eyebrow at Liam who smiled in return, knowing why the other seemed a bit peeved.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry!  Everything is under your budget.”  He chuckled, Niall letting out a tiny sigh, before Liam’s eyes lit up as if remembering something.  “Well except for your bed… that’s a house warming gift from Zayn and I.  We just want you and Claire to be comfortable when she comes to visit.”

Zayn raised his eyebrows suggestively making Niall laugh before pulling them both into another tight hug.  “Thanks Liam, Zayn.  You two are the best mates ever.”

“Well we know you’ve been busy...  It was no problem.”  Liam muffled where his mouth was stuck in Niall’s sleeve.  The man patted both on the back as he moved away, grinning from ear to ear.

“Let us help you get your stuff out of the car.”  Zayn offered as Niall bounded towards the door; the others following behind, Liam questioning Niall about whether he thought the living room wall should be Pink Salmon or Pink Peony.  Niall merely laughed at the fact Liam thought he’d care while Zayn told him that Peony was a pleasant color choice.

Harry followed the adults outside to grab his boxes of things.  He took one at a time to his new room, placing them on the ground before going back out to help carry other things, like his and Niall’s suitcases full of their clothes.  Zayn was very helpful in bringing them up the stairs for him.

When Harry came back down, unsure of whether they had gotten everything out of the car, Liam stopped him by the steps.  “Harry, we got you a house warming gift too!  Zayn went out to get it.”  He told him, grinning.  Harry smiled back, feeling special like he always did whenever Liam and Zayn were around, since they were always so nice to him.

When Zayn came back in, Harry followed the parents up to his room where the black haired adult plugged in a cylindrical box he’d been carrying, setting it down on the bedside table.  Niall hit the lights when told to do so as both Liam and Zayn turned to Harry to watch his reaction, before flipping it on.  Light filled his room with specs of stars, a whole glowing cosmos above and around them, shining brightly off the dark walls.  Harry gawked, amazed by it all, as the pretty colors transformed his room into a starry night sky.

“We just wanted to get you something to brighten up your new room, and thought you might like this.”  Liam finally spoke up, catching Harry’s attention from where it was still everywhere, watching all the tiny bursts of energy.

Liam let out a brilliant smile, almost as bright as the stars coming from the lamp as Harry thanked him with a hug, turning to Zayn next and doing the same.  He loved the gift, and how it made his room look so pretty.

Niall was fairly amazed as well, telling them that Harry could have the bed and that he wanted the light.  They laughed, heading back downstairs to rearrange the furniture to Niall’s liking; Harry staying up in his room to make his bed.

He was feeling tired still as he opened one of his many boxes in search of the new bed sheets Niall had bought him, the old ones having been thrown away.  When he found them, he admired their navy blue color and how they went nicely with the lighter blue walls surrounding him and the dark wood flooring beneath his cold socked feet.  He began folding the sheets out, wanting to collapse and fall asleep on them when he was done.  Not that he’d get any sleep, but the thought that he might was nice.

He sat at his desk, after finishing, looking at the galaxy light he’d left on, staring at each tiny spot of color individually, imagining the different species of alien that could live on each star.

When he’d spent a good five minutes glancing around the area, he figured he should probably go back downstairs to help with anything else that needed to get done.  He got up, flipping off the starry lamp and turning the ceiling lights back on, opening the curtain to let warm sun rays file in.

He noticed he hadn’t finished putting the pillowcase on his pillow, so he shuffled over, fitting the plush softness in the cover, resting it down so everything looked perfect.  He pondered whether it’d be okay for him to take a nap, since his bed looked so inviting.  Simon was already sleeping in the corner on a blanket; down for the count, and Harry found himself a tad jealous of the kitty.

He turned to go downstairs when he heard someone call his name from somewhere near the front of the home.  “Harrrryyyy!!!”  The voice was all too familiar and he immediately found himself smiling.

Louis must’ve finally gotten there.

He could hear footsteps thump against the staircase in the hall before the older boy suddenly appeared in his doorway, slightly winded, blue eyes bright.

Harry smiled at the teen, whose fringe was swept to the side on his forehead and whose large grin was so pretty Harry felt a little winded himself.

He didn’t have time to process anything else before Louis ran over, flinging a hug at him and slamming them both backwards onto the bed with tangled limbs and snuffles of laughter.  The older boy hugged Harry tight, arms wrapped around his waist, before he sat up, his legs on both sides of Harry’s thin frame.

Both teens were a bit out of breath from the impact as Harry stared up at Louis who was quick to throw his arms in the air, shouting excitedly.  “You’re here!”  His exclamation had Harry grinning up at him, feeling his cheeks burn with warmth, the weight of the other on his hips oddly comforting.

As Louis realized he was still sitting on Harry, which he probably shouldn’t be, he moved off, flipping over to lay next to him instead.  “This is great Hazza! This is going to be so much fun.”  He mused, laughter in his words.

Their legs dangled off the side of Harry’s new bed, Louis’ mind on all the places around town he could show the newcomer; all the friends he wanted to introduce him to.

“I hope so…”  Harry mumbled back after a few moments of hesitation as he looked up at the spattering’s of texture on the ceiling, still not feeling very confident with the new place.  He really didn’t want things to end up the same way they had at Cheshire.

He was worried; but happy, at least, that Louis seemed glad he was there.  And that warmed his heart.

Louis didn’t have a response for the other boy; wasn’t really sure why he had sounded so unsure.   He turned towards the younger, watching the way Harry blinked, slow and languid; looking deep in thought, like he always seemed to be.

A quiet huff left Harry’s lips as Louis noted the pale glow of his skin, darker splotches of color beneath his eyes, as if he wasn’t getting enough sleep.  Shadows caught onto his lashes with each steady flutter of his eyelids and Harry couldn’t help but shift under the other’s scrutiny, a few pieces of hair curling onto his cheek with the movement.

The older boy reached out instinctively, almost timidly touching the pretty curls; moving them out of the way so he could continue studying Harry’s features; to see the light pink flush on the younger’s face that hadn’t been there before.

Harry took a shaky, silent breath when he felt Louis’ fingers in his hair; his heart unsteadily skipping a beat.

His eyes automatically closed as Louis brushed lightly at the few strands near his temple; running his hand gently over the younger’s scalp.

Harry wanted to lean into Louis’ delicate caress; relax into the blanket beneath them.  He wanted to stay like that forever; body so close to Louis’ warm skin.

Minutes of comforting had Harry nearing the quiet lull of sleep, surprising him when it had seemed impossible for him to do so, so easily before.  When Louis spoke though, he listened intently, gradually blinking his eyes open at the sentiment behind the other boy’s words.

“I’m thinking this may be our greatest adventure yet, Curly.”  Louis murmured watching the younger still into his touches; hair soft, like the petals of a flower.

Harry turned his gaze to the older boy, the other's blue eyes assessing him; the draw of his pink lips forming a grin.

“Yah…” He agreed softly. “Yah I think it will be.”

And he let Louis continue playing with his hair, as he felt the tension leave his shoulders and his concentration wane; feeling himself falling asleep, the uncomfortable state he’d been in for the past year dwindling away.  Yah, he definitely wanted to stay like that forever.  Because Louis was there; he was _there_ , and things were going to get better; Harry didn’t really think it’d be possible for them to get any worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so so sorry for the long ass wait guys!! I'll try to get back to my once a week updating schedule asap! Hope you liked the chapter though! Things are looking up for Harry, yay! :D


	11. Chapter 11

The drive would only take five minutes; walking would’ve taken ten.  But since it was the first day at his new school, Niall wanted to drive Harry, to give the boy some encouragement, before going off to his new job at the nearby primary school.

“Don’t be nervous Harry, you’ll make a bunch of friends and you’ll do a great job in classes like you always have.”  Harry turned to face his dad, from where he’d been looking out the window, a queasy feeling in his stomach.  Niall clearly didn’t know about the bullying at his old school, and he wanted to keep it that way, so he nodded weakly as they pulled up outside of the large brick building.

Harry really needed to calm down; he could feel his hands jittering, as he ground his teeth together, lips pressed dry from not talking for so long.  He broke them open, taking a quick swipe of his tongue over their rough exterior before turning to say goodbye to his dad, stepping out into the uncharted territory.

“Bye Harry!  You got this.  I’ll see you at home, okay?”  Harry nodded again, gripping the door of the car, staring ahead to see a small cluster of kids enter the building.  After having an internal monologue trying to regain some composure, he finally let go and unsteadily made his way towards the entrance of the school.

Keeping his head down, Harry only looked up at the small numbers next to each door, every other classroom he walked passed, trying to not meet eyes with any of the strangers around him or bring any special attention to himself; he was used to staying out of sight.

He heaved out a heavy sigh when he made it into his maths class, in a seat near the middle left that was not too close to the front yet not too far back either.  He twiddled his pointer fingers under the desk as other kids filed in, chatting and laughing, happy to see each other after a month of summer break.  Everything, so far, seemed normal and Harry really hoped he would stop freaking out; he was sort of internally having a panic attack and it only seemed to worsen when some of the kids near the front of the room turned around to look at him, curious gazes making him even more uncomfortable than he already was.

He was a new face after all, in a school where everyone mostly already knew one other; but he made sure not to make eye contact anyways, not wanting to attract any more fascinated looks from anybody else.

When his first lesson finally ended, Harry followed the rest of the crowd out of the room, focused only on making it to his next one without a hitch.

The sooner each class finished, the better; and Harry went along with his day, ignoring anyone and everyone that so much as looked interested in wanting to spark up a conversation, including his teachers; he effectively blocked everyone out, thankful no one had _really_ tried talking to him.

He was used to being alone anyways and he didn’t mind if it stayed like that, because if he talked to anyone, the bullying would start; he knew his personality would insure that.

At least in Doncaster, people didn’t talk meanly about him or glare at him, yet.  And for that he was thankful.

Even though it really was only the first day of school, and he really had only been to a few classes… he was really bad at thinking optimistically.

And after the next lesson, it would be lunch time and Harry hated not knowing his new school because he didn’t know any good hiding spots where he could eat his sack lunch in privacy; maybe he wouldn’t eat at all.   He wasn’t feeling that hungry anyways, nerves getting the best of him, making his stomach clench and squirm in an awful manner.

He tapped his foot, waiting for the clock to signal the end of his history class, where they had been going over the syllabus; worry pinching his nerves, making him fidgety and restless.

When they were finally released, he walked out into the hall, watching most everyone head towards the north part of the building, where the cafeteria must’ve been.  He paused at the side of the corridor, contemplating finding somewhere else to eat when he decided that he needed to grow a pair and walk, albeit slowly, towards the designated eating area.

It was when he was halfway there; still walking as slowly as he could, keeping his brow down, eyes glued to the floor, that a voice caught his attention; a voice that was calling his name.  He looked up immediately, turning towards its contributor.

"Harry?"  It took him a few moments to place the higher pitched voice, when his eyes finally settled on brown curls and bright red lipstick.  The girl stared back at him, mouth hanging open to reveal shiny white teeth and what looked to be a tongue ring, before she pounced, launching herself at him.

Though she weighed absolutely nothing, he buckled under her surprise attack anyways, her arms hugging him with so much force he thought he was going to be crushed.

“Cher?”  His voice was unbelievingly hopeful, like he couldn’t believe what was happening; like he couldn’t be certain that this good fortune was happening to him.  One of his only friends, who he’d thought he’d never see ever again, was there, hugging the day lights out of him, and Harry couldn’t quite comprehend how this was possible.

"Harry!!!  What are you doing here?!"  She questioned brightly, pulling apart so she could get a good look at his face.

Harry was about to respond before glancing behind her to see a tall boy with an amused grin lighting his features, black hair slicked up into a quiff and a sparkle in his eyes.

Harry had been about to answer, but it took him a few more moments to convince himself to speak, knowing someone he hadn’t met before was listening to them.  “I-we moved here.” He finally mumbled, looking back at her, though she was a good couple inches shorter than him.

She suddenly grew serious, placing a warm hand on his cheek.  "I was worried about you…  I’m sorry I had to go.  You know I didn’t want to leave you, right?  Like I didn’t want to go, you know that?” She asked quietly, no longer drawing attention to them, which Harry was thankful for.

Harry nodded his head feeling her pull him into another hug.  "I'm so glad you're here though Harry!  I mean, I’ve been struggling without you helping me with my homework, if I’m to be honest."  She joked, trying to lighten the mood again, hooking arms with him before dragging him along towards where everyone else had been going.  After that one stretch of seriousness, Cher was back to her normal excited self, as much as Harry remembered at least.

He grinned down at his friend, he had missed her.

“Oh by the way, this is Grimmy.”  She introduced, pointing behind them at the black haired boy who had been following them.  Harry wondered if he’d heard their conversation. 

The boy shook his head, rolling his dark brown eyes.  “So much for an introduction…”  He mumbled, hands in his pockets as they stopped outside the doors of the cafeteria, most people already inside.  He quickly stuck out a hand for Harry to shake, his grin a bit crooked in the kind of endearing way that made you want to grin yourself.  “Nick Grimshaw.”  He announced taking Harry’s hand in his own.

When he dropped it, Cher was smiling up at them and Harry noticed that she looked so much happier than he’d ever seen her look before; and maybe Doncaster wasn’t such a bad place.  Not if it had Cher prancing around the way she was… almost like she didn’t care at all what anyone thought of her.

 

It wasn’t until they had grabbed their food and were sitting at a table that they began replaying what had happened to them in the last few years, Harry mostly listening to Cher, not liking to talk about himself very much.

“But I love Doncaster.  Yah, the classes are shit, but I love the,” she glanced around the room as if looking for the right word.  “atmosphere.”  She breathed, grinning as Grimmy scoffed.  “Ay, shush boy.”  She rolled her eyes in Harry’s direction which made him laugh a little, turning on Grimmy when the boy flicked her in the arm.  “Don’t pinch me… and eat your grapes!”

“Only if you’ll feed them to me.”  His cheeky grin made her flick him on the forehead, though she picked up the purple fruit anyways.  “You’re an angel Cher, the most wonderful human being I’ve ever met.”  He muttered making her pull a face as she tossed one of the spheres into his open mouth, beaming when it ‘scored.’

Harry glanced between the two friends, watching them interact with one another.  Curiosity finally got the best of him as he turned towards Cher, clearing his voice.  "Is he your...uh-” Harry glanced between them again and the grapes she still had in her thin fingers.

She lowered the bundle, looking confused for a few seconds before recognition crossed her face and then, amusement, as she laughed so loudly a few people at nearby tables turned to look at them.  That never would’ve happened at their old school; she never would’ve drawn so much attention to them before.  And Harry found, the more he was around her and Grimmy, that he really didn’t mind all that much either.  He was glad that she seemed to have found somewhere where she fit in; her confidence almost rubbing off on him.

"No!!  I already have a boyfriend."  She let out a few more sniggers before looking over at the other boy who was acting like he was affronted by Harry’s assumption; at least Harry hoped it was acting.  “And Grimmy… well, he isn’t really into my _type_ if you know what I mean.”

Harry’s eyebrows shot up as Grimmy laughed with her.  "You’re a doll though.  If I was straight, you’d definitely be my girlfriend."  He gave her a two fingered salute as she shook her head, denying his statement with a curt ‘you wish.’

Harry was a little embarrassed for assuming they were together, but quickly brushed it off as Grimmy turned to him.  "So mate, where you from?"  He asked, running his hand through jet black hair, to reinstate the gel he had caked in it.  He supposed Grimmy really hadn’t heard their conversation from earlier.

“Cheshire."  Harry responded trying not to think of the bad memories.  “Same place as Cher.”  He mumbled next, not fully making eye contact with the boy. Harry had always been bad at making friends and he hoped the lad wouldn’t grow to dislike him, he seemed like a pretty cool person and strangely enough, like he was used to being around really weird people.  That seemed to give Harry some hope; and as they continued chatting, the lunch break passing by, the three realized that Harry had actually had a couple classes with Grimmy that morning and that Cher would have a couple with him after lunch.

He still couldn’t believe his luck, nothing ever worked out well for him.  But maybe there was something special about Doncaster.  Maybe he wouldn’t be so lonely at his new school after all.

 

His next two classes went quickly when he sat next to Cher.   He didn’t do much listening to the teacher, deciding he’d rather Cher tell him all about her family; how her mom had found a good job and her older brother had stopped drinking so much.  She even showed him the tattoo she had on her wrist that she always hid behind thick bracelets so her mom wouldn’t see it.  Her brother had taken her somewhere where she could get it done, a place that was a bit sketchy, but she loved the inking nonetheless.

“My boyfriend has a couple too.”  She whispered to him during their last class together.  “His name’s Josh.  He’s a couple years older than us, but he’s wonderful.  Grimmy and I usually eat with him, but I didn’t want to be distracted since I haven’t seen you in so long!”  She exclaimed quietly.  “Tomorrow though, we can have lunch with him.”  And Harry immediately felt so much better.  It was bad getting through the first day, but knowing he’d have someone to sit with the next one was a huge relief.

They split ways, both gong to their last class, which Harry had on his own.  Cher was sure to give him her number right before she left though, saying she wanted him to text her so they could chat.   He made sure to do what she asked and they spent their last period of the day sending stupid emoji’s to one another.  It was really nice talking to Cher again; it was really nice to have a friend again.

When the day was all over and all the students were done; Harry made his way back out of the building.  He was so relieved when he started his walk home.  His first day actually hadn’t been too bad; not at all like he’d imagined.  But he still had the next day, and the one after that, and the rest of the school year to mess it all up…  He ignored those thoughts, instead focusing on his steps and how exhausted he felt from all the worry he’d forced upon himself.  Maybe he could take a nap when he got home; but the thought only made him laugh.  He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

It took him a few moments, staring at the home he’d stopped in front of to know that yes, it was actually his, before he went up to it and made his way inside, closing the door tightly behind him.

He threw his backpack to the floor when he got to his room, flipping on the starry night lamp he’d looked at every day since he’d gotten it the week before.  Turning towards his bed, beady eyes startled him from where his cat was perched atop his puffy blanket.

“Hello Simon.”  Harry cooed, picking the plump ball of fur up, laying himself down on the bed with the cat on top of his chest.  Simon made a noise, pawing her way up to laze in the crook of Harry’s neck, tickling his skin a bit where it lay.

 

The ring of the doorbell echoed off the empty walls; Niall having been too busy to put up the picture frames or curtains yet, leaving the halls terribly bland.

Harry sat up from his bed, scurrying his way down the stairs to get the door before the person, whoever it may be, decided to leave thinking no one was home.

When he opened it though, he blinked, hard.

On the other side of the barrier, was Louis, who was pushing a pair of black glasses up the bridge of his nose, grinning at him.

“Hey.”  Was the first word out of his mouth, and it was strange.  Because Harry never had the luxury of seeing Louis every day before, since he had stopped by the other night with his parents… and it was odd; very odd; because here Louis was, standing in front of his home, by himself, on a school day; and Harry never thought that would really ever happen.

“Hi.”  He breathed out, a small smile fitting to his lips.  He took a step back, bringing the door with him, “Would you like to come in?”

Louis nodded, entering and taking off his shoes as he waited for Harry to close the door behind them.  “I didn’t see you today…”  He stated, tapping on his pants where his fingers lay.  “How was your, uh, first day?”

“It was… good.”  Harry finally responded after biting his lip, in search of words.  He couldn’t get over how strange it was with Louis standing so close, glancing around his home as if trying to find something more to say.  “Would you like some tea?”

Louis’ face lit up when he looked back at Harry.  “Yah, I’d love some.”

And that’s how they went into the kitchen, to make some tea; the slight awkwardness that had been there at first, falling away until they were their usual selves, Louis’ laughter ringing through the home, Harry’s snickers brightening each and every surface.

“And then Stan walked into class thirty minutes late.”  He shook his head, rolling his eyes lightheartedly.  “On the first day of all days!  And into Mrs. Peters’ class.”  He cringed.  “She’s a menace.  I mean, he should at least wait till tomorrow before he begins slacking off.  She’s going to skin him alive if he’s tardy again.”

Harry grinned at Louis’ story as the older boy took another sip of his drink, green tea with a splash of milk.  He smiled over the lip of his teacup.  “Did you meet anyone fun, Harry?  I was hoping to see you so you could eat lunch with me and my friends.”

Harry nodded, feeling even happier for some reason.  “I actually…  One person… she was my friend back at Cheshire, but had moved away.   And I guess, she happened to have moved here.”  He let the disbelief color his tone, because he still didn’t understand how he’d gotten so lucky.  “So I ate with her and one of her friends.”

“Hey that’s wonderful!  Already making pals and everything.  I can tell you’re going to be a right hit in this school; everyone’s going to want to be your friend.”  Louis teased and Harry tried not to cringe because that was so far from the truth it sort of hurt to hear.  “I still want you to eat lunch with us tomorrow though.  I want to introduce you to people.”

Harry took another sip before nodding.  At least he already knew Stan, but he could feel the anxiety growing again.  He hated meeting new people.

But he couldn’t deny Louis when the older teen was smiling at him with those pretty lips.   So he smiled back, his stomach stirring with trepidation.

It was in that moment, of quiet looks that the door leading to the garage was pushed open, Niall cheering an exultant, “Harry, I’m home!”

When his eyes rested on the two boys his joy grew.  “Hello Louis!  How are you?”

“I’m good Mr. Horan.”  He replied, watching as Niall skipped over to Harry, pulling him into a sideways hug.

“That’s great!  Kickin’ first day I hope.”  Louis grinned at him, nodding his head.  “And how was _your_ first day of school?”  Niall cooed turning from Louis to Harry, coddling the boy a bit excessively as he pet at the side of his face.  If it wasn’t a work day, Harry may have wondered if his dad was drunk.  He grinned though, at Niall’s antics, responding with a simple ‘good.’

“You’ll have to tell me all about it over dinner.  Louis are you going to join us?  We’re having Nando’s to celebrate the beginning of the school year!”  He cheered the last part, looking over to the other brunette that he wasn’t holding onto.

“Oh I don’t know…  I think my dad is making lasagna…”  He said, scrunching his nose up cutely as he made a little gesture of uncertainty.

“That’s dumb.  Tell them to come over too!  It’ll be a party!”

“On a Monday night?”  Harry asked looking to his dad.

Niall glanced back before shrugging.  “Yah, you’re old enough.  It’s just the first day anyways; you shouldn’t have any homework yet.  Call them up Louis!”

So the teen shrugged as well, and pulling out his mobile, stepped away from the island table to walk into the adjacent room.

“How was your day Dad?”  Harry asked, turning into the one sided hug to glance up at Niall’s grinning face.

The blonde finally let go, deciding to fluff Harry’s hair instead.  “It was great!  Nice people, seems like a pretty good class too.  We’ll see though coz’ one of the boys, William, seems like a troublemaker.”  He took a pause before grinning again.  “Sorta like Louis over there.”

And as if on cue Louis walked back into the kitchen, placing his hands on his hips in mock annoyance, “I am not a troublemaker!”

Niall laughed.  “Yah, tell that to your Dad.  He told me all about the fire alarm ‘incident’ you pulled last year so you could get out of class earlier.”

Louis hid his smug smile well behind faux innocent eyes.  “You have no proof.”  He finally lipped back making Niall let out a few chortles of laughter.

“Alright, alright.  But on a serious note, what’d your parents say about the Nandos?”

“Dad one said he’d be here in a bit, after running some errands; and dad two will be here after he gets off work, in an hour or so.  They said you could go ahead and order the usual.”  Louis informed him, taking back the seat he’d been in prior to leaving.

Niall cheered before scampering over to the phone, picking it up to dial the number he knew by heart.  When the line picked up he began listing off meal upon meal.  He hadn’t even asked Harry and Louis what they had wanted, but is sounded like he was getting one of everything so they could all share and have plenty of leftovers.

 

When the delivery man showed up, Niall was practically bouncing off the walls.  It was hard to convince him not to nibble on a bit while they waited for Louis’ parents to arrive.

Instead, to pass the time, they all watched a reality show on the tube; Niall and Louis making sure to comment on the actors at every opportunity they could get.  It was mildly amusing to say the least, but when Liam and Zayn showed up, Niall completely forgot about the television, attacking the food without an ounce of hesitation.

 

When dinner was done with and the leftovers were packed away, the adults curled up on the sofa all cuddled on top of each other.  Well, mostly Niall who was sprawled on top of Zayn and Liam, patting his full belly, burping a bit as Liam flipped through the TV channels for something entertaining to watch.

Harry and Louis, instead, went outside, mostly just walking and talking, and goofing around.

Louis was always so interesting to listen to, and Harry loved hearing him speak.  He found out that Louis actually liked to read, but not school reading, rather ‘real reading’, good books and what-not, exciting tales.  Harry wondered if that was why Louis liked going on adventures so much, like when they had pretended to be a knight and a princess, or when they had fought those monsters.

Louis had a large imagination; that was for sure.  And Harry didn’t mind one bit, because he found Louis’ crazier ideas to be the ones that were the most fun; and really, everything about Louis was fun.   From his smile to his laughter to the way he looked at Harry with those soft blue eyes.  But Harry wasn’t quite sure, whether the way his heart was beating, was really that fun at all.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took so long. And sorry it's so shitty. Next one will be better, I promise. Thanks for reading it anyways! ^^

“Hey.  Can I sit next to you?”  A few moments passed before he realized the question had been directed at him, and he glanced up to see Grimmy looking back, eyebrows quirked enquiringly.

“Uh, yeah, sure.”  Harry mumbled quickly, shoving his belongings towards his half of the work bench.  The day before he had sat next to a girl, who was now across the room from him talking to some other students; he figured her seat wasn’t saved so it’d be okay if Grimmy took it.

The boy sat on the stool, shifting forward to lean against the cool table.  But before Harry could say anything more, class started and there was no need to speak.  And when they started on an experiment that was supposed to get them used to the lab equipment, it wasn’t awkward to talk with Grimmy. The other teen didn’t say much, probably knowing Harry didn’t want to, but when they did exchange words it was easy. It wasn’t unpleasant like Harry thought it might be, and he found Grimmy’s wit quite amusing; paired with his sarcastic tone of voice making it so the whole class was soon snickering to themselves behind the teachers back.

When the two went to their next class together, a study hall, Harry sat behind the darker haired boy listening to him regale a tale from his summer to a group of their peers.  Harry thought it was entertaining, and it kept the attention off of him which he was very pleased with.  He wasn’t sure whether Grimmy was diverting the attention on purpose, after someone had struck up a conversation with him, asking questions that were a bit too personal; but by the subtle glances Grimmy kept giving him while talking to the others, Harry figured that maybe he did.

He didn’t question Harry about it though, as they walked to their Health and Wellness class.  And they didn’t talk much in that lesson either, but when the bell rung, Grimmy turned to him with a smile.

“Excited for lunch?  Best time of the day.”  He grinned, picking up his stuff and heading for the door.  Harry followed behind, fidgeting with his fingers.  He was going to have to meet all of Louis’ friends, and just that thought had him nervous out of his mind.  He wondered if it would be as easy as it was meeting Stan or whether it would just be weird.  He hated being so insecure, but there was always the possibility they wouldn’t like him and Louis wouldn’t be his friend anymore.

“Cher’s really psyched to show her boyfriend off to you…”  Grimmy continued, ignoring Harry’s lack of response. 

Harry immediately cleared his throat, blinking back into attention, knowing he was being rude by not saying anything.  He was already messing up; Grimmy wasn’t going to want to sit next to him in biology the next day and it’d be all his fault.  “I-uh, sorry…”  He mumbled, after a few more moments.

Grimmy merely shrugged, facing him with a friendly grin, “No problem mate.  I can see your minds on other stuff, it’s cool.”

And Harry didn’t have time to respond as Grimmy called out to Cher who had just come out of her classroom.  She quickly plodded over to where they were at the side of the hall, waiting for her.  The three exchanged hellos before Cher went off on how her teacher was a huge bitch already and it was only the second day of school.  Grimmy and Harry nodded along, beginning to walk towards the cafeteria.  Grimmy excused himself when she was finished with her story before he walked off towards the stairs leading to the second floor.

Cher seemed to be used to it, as she continued listing the reasons why her teacher should’ve retired ten years ago.

Harry interrupted her, right before they entered the busy cafeteria.  “Uh, Cher?”

She turned to him, lips stopping their previous actions.  “Hmm?”

“Umm, well I have this other friend and he wants me to sit next to him today…  if that’s okay?”

Cher beamed, contrary to how Harry thought she’d react.  “Of course Harry!  I just want to introduce you to my boyfriend first.  He’s the best, I’m sure you’ll really like him.”

Harry nodded, feeling relieved and also slightly curious as to why Cher had seemed so pleased.  Maybe she hadn’t wanted to sit next to him in the first place… or maybe it was because she was surprised he had other friends.  That was probably it, but he didn’t have much more time to ponder it as they stopped right in the middle of the cafeteria so Cher could look around for her friends.

It would be conceited of Harry to think everyone was looking at him, but he certainly felt some curious stares, and his cheeks began to heat up in response.  He really hoped Cher would find the table quicker, before he did something really embarrassing, like faint.  He wouldn’t put it past himself to do it, he was just that accident-prone.

“Harry!”  He heard from behind him as both he and Cher turned around to see Louis approaching them, his arm in the air in a waving gesture.  He continued when his eyes rested on the girl standing next to Harry.  “Hey Cher!  Table’s over there.” And another moment before, “Wait a second.”  He glanced between the two, before realizing they had come in together and turning to Harry, “Is Cher your friend from Cheshire?!”

The younger boy nodded wondering how they knew each other as the older mumbled, “What, a… coincidence.”  And Cher grinned, before grabbing tight to Harry’s arm and beginning to lead him over to where Louis had pointed.

“So Harry, how do you know Louis?”  She asked, eyeing the two as she walked.

“Yah, umm, we’re family friends.”  He responded, feeling Louis smiling at him from where he stood on his other side.

“Oh…What a small world!”  She exclaimed looking passed Harry to catch Louis’ eye.  “I was just about to introduce him to the table.”  

He swiftly linked his other arm in Harry’s to stop their movement.  “No, no, no Cher.  I want to do it.”  He stated, still not letting them move until he received a huff and a roll of her eyes.

“Fine, but I get to introduce him to my boyfriend.  You can for the rest of the table.”

Louis tapped his chin, making it look like he was contemplating her offer, before lilting out an, “Okay!  You got yourself a deal.”

He pulled away from Harry letting Cher drag him the rest of the way to the table they’d come to.  He mumbled something about having a saved seat for Harry when he was done so Harry nodded his head as Cher sat down in a seat next to a boy who immediately had him fidgeting where he stood.  The kid had short, spiked, chestnut hair and the edge of a tattoo peeking out from his t-shirt sleeve.  By the way Cher leaned over to kiss him on the cheek; Harry assumed he must’ve been her boyfriend.

“Josh, this is Harry, my friend back from Cheshire that I told you about.”  He turned his eyes to Harry, making the younger boy feel a patch of goose bumps prick up his arms.  But the smile Josh quickly put onto his lips, calmed Harry’s inner anxiety.  If he was Cher and Louis’ friend, he probably wasn’t bad at all, though his black shirt and ear piercings made him look a little rough around the edges.

“Hi Harry.  How’s it going, mate?”

And he was extremely friendly, Harry shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was, but he still stumbled over his words trying to respond and not embarrass himself, though much to his distaste he knew he must’ve.

After chatting for a few minutes, he glanced around the table, noticing Grimmy had arrived from wherever he’d gone off to, and was now sitting across from Cher and talking to a girl with tight black curls cascading around her heart shaped face.  There were a few other people also at the table, but Harry decided going over to Louis would be the best option as the older stopped talking to the girl sitting next to him, and he pulled out a chair for Harry to sit in.

He only waited briefly for Harry to get comfortable before he started off with introductions.   “Well you already know Stan.”  He mumbled, indicating with his arm the boy on Harry’s right.

“It’s been a long time.”  Stan acknowledged, munching on some chips he had on his tray. “Still curly as ever, I see.”  He pointed to his hair when Harry looked confused by the statement.  The younger boy immediately wanted to hide them again, like the first time Stan had mentioned it when they had met. Stan knew in that moment that he was going to love teasing Harry, especially when Louis jumped to the younger boy’s defense.

“And they’re the best curls!  So much fun to play with.”  He pulled on one of the strands to indicate this fact as he shifted to point down the table to Grimmy and the girl he was talking to.

“You already met Josh, and you know Cher.  That’s Grimmy and who he’s talking to is Danielle.”

He was about to tell Louis he already knew Grimmy when Danielle turned at the mentioning of her name, and took his attention instead.  “What?”  She questioned, before her eyes settled on Harry.  “Oh, hello!”  She responded sweetly, before turning back to where Grimmy was mumbling something to her that had her cracking up.

“Uh, hi…”  Harry let his words trail off as Louis pointed to the blonde sitting next to her.  Her platinum white hair was shoulder length and she had well defined cheek bones, heavy makeup accentuating her large eyes and bright smile.

“And right next to her is Perrie.”

“Hi!”  She gave him a puzzled look.  “You’re in my maths class aren’t you?”  When he didn’t respond immediately, she continued.  “First period, Mr. Cardimen?”

It took him a second before he nodded and a smile lit her features.  “Well if you’re any good at it, I may need your help.  It’s my second year taking that damn class, and I swear if I fail again, my mum will never let me live it down.”  She started mumbling that bit, staring up into the air with a worried crease in her forehead.

“Really Perrie?   Too busy hooking up with dudes to study?”  Stan quipped at her, making her cheeks turn pink though she didn’t deny the statement, instead cocking her head to the side and pressing her lips together.

“Well at least I’m getting action.”  She gave him pointed look, that had him scoffing to himself.

“Hey, don’t make fun of Stan-the-Man, he gets action whenever he wants it.”  Louis teased as Stan nodded, a jokingly smug look on his face.   They let a few more insults fly as Louis grabbed Harry’s attention again, from where he’d been chuckling quietly to himself at the interaction of the two.  There was one more person at the table left to meet and Harry turned to where she was sitting on the other side of Louis.  She had long dark brown hair that had a slight curl to it, her cheekbones a faint blush color, and her lips quirking into a smile as she looked at him.  He thought she looked familiar, and it took him a second before he remembered that she’d been with Louis the last time he’d come to visit and the older boy hadn’t been around.  He grinned back at her though, as Louis began to talk.  “Harry, this is my girlfriend Eleanor.  Eleanor, this is Harry.”

And his smile drooped.  No one noticed though, not even himself really.  He felt a weird drop in his stomach at the words.  Shouldn’t he have known Louis had a girlfriend… wasn’t that the kind of thing friends were supposed to tell each other?  .  Not like it mattered; Eleanor seemed nice enough, as he listened to her prattle about finally being able to meet him, since Louis always talked about him.

Harry quietly wondered what Louis told her about him, but didn’t question it aloud.  Just nodded, and smiled in the right places.  He didn’t talk much as the whole table spat conversation back and forth between them all.  He only conversed when asked a question or when someone looked to him to join in the discussion; it seemed all of the people at the table were interested in hearing about Harry though and he felt like he’d been talking for most of the whole lunch period.

He’d been so busy with meeting everyone that he didn’t even bother picking at his sandwich or eating any of his lunch, just sipping bits of the pomegranate juice he had in his thermos.

Louis made sure to walk him out of the cafeteria when lunch was over, since Cher was a bit busy making out with her boyfriend to come along, telling him she’d see him in class.

“So, what’d you think?”  Louis questioned, peering over at him.

“They’re all very nice.”

Harry’s reply had Louis grinning with pride.  “Well, I think they all like you so far.  I mean, I haven’t asked them yet, obviously, but I can tell.  I mean, I already know Stan does.”

“I only met him once though…”  Harry mumbled, tugging on his backpack straps.

“You have a wonderful personality Harry; I don’t see why he wouldn’t.”  And Louis sounded so honest, that it made Harry feel even weirder about what was just said.

He hoped the others would be like Stan and like him regardless of his character.

“What class are you going to?”  Louis asked as they pushed passed the hordes of kids in the hallway.

It took Harry a few minutes, pulling out his schedule to see that it was History.  He had followed Cher the other day and hadn’t really paid any attention to where he was, so he let Louis help him find his room.

“I’ll see you tomorrow right?  You’re going to eat with us again, yah?”  Louis questioned as they stopped outside the correct class.

Harry agreed, before saying a quick goodbye to the older boy, and going in to his desk.  He waited for Cher to come sit behind him before he turned around to talk to her.

“Cher… how long have you and your boyfriend been going out?”  And that wasn’t exactly what he wanted to ask, but he was curious nonetheless.

She pondered it a moment.  “Three months.”

“How did it happen?”  He knew Cher would love talking about it and she immediately grinned, leaning forward the slightest to tell him.

“Well, we were in the same music class last year and had talked a bit and I gave him my number.  And then he asked me out on a couple dates and then he’d asked me to be his girlfriend!  And,” She beamed.  “that’s how we ended up dating!”

They only had a few more minutes before their teacher would start teaching so Harry figured he’d have time to ask her one more question. It wasn’t really any of his business, but…

“How long have Louis and Eleanor been going out?”

She pursed her lips in thought.  “A few weeks I think…  I don’t quite remember, I think they got together during the summer.”  She nodded.  “Yah, I think that’s it.  Why do you ask?”

Harry shrugged, shaking his head, turning around to face their teacher as he started writing something on the chalkboard.  “No reason.”  He mumbled and Cher didn’t question it again.  Frankly, Harry didn’t really know why he was asking either, but he didn’t mull over it too long, breaking out his notebook to pen a few things down.

He let the rest of the day slip by, making sure to start his homework immediately when he got home.  It was ordinary, and he didn’t mind.  He hadn’t had time to set up a routine yet, not with everything being so different.  He made sure to microwave the leftovers before Niall got home, and feed the cat, and he went to bed quite early that night, still not falling asleep, just staring around himself at the stars in his room.

The next few days went the same as the second had; he met a few more people, but no one that he particularly liked.  They were all nice, granted, but he was fine with letting Grimmy and Cher socialize for him.  Cher told him in the morning on Friday, when she saw him in the hall, that all the girls were talking about him because he was so quiet and mysterious.  She laughed it off, but Harry felt extra self-conscious the rest of the day, wondering why they’d be interested in someone like him.  He felt even more insecure when a girl in his biology class started talking to him, and according to Grimmy was flirting with him so excessively he thought her eyelashes would fall off from the amount of fluttering they did.  Harry only shrugged the suggestion off, feeling his cheeks heat up anyways.  All he wanted was to stay under the radar and he thought not talking would solve that, but it seemed it was having the opposite effect.  

On Friday, he snuck out with Grimmy during their study hall period to have a smoke in the second floor bathroom, which had a broken fire alarm, where Grimmy often went right before lunch to unwind.

He enjoyed lunch with the same group; they were a rather random assembly of people, but they were hilarious and fun and Harry could feel himself falling into their dynamic, maybe enjoying the bit of comfort he was starting to find in the confines of their friendships.  It was much more enjoyable than being by himself would’ve been, and he had thought being alone was the best idea in coming to that school.

He was glad he had people to be around though, even if they still didn’t know him well enough to dislike him, Harry was happy he was no longer alone.  He cherished every moment of it, knowing it probably wouldn’t last.  

So when he left that first Friday to walk home and he saw Danielle, Perrie, and Eleanor talking in the hallway he almost walked passed pretending not to see them, but instead smiled when they waved in his direction with a cheery, ‘bye Harry!  See you next week’ and a rushed ‘wait, do we have a quiz on Monday?’ from Perrie which he nodded to, making her cuss under her breath.

He walked out of the busy school building and watched kids bound over to their cars and run over to the football field for practice, where Louis and Stan were probably rushing to.  Cher and Josh had their hands linked as they walked to his car and Harry smiled to himself, because he liked all of these people, and actually, surprisingly, found himself slightly excited for school on Monday, so he could see them all again.

 

When he came home, there was a bit of chatter pouring from the kitchen.  Niall had probably come straight from work and he could hear Liam’s voice echoing off the walls.  But he also heard a female voice and he found that he had missed it.

Walking into the room, after shucking off his backpack on the staircase beforehand, his eyes rested on Claire who was laughing at something Liam had just said.  Niall was by the fridge, rooting through its contents, and none of them had noticed him yet as he inched in the door.

He walked over to Claire when she finally noticed him.  “Harry!  I couldn’t wait any longer to come see you guys!  …I know.  It’s only been a week.”  She laughed lightly, placing her beer down as he came to stand right next to the stool she was in.  He opened his arms and it took her a moment before she realized what he wanted and she wrapped him into a tight hug.  “Oof, I missed you.”  She said, squeezing his arms, and rocking them a bit to the side.  He grinned into her hair that was sorta getting into his eyes.

He backed away, almost sneezing, by the tickling of his nose and she squeezed his cheek, grabbing her drink again, to face him.  “Want one?”  She teased as Niall moved back over to the island with another few bottles.

“Hey woah, no way.  That stuffs disgusting.  Harry, you can have some of this stuff.”  Niall indicated another bottle, with a different label.  Harry made a face though, telling them that he was okay; it wasn’t even midafternoon yet and he didn’t really want to get drunk; he was a lightweight.

When Harry shook his head, Liam shoved a jug of some strange fruit drink his way.  “Bought you this Harry!  I hear it tastes really good!”  He began to pour some into a glass, and Harry took it because, well it smelled good and he was a little thirsty.

He listened to the adults talk for a bit before going upstairs to drop his stuff off, taking out his old computer to start on that English assignment he’d been given.  So maybe it was a Friday night, and he was doing homework; old habits die hard.  And later when Zayn came over and they all ate dinner, him and the four adults since Louis was busy doing stuff with Eleanor, he enjoyed a bit of alcohol and even let Claire play with his hair when they watched a movie afterwards.  Though Niall huffed that it was quite unfair Claire wasn’t giving him any attention, he didn’t actually seem to mind from where he was burrowed in the crevice he’d made between Zayn and Liam’s bodies.  And when Claire went to use the bathroom, Zayn and Liam couldn’t help but question Niall, in whispered voices, when he planned on proposing; seeing as it had been four or so years since they’d started dating.  But Niall merely shushed them, with a finger to both their lips, before he stretched himself out on the couch, elbowing Zayn in the face on accident as he moved to get comfortable.  

On Claire’s return Harry decided to go back upstairs, knowing he’d probably see her the next day too since she’d be staying over, and he watched Niall quickly move over so he could lay his head in her lap, smelly feet still in Liam’s, and it was quite cute, even though Liam was quick to shove them off with a snort and an ‘I don’t think so’.

Harry could hear Niall’s complaints echo up the stairs, and it made him laugh when he set back out to continue his essay.  He didn’t check his phone once that night until he plugged it in right before going to bed and he was surprised when he saw there was, in fact, a message and a missed phone call.

The voice message left behind was from an unknown caller and when he listened to it he could hear a very drunk Perrie on the other line, telling him she thought he was a ‘cutey patootey’, and that she so needed his help on math, but not like then ‘cos she was at a bar and with a dude, and very very drunk.  But she giggled before hanging up, and she probably was going to have no recollection of the call the next day.

Harry only briefly wondered where she’d gotten his number before figuring she’d probably bummed it off of Louis, Cher, or Grimmy, after he’d given the other boy his digits.  He saved her contact, opening his messages next to see Grimmy had texted him asking what he was doing, bored most likely, and a second text from Louis wondering whether he thought rom coms or action movies were better.  He smiled as he responded to the two of them.  He couldn’t help but think about the weird group of people he’d gotten himself mixed in with when he texted Perrie back, telling her if she still needed help with maths they could meet up on Sunday, and when he immediately got a text back from her with little hearts and x marks and one from Grimmy that had him laughing to himself; he figured he could definitely get used to it.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been three months since last chapter; Harry is still fourteen, Louis is seventeen.

“Order!  Order in the court.”  The gavel was slammed onto the hard base beneath it; Zayn, adorn in a black judges cloak stared down at Harry, his face skewed into a look of disgust as the young boy sunk lower into his chair, feeling his stomach clench in dejection.  He looked over to the witness on the stand, his dad was crying, face buried in his hands.  The sight had Harry itching to run over to him and do anything he could to stop the tears from falling, to make him feel better.  But it was his fault; he was being charged for his crime, that’s why he was in court.  His dad was crying because of him.

Niall dropped his hands from his face, wet streams licking his flushed cheeks.  He didn’t spare Harry a glance as he moved to leave the courtroom after being dismissed.

“I don’t ever want to see you again.”  Were the words that left Niall’s lips where he stopped parallel to him.  It was Harry’s nightmare, to hear those words come from his dad’s mouth.

“Dad, please, I’m so sorry!”  It was a plea, one that Niall ignored as Harry stood to reach out for him.

“Sit down Styles!”  The sound of his old last name sent a burn of whiplash through his skin.  He followed the command of the judge, wretchedness crawling up his legs and circulating through his entire body as he sat.

“Your honor, I’d like to call up another witness.”  Liam’s words were puckered with venom Harry knew was directed at him and he stared at the tile lining the ground beneath his feet knowing the older man was also glaring at him.

Harry heard a familiar voice clear, and a chair squeaking as he looked up to catch eyes looking back at him; dark green, fixed with a scowl.  His mother looked away from him and he immediately felt as if he were five again; small and helpless.

Zayn glanced down at the paper he had in his hands, calling out to the empty courtroom, voice slicking off the shiny dark wood chairs and benches.  “Harry Styles, convicted for causing the worst kind of trauma for his mother, Anne Styles.  And, as stated earlier, for being the worst possible son any person could ever want.”  And Harry didn’t want to look at her, but he couldn’t keep his eyes off his mother’s cold, angry expression, the way her dark hair framed it, bolding it so Harry couldn’t look away.  She looked so similar to how she’d been those nine years prior; as if not even a day had gone by since he’d last seen her.

“Alright Anne, you are under oath to answer these questions truthfully.”  She nodded and Liam looked down at the notes he held.  “Weeks on end you would often not talk to Harry, much less look at him.  Why was this?”  Liam questioned, looking intently into her eyes.

She cleared her throat again.  “He deserved it.  He’d made his father angry.”  And that’s all she said to clarify it, but her words hit Harry close.  He knew he’d deserved it; he didn’t need to be told again, he’d been reminded so often before.

“And why did you let your husband beat Harry so badly when he was four that you had to stay home with him for a week so his day care teacher wouldn’t question the bruises?”

Harry fiddled with his fingers.  He hated this; drudging up his past.  He continued eyeing his mother, drinking up her features because he had missed her; he missed her, even though she had never loved him right.  It was the only love he had known; and he wanted to know why she’d left him.  Why she abandoned her five year old son all alone, when he still needed her, when he still loved her.  He knew it was his fault, but he needed the affirmation.  He needed her to say it.

“Harry spilled his drink… and my husband had been so shocked, he’d dropped his own coffee.  The glass broke all over the floor and I was too busy cleaning up the mess to stop him…”

“So, again, Harry deserved it?”  Liam asked and even though he was leading the witness, no one stopped him.  It was the truth anyways and Harry could still feel the invisible bruises lining his skin, if he thought hard enough.

Anne nodded as the prosecutor turned back towards Zayn.   “That is all, your honor.”

“Then if the jury could please make a decision.”  Zayn continued, looking over towards the group sitting at the juror’s bench; that had been oddly silent before.  They were all of Harry’s new friends.   Or what he would rather refer to as Louis’ friends since they obviously wouldn’t like him now that they knew the truth.  And he was right because they each sneered at him, chanting out a unified ‘guilty.’ Insults were mouthed under their breaths and Harry could clearly hear each one; making him flinch with each remark.

“Very well.  Case is closed.  You may go now, Anne.  Harry won’t be bothering you ever again...  He won’t be bothering anyone ever again.”  And there were a few grumbles of ‘thank the lord’ coming from the jurors that made Harry feel even worse about himself.  He was alone again; he had no one.

And when Anne stood, making her way towards the exit, Harry called out her name.  She didn’t turn back and he did what his body wanted, sprinting after her so he could tell her he was sorry, beg for her to take him back so he wouldn’t have to ruin Niall’s life too; he ran out of the courtroom into the dark.  He was suddenly surrounded by black; the courtroom was nowhere to be seen, his mother nowhere to be seen, and he stood paralyzed, alone in the dark, the sudden sensation of unwanted touches picking at his clothes; his teachers voice calling out into his ear, “You like it…  You’re enjoying this.”  And he shook his head violently, so violently even, that he was able to jolt himself awake.

Harry blinked the nightmare away, stunned where he was sitting upright in his bed.  His heart was beating way faster than it should’ve been at that hour of the morning and Harry quickly moved out of his bed, preferring to stand until he got his bearings.  He hadn’t had a nightmare in over a month; after they had slowly been ebbing away as more time passed between his teacher’s trial and the current day.

He tried to swallow, but his throat was dry.  He made his way to the bathroom to get a glass of water, scraping a shaky hand through his curls.  That dream had been too intense; he couldn’t shake the feeling of it off, like he’d gotten used to doing so easily before.

It’d been a long time since his last nightmare, but Harry didn’t remember them ever being as bad as that one had just been.  He wondered if maybe it was because it was nearing the month he’d gone to court that previous year and he was subconsciously remembering the terrors of that event.

Stepping into a cold shower, the icy spray trickled down the contours of Harry’s skin and muscles, focusing his mind on the goose bumps that seized his arms rather than the images playing in his head.

He shook the water from his hair when he was done, wiping his face with a rumpled up towel.

Twisting it around his thin waist, he made his way back to his room, changing into some normal sweats and a t-shirt.  He threw his towel onto the floor as he made his way downstairs towards the kitchen, where he could hear some rustling about.  Since it was still pretty early in the day, Harry had thought he’d be the only one awake but Claire was standing by the oven in her pajama bottoms with blonde hair knotted up in a messy bun.

He stepped into the room, walking over to fill Simon’s cat bowl, but she didn’t seem to be very alert because she was startled when he spoke a good morning.

Claire let out a breath that sounded almost like a cuss word as she turned to him.  "You scared me Harry!”  He grinned at her expression as it easily formed into a teasing glare.  “Good morning yourself."  She returned back to whatever she’d been doing, as Harry glanced over her shoulder to see, on his way towards their cup cabinet.

"Happy New Year’s Eve."  He added next, watching her put batter soaked bread onto a heated pan.  She smiled at him as he pulled out a glass for milk.

"I'm making a big breakfast, you want to help me?"  He came back over after placing his drink down, again looking over her shoulder.  It didn’t seem too difficult a task, but he didn’t want to mess anything up.

"I don't know how to...”  He mumbled, causing her to beam at him.

"Even better, that way I can show you!  It’s useful to know how to make a nice breakfast." She informed him as he nodded, following her hand movements with his eyes as she instructed what she was doing.  He ended switching out with her halfway so she could get some hot water brewing for coffee and tea.

"Well since it is New Years.  You have any plans for tonight?"  She asked him casually, working around his area.

Harry responded after a few moments hesitation, "Uh, yah, there's a party I'm going to."  He’d been to a couple since the school year had started and he found they could actually be decently fun; but only when he hung out with his friends while there.  Honestly, he wouldn’t have ever even thought about attending a house party before, if they hadn’t forced him that first time.

And Stan told him that if he didn’t show up to this one, the older boy would be very upset with him.  And Harry couldn’t have that.

"That sounds fun!  I was such a party animal in my day...  Will your friends be there?" 

That and the whole student body, but he figured Claire wouldn’t be interested in hearing the details.  So he just nodded, “Mm-hmm.  What are you and Niall doing?"  Harry already knew from what his dad had told him, but thought he’d be courteous and ask anyways.

"I think we're just going to stay in.  I wanted to invite Zayn and Liam over as well, but they already have plans."

He flipped the last piece of French toast, watching Claire grab another pan and some eggs.   "What're they doing?"

"I think a nice dinner at one of those really fancy restaurants."  She responding, cracking the eggs and teaching him how to scramble them.

When they were almost done, Niall made his appearance, scuttling into the room like a three year old on Christmas morning.  He took a deep breath.  "Mmm what's that delicious smell?!  Is that French toast?!"  He took a few more dramatic sniffs. "With a side of scrambled eggs?"

"Impeccable nose you have there."  Claire laughed, tapping it with her finger a few times when he came up to her to see if he was correct.  She added a pinch of salt to the pan with her other hand. 

"Impeccable cooking skills you have yourself."

“I think you’re a bit biased."  She teased, placing a scoop of eggs on the plate before passing it to Harry so he could add a piece of French toast to the side.

They did the same thing two more times as Niall made up the table, grabbing three mugs full of coffee to go along with their meal.  During the feeding, Niall raved about Harry’s and Claire’s cooking saying he couldn’t get enough of it; that it was better than his mum’s, though if that ever got back to her, he’d deny speaking any such statement.

When they were done washing up, Harry returned to his room, deciding in his boredom to color a bit and read a book Louis had recommended him.  It was quite enjoyable, and when eight p.m. started rolling around, Harry really didn’t want to leave it unfinished.  But he had to get ready to go.

Pulling some clothes out of his wardrobe, he decided to slip on a pair of skinny jeans, that Zayn and Liam had picked out for him when they’d joined in on a shopping trip Niall and he had went on; though Harry was pretty sure Liam was the one who had originally wanted to go shopping in the first place.  He had mentioned something about having the urge to dress Harry up like he was a doll, but Harry didn’t seem to mind.  He didn’t want to admit it, but he relished when Liam and Zayn wanted to spend time with him; it made him feel important, special.

He pulled a V-neck on over his pants and picked out his shoes.  Between the two pairs he owned, it was a relatively easy decision.  He picked the slightly newer ones since they looked slightly nicer, and heading to the bathroom ruffled his hair into position.

It was almost nine, and the party was probably already on its way.

Harry ambled his way downstairs to see Niall and Claire lazing on the couch, smiling and laughing to each other as they talked about who knows what.  Harry figured they weren’t going to move much that night from where they already were positioned.

They shouted at him to have fun as he left and he returned the sentiment, coming over to squeeze his dad’s shoulder for good luck when Claire wasn’t looking.

 

He paced the few blocks it took to reach the party at some student’s house, someone that Harry was pretty sure he didn’t know, but Stan had reassured him that it didn’t matter and that it was open invitation.

So here he was, standing outside the home, where there already seemed to be lots of kids, shoving cold ice down each other’s backs, drunk yells echoing off the concrete as kids scurried in, loud bass circulating the still air.  Harry followed after them, the stench of alcohol, heat, and sweat off-putting to his nose.  It was honestly, terribly gross and Harry decided with his best judgment to head to the room where people were not dancing, where it was less crowded.

He glanced around the room deciding his next course of action, when Josh called out to him.  “Harry.  Hey, over here!”

The older boy was sitting on a couch to the side, near a lamp that must’ve been broken.  He smiled, waving his hand halfheartedly, all the while letting out a breath of smoke he’d gotten from a pipe.  It didn’t take Harry too long to make it over to him and plant himself down on the other side.

“Hey Josh.  How’s it going?”  Harry asked conversationally; glad to have already found a friend.

Josh grinned back at him.  “Not too bad.”  He held his arm out to offer Harry some of the weed he’d been inhaling.

Harry took it, wondering if it would likely calm his nerves.  Which it did, and he took a deep breath, relaxing, letting the party consume him as he listened to the loud shouts and music bounce around the walls.

Josh was talking to him, just saying random almost nonsensical things, but Harry listened and responded when it was right.  It wasn’t until Josh turned to him with focused eyes that Harry really heard what he was saying.  “Thanks for, like watching out for Cher when you two were younger.”  He started and Harry looked down at the couch, listening as he continued.  “I know it wasn’t really like you had much of a choice, but just, thanks anyways.”  He patted him on the back, gently; passing him the pipe again, before lazing back further into the sofa.

Harry then understood just how much Josh liked Cher and it made him smile, before he thought further about the fact Cher had talked about them when they were younger, and he turned to the other lad.

“Did she, tell you anything… about me?”  Harry wondered quietly.  Josh took a deep inhale, appeased with the way his body was responding to the drugs.

“I mean, I know stuff… but I’m not judging.”  Josh took the pipe back, looking towards a few of their classmates that were walking passed.  “We like you, so who cares about those assholes?”  It wasn’t a question that required an answer, and Harry was glad he didn’t need to respond.

But he found himself doing so anyways, “Thanks Josh…” and he felt a weird sense of relief; because Josh had probably known since the beginning, and he hadn’t cared.  That left Harry with a touch of hope that maybe his past wouldn’t completely mess up his future.  Of course that was only half the battle, he still felt he was at fault for everything that had happened and he knew a few words from his new friends wasn’t going to change that fact.

“Harry!   You made it!”  Cher bounced down in between the two of them, passing a drink over to her boyfriend where she’d had two in her hands.  “If I’d of known, I’d have gotten you one too!”

“It’s alright, thanks though…”  Harry mumbled back, listening to her continue talking, though nothing was really registering.  He wasn’t really feeling into the party spirit anymore; and maybe that was because of his talk with Josh; or maybe it was the drugs, Harry wasn’t quite sure.  He hoped Cher hadn’t told anyone else about the bullying.

“Hey do you know where Lou is?  He hasn’t answered my text.”   Josh asked, glancing down at his phone as if checking that were still the case.

“Uh, oh yah, I did.  He was in the other room.  A bit busy though that’s probably why he isn’t responding to you.”  Cher responded, reapplying her lipstick using a small compact she was holding.

“Busy with what?”  Harry questioned, wondering if he should go see him.  If he was too busy, he wouldn’t, but…

“Eleanor and him are hardcore making out.”  She made a face, letting out a laugh.  “They should probably really find a room with the way they’re going at it.”

“Gross.  In Jake’s house?  This place is disgusting, I can only imagine what upstairs looks like…”  Josh interrupted; squirming back into the sofa that Harry only then realized had a rather interesting smell.

He probably wouldn’t be visiting Louis then… 

Cher fidgeted in her spot, trying to get more comfortable on the lumpy cushion.  “You should go have some fun Harry!”  She must’ve realized his lack of attentiveness and his lack of a smile.  And maybe, partially, her exclamation was an excuse for Harry to leave so she could make out with Josh, but either way she liked seeing Harry enjoy himself.

He shrugged and after a moment left the couple, making sure to stop by the kitchen to have his fill in alcoholic beverages.  When he found Danielle and Perrie on the dance floor, he threw his insecurities out the window and decided that he really, really had the urge to dance.  So he danced with them and even though Danielle kicked both their asses with her skill, he was having a blast.  His head was reeling, he was laughing obnoxiously loud and he couldn’t keep the beam off his face.

When he was too thirsty to continue, he stumbled back into the less crowded kitchen to find himself another yummy looking drink.  He found something fruity-ish and decided it would be good enough as he sipped at it, letting the alcohol swirl in his mouth.  He glanced around the area, as he took another swig, spotting Louis off to the side of the room, chatting with some people Harry didn’t know.  He was laughing loudly, cheeks flushed, fringe artfully layered in front of his forehead.  He wore a tight t-shirt and even tighter pants, which Harry didn’t think was even possible.  He took another gulp of his drink, perusing the rest of the room with his eyes.  When he looked back to his left, he jumped, or would’ve if he wasn’t so drunk.  Louis was standing right next to him, lip pushed out, eyebrows lowered as he grabbed hold of Harry’s arm.

“Harry.”  He whined the name.  “I’m so bored.”  Louis complained, slurring his speech, involuntarily of course.

"You're drunk."  Was his reply.  And if Harry wasn’t also a bit drunk, he would’ve thought his statement sort of stupid; seeing as it was quite obvious.

Louis’ look was skeptical, eyebrows twitching as he took another swallow of his beer.  "Ok maybe a little tipsy, but that’s not important.  I'm bored!"  He held out the ‘o’ for emphasis.

"Did Eleanor leave?"  Harry asked before glancing around for the brunette, realizing she wasn’t there.

Louis nodded, also looking around, as if just to make sure that was correct.  "Yah she had to go to this family New Year’s thing or something."

And before Harry could supply with any kind of reply, Louis was shoving the drink he’d had in his hand towards Harry’s mouth.

“Drink up Hazza.”  He tilted the glass at an angle, so the liquid would fall in between Harry’s lips.  “Good boy.”  Louis slurred, chuckling while patting Harry’s tummy.  Harry wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol making his stomach churn or something else; and he definitely wasn’t sure whether he liked the feeling or not.

When he finished with the drink, the only remainder sloppily dripping down his chin before he could wipe the back of his hand over it, Louis was speaking again.  “So wanna play a game then?”

Harry looked to him, hoping he didn’t think he was gross for spilling a bit of the drink onto the floor while he’d been force-fed.  “What?”

“You know, since I’m bored.  Wanna go on an adventure?”

Harry nodded slowly, looking around the area.  The party was still going pretty hard so he wasn’t quite sure what Louis would have in mind.

“Perfect, okay, follow me.”  Louis led him into the other room where the dancing was taking place.  It seemed to have become even more tightly packed than it had been before.

Louis was saying something to him, but he couldn’t hear it over the noise of the music.  The colored lights contoured to the confusion on his face.  “What?”  Harry shouted back at him.

Louis rolled his eyes, before teetering in his spot, since that probably wasn’t such a good idea due to his inebriation.

He leaned closer to Harry in the dim room, his breath curling around Harry’s ear.  “We’re spies.”  He looked giddy again when he backed away, eyes alight, smile shining.

Harry took a brief moment to try to gather some semblance of a character; playing games while drunk was going to serve to be increasingly difficult.  He leaned into Louis’ side to respond.  “What’s our mission, agent Tomlinson?”

Louis did a poor job trying to hide his giggles.  He glanced around the busy room, as if trying to find someone.  When he spotted that someone, he turned back to Harry to point Stan out of the crowd.  “That’s our target, Stanley Lucas.  He has an undercover whore house and, well, that’s illegal.”  He paused a moment to hum a touch of laughter before moving back in to continue his story.  “We need to find out who works for him… by hooking him up with girls.”

Harry looked to Louis, confused.  He knew the other was drunk, but wouldn’t hooking Stan up with girls mean they’d be helping him add more worker s to his business?

“So… we’re basically being Stan’s wingmen?”  He asked, breaking character.

“Yah, he wants a New Year’s kiss…  Now tut, tut, back to spy mode.”  Louis reprimanded.  “Go forth agent Harold.  We must find Stan’s women!  Or find Stan a woman… whatever.”  He mumbled the last bit to himself as he started off into the crowd of party-goers, leaving a very confused Harry behind.

Harry was too drunk to really worry about it though, or the fact he’d probably embarrass himself, so he turned in the other direction and began walking forward to the first relatively decent looking girl he saw.  He knew he wasn’t a very good judge.

“Uh, hi.”  He cleared his throat, reminding himself to get into character.  She turned to him with a smile.

“Hello.”

“Do you know Stan Lucas?”  When she nodded, he continued, racking his brain for anything to say.  “He’s really hot right?”  He blurted, unintentionally of course, but she merely laughed and agreed with him.  “Right, did you also know he’s on the football team?  Well, he really wanted to talk to a pretty girl tonight and I figured since you know him and all…”  He really had no idea what he was even saying anymore.  “He’s right over there.  You should say hi to him… or something.”  She looked thoroughly amused as she told him she’d think about it.

He quickly fled the area, looking for someone else to direct towards Stan; he was really bad at this.  But he did enjoy when his phone buzzed in his pocket and Louis was on the other end.

“Agent H, I’ve directed three ladies in Stanley’s direction.  Have you been successful?”  And it sounded as if Louis was trying to whisper, but was more clearly yelling into his phone.  Harry glanced around the room to look for him, seeing the teen doing a shit job at being discreet where he stood near the corner by a couple that was making out.  He glanced at them with a grossed out face that had Harry chuckling into the receiver as he responded with the small number he had somewhat convinced to speak with Stan.

“Good job.  We must head back to headquarters soon.  Before we’re found out…”  Louis mumbled as Harry began making his way over to him.

When Harry was in view, Louis hung up, giving him a once over.  “Well, I’m a bit less bored now... but I’m ready to leave.  Oh wait one sec, Hazza.  I’m being beckoned!”

And Harry watched him walk over to Stan who was surprisingly surrounded by a few of the girls Harry and Louis had talked to.  He was laughing loudly, arms around two of them and the sight was quite amusing to say the least.  When Louis arrived, Stan moved away to whisper something in his ear and hand him something from his wallet.

Louis toddled back over, laughing to himself as Stan returned to his current party.

“He told me to go get myself a pizza.  You know, for helping him out.”  Louis informed Harry, letting out a laugh as they stepped out of the crowded warmth of the party and into the contrasting cold of the front yard, surprising enough for the boys to inch the tiniest bit closer to each other’s body warmth where they walked side by side.

“No pizza place is going to be open at this time of night.”  Louis scoffed, stuffing the money in his back pocket as they began walking away from the home.  “Silly drunk Stan...”  He shook his head, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his sweat jacket.  It was much too cold for just a measly sweat jacket, but they did live nearby.

“So, you’re just going to steal his money?”  Harry laughed, shrugging off his jacket for Louis to take.  The older boy shook his head to the offer, a grin on his lips.

“Stealing… such a harsh word.  I’d rather say, borrowing.  Indefinitely.   Plus, he told me to buy a pizza, so he gave it to me freely!”  Louis defended as Harry rolled his eyes.  He turned to look at him, and it was probably because of both their drunk stupors, but they just sort of stared at each other.  And Harry had the sudden urge to lean forward and pull Louis into a hug.  So he did, and the sudden noise coming from the house behind them was the most surprising part as they tightened their arms around each other.

They could hear the cheers of a “Happy New Year” burst from the home as all the guests yelled, applauded, and kissed in the brand new year.

Harry figured it may actually be pretty great if Louis’ tightening grip around his waist was any indicator.  He smiled into the hug before pulling away to see the older boy grinning back at him, breaths coming out in puffs of warmth as he spoke.  “Happy New Year Harry.”

“Happy New Year Lou.”  And he couldn’t wipe the silly grin off his face.

“Let’s go get that pizza now, yah?”  And Harry nodded, following along, next to Louis as they headed towards his house where he maybe had a frozen one they could eat; if Stan and him hadn’t already had it the previous week.

 

When they made it inside and the place was empty, since Louis’ parents were still out, they popped the frozen pizza in the oven, waiting around for it to cook.

They settled in the kitchen, sitting on separate countertops, adjacent from one another.  Louis told him about the dream he’d had that previous night, and it was much happier than Harry’s had been.  He finished his story off with a question that Harry nodded along to, "Want something to drink?"

Louis hopped down from his perch to root around in the fridge.  He stuck his head inside, searching for something, anything, to squelch their thirst.  "Ooh," he gripped a bottle, pulling it out to show off to Harry.  "We have some Christmas wine!”  When Harry chuckled, Louis poured them each a glass and even though Harry was already feeling very buzzed, he put the burgundy liquid to his mouth, to take a dainty sip.  "How's it?"

 "Fine..."

 "I like it."  Louis mused taking a bigger gulp.

 Harry smirked in response.  "You're too drunk to know what you like."

And he was met with a very childlike ‘Nuh-uh!’ as his response.  So, in retaliation, he sent back an equally juvenile ‘Uh-huh!’

And they didn’t have much more time to argue with each other before they were distracted again by the slamming of the front door as it was opened and closed again.  Harry and Louis glanced at each other, listening intently for any indicator of who it was, since they couldn’t hear anyone talking.  Rustling met their ears and some other distinct noises that had Harry’s eyebrows shooting up when they heard heavy breaths coming from the front door area.

“Umm, Dads?  I’m home…”  Louis called loudly, voice a bit shaky, cheeks flushed as he smacked them in his hands.  All noise ceased.

A few minutes later, Zayn appeared in the doorway, looking a bit ruffled.  “Louis, we didn’t think you were coming home so early…  Happy New Year.”  He breathed out, scratching the side of his temple; his hair a bit disheveled, more so than Harry had ever seen it look before.

“Hi Harry.”  Liam cleared his throat as he entered the room, his cheeks a shade of light pink.

“Uh, yah, Happy New Year to you guys too.”   Louis responded, and the air in the room was uncomfortably awkward.

After a few minutes of silence, Liam finally spoke up again, looking towards the oven.  “What’re you guys making?”

“Pizza.”  Louis responded quickly.

The awkwardness level increased.  Zayn coughed.

“That’s, that’s nice…”

“How was your dinner?”  Harry asked, trying to help Louis out, where he stood, tilting his drink in his glass, watching the liquid slosh around.

“It was good, yah.  It was very nice.  Wasn’t it Zayn?”  Liam questioned and Zayn quickly nodded.

“Yah, the steak was fantastic.  And the party?”

Louis and Harry both responded with varying forms of ‘fine.’

The tension in the room was finally cut when the phone rang, and Liam’s face lit up like the sun.  Harry was sure if someone stared for too long they may go blind.

“I forgot!”  He ran to the phone before picking it up and squealing into the receiver question after question.  “Did she say yes?!  Of course she said yes.  That was a stupid question.  When did you do it?!  How did you do it?!!  Tell me exactly, word for word, how you did it!!  And don’t leave out any details!”  And Liam only stopped talking to listen intently as Louis looked from him to his other dad, asking silently what Liam was so happy about.

Harry responded for him.  “My dad proposed to Claire last night… or, er, I guess this morning.”  Louis’ face flashed into a beam as he quickly cheered a ‘congratulations!’ and he pulled Harry into their second hug that morning.

Harry definitely wasn’t complaining.

“Shhh. Shhhh shhhhh,” Liam puffed at them as he listened fixedly to the chatter from the other end of the line, nodding his head and cooing where appropriate.  When he finally hung up, he turned immediately to Zayn.

“So, how’d he do it?”  And that was all Zayn had to ask before Liam was launching into the story he’d just heard, though probably embellished a bit more, Harry was sure.

“Well, it was after midnight and they were talking about their New Year’s resolutions, right?  And then Niall said he was going to make this year the most special year of his life.  And then, ugh, what he said was just so cute!”

Zayn chuckled, urging him to continue, though it didn’t take much.

“And then, he told her the only way he could do that was if she would say yes.  And he got down on one knee and asked her to marry him!  Oh, my baby is growing up.”  And he wiped an imaginary tear from his eye.

“Oh god, your dad is such a charmer Harry.”  Louis mumbled in his ear, where he was still holding onto him, as if he’d forgotten in his drunken haze, that he was even doing that.  He moved away when the beeper to the oven went off and Harry wanted to go with him, even though it’d probably impede the removal of the pizza from the oven.

After all four of them had taken a slice and started nibbling bits of it, discussing wedding plans all the while, Harry decided he should probably go home.  Plus he wanted to go congratulate his dad and his, well, he supposed, his new mom.  The idea was a bit frightening, but Harry was happy.  He was happy his dad was, and happy because he liked Claire very much.

So after wishing Louis, Liam, and Zayn a second “Happy New Year!” he returned to his own house and hugged both Claire and Niall till his arms ached.

They were smiling so largely that Harry thought their cheeks must’ve hurt, but both were too thrilled to care; and their smiles were contagious, because Harry found himself grinning with them; thoughts reminding him of just how great his new year has started: with a warm hug and people he loved.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been four months. :D Harry is fifteen, Louis is seventeen!

Gentle fingers ghosted passed Harry’s cheek, over his forehead and back till a thumb rested on his jaw.  The feel of the boy’s hand was familiar; the soft pads of his skin cold in disagreement to Harry’s sleepy state.  The hand began roaming again, this time less tender as Louis poked and prodded at Harry’s cushy skin. 

If his fingers swiped over Harry’s lips, no one would’ve been the wiser.  “It’s time to wake up Harry.”  And Louis was speaking softly like he was talking to a baby, not wanting to upset the boy with any harsh noises.

“We have school today…”  He continued, but his voice was really only soothing Harry further into his state of unconsciousness.

Harry let out a tiny grumble in the back of his throat when Louis decided to move his hands; a frown crinkling his eyebrows.  “It’s time to wake up Harry.”

A calm contentedness settled over him, until he felt Louis’ hand again.  This time pinching his nose closed and blocking any air from entering his lungs.

Harry’s eyes shot open as he gasped for breath, effectively shoving Louis off the bed in the process of sitting up.  There was a groan followed by a very pitiful, “Oh, ouch.” as Louis grumbled from where he was now sprawled on Harry’s carpet.

“Why are you trying to kill me?!”  Harry’s dry throat was scratchy when he tried to speak.  With his hand clasped over his chest, to feel his heart’s sporadic beats, he leant over the edge of his mattress to see Louis grinning up at him.

The older boy quickly sat up where he was, almost smacking their foreheads together.  “You still have baby fat on your cheeks.  It’s so cute.”  Louis began, squeezing the pudge on Harry’s face as he let out a heavy breath.

“Don’t change the subject.”  The younger teen smacked Louis’ hands away before crossing his arms over his chest.  Truthfully, he didn’t think he would’ve minded if they stayed there.

Louis scurried up onto the side of his bed, pushing Harry over so he could get comfortable, one arm slung behind his head.   Harry watched him rustle around on the sheets, making him want to cuddle back down next to the older boy.  “So…?”

Louis glanced at him.  “Oh right,” He then looked out the window and Harry followed his gaze to see rain splashing against the pane.  “Well, since I finally got my driver’s license the other week, I decided to take pity on you and drive your sorry bum to class.  And maybe also so I can flaunt my mad driving skills, but that’s beside the point.”

“Didn’t you crash into the tree outside your house?”

He scoffed, holding a hand up.  “Me?   Whoever would have told you that?!  No, definitely not.”  Harry’s gaze was unwavering.  “Okay, fine, but it was more of like a skim.  I hardly touched it, really.”

“Right…”

They stared at each other for a few long moments.  “Well Harold.  Aren’t you going to get up?”

Harry blinked before Louis’ words registered and he finally turned to look away, breaking their prolonged eye contact.   “Uh, yah.  I just--” He reached over Louis, trying not to accidentally touch him as he tried getting off the bed, stumbling till he got his footing.  He scratched at the back of his head, going over to his wardrobe to sift through its contents.  When he looked back at the boy on his bed, Louis was scrolling through his phone, the bright screen making his eyes shine like glass; or maybe marble, Harry didn’t stare long enough to decide.

Getting up, stepping towards the door, he began to make his way out.

“Where are you going?”

Harry didn’t turn around to respond, hand resting on the door knob.  “I, uh- the bathroom.  To change…”

There was a beat of silence before Louis spoke again, “You don’t have to leave…”  He seemed confused by the idea, like it was absurd.  “It’s not like I’m going to look or anything.”  And right, Harry knew that, obviously.  It was strange probably for him to be leaving; normal people wouldn’t and Louis was probably used to friends changing around him, like in the locker rooms at school.

Harry looked back to see Louis’ eyes squinted, question on the tip of his tongue though he didn’t speak, and Harry took a breath, leaving the door shut, moving a couple steps from it, clothes held tight in his grasp.  Louis returned his attention back to his phone, quizzically staring down at the screen, probably wondering why Harry was such a freak.  Harry would assume as much at least; so why wouldn’t Louis?

Turning away from the older teen, he put his clothes on the ground, shuffling his feet a bit as he took off his shirt.  He knew the other boy wasn’t looking at him, he’d said he wouldn’t, but Harry felt still felt a twinge of discomfort as he peeled the nightshirt off his stomach which was no longer marred with colors like it’d so often been before.  Harry quickly pulled his other shirt on covering the ghostly touch of bruises he could still feel, even when they were no longer there.

He stared down at the jeans he’d placed on the floor by his feet.  Reaching for the waistband of his pajama bottoms, he only let his thumbs slip under their waistband before he realized his breathing, though almost silent, was leaving his lips in uneven patterns.  He only tugged them an inch down before he stopped himself, taking a deep breath.  There was a sheen on his eyes and they stung a bit as he blinked.

It was a few beats before he realized, he couldn’t do it; he couldn’t take off his pajama bottoms, not with someone else in the room…  He’d never changed in the same room as anyone ever since what had happened with his teacher.  He’d never felt quite comfortable enough.

Quickly picking up the jeans from the floor, he paced to the door.  “I’m going to use the bathroom.” He let out in one breath that was much too fast to count as ordinary.  Especially for Harry, who always talked like molasses and honey, sweet words dripping past a slow tongue.

He left without a second glance back and was quick to finish changing, making sure to brush his teeth to make it look like he hadn’t gone only to get away from Louis.

When he was done, he took a few deep breaths before peering back into his room.  Louis was sitting up now, legs crossed and still looking down at his phone, though it didn’t seem like he was actually seeing.  When he felt Harry in the doorway he wiped the expression off his face, the indistinguishable expression that Harry wasn’t quite sure how to react to, as he looked up to meet the other boy’s eyes.

“I was just going to make breakfast, if you would like any.”  Harry mumbled sheepishly, ashamed of the way he’d acted earlier.  Normal people wouldn’t have had to leave.  And he was honestly surprised he’d even thought those things when it was only Louis with him in the room; he’d always felt safe around him.

Harry wasn’t really hungry anymore, but it was nice to see Louis smile, though it didn’t touch his eyes, and nod at him, not questioning Harry’s behavior as he followed the younger towards the kitchen.

His dad had already gone to work and Harry would’ve eaten a bowl of cereal if it was any normal school day, but Louis was there and a part of him wanted to impress the older teen.  Another part wanted to apologize for being such a bad friend.

He felt shame pick at his stomach as he pulled out a few eggs and scrambled them just like Claire had showed him how to, while Louis popped some bread into the toaster.  It was silent and calming, and Harry was glad he didn’t have to talk; his mind was on other matters anyway.

When they were done cooking, he mostly pushed the eggs around his plate instead of actually eating them, soaking up the compliments Louis gave him, and even blushing when their hands brushed as Louis took his plate to clean it up for him. 

Upon finishing up, Harry ran upstairs to pack his backpack.  When they were finally ready, the two ran out to Louis’ car. The rain soaked them and washed off all pretenses they had, as they let themselves revel in it, laughs slicking off puddles and dripping through the fresh air.

Harry shook his head like an oversized puppy when he got in the Prius, sprinkles of water flinging onto Louis who, in mirth, flicked water off his own hair, in retaliation.

They waited for the car to warm up, hoping it could dry them enough before they had to sit in class, soaking and inevitably miserable.

Louis’ eyes were even shinier than they had been before and Harry didn’t think it was quite possible.  The water dripping down his cheek only added to the simplicity of the way Louis’ gaze fell upon him, making him feel warmer than any car heater ever could.

He brushed the drop from Louis’ temple, flicking him in the nose as he pulled away and Louis scoffed before looking at the time and immediately shifting the car into drive.

“Shit, shit, we’re going to be late!”  He started as Harry also looked at the clock.  They had five or so minutes to get to class, which was approximately the same amount of time the drive would take.  They’d have to speed, park, and rush into the building, if they wanted to avoid the embarrassing scenario of walking into class late.

Fortunately they made it just in time and Harry stumbled into his maths class right when the bell rung.  He scrambled over to where Perrie was sitting, chewing on a piece of gum and texting on her phone.

“Heya Harry!  Nice of you to show up...”  She continued, popping a bubble as he mumbled and shrugged back, his words drowned out by their teacher’s voice.

 

Harry’s feet were soggy throughout the rest of the class and he absolutely hated the squishy feeling of wet socks when he wriggled his toes around.  Of course it didn’t help his shoes were starting to a get a hole in the bottom of them, but Harry didn’t want to bother Niall with having to get him a new pair.  It was already expensive enough having to move them to a completely different place and buy them all new furniture.  And the wedding would be expensive, Harry was sure, because Liam was taking it as his responsibility to make it the best wedding ever, whatever that entailed...

So he sucked it up and sat in his wetness, jealous of Perrie’s dry flowing blonde hair and perfectly untouched makeup as if Mother Nature stopped raining just so Perrie could make it to school looking flawless, as she always did.

They were getting their maths tests back and Perrie practically squealed when she got hers and it was a B…minus.  But she seemed happy regardless, shouting her thanks to Harry who tried deflecting her praise by showing her how to do the problems she’d missed.

When that class ended, Perrie made sure to kiss him on the cheek, shocking the daylights out of him as she ran through the hall in front of him, shouting about her ‘fantastic’ grade and receiving hoots and hollers from those who knew she sucked, absolutely sucked, at maths.

Harry touched the spot that was a bit red from her lipstick; it was hard to tell it was there at all, though, when it blended in with the deep blush of his cheeks.

“Wow, Harry.  Good job!  I didn’t think it was possible...”  Stan clapped Harry on the back, sneaking up behind him in the hall.

Harry glanced at him quizzically before he continued with a chuckle.  “Perrie not failing her maths class.  You must be very helpful…  You should consider tutoring.”

“Oh, I, I don’t know.  If I’m good enough for that…”  The idea sounded interesting.

“Nonsense, there’s a program at the primary school, they could use some more help.  My little brother loves his tutor, and his grades are finally decent.  Thank God.”  Stan pulled a face, and before Harry could respond with how he probably wouldn’t since the school year was almost over, that’d he’d think about it, Stan was rushing off to talk to some chicks that were chatting with Danielle and Eleanor.  Louis was also over there, a hand resting on Eleanor’s waist as she leaned into his side with a broad grin on her lips.

Harry continued to his next class where they did a rather dull experiment and Grimmy tried to light his lab notebook on fire, much to both of their amusements.  They didn’t even get caught, which was even better.

In study hall they slipped out of class again, sneaking away to their second floor bathroom-hideout where Grimmy opened the window to let his smoke out as he lit up a cigarette.  A bit of rain droplets pooled on the window ledge, but neither of them made any attempt to clean it up as they relaxed on the tiles of the floor.

When they got to gym class, they sat back to watch an old movie on abstinence that Harry left the room for, opting to sit in the hallway, alone, because he didn’t like hearing them talk about sex; see them act out intimate scenes to show children that it was wrong.  It didn’t do much to stop him from remembering it again, like he had that morning; the way she’d touched him.  He hadn’t had a choice.

He wasn’t hungry, again, when lunch rolled around and he opted instead to listen in on Cher’s conversation with Josh and Danielle about product testing on animals and how it was the worst thing imaginable.  That also didn’t help with his lack of appetite as she went into gruesome detail about what happens to the creatures.

History and English flew by quickly, which was surprising since the last half of the day on Fridays always seemed to be the longest.  He’d heard all about Cher’s weekend plans to go to a party and maybe get her brother to take her to that sketch tattoo parlor again.  He wished her a fun time as she left his side and he walked into his last class of the day, sitting down at his work station.

He pulled out his folder of artwork to review the list of pieces he still needed to accomplish before the end of the school year in a few months.  He had three pieces he was working on at the moment, and only had one more he hadn’t even started yet.  The last assignment was to pick out a childhood photo of himself that he would have to replicate on a canvas using pastels.  He had no idea what photo to use, or where he would even get one, Niall was never one for taking pictures, and that was one of the reasons Harry had put off starting it for so long.

But instead of focusing on that, Harry continued with one of his other pieces, getting lost in the intricate colors, not even realizing it was time to go until an hour later when the bell signaled the end of his Friday.

He stretched as he packed up his things, not lingering too long in the classroom so he wouldn’t be stuck alone with the teacher; he’d never make that mistake again.

Harry glanced out the window where it was still drizzling a bit.  He really wished he hadn’t forgotten his umbrella that morning.

When he walked out into the hallway, Eleanor was waiting for him.  At least he knew she was when she came over and told him as much.  She had a large smile, and her hair was almost as dazzling as Perrie’s.  She had a few textbooks in her arms as they began to walk together and Harry offered to carry them, but she only thanked him and continued holding them herself.  “So Louis wanted me to come get you because his practice got cancelled, and he wants to drive you home so you don’t get soaked.”  She tucked a strand of pretty long hair behind her ear.

“Doesn’t he… drive you home?”  Harry asked, messing with the straps of his backpack.

She grinned.  “Oh I’m coming with.”  And her eyes lit up, similar to how Louis’ often did.  “I call shotgun!”

He grinned at her antics, before his smile fell again.  “I just, don’t want to be a third wheel.”  He found himself mumbling back.

He glanced up to see her giving him a skeptical look.  “Never, Harry.  Plus, I don’t want you to get sick or something.”  They looked forward again, having reached the front doors of the building.  Louis was already in the car outside, pulled up to the curb so they could save themselves from getting too wet sprinting there.

They scurried into the car, Eleanor taking shotgun as Louis drove out of the school parking lot.  They began discussing weekend plans.  Eleanor would be having a sleepover with Perrie and Danielle.  Harry and Louis on the other hand, were being forced to go out with their parents to get suits and look for wedding stuff on Saturday.  Harry actually didn’t really mind all that much.  It was for his dad’s wedding after all.

When they arrived at his house, Eleanor wished him a good weekend as he pranced out of the car and into the warmth of his home.

 

 

“Here Harry, try this one on.  I like the way the jacket flairs right here.”  Liam motioned, handing it to him.  “And we can always get it resized if it doesn’t fit perfectly.”  He smiled at him, sending the boy off to a changing room before turning to find Niall.  “Niall, how is that one fitting?”  He called over the curtains.

“Uh, it’s a bit tight.”

“Zayn, can you go get a larger size please.  Calvin Klein.”  Liam instructed where Zayn was standing beside him.

“Liam, I don’t think I like this kind…  It just doesn’t fit right.”

“Come out so I can see.”

And Harry listened to their conversation as he entered the changing room and pulled on the suit Liam had given him.  It was really nice, a dark grey color.  He didn’t even want to think about how much it probably cost.  Niall had told him not to worry about it before they had left their house that morning, so he tried not to.

When he was done, he stepped outside so Liam could get a good look at him, he was sure that’s what the adult would’ve wanted.  Liam was helping Niall though, so he stood off to the side, patiently waiting.

“Harry?”  Louis questioned from where he was standing behind him.  Harry turned feeling Louis’ eyes appraising him.  “You look good.”  He mumbled, fixing the jacket where it was sitting a bit askew on the younger’s shoulders.

“Why aren’t you trying on any?”  Harry asked, trying to hide how pleased he was from Louis’ compliment.

Louis let out a brash laugh.  “I already have like three suits.  You do know who my Dad is, right?”  Louis questioned, teasingly.

As if on cue, Liam appeared, and Louis backed away from where he’d been awfully close to the other.  Liam made sure everything fit, asking if he liked it before telling the clerk they’d take it.  Harry quickly changed out of his clothes as the four of them waited for Niall to find his tux.

Afterwards they walked around, stopping in every store that looked like it could possibly help them with the wedding planning.  Liam figured he could come up with some table centerpieces with a few things they found around, and he was being spastic about the whole thing, making sure to call Claire every single time he thought he saw something that might go.

Harry thought he seemed even more excited for the wedding than anyone else was, but since he was the groomsman Harry supposed it made sense.

They stopped to have lunch at a cute café, and everything was ordered when Liam started rambling off about the cake and catering company.  He’d been talking about the wedding all day and it was amazing he still seemed to have more to say.

While Niall went to the bathroom Zayn turned to his husband, trying to be discreet.  “Babe, you know it’s not your wedding right?”  The darker haired man asked in the gentlest voice he could muster.

Liam turned to him, face contorted in a frown.  “I’m not… I’m not- I know that!”  He seemed somewhat at a loss for words as Zayn placed a hand over his.

“Yes, dear.   Would you like another drink?”  And Liam paused a moment before nodding, accepting the smooth change of subject.   Harry and Louis exchanged glances, but said nothing, and when Niall returned the rest of lunch was a very pleasant event; there wasn’t much more talk of the wedding though.  Instead they discussed other important things, like Niall’s teacher acquaintance who was pregnant with her sixth child, and Liam’s friend who was on vacation in Hawaii at the moment.  Rather trivial things, but they were interesting.

When the five of them each returned to their homes, the adults prepared themselves to go out to a few bars in order to celebrate; again, saying it was Niall’s pre-pre-bachelor party.  He had two more months of being ‘single’ for them to continue partying, after all.

Harry and Louis ordered Chinese takeout when their parents left, nestling down on the couch in front of some movie they didn’t know.  It wasn’t that great and after a good twenty minutes of struggling to figure out the plot line, they scrolled through Netflix for anything else to watch.  They decided to watch 21 Jump Street, eating their food when it arrived.  After it was done with, Harry decided on the second movie, picking out Mean Girls.  Mostly because Cher told him he ‘absolutely had to see it,’ and Harry wasn’t one to try to disappoint.  Louis grumbled about the choice, but decided to give the movie a chance.

He actually seemed to be enjoying it a bit more than Harry was once it got started.

And when it was three fourths way done, a loud ring startled them from witnessing Regina’s breakdown in the cafeteria.  Louis picked up his mobile, swiping it open, eyes still alight with the movie playing across them.

He listened to the voice on the other end, groaning a bit, before stopping the movie, standing up to reach for his coat.  “C’mon Harry.  We gotta pick up the adults.”

“Didn’t they drive?”  Harry asked as he followed after Louis to his car.

“Yah, but they’re drunk so we’re on pick-up duty.”  The older boy let out a sigh, turning the head lights on in the dark.

 

When they arrived to the bar, loud music was escaping its open door, people were stumbling around, completely smashed and Harry wrinkled up his nose at the nasty stains on the concrete they walked passed on their way inside.

They glanced around the crowded area, Louis pulling out his phone to contact his dad.  Harry was shoved around a bit, before Louis pulled him over to a nearby wall, tapping his foot in irritation.  Harry watched the way the lights in the room lit off of Louis’ golden skin.  The room was loud and he wasn’t sure how Louis could hear anyone on his mobile.  He really wanted to take the annoyance out of Louis’ posture where he was leaning against the wall, but some people crowding the area pushed into him, moving him even closer to the older boy.  He hoped Louis wouldn’t mind him being in his personal space.

But before he could think much more about it, he was grabbed by the arm, being pulled backwards into an embrace.  He tried squirming away, until he realized it was only his dad who was now squeezing his cheeks and poking his sides.

“Harry!”  Niall yelled over the music, excited to see his son.  Liam and Zayn were right behind him, Zayn being supported mostly by Liam as he looked up, his eyes bleary.  He seemed to have drunk way too much and was on the verge of passing out.

Harry couldn’t really hear what Louis said, but he followed after them as they left the bustling, clammy building.

Glancing around the parking lot, his eyes rested on Zayn’s Audi that was parked off near the side.  “What’re we going to do about your dad’s car?  I can’t drive…”  Harry asked, directing his question to Louis.  The older boy glanced where Harry had been looking before shrugging and helping Liam with getting his other dad in the car.

“We’ll pick it up tomorrow…  Just help me get them in.”   He ordered, lugging Zayn’s heavy body towards the backseat.

Harry nodded, guiding the other two the same direction.  Niall went to sit behind the driver’s seat, next to Zayn who was in the middle, Liam taking the last seat next to him.  Harry made to sit shotgun, turning around to tell them all to buckle up.  After a bit of struggling, Louis had to get out to help, all five were buckled up and ready to go.

Louis pulled out of the bar’s parking spot, being careful not to hit anything on his way.

“Niall, I’m—I’m not like being, like,”  Liam started before stopping completely, eyebrows furrowing in confusion as he tried figuring out what he was trying to say.  “Like a bridezilla right?  Cuz I don’t,” He shook his head, “I don’t wanna do that to you.  Cuz that’s not really fair you know?” He slurred, and it was so hard to understand what he was saying, even from Harry’s point of view, and he wasn’t even drunk, so it surprised him when Niall responded.

“Nah, Liam, it’s cool.”  A very unpleasant burp erupted from his throat.  He wiped at his mouth before scratching at his chin.  “You’re cooool…”

“Are you sure?  I just- I just don’t want to…”   And he didn’t have time to finish his sentence before he was bawling and Niall was laughing, wiping sticky hands on the other’s back as he tried patting him to make him feel better.

“It’s okay Lili!!”  Niall was saying, highly intoxicated.

Louis turned to Harry, an irritated look on his face.  “Harry!  Please, do something about that.”  He flicked his head in his father’s direction and Harry unbuckled, turning around in the passenger’s seat to pat Liam on the knee, where his hand was grabbed by the older man, who squeezed it tight.

“Harry, I’m sorry.  You aren’t upset too, are you?”

But before he could respond, Louis cut him off.  “Dad, calm down.  Jeez.”

“No, Mr. Payne.  I’m not.”  Harry interjected when Liam pulled a hankie out of Zayn’s pockets to blow his nose.

“Isn’t he just the best husband?  Always brings this for when we go out drinking.  Knows I always get like this.  I’m just so sorry!  I should apologize to him.”  Liam cried, dapping at his eyes with the cloth as he began nudging at Zayn’s shoulder, who seemed to be out cold.

“Dad, stop!  Don’t wake him up, I swear…”  Louis mumbled, his eyes squinted in annoyance.  Harry pulled his hand off Liam’s knee to squeeze Louis’ thigh in an attempt to hopefully calm him down.  It seemed to work a bit as Louis’ shoulders relaxed the tiniest and he stared out the front dash, breathing out a silent huff.

Niall unbuckled himself to reach up towards the front, spiraling the volume up so high Harry’s ears felt like they were bleeding as he reached out to turn it towards a normal volume.  Niall sat back down, singing loudly and Harry was so surprised Zayn was still asleep with all the noise in the car.

“Dad, buckle up, please.”  Harry spoke over the lyrics the singer was blaring out of the speaker.  He turned it down a bit more as Niall, bopping around to the tune, pulled his seat belt back on.

It wasn’t soon enough when they finally pulled into Louis’ house and the car was parked, both boys climbing out to retrieve their prospective parent, leaving Zayn snoozing in the car till they could come back out to get him.

“Let’s go Dad.”  Louis led Liam, who was luckily no longer crying, into the house, one hand placed calmly on his back.

Niall continued stopping, being distracted by the chirping of crickets and the bushes, claiming there were bunnies roaming around in them, and that he wanted to catch one.  Harry took his hand, gently guiding him towards the door.  “If you go inside Daddy, you can dream of bunnies.  Lots of them.”  He smiled when Niall wrinkled his nose up, imitating one.

“Harry, you can just take your dad to the guest bedroom.  It’s the one next to mine.”  Louis spoke up, taking Liam to his parent’s room.

Harry did as instructed, tucking his father in as he listened to him ramble on about rabbits.  It was precious really, and Harry gave him a quick kiss to the top of his forehead before leaving to fetch a glass of water for him.  When he came back, Niall was asleep, loud snores creating music in the otherwise silent home.

He shut the door softly on his way out, turning around to see Zayn trudging, zombie like, towards his room, Louis on his tail, making sure he got there in one piece.

Harry followed after them, helping to catch Zayn when he stumbled.  He waited by the door when Louis helped Zayn into his side of the queen sized bed.  He couldn’t help but think how endearing it was to watch Louis struggle to tuck the two adults in, whose arms and legs were splayed everywhere.

“Goodnight Louis.  I love you.”  Liam mumbled when Louis began to make his way back to Harry.

Though he’d looked rather irritated during that whole process, he couldn’t stop the smile that appeared.  “Love you too.  Now get some sleep.”  He directed, stepping around Harry to get out of the room, grabbing the younger boy by the wrist to take him with him.

Harry’s heart skipped when Louis’ hand lowered and he felt their fingers entwine.  The older boy didn’t look back at him, and Harry didn’t look anywhere but at the carpet where his feet were padding.  He knew his cheeks were warm, probably a faint pink color, and he shook his head trying to shake the blush away.  He’d never felt this way before, wasn’t really sure what it was even, but he knew he hated when Louis let go to search for something in his closet.

The younger teen stood in the middle of the room, biting at his lip, tugging his fingers together, wiggling his toes where they sat in his shoes.  Anything to distract him from the weird feelings he was having.

When Louis turned around with some clothes in his hand, Harry was too distracted to notice the way the older stared at him for perhaps the tiniest bit longer than necessary.  It wasn’t his fault; Harry looked adorable with a lip between his teeth and faded flush to his cheeks.  Louis didn’t stop to wonder why he was looking the way he was before he walked over to hand Harry the sweats.  “You can change Curly.  I’m going to go and find a sleeping bag.”

When he left the room, he made sure to close the door tight, remembering how Harry had been the day before when he was changing.  Louis recalled the event as he went in search of something to sleep on.  He remembered only looking up once that morning, to ask Harry a question.  It was when he was putting on his other shirt, and Louis noticed a slight shake to his shoulders.  He was going to ask him what was wrong, but no words really left.  He’d just stared at his back, and when Harry left the few moments later, he shouldn’t have been as surprised as he was. 

He snuck past Niall in the guest bedroom, who was mumbling something about carrots, as he rummaged through the closet, finding what he was looking for.  He walked slowly back to his room, so Harry would have enough time to change, before he took a deep breath and knocked lightly.

Harry called out permission to enter as Louis pulled the door open and saw him looking at the pictures hanging up on his board.

Before he could question the boy on what he was doing, Harry spoke up, turning towards him.  “Louis, can I borrow this photo of me and you?  I need it for an art project…”  His question was timid, as he pointed to one where they had been playing around in the snow when they were much younger.

Louis nodded before perking up again.  “I actually have another one of us, if you want to use that one instead.”  He tossed the bag on the ground to sift through the contents of his desk drawer.

There were a few photos he glanced through before he pulled out the one he’d been talking about, handing it over to Harry.  It was a picture of their first time meeting, when they’d both fallen asleep on the couch, Spiderman playing on the screen in front of them.

Harry grinned down at it, eyes flickering over the two sleepy boys who were wrapped up tight, each holding opposite sides of a large blanket.  He’d met Louis then, his first friend, and it was important to him because it represented simpler, sweeter times.

He nodded, thanking Louis as he placed it on top of his nicely folded pile of clothes.

Louis began setting out his sleeping bag, “You can take the bed Harry.  I’ll sleep on the floor.”

There was genuine concern in Harry’s voice when he responded, “I don’t want… I- You should sleep in your bed…”

Louis laughed, grabbing another pair of sweats for himself to change into.

“No it’s okay Harry, really.  I want you to have the bed.”  He watched as the younger boy looked away when he began to change, finally turning to move towards his bed after a few moments of contemplation.

“Thank you.”  He mumbled, before picking up the duvet and burying himself beneath it so only his head popped out.

When Louis was done changing, he threw off his shirt and flipped the lights off.  He liked taking care of Harry, he wasn’t sure why, but he did, so he let the younger boy have the bed as he tucked himself into the lumpy sleeping bag, feeling even more tired from the day’s events as he eased himself into relaxing.

“Good night Boo Bear.”  Harry spoke up in the quiet as he turned on his side, burying his face into Louis’ pillow.

“Goodnight Hazza.”  Louis hummed back and Harry stirred; the vanilla scent and smell that could only be classified as Louis’ swirling in the air around him.

Harry wasn’t sure if he’d be able to get to sleep, he always had to tell Niall that he loved him before going to bed, part of a nighttime ritual that had to happen or he’d never fall asleep, but Harry couldn’t get himself to say that to Louis.  It would just be silly, and Louis would definitely make fun of him for it.  So when he was almost positive the older boy was asleep, he whispered it in the still of the room, shutting his eyes to get some rest.

He was rustling around to get comfortable, when he heard a reply, the voice catching on the words, “Love you too, sweetheart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I hope you all had a fantastic day! Stay beautiful! <3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been about two months, Harry is still fifteen, Louis is still seventeen.

Drapes of white cascaded down from the high ceiling, resting on the wooden floor of the ballroom. Chairs faced the front of the room, strings of flowers adorning the backs of them.

A few people were sat in the seats already, excitement in their features as all attendees wore equally beautiful dress clothes, busy chatter filling the wide expanse.

Harry stood, listening to his Aunt Denise prattle on about her recent job change, feeling his five year old cousin pulling at his hand and poking at his sides.

“--and I hope my boss regrets that I left.” She finished, arms flinging wide in animation, almost hitting Harry as he dodged the motion.

He hummed in response to her story, glancing around the area at all of the relatives he hadn’t seen in forever, or the ones he’d never met before that would soon be part of his family. He could see his grandmum talking to his Uncle Greg, and she smiled over at him when they made eye contact. He was really excited that she was there because while Claire and Niall would be in Ireland for their honeymoon, she’d be staying at his house and was sure to be making him lots of cookies and other yummy treats.

“Are you going to stay at home with Theo then?” Harry asked conversationally, batting away his cousin’s hand from where it was venturing quite near his bum.

“Probably; with baby number two on the way, I might as well stay jobless.” She added, patting at her growing baby bump.

Harry was about to respond, talk about how he loved babies and children and was so excited for her, when he was sidetracked by a very dashing-looking Louis appearing in his peripheral.

The older teen had on a black suit jacket with a white button up underneath, black trousers and braces finishing the outfit, and he looked _really_ nice; but the broad grin on his lips was the part of his ensemble that Harry found himself staring at the longest. “Hey Harry!”

He didn’t want to drag his eyes away from that smile, but quickly did after realizing how weird that was… introducing his Aunt and cousin to the other teen.

After a small chat with the boys, Denise wandered away to talk to some other relatives, leaving Theo standing with them, exploring the immediate area with his curious gaze, and hand clutching to the back of Harry’s suit jacket.

Louis glanced down at the child, trying to get his attention by waving at him and being generally cute, but Theo only stared back with no facial expression. Which was sort of creepy, Harry had to admit, as Louis glanced up at him questioningly. “He’s a weird one...” Harry muttered in response; though Theo’s personality was endearing to say the least, he felt like he should give Louis a warning just in case.

Glancing around the room as if not quite sure what else to say, Harry decided to be the one to break the silence.

“So, where’s Eleanor?”

Louis turned to Harry, confusion written in the slight tilt of his head.

“Isn’t she your plus one…?” Harry continued, clarifying.

The older boy immediately relaxed into a grin. “Oh, no. I thought, you know, it may be a bit awkward for her… if she came. You know? Cos’ she doesn’t really know anyone here-” He digressed, stopping his mumbling when he made eye contact with Harry, as if almost forgetting what he had been trying to say.

Harry nodded, tugging lightly on the sleeve of his suit jacket. Glancing around the room next, so he could stop himself from staring at the breathtaking blue of Louis’ eyes.

The other teen let out a cough. “Plus, you’d be lonely. It’s not like you have a plus one.” Harry’s mildly embarrassed shrug was met with bafflement. “You have a plus one?!”

But he didn’t have time to respond before arms were being flung around his waist, and a little girl’s shrieks met his ears. “Harry!!!!!” She cheered when he picked her up, as was requested, pinching his cheeks with stubby fingers as he sidled her onto his hip in a more comfortable position.

It took Louis precisely five seconds to make the connection.   Expression growing bright before a suspicious smirk planted itself on his lips. “The flower girl? Really?” His eyebrows were quirked, an amused look in his eyes. “She’s your plus one?”

Harry opened his mouth to respond, rouge coloring his cheeks, as the golden haired girl spoke up in his stead. “Harry and I are going to get married!”

She gave the teen another squeeze to his cheek, before turning back to Louis, glare in her expression, snarl on her tongue. “And who are you?” She questioned, with so much attitude it almost took Louis by surprise.

He scoffed again, laughter in his voice as he ignored her query, countering with one of his own. “You and Harry? What are you five?”

She stuck her nose in the air, indignantly.   “Seven.”

“Oh, oh, my bad.” Louis replied, not sorry in the least as he tried to not laugh at Harry’s face when the girl continued poking him, dipping her fingers in his dimples when they appeared. Louis found himself momentarily wanting to do the same thing, thankfully becoming distracted by Theo before he tried. The child was now messing around by their feet and he moved to see what the boy was up to.

It took him a few moments to even understand what he was seeing. “…Is he chewing on your shoelace?” Louis asked, voice flat, looking down at Harry’s feet where Theo was leaned over, gnawing on one of the braided strands.

“Theo what are you doing?!” There was bewilderment in Harry’s question, as he stared down at the boy’s figure, confused by his cousin’s behavior. The child removed himself, standing and lifting his hands up to Louis with grabby hands.

“Doesn’t taste like black licorice…” Theo mumbled as Louis asked him whether he wanted to be picked up, and that was the reason he was standing with his arms out, needy expression on his face.

After the girl mumbled something about that being ‘sooooo gross,’ both kids were in Louis’ and Harry’s arms, respectively, kicking their toes around and generally being very difficult to hold.

“Harry, look,” The seven year old pointed, singling out all the pink and white things decorating the big hall. “This is going to be just like our wedding.”

“Aren’t you two, like, related?” Louis quipped, listening in as Harry just nodded along to whatever she was saying, not really paying much attention.

The girl shook her head in Louis’ direction, practically growling as she tried her best to ignore him. Harry smiled sheepishly back and Louis thought he quite enjoyed that flustered look on his face.

“No, she’s Claire’s cousin’s… daughter, I think.” He zoned out for a moment, as if calculating the exact familial link. “So, no relation…” Harry continued. “This is Candice by the way. And Candice, this is Louis.” Harry introduced, trying to get the little girl to be at least somewhat cordial to the older teen; which she was having none of. Louis only smirked at the back of her fancy braided head though, knowing Harry’s eyes were on him and not her; though she _was_ in his arms, which really didn’t seem quite fair. Not that Louis… wanted that… or anything.

He shook his head quickly, pushing those weird thoughts away, imagining Eleanor and their last rendezvous together; which had led to some very mischievous moments.   He smirked to himself, feeling Theo knee him in the ribs as he tried moving around, looking for something.

“Smile for the camera!”

Harry and Louis turned to the voice, the wedding photographer holding up a camera aimed in their direction. Candice immediately presented her best award winning smile as Louis and Harry did as instructed.

Once the shutter went off and the photographer made to leave, Louis rubbed his cheek with the back of his palm, glancing accusingly at Theo. “Did you lick me?” He wiped away the saliva that left a slick sheen to his skin.

“Doesn’t taste like caramel…” Theo mumbled in response.

“What? Why do you keep putting stuff in your mouth?” Louis asked, mystified. Harry had said his cousin was weird, but he didn’t think he would be _that_ weird.

“It looked like black licorice, but didn’t taste like it. Your face looks like caramel, but it isn’t yummy…”

Louis raised an eyebrow at Harry, pointing at the boy in his arms. “Do you hear this kid? He says I’m not delicious!”

“I think you’re sweet.” Harry quickly supplied, wiping the amusement clearly from Louis’ face; which wasn’t really supposed to happen.

“Thanks, Harry, you too…”

There was a beat of silence before, “He’s my Harry,” left Candice’s mouth, from where she’d been wrestling with his curly hair. Her name was called before anything else could be said, and she was released from the teen’s grip to run off, presumably to do her flower girl duties. “Bye darling! Bye Theo! Bye…other person...” Her lip lifted into a grimace as she glared disapprovingly at him, prancing off to find her mother.

Louis was actually surprised she’d acknowledged him, but decided he needed the last word anyways. “You better not be mean to me, I’m going to be the best man at your wedding!” He yelled from across the room, though his declaration fell on deaf ears.

Even though Harry was pretty sure no one would ever want to marry him, the fact that Louis planned to stay around for that long, had him practically sparkling with elation.

After a short burst of energy when the groomsmen and bridesmaids entered, ushering the guests to their chairs, they went up to stand near the front.

The room swirled with anticipation as Harry looked towards the front to see his dad in the middle of the stage, nervously fidgeting with his suit cuffs. When he caught Harry’s eyes, he straightened up his posture, giving him a discreet thumbs-up, fist strained taught in anticipation.

Harry returned the gesture, a grin on his face as Niall flattened his hands at his front, turning to look down the long aisle where the rest of the crowd was staring, waiting in excitement to see his bride, who was guaranteed to be wearing a gorgeous gown, and an even more exquisite smile.

With soft music trickling from the piano near the front of the room, after the flower girl and ring bearer walked through, Claire finally made her entrance, largest smile painted on her lips. Harry could see the exact moment when Niall saw her, because he could see his dad’s mouth fall limp, awe-struck and dazed. He was quick to beam at her when they made eye contact, and Harry was pretty sure they were both trying to hold back giggles of nervousness and disbelief that this moment was finally happening. It warmed his heart to see his dad so happy.

When Claire reached the front, she gave her own dad, Harry’s new grandpa, a kiss on the cheek before stepping away, taking Niall’s awaiting hand to lead her up the last few steps towards him. She leaned over, whispering something into his ear, and they were trying so hard to hold back their laughter as the Priest cleared his throat, that it almost brought tears to their eyes.

Eventually they were able to stop as the rest of the ceremony proceeded; both teary eyed as they gave their vows, from the laughter or the sentiment behind their words, no one could tell. And even Liam was having a hard time holding it together where he was standing semi-corner to Niall, Zayn and Greg a few spaces behind him.

Harry couldn’t help glancing over to Louis, who had the most awed expression on his face, as if he himself was imagining marrying someone he loved; which was most likely Eleanor.

Harry always knew Louis was a bit of a cheeseball, but he was sure everyone else in the room probably had a similar expression on, though he didn’t take his eyes away from Louis to check.

He did eventually, though, turn back towards the front when Niall and Claire spoke their “I do’s,” the room filling with applause and cheers when the bride and groom gave each other their first kiss as a married couple.

A few more things were spoken before the couple came down from the stage, hand in hand, and the rest of the guests started chattering again, waiting to speak with the couple before proceeding to the reception.

Claire and Niall made their way to the front row, where Harry and Louis were, pausing in front of the older boy first, as he paid the bride a compliment and they exchanged a few words, Niall pulling the boy into a bone-crushing hug as his wife turned to Harry, pulling him into one as well.

Harry wrapped his arms around her back and held her tight, mumbling, “welcome to the family,” as she pulled away to wipe at her tears and kiss his cheek.

“I’m so glad we are now, Harry.” She soothed the skin on his cheeks with her thumbs. “I love you so much, and thank you.” For what, he wasn’t quite sure, but he nodded with a smile as his Dad, and he supposed his new mum, moved down the line of guests to thank everyone for attending.

Louis who must’ve caught the tail end of Claire’s and Harry’s conversation was smiling fondly at him, before letting out a cheery laugh and gesturing towards his cheek. “Some of Claire’s lipstick is still on your face.”

Harry smiled bashfully as he wiped off the makeup from his cheekbone, feeling content. Like everything was finally falling into place.

 

Eventually Liam and Zayn ushered everyone to a conjoining room for cocktails as the families of the bride and groom were taken aside for photos.

After all the bridesmaids and groomsmen had their pictures taken as well and dinner was ready, everyone moved into yet another room in the building, to see tables set up with beautiful floral centerpieces and a sectioned off dance floor near the front.

Harry’s assigned seat was at the table closest to the front where he was seated with Louis, his Uncle Greg, Aunt Denise, Theo, Grandmum, and both of Claire’s parents. He really liked getting to know his new grandparents, and he hoped they didn’t mind talking with him, since they would be seeing each other, pretty much, at all of their family’s social events from that point on.

 

Most everyone, except for the really young children and the pregnant women, had a pint of alcohol set out in front of them, to enjoy with their meals. Many only sipped on theirs occasionally, not wanting to get too drunk, though most of the Irish half of the guests seemed to be going at it hard, unsurprisingly.

Harry could still remember the crazy night of events at his Uncle and Aunt’s wedding, which was a year or two after Harry had been adopted by Niall. It was an experience he definitely wouldn’t forget, and every time he remembers his Grandpa getting on top of the table to dance he chuckles to himself.

Being so focused on his food, Harry didn’t realize his dad was trying to get his attention until he felt a scrunched up napkin hit the back of his head. When it did, he turned around to see Niall mouthing an “I love you,” with his hands cupped to make his words louder though they were hard to hear over the bustle of the guests. It seemed random, but maybe Niall was worried Harry was feeling left out. He whispered back the same response, around a mouthful of fish, before going back to trying to understand what his Uncle Greg was saying; the man’s accent becoming even harder to understand, the more drunk he got.

After a while, speeches ensued and Liam’s had everyone tearing up, especially when Niall gave him a hug afterwards and he himself started getting teary eyed. It definitely added to the sentimentality of the event as people finished up their meals.

 

Once toasts were finished, Zayn helped the DJ set up, music beginning to pump through the room. People shuffled onto the dance floor, boogying about and slow dancing when the right type of song arose. Eventually Harry was pulled onto the floor, and after having to dance with his grandmom, his aunt, Candice, and pretty much every other female that was in attendance at the reception, Harry found himself in the middle of the dance floor, with Theo; whirling around to a slow song that had the younger boy laughing when Harry twirled him in circle after circle; a dizzy spell overcoming them both.

He could see Louis flurry past them, a frightened look on his face as Harry’s aunt ricocheted them around the immediate area.

Harry tried to stop himself from laughing at Louis’ expression, but couldn’t stop the few giggles that escaped, making Louis squint impishly back at him.

When Harry’s aunt let the older boy go and Theo was directed off the dance floor to meet some people, Louis returned to Harry’s side, a teasing smirk on his lips. “You know, you weren’t doing it right. Those spins…”

Harry crossed his arms, defiantly, though a small smile peeked through. “I most certainly was.” He responded as Louis shook his head.

“Cheeky. But since I am a dance _pro_ myself, I will show you how they should be done.” He grabbed Harry’s hands, as the song changed to a faster, more up-beat pop song, and they moved to the music, as best they could, laughing as Louis tried, with much difficulty, to turn Harry under his arms. They let each other’s hands go after a few twirls, shimmying instead and trying to do the most ridiculous dance moves either of them could possibly come up with; because both were well aware they couldn’t actually dance for anything.

Near the last chorus of the song they were dancing to, Louis grabbed Harry’s hands again, beaming at him.   “I’m going to dip you Harry!” He pulled the boy towards him, wrapping arms around Harry’s thin waist, dropping the younger boy towards the ground.

Harry was laughing so hard at this point, he could hardly stand up and Louis grunted with the weight of him, his own laughs tickling Harry’s sides. “Harry! Stop laughing, I’m seriously going to drop you.” Louis muttered between his own snickers. Harry tried to cover his face with his hands, embarrassed by the noises leaving his mouth.

With a heave and a well-placed exhale, Louis was able to pull Harry back up, arms still wrapped around the younger’s waist, as Harry continued to laugh into his palms, head buried into Louis’ chest.

And suddenly the older boy didn’t find the situation as funny anymore as he dropped his arms from the warmth of Harry’s, taking a subtle step backwards; as much as he could on the crowded floor. Harry didn’t seem to notice as he finally was able to control himself and stop, a goofy smile still on his lips as he removed his hands.

Louis grinned back at him before ruffling his hair and moving to the edge of the dance floor as the crowd was called over towards the cake.

 

The first slice of dessert was cut and Niall held up the slice, both him and Claire taking a scoop of it on a fork to feed each other. Claire went first, shoveling quite a big piece in Niall’s mouth that had him beaming behind a closed mouth as he swallowed, looking like the dessert had quite an enjoyable taste. When he was finished, he held out his piece for Claire, waiting till she had her mouth open before moving it towards and then away before she could actually get the bite. He moved the piece towards his own mouth instead, eating it, as she glared at him, stealing the piece of cake from his hands so she could feed herself her rightfully dealt portion.

He chased after her with his fork mid-air as she shoveled the slice in her mouth so he wouldn’t be able to have any more of it. It was ridiculous and the photographer made sure to get it all on camera, until they exited the room, and Niall was able to take the cake back since no one could see him kiss her senseless, forgetting about the cake altogether.

 

Liam shook his head, trying to stop a smug grin from forming after seeing his best friend frolicking about with his new wife; instead deciding to distract himself with cutting the cake, having Zayn pass around the slices, one for each guest.

People filtered back onto the dance floor after munching on their cake, everyone looking satisfied with the day’s events thus far. Excitement reentered the room when Claire returned with her bouquet, and all eligible bachelorettes made their way to the floor, abuzz and a bit feral looking as they stared at the flowers with longing.

Louis was sure to entertain Harry by narrating the whole event like a host would on animal planet, the females preparing to pounce on their prey. It was amusing, but they both quickly tuned out the event as they ate some more of their dessert, making obscene noises in the back of their throats and laughing about it afterwards.

It wasn’t really anything, Louis was sure, but when Harry hummed contently around his mouthful, getting a bit of the white icing all over his lips, it was harder for Louis to swallow his own; and he really didn’t think he could continue eating, until Harry wiped his mouth.

 

The two boys could hear the screams and cheers as the flowers were thrown, but couldn’t see who had caught them.

It wasn’t until a good five minutes later that they found out… the flower girl clearly doing a very good job as she was now holding onto Claire’s bouquet.

“Look Harry! We’re going to be getting married _soon_!” Candice squealed, pushing the flowers up towards Harry’s face.

He simpered, blushing as he rubbed the back of his neck.

And Louis obviously had to do something about the other boy’s reaction, or else they really would be getting married soon, since it didn’t seem like Harry had the heart to tell her no. He turned to the girl flicking his fringe in the process, “I’m sorry Candice, but Harry already has a girlfriend.”

Both heads turned to him with confusion, Harry’s a bit less accusatory than the other’s.

“No he doesn’t.” Candice denied, staring the older boy down as he nodded in opposition, smirk on his lips.

“Yep, her names, uh… Perrie.” To anyone else, his hesitation would’ve been noticed, and they would know he was lying, but to the young girl, only bafflement settled in her mind.

“Harry!” She pushed at his shoulder. “How could you?!” She didn’t wait for him to respond before stocking away in a huff. The younger turned to Louis, eyes questioning because he wasn’t quite sure what had just happened; especially since he definitely wasn’t dating Perrie.

“I think you just ruined her night...” He mumbled instead, trying to find the girl in the crowd again, though he couldn’t see her.

Louis shrugged, “Better than ruining her wedding night in the future, when you stand her up.”

His smirk was the only reason Harry didn’t feel so bad about it anymore. “Dance with me again?” Louis asked standing, holding his hand out for Harry to take, to pull him to his feet.

A slow song started playing once they finally got on the dance floor and both glanced at each other, awkwardly, before Louis cleared his throat and shrugged, leading Harry further into the packed space. When he found a spot that had space for both of them, he turned back towards the younger, hands pressed to his hips.

They started out as far apart as they could go when Harry put his arms around Louis’ neck, and both tried to keep their distance. It wasn’t until they were crowded closer together by the other swaying bodies on the dance floor that they relaxed and rid themselves of the separation between them. Harry tried to hide his blush by looking anywhere but at Louis, but they were so close now it wasn’t too difficult. And Louis seemed to be having the same problem, as he tried to not think about how thin Harry’s waist was or the hands idly playing with the hairs near the back of his neck.

They were broken out of their reveries when Liam and Zayn brushed passed them, smiling broadly as they twirled, both unsurprisingly, a bit tipsy. Harry hadn’t known the couple actually knew how to do the waltz, but he wasn’t really all that surprised. Smiling back at them, he roamed the room with his eyes, soaking in the happiness of those around him.

Resting his head on Louis’ shoulder; curls tickled the older boy’s neck, making goose bumps appear, though it was unknown to the younger who was still looking around. He stopped his wandering eyes when he could see his dad and Claire dancing together, smiling and whispering into each other’s ears. Probably saying nothing of import, but it didn’t matter; because they were so infatuated with each other, so in love. And Harry couldn’t help but wonder if he would ever find someone who could love him that much.

He shook his head after a moment, turning it away from the older teen’s neck to rest his temple, closing his eyes and letting the music settle in his bones. He could feel Louis rubbing gently at the fabric by his waist, and those gentle arms tightening around him as he breathed out, as if instinctively pulling him closer, never wanting the younger to leave again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm so so sorry for the long wait. I really hope this chapter made up for it!  
> And thank you all for just being generally wonderful and reading and commenting, and just, everything. You guys are so sweet and nice, and I love you!  
> Anyways, if you want to know why I wasn't able to update it was because the last few weeks have been the worst, most stressful weeks I've had in a really long time...  
> And I'm really sorry for not being able to write as much as I used to (or want to)... I'm really sorry!!! I personally hate having to wait a really long time for a fic to update, so yes, sorry again. Hopefully I'll be able to update another chapter by next week.  
> Thank you all! xx


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been about four months. Still ages fifteen and seventeen!

“Oi, stop making out in the hallway!” Perrie shouted at Louis and Eleanor where he had her pressed up against a locker. “It’s disgusting!” Perrie called a second later, smirking when Eleanor flipped her the bird and the two continued swapping spit anyways, ignoring anything and everything else.

Harry followed behind Perrie, not trying to stare too long at the couple and the display of affection they were showing; he was just glad he wasn’t the only one who thought it was gross… though he wasn’t sure gross was really the word describing how he was feeling about it.

All of Louis and Eleanor’s friends were used to the constant kissing and touching though; so really Perrie’s statement was probably just her teasing the two.

Perrie and Harry stopped at Danielle’s locker, immediately being swept up into hooking arms with the other girl, as she rattled off about her day, guiding the two towards the exit of the building. She’d had a pretty spectacular Thursday, and it definitely showed, as she was even more touchy-feely than she usually was.

She made sure to poke at Harry’s side before he got into the backseat of Perrie’s car, and pinch his cheek when he tried to rebuttal her treatment of his ‘pudge’, as he still had a smidge of baby fat on his bones. He secretly really enjoyed it though; appreciating any and all affection sent his way.

When they finally made it out of the crowded school car lot, Harry turned to Perrie who was fumbling with the radio on her dash. “Hey Perrie, thanks for always driving me to my tutoring thing…” He mumbled, knowing he thanked her every time and it was probably getting annoying by now.

She smiled back at him through the rearview mirror, “its fine, _really_ Harry, it’s only twice a week, and I’m heading that way anyways.” She immediately glanced in Danielle’s direction. “Plus, this bum here has been begging rides off me since freshman year, so really it’s no problem.”

“So true…” Danielle commented, playing on her phone. “Your coffee shop is right next to my studio, though, so really, it’s pretty much the same place.” Danielle turned around in her seat to address Harry. “You going to the game on Friday H? It’s the first of the season!”

Harry shrugged, fiddling with his backpack that sat near his feet. “Louis asked me to go, so maybe…”

“You definitely should! It’ll be a blast! You can hang with Perrie, me, and Eleanor in the stands.”

And it did sound like it would be fun… Harry did like all three girls, and he’d be able to see Louis and Stan play…

Danielle continued, “Plus I think Josh and Cher are coming too. You would think sports aren’t really their thing, but Josh always attends every game Stan and Lou play in.”

“So, like all of them.” Perrie added in.

Danielle nodded to her statement, still looking at Harry expectantly, much like Louis had when he’d asked the boy to come. “Okay… I’ll go.” He conceded seeing her face light up into a smile as she swiveled back to the front.

“Awesome! And there’s going to be a kick-ass after party too!” She mentioned, Perrie and her beginning to talk about their excitement for it.

Their conversation was cut short when they pulled up outside the primary school nearby; the one that Harry’s dad didn’t work at, and the lad got out, wishing them a good rest of their day.

They returned the sentiment as Harry headed up the steps of the building towards the library inside.

He’d gone a few times to the tutoring before and was glad Stan had mentioned it to him that prior school year.

Helping kids with their schoolwork was exactly the thing that would take up some of Harry’s copious amount of free time and he found that he quite enjoyed doing it.

When he made it inside, he quickly found his way to Mr. Parse, the teacher in charge of the program. He welcomed him and pointed out a girl standing nearby that Harry would tutor. When she noticed she was being beckoned by the teacher, the young girl began walking in their direction, bop in her step. When she finally stopped in front of them, Mr. Parse walked off, leaving them with a smile and encouragement to work hard.

Harry glanced down at the child in front of him; who must’ve been at least ten. She had the cutest button nose, and the shiniest dark brown hair, that stopped near her shoulders.

“Hello...” Harry started, letting a slightly awkward pause pass between them before he continued, “Uh, I’m Harry… What’s your name?”

The girl stuck out her hand to shake his, very officially. “Gemma.”

And grinning up at him, she blew at the long bangs hanging over her forehead.

He couldn’t help but smile back, responding with a tone just as official as hers, “Well, it’s nice to meet you Gemma.”

He set out his things on the table and watched her do the same, floral patterned backpack being tossed onto the surface. She rooted around through the contents for a few seconds, face in thought as she gnawed on her bottom lip; eventually pulling out a worksheet and a stubbly pencil that had most certainly seen better days.

She set them down before plopping fully in her chair, staring expectantly up at him. Grabbing the work to skim over its instructions, he began to help her on her science worksheet first, making sure to explain everything very carefully and check over her paper.

When she was nearly done with it, she pulled out one of her notebooks to hand to Harry, asking him to look over her story for English.

He complied as she took out a few sparkly colored pens, “Pink or green?” holding out the two for him to choose from. He reached for the nearest one and began to look over her messy scrawl.

For a ten year old her essay was quite nicely done, with very few spelling and mechanics errors. Harry drew arrows to help her rearrange a couple sentences, adding in punctuation where necessary. And he couldn’t help but be intrigued by Gemma’s story. Her essay was about the bedtime story her mum used to always tell her; about a boy with dimples in his smile and a heart of gold, who would often leave his home to go on adventures. No matter the different adventure though, the boy would never come back; which was rather interesting. By what Gemma wrote, it seemed her mum was pretty hung up on this fact.

He passed the notebook back over when he was done, clicking the sparkly pen shut. “It looks really good Gemma. I just moved a few things around that would probably work better.” He paused, pointing out a few of the spots. “When is it due?”

She sat in silence for a moment trying to recall, “Oh, tomorrow!”

“Alright,” He glanced at the clock on the far wall of the room. “Well, our tutoring session is over, but since you finished all of your other homework, except for this one, you’ll just have to rewrite it at home, okay?”

She nodded, getting up to stuff her belongings back into her backpack, slipping on a jacket while she was at it.

“How’re you getting home?” Harry asked, packing away his own pencils.

“My mum picks me up.” She responded, popping the ‘p’ on ‘up’. Harry grinned at the silly expression she was making, standing to help her zip up her backpack, since she had already put it on without closing it.

“Okay, good… umm, well, do you need anything else? Or will I just see you next week?”

“Next week, I think...” She muttered, beginning to head towards the exit of the library. “Okay, bye, Harry!”

He called a farewell back, picking up his phone to check for any new messages. The one he was waiting for from Louis was there, informing him that the older boy had just gotten off practice and would be at the school in five minutes to pick him up.

And that’s how it usually went; Perrie would drive him to tutoring and Louis would pick him up.

It was always a nice break from his usual schedule of walking home to do homework, with Simon as his only company.

 

That night though, after Louis dropped him back off at his house, Harry and both his parents watched a movie, cuddling on the couch and munching on popcorn.

The next day also went by relatively quickly, and Harry found himself honestly excited for his school’s football game that night; even more so when Niall told him a story from when Liam was the captain of the team and they had won a game against their biggest rival.

Harry really hoped they would win their game that night, though he wasn’t sure who they were facing, he’d have to make sure to ask...

During the drive to drop him off at the school, Harry told Niall about the after-party and that Louis had said he’d drive him there, so the adult wouldn’t worry, knowing Harry probably wouldn’t be home that night. And when Harry got out of his dad’s car, he could hear the chatter falling from the bleachers and the screams and hollers from fans psyching themselves up for a good game.

Moving towards the crowd, Harry looked for any familiar faces and when he found Eleanor and Perrie’s he made his way to them, receiving ‘hellos’ from the group when he got there; Eleanor moving over on the bench to make room for him to sit.

When he was situated and as comfortable as one could be on a backless, cool, steel bench, Eleanor turned to him, nudging his shoulder to get his attention. “I’m thinking tonight’s game’s going to be a good one, what do you think?” She questioned, conversationally, looking off at the field and the boy’s stretching there, a delighted smile on her lips.

Harry nodded, following her gaze to see the players warming up. “Yah, I hope so… Who’re we playing against?” He questioned, looking to the bleachers opposite them, at the large group of rival students dressed to support their team.

“Cheshire, I think.” She responded, glancing over to see if she could make out their school colors. Harry immediately paled. “Didn’t you and Cher used to go there?”

It took him what felt like an hour to regain his composure and respond to her.

“Yah,” He squeaked out, wondering if it’d be bad of him to leave before the game even started; he didn’t want to run into anyone that knew him… He really didn’t.

“Hey, are you okay?” Eleanor asked, head cocked concernedly as Harry sunk further into the bench he was on.

He took a deep breath. No, he couldn’t leave the game, not when he came to enjoy himself and support his friends. He had to stay… It wasn’t like anyone would remember him anyways; it’d been a year, he wasn’t memorable. No one would know him; he took another deep breath, he wasn’t going to let his past ruin his night.

He nodded to Eleanor’s question, pushing all unwanted thoughts from his mind.

And as the match began with the screech of a whistle, Harry stopped thinking about it altogether; just allowing himself to enjoy when their team would score and he’d catch a glimpse of Louis’ proud grin and vibrant encouragements.

Harry watched the way the players moved on the field, with such dexterity and focus, passing the football between them in quick motions. Stan and Louis were especially on par, scoring point after point and exchanging high-fives and cheers after each one.

Harry found he really enjoyed cheering with his friends too; taking silly pictures with them when half-time rolled around and drinking some of Cher’s cherry slushy. He was having a genuinely good time and if Grimmy’s drunken texts to him, where the other lad was at a ‘raging’ party, had him laughing like a freak, well that was no one’s business. He was out having fun with his friends, like any normal teenager would.

 

Harry felt winded when the game was called to an end, having just screamed his head off after Doncaster had won. He felt exhilarated as the two teams exchanged handshakes, the bleachers he was on still alight with the win, students cheering and chanting, singing the school song at the top of their lungs.

All of the players turned to go to their designated locker rooms, to shower and change for their after-parties, bliss in the winner’s steps and anger in the loser’s.

Louis was called over by the coach as the rest of the team left the field, and they exchanged a few quick words before the older teen quickly sprinted over to the bleachers, as if he hadn’t just exerted a ton of energy during the game.

He accepted the cheers his friends gave him, breathless, and bright with elation. He really loved his sport.

And after Harry congratulated him, winning the younger lad an exuberant smile, Eleanor grabbed Louis’ attention when she leaned over the bar separating the field from the bleachers, so Louis could give her a sweet, gentle peck on the lips, both smiling into it. And while Perrie and Danielle made jeers of disgust, Harry fidgeted where he was, trying to divert his eyes.

There was suddenly a strange tightness in his chest and he wasn’t sure what it was; he just knew he wasn’t feeling as content anymore, even though his team had just won and he’d had fun with his friends.

Telling Josh and Cher he was going to the bathroom so they would know where he was, he walked off the bleachers, towards the sports building nearby where there would be some on the side.

He passed a few Cheshire students heading to their cars, grumbling about losing the game and he ducked his head. He hoped he wouldn’t be noticed, but he had to get away from Louis and Eleanor, he didn’t think he could handle any more of seeing them kissing that night; which was weird, because he should’ve been happy his friends were so infatuated with each other.

Staring at his reflection in the mirror, he mussed with his hair, letting out a breath to hopefully clear his mind. It helped when he walked back out into the crisp fall air.

Street lamps lit up parts of the darkened car park, and Harry walked in the light they emitted to get back to the stands and his friends; he hadn’t really realized how dark it was when he’d gone to the bathroom after the game had ended and he couldn’t help that his attention was suddenly peeked when he looked up to see a group of four boys approaching where he was.

He immediately stalled, recognizing them through their roars of laughter and shouts of disgust at having lost the game. This couldn’t be happening…

Harry held his breath, immediately turning to leave in another direction. He picked up his pace as a raucous bout of laughter neared, one of the boys calling out to him. The group, by what it sounded, still thought he was a stranger; he could still get out of there without them knowing.

Harry kept walking, ignoring their taunts, not realizing they would recognize him from his all too familiar hunched frame and head of curls, downward cast eyes and lanky figure. As he had always looked like that when he tried to escape them at Cheshire.

“Horan?! Is that you?” He kept his head down, picking up his stride even more, without full-on running. But before he could get even a step further, rough hands caught the back of his arms and shirt, yanking him in the other direction, so the group could see if it really was who they thought. And when they laid eyes on his face, lip bitten between teeth, their enthusiasm escalated, as did their vigor in pushing and jerking him back towards the car park, closer to the bathrooms where there weren’t any people around.

“Wow, can you believe this? Little Harry Horan’s here. Such a pussy he had to move away.”

“A right cunt; probably still doesn’t have any friends either.” There was more laughter as the group continued to ridicule and belittle him, the self-loathing and hate he had felt so many times before resurfacing to the front of his mind so quickly, it was like the thoughts had never really gone away.

“I think I still have a bruise on my knuckles from punching you the last time.” The stockiest one mocked, knowing full well that most every purple mark of flesh Harry had ever received was from him.

Harry’s heart was beating uncontrollably, scared, his skin crawling with silent panic, but he didn’t do anything. He felt trapped in his own body, like he was his younger self again, too frightened of the consequences to leave; he would just let it happen, like he had always done.

The boys shoved him into the brick wall of the building, the coarse stone leaving a dull ache in his back; his head slanted downward so they couldn’t see the resignation on his face. He just wanted to shrink into himself; be anywhere but where he was in that moment.

“Did you really think you could leave without saying anything? We couldn’t give you a goodbye present.” Another of the lads teased and Harry whimpered in pain when a punch landed in his gut, crippling him over. He waited for the next blow, feeling it on his shins and legs as they kicked him hard enough to knock him to the ground.

“Such an annoying piece of shit.” One of them spat.

The largest of the group finally spoke up, smiling down at the boy by their feet. “You know, you’re right Nate, he is a pussy… I bet he has one too. Just like a pathetic little girl.” And before Harry could yell out, he felt rough hands on his hips, pulling at his jeans. He thrashed his arms trying to push the boy off, who only let out a laugh before slapping him in the face when he started to beg for them to stop.

Without any warning the teen was yanked off of Harry, and before a single nasty word could leave his mouth he was punched square in the jaw and thrown backwards towards the concrete.

Harry looked up, petrified, Josh’s hand strained into a fist where he was standing, glaring down the Cheshire students in front of them.

“Get the fuck out of here, before I call the police,” was Josh’s only statement, voice deep and threatening; and the four boys quickly exchanged looks before darting away, yelling out insults as they left.

Josh relaxed only a tiny bit, broad shoulders wilting the slightest as he turned around to face the younger boy.

It was in that moment that Harry felt the wetness on his skin, the damp cling of tears; and he realized he was crying. And when the awareness hit, he suddenly burst into sobs, unrelenting and unrepressed.

Harry hadn’t cried in years, and now here he was, still as pathetic as before, still unable to defend himself… still a mess.

If Josh hadn’t shown up, he didn’t know what would’ve happened. He’d forgotten all about how it felt, the bruises that would last for days, the harsh words that never really ever left; the fear of not knowing when it would happen next, or if he’d be able to hide it from Niall. It’d been a year of everything wonderful that could have happened to Harry happening in Doncaster and he hadn’t even thought about the consequences, how he was undeserving. He shouldn’t have been such an idiot.

Harry felt a heavy hand on his shoulder and knew it was Josh, trying to console him and most likely having no idea how to. A voice called out to them though, and it was all too familiar as Cher ran towards Harry where he was hurt and upset; just like all those times back at Cheshire where she would show up to soothe him after he’d been bullied.

She stopped in front of them, panting as she spoke, “I thought, I just saw Nathan and Mark?” When she realized what was happening she was quick to stop talking, making her way to Harry and sinking down to the ground next to him, wrapping thin arms around his shaking frame; much like she’d been so used to doing when they’d been in primary school.

“Did they…?” Cher didn’t have to finish her question before she knew, as Harry sobbed into his own hands where they covered his face, legs pressed to his chest, embarrassed and hiding from the two. Not even Cher had ever seen him cry before, he was so ashamed.

His head nod had her shushing him though, trying to soothe him, as he went into another bout of breathlessness from crying so hard; small hiccups leaving his lips.

“They won’t bother you again, okay? Let’s call the police, alright?” And her suggestion immediately received a cry of ‘no’ as Harry remembered going to court; of having to relive those memories he never wanted to think about ever again, of having Niall upset with him. Cher quickly backtracked, telling him she wouldn’t, hugging him even closer than before.

Her small mutterings of soothing words helped to calm Harry only enough for him to hear the ringing of his mobile where it was buzzing on the concrete a meter from where they were, having been knocked from his pocket before.

The tune played for a few terse moments before Cher turned to her boyfriend, voice soft in the quiet, practically empty lot, “Josh, can you get that please?”

He nodded, immediately reaching out for it and reading the screen, placing the phone up to his ear before, “Hello?” There was a breath of a pause as Josh listened intently to the other end. “Yah… I don’t think… I’ll-uh, I’ll ask.” Josh took a moment to hold out the phone towards Harry, in case he wanted to take it. “It’s Louis...” The younger boy let out a quiet weep, shaking his head and rubbing at his eyes to make them stop tearing up. He couldn’t even talk on the phone, knowing Louis would realize he was crying. He needed to compose himself.

Taking a few deep breaths, he kept his face hidden still; buried in the ratty worn fabric of his jeans, feeling Cher rub circles into his back.

“You should probably come… we’re near the south entrance car lot.” Josh muttered next and Harry wasn’t sure he liked the idea of Louis showing up when he was in the state that he was.

But he didn’t have much time to think when he could hear someone jogging closer, as if they had immediately left what they were doing to find him. Louis was clean and freshened up now after the game, slowing as he neared them, and Harry took another few breaths, to make sure there were no new tears coming, and that he wouldn’t break down again.

He suddenly felt Louis’ presence in front of them; voice unnaturally reticent as he broke the silence, “Harry… What’s wrong?”

The boy didn’t look up at him, even after hearing the concern in Louis’ voice; he didn’t have the words to respond.

But he could feel the older teen kneel in front of him anyways, urging him to look up, wanting the younger to meet his gaze. With another gentle, “Harry, please,” the teen moved to uncover his face, feeling ashamed and weak for crying; another few tears slipping out when he saw how close Louis was, and the soft expression on his face.

Louis leaned closer when Harry looked up; involuntarily reaching towards him, to rest the pads of his fingers on the damp curves beneath Harry's eyes, over the slight sheen left behind there.  He covered up the emotions playing on his features, as he studied Harry's face; unable to meet those dark green eyes in fear of giving himself away. He only let himself watch a few new tears begin to trail down flushed, raw cheeks and passed strawberry red lips before he brushed at the wetness, so gently and carefully, as if Harry was made of glass that he didn’t want to break. “What happened?” He turned to Josh for an answer, voice much less gentle than it had been before as he removed his hands to rest them on Harry’s knees, propped against the younger’s chest.

“…Some assholes from Cheshire attacked him.” He responded after looking to Harry to see if it’d be okay to say.

Louis’ demeanor immediately darkened. “Where did they go?” He asked harshly, voice breaking the tense silence that now surrounded them.

Josh nodded towards the sidewalk leading away from the car lot and Louis’ jaw tightened, tension in his posture as he shifted, to pull away from Harry. But he was stilled, eyes widening as fingertips barely ghosted over the smooth skin above his knuckles, leaving imprints even with the gentlest of touch.

Harry’s hands were hardly touching his, just small points of contact that had Louis rooted in place. He couldn’t pull away from the boy in front of him; not when Harry seemed so small; staring down at his lap, head shaking in a silent _no_.

Louis’ own hands clenched, the younger removing his from above them to wipe at red, puffy eyes.

"Don't be mad," Harry croaked out, the whisper barely carrying over the seemly small space between them.

Louis looked down to where Harry’s hands had been on his own, expecting there to be bruises, scars, something to explain why he could still feel their heat, electricity burning through him.

He couldn't lie to Harry, couldn’t deny that was how he was feeling; so he didn't say a thing, instead reaching into his back pocket for his mobile, dialing a number he knew by heart.

It rung a few times as Cher stroked Harry's cheek and temple where she could reach, nuzzling into his side. It was incredibly comforting and Harry wanted to cry all over again because she was being so sweet and gentle with him.

"Eleanor, can you get a ride with Perrie tonight? Yah, sorry love." There was a brief pause as Harry blinked hard to ease the stinging left in his eyes. "I won't be there...   But I'll, text you tomorrow." With a hum of confirmation and a quick goodbye Louis was standing, Harry suddenly feeling a little more lost and lonelier than he had before, even with Cher hugging him so close.

“You and Cher should go to the party Josh. I can take Harry home.” Louis offered as Josh mumbled something sounding like assent; though his eyes kept checking Harry for any sign of hurt.

“Harry are you going to be okay? Do you want me to come with you?" Cher asked softly, shifting to stand up and pull him up with her.

He paused for a moment before shaking his head, curls swaying with the movement. He didn't want to force her to do that, take up her time, he wasn't worth it. "I want you to have fun at the party..." He managed to evoke as she pulled him into another embrace. She told him she wouldn’t mind and probably wasn't going to end up going anymore, anyways, but he insisted, nodding his head and even managing to put on a weak smile for her.

He didn't want Cher to see him cry again, and he really couldn't think of anything better to do than go home to his bed and sob for all those years that he wouldn't let himself. It had been building up, and now that he had finally lost it, he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to stop, there was no point anymore, he always knew he was pathetic; his tears just proved it to himself even more.

He followed after Louis when Josh and Cher left to go to their own car. The older lad seemed to keep himself within a pretty close distance of Harry, without actually touching him, and he opened the door for the younger when they reached his Prius.

It was silent on the ride to Harry’s home, and he felt awful. Louis’ night was ruined because of him.

But that thought was far from Louis’ mind, where within the quiet rumbles of the engine humming in the background he was able to calm his anger, feelings of insecurity creeping up in their stead. He’d never seen Harry cry before... and he had hated it. He wished he could’ve done something so that it had never happened in the first place. But he hadn’t even been there.

Louis knew it was ridiculous, but he felt like it was partially his fault; he just couldn’t stand seeing Harry upset.

 

When they finally pulled up outside of Harry’s home, the younger teen could see the lights on in the front room, where Claire and Niall were probably watching TV, and unease settled further in his bones.

He wiped at his already dry eyes knowing his parents would be able to tell immediately that something was up and he’d have to explain to them what had happened, only serving to upset them further. He still couldn’t be a normal teenager; even after they had moved. He was a disgrace.

Louis’ movements brought him back to reality as the older lad pulled his keys from the ignition, opening his door to get out.

“What are you doing?” Harry asked, voice breaking on the words, a confused tilt to his brow.

“I’m coming with you, of course.” Louis responded, softly, as if he didn’t want to come off the wrong way, even though, to him, it was so obvious of an answer.

Harry stirred, but didn’t make to move as Louis waited for him.

“I-uh, can we… go to your house?” He asked quietly, hoping Louis would say yes. He didn’t want to have to explain to Niall and Claire why he was so early from the game and why he hadn’t gone to the after-party. And truthfully he didn’t want to leave Louis’ presence either.

The older teen nodded, immediately moving back to his position in front of the wheel, taking his time in pulling out and driving the five minutes to his place.

The boys walked up to Louis’ room, and Louis left him for a few minutes to tell Liam and Zayn that he was home from the game and that Harry was over.

When he returned, Harry was sitting on his carpet, in the same position as earlier: knees to his chest and chin resting on top of them. He looked so delicate; so easily breakable and Louis felt so dismayed seeing his best friend like that. It was a look he’d hardly seen Harry wear before, though sometimes it would show, and he really didn’t like it.

Louis flipped on his television before pulling the blanket off his duvet and tossing it onto the younger boy who jumped at its surprisingly heavy weight.

“I’m not cold?” Harry muttered, questioning as Louis moved to sit next to him, pulling him down until the younger was resting his head on his lap. Harry blinked several times in succession before letting his shoulders relax under the feathery blanket, “Lou… I--”

“Just let me take care of you, Haz. Please.” Louis interrupted, voice wavering, uncertain, as his hand hovered near Harry’s hair, like he wasn’t sure where he wanted to put it, but needed to feel the younger there, more than just the weight of his head resting on his leg.

Harry slowly, hesitantly, reached his own hand up, to twist their fingers together and guide their conjoined hands down so they rested in front of him “…Okay.” He breathed, nodding lightly, turning his attention back to the TV that was murmuring with only bits of noise. He didn’t pay attention to it though, as he studied the way the blue light of the screen flickered off the back of Louis’ palm, in the darkness of the room.

“Harry?”

He hummed in response, letting Louis know he was listening. “Josh said those… people who attacked you were from Cheshire…” He waited a beat, for any type or response from the younger. “Did you know them?”

After a few very long, tense moments, Harry finally nodded, closing in on himself the tiniest bit. He was glad he had the blanket over him now, like his own personal barrier separating him from the outside world.

“Who were they?... Why did they attack you?” Louis questioned, trying not to bombard the younger with all of the thoughts he was having.

Harry knew the older boy was probably worried, he squeezed his hand tighter. “It’s fine Louis. Don’t worry about it; I’m used to it…” He hummed trying to soothe the other. But he only just realized after the words had left that he probably hadn’t said the best thing.

“You’re used to it?” And Harry cringed at the tone of voice that came from Louis’ mouth; he didn’t like the way this conversation was going.

“It’s nothing Boo...” He responded after a while, hoping that his use of the nickname would placate the older teen into stopping his line of questioning. The hand in his tightened even more and he knew Louis’ gaze was on him now, studying his profile. He didn’t turn to meet the other’s eyes, keeping his face trained forward.

“Did they bully you, Harry?” Louis tried to keep his composure when Harry only shrunk even further into himself, hand loosening in his own, as if he wanted to pull it away, to take it back.

He let their hands slip apart, running his own through his hair to try to keep himself calm; to not be upset when Harry was the one who was hurting.

“I don’t understand…” He finally forced out, looking back at the TV, the old-time move panning out in front of them, though he wasn’t actually watching.

“What… don’t you understand?” Harry mumbled back, wary, afraid Louis would leave him after finding out how weak he was.

“How they could do that…?” Louis’ chest tensed when he felt Harry shrug; the younger boy knowing plenty of reasons why.

Louis took a breath, “ _Why_ would they do that?”

He was met again, with a silent shrug, and he rubbed at his temple, letting out a huff. “I’m trying really hard not to be angry right now…” And his words immediately sat uncomfortably in Harry’s chest as he began to sit up; knowing this would be when Louis told him to leave.

Harry faced away from him where he was, arms hanging loosely at his sides, eyes looking out the darkened window in the room, towards the black sky outside. He didn’t want Louis to see him cry again, after sending him away. He didn’t want that, and he bit down on his bottom lip, hard, willing the tears to stay away.

 

Louis’ hand found his again though, and Harry felt the blood rush to his cheeks as they were entwined, fitting together like they’d missed being inseparable. “I’m mad that anyone could do that to another human being. Let alone do that… to you.”

The boys sat in silence; both mulling over the words, Louis’ voice breaking the silence yet again, “Is that why you moved? Because of the bullying?”

Harry immediately froze up, back tense beneath his shirt, as he tried to keep the memories away. Niall didn’t even know about the bullying; that wasn’t the reason they had left. But Harry couldn’t tell Louis the real reason, he didn’t want to, not anymore. Because Louis would hate him; would be upset; everyone always was when they found out.

Staring ahead so Louis wouldn’t see his expression, he nodded, trying not to close in on himself; Louis would know he was lying if he did. The hand dropped and Harry had a moment of pure panic thinking Louis really would leave him, like everyone else had.

Until he felt arms wrap around his small frame, and Louis’ body leaning against his back.

“Well I’m glad you’re here…” Louis murmured where his lips were near Harry’s ear; warm breath tickling the side of the younger teen’s face.

Harry blinked trying to compose himself; he was truly awful, for lying to Louis, for being the way he was. He could feel the older squeezing tighter, as if waiting for a response.

“Yah, me too.” Harry mumbled back before turning around to give the older boy a proper hug, nuzzling his nose into his neck and breathing him in.

 

When Louis pulled away to sit back on his heels, he smiled over to Harry, trying to elicit the same response from the boy.

Though Harry had lied, he was glad Louis didn’t want to get rid of him yet. Irrational as it was, that was one of his biggest fears. When his parents had left him; it meant more to him than one would think, and he was just waiting for everyone he loved to up and leave.

It would happen eventually…

But in that moment, with Louis looking at him with that smile, and that look in his eyes, Harry felt the warmest feeling sit in his heart, and the smallest tug of his own grin start to form.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posted this one early today! Yay!~  
> Anywho, I just wanted to let you all know I won't be able to update for a few weeks again, so please be patient with me. I'm super sorry, but thanks for reading! <3


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a super long chapter in apology for the wait. I hope you lovelies like it!
> 
>  
> 
> Harry just turned sixteen, Louis is eighteen!

The sidewalk wasn’t a very comfortable place to sit, but neither Harry nor Gemma was complaining.  They sat next to one another—expressions set in determinations—hands raised in front of the other: hers flat, his shaped into a fist.

There was only a split second of silence before Gemma broke into a grin.  “I win!”  She threw her arms in the air; a victory gesture that had Harry frowning, twisting his lips into a grimace.

“You cheated.”  He muttered, pulling his gripped hand back from where they’d been in a rather intense game of rock, paper, scissors.

The little girl rolled her eyes.  “At least I’m not a sore loser.” 

He let out a snort, taking another glance around the car park.  No new vehicles had pulled in, and there were only a spattering of one’s still there from earlier in the school day.  “When’s your mum coming?”  Harry asked, rubbing at his nose as he glanced back at Gemma, where she was tapping her bedazzled shoes, watching them light up when they met the hard concrete.

“Sometimes she’s late…” She muttered before looking up at him, “but I’m so excited to introduce you!”

“Yah?”  Harry questioned back, loving how thrilled she seemed to be to introduce _him_ to her family; it was a bit of a self-esteem booster if he was being honest.

Gemma almost reminded him of Louis a bit in that respect, how she always made him feel so special; and more specifically how she could be so energetic and sweet at times and then a complete booger at others.  “Yah!”  She chimed back, glancing up to smile at him.  Her eyes drifted over his shoulder for a second and she immediately stood up to wave, “Hi mum!”

Harry suddenly felt a wave of nervousness wash over him as he followed her lead and stood.  He didn’t want to make a fool of himself in front of Gemma’s mum, especially when the little girl seemed to look up to him.  Harry took a breath to ready himself and turned when he felt eyes on the back of his head.

The smile immediately fell from his lips.

“Harry, this is my mum!  Mum, this is Harry!”  Gemma beamed looking between the two, who were staring at each other with shock and discomfort as her words trailed off.  There was silence.

Harry knew who this woman was… who Gemma’s mum was.  He knew the familiar curve of her eyes, the unmistakable shade of green; the wrinkles near them from years of their crinkling up in laughter.  There were differences, a few gray hairs on her head, less color to her cheeks, but she was the same.   The same as he remembered her; the same as she had always looked when she’d visit his dreams and tell him he was worthless; that she was glad to have gotten rid of him.  The same… _his_ mum.

“Harry…?”  The way the woman said the name echoed memories of the past; it sounded so natural coming from her mouth; strange though, like she hadn’t called that name in the longest time.

She was looking at the boy in disbelief, much like the expression he was returning her.  “I can’t believe this… I really- I didn’t think Gemma had been telling me the truth… of course it was you.  Harry.”  She breathed his name again, as if so happy to do so, a relieved smile encompassing her face.  She took a step closer to him, but he only tightened his posture, flinching when Gemma placed a hand on his forearm.

“Harry, you know my mum?”  She questioned him curiously and all Harry could do was stare back at her, not really understanding what was happening, not having the voice to respond.

When the woman cleared her throat, Harry turned back to his mum; eyes scoping over her features again; still in disbelief.

He noticed she had dark bags and a tint of pink to her cheeks, her makeup smudged from the day’s activities.  She was still beautiful, with her long black hair, wearing _that_ smile that Harry had always liked being on the receiving end of.

“I’ve been looking for you.”  She took another pause, forming her next sentence, “I… went back to Cheshire a few years ago, to get you back.  But you weren’t there.”  She glanced around as if trying to find her train of thought.  “I want you to come live with us again.  I want you to come home.”  Her words had an edge to them, a finality that Harry knew he shouldn’t disagree with.

He would’ve though, he would’ve disagreed and shaken his head, if he could find it in himself to move. He was too strung up, too afraid to say anything; too dumbfounded to _do_ anything.

She started talking again, with new vigor, sensing his hesitation.  “I’m better now, Harry.  I’m on medication to help.  And your father, Des… Des is no longer around.  I married someone new.  You’d like him, Harry, he helped me.  I’m… I’m much better now.”  She was rambling, fidgeting with her hands, eyes restless-- in a panic as if she’d been waiting years for this moment, but couldn’t quite figure out what it is that she’d wanted to say.

It was too much for Harry.  He couldn’t keep listening; he was overwhelmingly engrossed in his own thoughts.  She wanted him back; his mum wanted him to come home…  He was so confused.  His mum had left him; hadn’t even told him they were leaving, hadn’t kissed him goodbye or hugged him that one last time.  He’d cried so many tears wondering why she didn’t love him; why she hadn’t wanted to keep him…  He’d thought he was being punished, and now, now she wanted him back.

Harry squeezed his eyes shut, feeling light headed and sick.  He took a few deep breaths, but the air didn’t seem to help clear his mind.

He didn’t want to open his lids and see that this wasn’t another dream.

“Harry!”  He felt a hint of relief hearing the voice and risked looking up to see Louis-- an uneasy smile on the older teen’s lips- getting out of his car.  The boy jogged towards them and Harry could see his mum giving Louis a once over, trying to assess him.

Placing a hand on Harry’s lower back, Louis leaned in to his side, to murmur quietly, “Are you okay?”  He side-eyed the two strangers in front of them when Harry shakily nodded back.  The hand pressed to his back-- letting Harry know someone was there, that Louis was there-- definitely helped him regain some of his composure.  He could finally breathe a bit better.

“Hiya.  Are you Louis?”  A chirpy voice spoke up, and both Louis and Harry turned to see Gemma beaming up at them, finally speaking up after being quiet for so long.  Harry had forgotten she was even there; too absorbed in his own mental breakdown to remember she was also probably very confused about what was happening.

“Yah, love, I am.  You must be Gemma.”  Louis responded, keeping his proximity to the younger boy, though he bent forward a bit to smile at her.

“Yup!  I’m Harry’s favorite student.  I’m sure he talks about me all the time.”  She continued, Louis letting out a small chuckle and Harry relaxing the slightest, listening to their banter.  He could still feel his mother’s sharp eyes on him so he didn’t let down his guard too much, leaning back into Louis’ touch when it felt like everything was beginning to be too much again.

“He talks about you a bit too!  And Cher and Grimmy and,” She started listing off with her fingers.  “And that other one, and, oh, and—“

“Enough!”  The woman’s voice rose above the noise, loud and pitched with annoyance.  “Gemma,” She took a breath, to calm herself, “dear.  Go to the car.”  She was firm in her order and Harry felt himself shrinking back up again.  He remembered her like this, mad and aggravated with him.  What shocked him completely though was when Gemma snapped back at her instead of immediately doing what she said like Harry would’ve.  The little girl even rolled her eyes and slammed the car door when she finally did leave.

“I’m sorry about that…”  The woman amended, taking another deep breath, though the line of frustration was still etched in her brow.  She turned to Louis.  “I’m Anne.  I’m Harry’s--”

When Harry realized what she was going to say, he spoke up, abrupt, tone shaky and unsure, “No.”  She immediately stopped her words, turning back to him, with a practiced smile still on her lips, though her eyes showed a flash of confusion.  Harry never talked back to her.  “Uh, I, I won’t do it.”  When she tilted her head at him, as if wondering what it could be he was referring to-- though she surely knew-- he continued, quieter than before.  “I don’t want to, come live with you.”  His voice was barely above a whisper near the end, where his eyes were glued to the sidewalk beneath their feet.

A few moments passed, when she cleared her voice and Harry felt Louis rub his thumb over the fabric near his waist.  He looked up to meet her eyes and terse smile.  “I’ll let you think about it okay?”  He nodded, programed to always respond, even though he had already made his decision.  He just wanted her to leave, so he could think, process; he felt like he couldn’t breathe again.

There was another painfully long pause before, “Mummy loves you,” escaped from her lips.

She paused for another second before retreating back to her car and starting it up. Louis watched the woman, Anne, drive off, keeping his palm on Harry’s lower back; a reminder to the younger boy that he wasn’t alone.

He looked to him when she was gone; the younger’s expression rattled, lip in a distressed quiver as he stared at the space where the woman had just been.  Louis lowered his hand from the small of Harry’s back to his left hip, to turn him.

“Hazza?”  He pulled the boy into his arms, feeling curls brush his neck where Harry buried his head into his shoulder.

Louis could feel him suck in a deep breath; hands shaking where they were came to grab at his waist, grip loose and unsure as he slumped into the older teen.

They stood like that for minutes, Harry holding onto Louis, letting the older boy run fingers through the hair by the nape of his neck, calming him.  He didn’t want to believe what had just happened.

“Haz, let’s get you home...”  It was hard to pry the younger’s gangly body from his own-- even more so, since Harry was getting taller, leaner.  But when they were comfortably situated in their seats and Louis had the heat in the car turned on, he stilled before putting it in drive.  “Who was that?”

He could see Harry tense out of the corner of his eye, probably hoping he wouldn’t have asked.  But Louis had too many questions to keep shut about them.  There was an uncomfortable silence and Louis wondered if Harry was going to ignore him.

Harry hoped the longer he waited, Louis would eventually change the subject.  When that didn’t seem to be happening, he looked out the side window, feeling the warmth of the heater prickle at his skin, making him almost too warm to be comfortable.  “My… mum.”  It was hard to say the term out loud; his voice quiet and uneven, like he still couldn’t believe that after so many years she was actually there, had wanted to see him… had missed him and wanted him back.

“You should tell your dad.”

Louis started the car up and pulled out of the spot as Harry’s eyes widened at the suggestion and his head immediately jerked in Louis’ direction.

“I—uh…”  He steeled himself, trying to come up with an excuse for saying no; knowing Louis wouldn’t let it go that easily.  But then he remembered how upset Niall had been when he’d kept secrets from him before and, maybe he should tell him…  But then if Niall kicked him out to go back to his mum, he wasn’t sure he wanted that either…  “I don’t want to.”  He responded back instead, still thinking of all the different situations.

“You really should, Haz.  Your dad has a right to know.  I mean, from what I gathered, your real mum wants you back?  Niall adopted you, that’s not really something you can just keep to yourself.”

Harry shook his head, trying to not let Louis’ words bother him; it was much more complicated than he was making it out to sound.  But Harry couldn’t just tell him that then he’d have to explain everything.

“Tell him.”  Louis urged. 

He repeated himself again when Harry didn’t respond.

“Fine, maybe!”  His words came out angrier than he’d wanted them to.  And that shut them both up, neither saying anything more as they drove the rest of the way to his house.

Harry wondered whether he should apologize.  He didn’t know what to say; he’d never raised his voice at Louis before; he never really raised his voice in general.

When they were parked outside his home, Harry took a glance towards the driver’s side, but the older boy was simply looking out the front dash, frown on his face.  Harry immediately got out, too embarrassed by himself to say anything more.

Later that night when Harry got a text from Louis, telling him he’d drive the younger to school the next day, he was surprised, to say the least.  He didn’t have much time to think about it though, his mind being clouded with thoughts of his mum and what had happened that day, and that day those eleven years prior.

 

After waking up with only four or so hours, at most, of sleep, Harry was so tired that he decided to not think about the previous day’s events. They had kept him awake all night anyways.  And maybe he could pretend the conversation with his mum had never happened. He would never have to think about her proposition ever again.

But beside his tired mood, the morning started off well, Louis had picked him up to drive the two of them to school.  He’d been all smiley and jokey, sending side-ways grins in Harry’s direction the whole time.  Even between classes when Harry saw the older boy in the halls, he’d receive a large beam, even a wave every once in a while.  It was slightly odd behavior, Louis usually didn’t look _that_ happy to see him, but Harry wouldn’t question it.  He was just glad it didn’t seem like the older boy was mad at him for his attitude the day before.

 

“Sit over here Harry, I saved you a seat!”  Louis called out, patting at the chair next to him, at their table in the cafeteria.  Harry followed orders, smiling as Grimmy set his own bagged lunch down and sat to the other side of him.

The banter between his friends was enjoyable, funny like it usually was, and Harry quite enjoyed just listening to everyone else talk.  It seemed like Grimmy noticed Harry was tired though, and as the helpful, loving friend he was, decided to feed the other boy his applesauce.

Harry smiled goofily, as he opened his mouth wide and Grimmy made fake airplane noises as he moved the spoon towards Harry’s lips.

This wasn’t really odd behavior for Grimmy; he always fed Cher and Danielle during lunches, but it seemed it must not have been normal enough because Louis spoke up after Harry’s first spoonful.  “You guy’s need a room?”  His voice was condescending and he didn’t look amused in the least.

“No, why?”  Grimmy asked dipping the spoon back in the sauce.  “Does it bother you?”

Louis rolled his eyes, letting out a very undignified snort.  “Yah, Harry’s not a one year-old, I think he can feed himself.

“But where’s the fun in that?”  Grimmy questioned back, sly grin on his face as he lifted the full spoon up again.  “Here you go Harry, open up.”

Harry turned his eyes away from Louis’ irritated expression to shake his head ‘no’ at Grimmy.

He let out a huff with a mutter of ‘no fun’ under his breath and the rest of lunch passed with both Louis and him constantly at each other’s throats with each remark they made towards one another.  Harry knew the two of them didn’t really like each other but they were being completely ridiculous.

And when they were leaving the cafeteria, Grimmy made sure to grab Harry's wrist to guide him in the opposite direction.  Harry could feel Louis’ glare on their backs.

 

When Harry saw Louis later, he was in his good mood again, lunch seemingly forgotten.  He caught up to the younger boy on his way out of the building.

“Hey Harry!  Heading home?”

He slowed his pace so Louis could catch up.  “Yup.  Going to practice?”

He received a head nod in response and something about there being a meeting instead since there was a game that night, before, “…Actually, I wanted to know whether you maybe wanted to come to the game tonight.  We’re playing against Wolver Hampton.  It’ll be fun, and you can come with us to the after party!”  Louis looked hopeful, and Harry didn’t want to disappoint, but he already had plans.

“I’m actually… uh, Grimmy invited me to a party of one of his friends.

It amazed him how Louis’ mood could flip from being uneasy to irritated in a matter of seconds.  “Of course you are.”  He rolled his eyes and Harry fidgeted with his hands, nibbling on his lower lip.

Now it seemed Louis was mad at him, again.  He didn’t want that; and he was feeling much more emotional with the lack of sleep, which is why he didn’t stop himself from asking, "Why don't you like Grimmy?"

Louis looked like he was about to defend himself, before giving a little sigh and looking passed Harry's shoulder.  "I don't know.  I just don't like him.”  He seemed to want to backtrack on his words when he saw the face Harry was making.  "I've been a twat I know…”  He let out a huff, crossing his arms.  “I'm sorry."  He mumbled the last part as if even he wasn’t quite sure whether that was completely honest or not.

"It's fine...”  Harry responded, not really sure what else to say.

Louis looked back up at him from where his eyes had drifted to the soft blades of grass beneath their feet.  "But it's not."  He looked up towards the sky next, seeming quite uncomfortable with the topic.  "There's no reason for me to be a jerk...  I guess he's expecting an apology?"  He drawled out, his voice laced with an edge of irritation.

“No I don't think so...  He didn't say anything about it."

"Then why are we having this conversation?"  Louis’ tone was cutting again as he went on the defensive.

"I- I don't like it...”  Harry mumbled, wrapping a hand around his wrist, squeezing to ground himself.  “You're only ever mean when you’re upset."

Louis’ demeanor immediately softened at the quiet tone of Harry’s voice and the way the younger had lowered his head so submissively.  Louis instantly opened his mouth to apologize, but he bit back his words as they tickled the tip of his tongue, not even really sure why he was feeling the way he was around the younger teen.  Why it bothered him so much when Harry hung around with Grimmy.

"I'm fine.  Stress I guess..."  He mumbled instead, shrugging and stuffing hands into his pockets.  "It's nothing."

Harry knew it was a lie, by the way Louis fidgeted under his stare, but he didn’t push the subject.

“Well I have to get to my meeting…  I guess I’ll see you next week, yah?”

Harry nodded, knowing Louis wasn’t very happy with him; for ditching on him and hanging out with Grimmy instead, and for bringing up his dislike for the other lad in the first place.

“Okay, yah, I’ll see you.”

Louis left with a flippant wave over his shoulder, trotting off to the locker rooms.

Harry watched the older boy go, wondering whether he should ditch Grimmy and go to the game instead…  He hated making Louis upset, but he couldn’t ditch on Grimmy either.  He figured he would just have to disappoint one of them then.

 

Harry was effectively drunk off his ass, and still loopy from his lack of sleep the night prior.  He’d lost Grimmy in the process of drinking his thirst away and he was pretty content chugging on his fourth cup of whatever his friends had given him.  He honestly just wanted a night of fun, and he sort of wanted to forget that he’d upset Louis…  And that his mother had shown up in his life, unannounced and wanting him back.

Harry wasn’t really sure what to think anymore, and though he’d never been this drunk before, in his life, he didn’t think he minded all that much.

Chatting with Grimmy’s friend, Max, also seemed like a fun idea.  Harry had met the guy before, talked to him a few times and he was a nice lad; always took time out of his partying to talk to Harry and that was sweet.

And at the moment it was funny.  They were crowded into each other’s space and Max was telling him a story that had the younger laughing so obnoxiously.  He wasn’t even worried about what others would think of him though; he was too drunk to care.

“Hey Harry, how old are you?”  Max quite literally shouted into his ear, to get above the noise in the rest of the house.

“Just turned sixteen.” Harry was grinning sloppily, taking another swig of his drink.

The older lad let out a laugh, though Harry was pretty sure he didn’t say anything funny.  “Ah, I should give you a birthday present then...  Wanna go upstairs?”

Harry blinked a few times, in his daze, giving a coy shrug and a nod of his head.

Max grabbed his hand, leading him up the stairs, and his palms were much too sweaty and rough to be the one’s Harry would rather be holding, but he didn’t pull away in his haze.  Didn’t care enough, wasn’t even really sure where they were going or what they were doing.  Just followed like a good little boy.

When they made their way into an empty bedroom and Max was on his knees in front of Harry, the younger lad couldn’t have been more confused, especially when he thought he heard the sound of a zipper.  And when he went to take another swig of his beer, he almost choked feeling a hand on his privates, followed by a warm mouth.

His legs started shaking, and he had to remind himself to breath.  Whimpers left his mouth, and that shocked him even more.  He felt himself sobering up immediately- he was actually enjoying this.  And that thought sickened him; because all it did was remind him of his teacher’s mouth on him.  What she said to him, the way she touched his skin.

He was glad his mind was so muddled with alcohol, it only clouded the sensation further and the voice that appeared in the back of his mind, her voice, was drowned out, ‘don’t pretend you don’t like it.’ 

With a gasp, Harry lurched to the side, grabbing onto the cabinet next to him and puking into its open drawer.  He puked a second time when he heard Max choke out an ‘are you okay?’

But before Harry could say or do anything, he felt the alcohol kick his system again and everything went black.

 

Pounding.  That’s all Harry could feel as he blinked against the blinding sunlight.  He lifted a heavy arm to cover his face, blocking it as best he could.

A foggy voice entered his space, "I don't think I've ever seen you that drunk before..."

He groaned, rubbing harshly at his temples-- begging the colossal banging in his head to cease.

The voice cleared up the slightest bit and Harry slowly turned his head to see Grimmy standing next to the bed, talking down to him.  "Well Max brought you to me after he blew you… and you passed out."  Harry stared up, confused, still not completely back from unconsciousness yet; Grimmy couldn’t help the small chuckle that left his mouth.  But his grin was immediately cut off when Harry's face went green and the boy shot up-- quicker than both thought was possible in his stupor-- grabbing the small trash can by the other lad’s feet.

"There, there."  Grimmy soothed, awkwardly patting and rubbing at Harry's back as the younger spewed the alcohol he’d consumed the night before.  "I totally took the piss out of Max though for making you puke after he blew you,” He let out a few more laughs, continuing to pat Harry.  “Damn he must've been bad..."

Harry felt another wave of nausea, but didn't have anything to puke up as he dry heaved into the trash can.

"I mean I've never gotten one from him before, you must be special.  Probably likes curly hair..."

"Grimmy.  Can we stop talking about it?"  Harry bit out, not trying to hide the irritation and uncomfortable lump to his tone.  His mouth tasted disgusting and his mind was still buzzing as he thought back to what he could remember from the night before.  His face paled when Grimmy’s words registered.  Max had… and he’d… liked it…

"Oh, uh, yah-sorry."

Grimmy reached over for the bottle of water on his nightstand and passed it to the younger.  Harry drank, slowly, so as to not retch again, mentally cursing himself for the entirety of the previous week.  He now had another thing to add to his list of ‘things not to think about’ and that only aggravated him further; going to that party had been a huge mistake.

 

When Monday rolled around and Harry was finally able to stop thinking about what had happened that weekend.  And how he hadn’t liked it… he hadn’t.  He was relieved that Louis wasn’t mad at him anymore, for choosing to go out with Grimmy instead.  The older boy even sat next to him at lunch on Monday and Tuesday and let Harry eat some of his grapes.

But near the end of the week, the older boy hadn’t showed up to school and Harry was beginning to worry.  He texted him and a few hours later received a rather vague text telling him he was sick at home.

It wasn’t until Friday that Harry finally got the opportunity to see him-

 

Harry took a seat at the island in his kitchen, sipping on pomegranate juice as he watched Claire fiddle around with a pot she had on the stove.

She glanced over to him, before scooping a bit of the pot’s contents into a canister.  “Hey love, can you bring this soup over to Louis?  Liam and Zayn want to make sure he’s eating and sleeping properly.”

Harry nodded immediately, perked up by the idea of going to see his friend.  “Where did they go again?”  He asked, remembering that the two of them had mentioned something about a little vacation they were taking, the last time they’d been over for dinner.

“Zayn’s boss invited them on a cruise with him and his wife in… the Caribbean I think?”  She pondered aloud as Niall popped through the door and shuffled towards the fridge after catching sight of Louis’ meal.

He must’ve caught the tail end of the conversation because he affirmed the location.  “Yep the Caribbean.  Lucky bastards.”  He began sifting through the leftovers as Claire reminded him there were cupcakes on the top shelf.  “Want to split one?”

She let out a snort at his question.  “Split one?  You haven’t split dessert with me since our first date.”  He let out an acknowledging laugh, pulling out the cupcake tin in the process.  “Harry you want anything before you leave?”

He shook his head, watching his dad shove a whole cake in his mouth.  He still spoke around the dessert and crumbs though, when he asked Harry “Where ya going?”  He nodded when his son told him about Louis being sick, agreeing with the idea whole-heartedly.  “Good, I’ll finally be able to tell Liam to stop worrying.  He started calling _me_ when Louis stopped answering his calls.  But I mean, what does he expect when he was calling him every other hour for the past two days.  Earlier he was going on about being concerned for his ‘precious baby boy.’”  He waved his hand dismissively with a laugh, before smearing a bit of icing on the tip of Harry’s nose when the teen moved towards the door with his hands full with the canister of soup.  “Bye, my precious boy!”  And though Harry griped about the dessert on his face, Niall only laughed again watching him rub at his nose with a last cheery goodbye.

 

Walking to Louis’ was quick and Harry was sure to send a text letting him know he was coming over.  When he received an instantaneous response, he let himself in the front door, locking the entranceway behind him.  He was slow to slip off his shoes, shrugging his jacket off in the process as he ambled up the stairs and towards Louis’ room.

“Hi.”  Harry started, after knocking and receiving a very sick and scratchy sounding ‘come in,’ in response.

“Hey...”  Louis mumbled back where he was lying in bed, clicking the TV off to give Harry his full attention.  He was frowning and his cheeks had a light pink flush to them; his eyes a glassy tint to their blue.  He brushed a hand through his fringe to tousle the mess that made him look so disheveled and pretty; and Harry mimicked the frown, unsure as to why he’d thought that last remark.

“I brought you soup!”  He held up the decorated canister, watching as Louis made a not very pleased expression, scrunching up his nose in protest.

“Thank you Harry, but I’m not very hungry.”  He cleared his throat, taking a sip of the soda sitting on the table near his bed; Harry could see candy wrappers littering the surface next to it and figured he knew why.

“Your dads want to make sure you’re eating and sleeping properly...”  He moved further into the room, shutting the door softly behind him, like it had been before.

“Dads?  You mean just one of them, don’t you?”

Harry shrugged, knowing who Louis was referring to.  And it wasn’t Zayn.

Louis rolled his eyes, shaking his head.  “He seriously thinks I can’t take care of myself.  I’m not a baby anymore!   …God, he’s going to be a mess when I graduate.”

Harry took a pause, watching Louis grimace up at his ceiling.  “I’m going to be a mess when you graduate…”  He mumbled.

Louis glanced in his direction before letting out a snort.  “You and everyone else.  No worries, Harold, I will visit you in Uni.”

“Promise?”  Harry placed the canister of soup on Louis’ bedside table, taking a seat in the desk chair that he pulled over to the edge of the older’s bed.

Louis gave him a questioning look, before, “Yah, Harry, of course.”

Harry’s returning smile must’ve been good enough to get his mind off of it as he let out an obnoxiously scratchy and lengthy groan.  “I’m so bored!”  He rubbed hands over his face.  "I’m so bored… so _excruciatingly_ bored… so absolutely _unbearably_ BORED!”  He flung his arms in the air with each sentence and there was only a millisecond of silence before he spoke again, this time even more energetically than he’d been in his previous outburst.  “Oh I know!  Let's go on an adventure!"  He sat up, adjusting his pillow to lean back against the headboard, excitement lacing his features; childlike delight mirroring itself into his smile.

Harry let out an uncomfortable chuckle rubbing at the back of his neck.  "An adventure?"  But it wasn’t really a question; it was a repetition of the other’s statement, a hint of hesitation muddled with his words.  He quickly shook his head.

He only had one job and he wasn’t going to mess it up.  "Not when you need to stay in bed…”

Louis’ eyes grew large and pleading.  "Oh c'mon.  Harry."  He was whining now, pouty as he made his best attempt at a puppy dog face— if it was anyone but Louis it would have had no effect on Harry whatsoever.  "Oh I know how we can do it."  Louis continued, ignoring the fact that Harry had already said no.  He clasped his hands together in anticipation of sharing his-- what Harry was sure wouldn’t be such a good-- idea.

The younger boy merely stared back at him instead of responding, wondering where Louis had suddenly gotten so much energy when he had sounded so exhausted those few minutes prior.  "Okay you’ll be a nurse and I'll be your patient."

Harry let out a laugh, unable to control himself as he quirked his eyebrow.  "Nurse?  Why not doctor?"

"’Cos’ I’m destroying gender stereotypes like you like, right?"  Louis teased, letting out a very scratchy laugh.  "So?"

"Okay fine.  Lay down-" Harry glanced towards the imaginary clip board in his palms; where a stack of papers with the patient’s information lay.  "-Mr. Tomlinson.  I see, you have a high fever."

"Oh please call me Louis."  The patient winked up at him, laying down as Harry quirked his eyebrow again, unable to keep the grin off his face. 

"Mr. Tomlinson, the doctor recommends sleep for this kind of illness."

Louis shimmied to a comfortable position before putting his hand on top of Harry's, where it sat in the younger boy’s lap.  "Louis."  He repeated.

Harry shook his head before removing the older boy’s palm.  "I'm sorry, but it would be unprofessional of me to-"

"-I just need you to make me feel better nurse.  That's all I'm asking."  Except the way he was saying it, sounded like he was implying something.  Harry shifted, trying to get back into character.  He was pretty sure he’d seen this exact scene play out in a rom com he’d watched on TV one night.  He wasn’t sure how he felt about the rest of the movie coming to fruition.

"Well let me just get out my thermometer then…"  He mumbled, glancing anywhere but at Louis, searching for anything he could use to distract himself.  When he saw a pen sitting on the bedside table he quickly picked it up, placing the end in Louis’ mouth without complaint, and watched as the patient closed his thin lips around the object.  Harry tried not to stare, but he could feel his insides doing weird things as he pulled the object out and it was wet from Louis' mouth.  It almost reminded him of the previous weekend.

"Uh...oh-umm, well," He glanced down at the pen.  "Looks like you’re all better then.  Umm-you can check out at the front desk.  I have to go... Check on other patients.  It was nice working with-umm for you."

Louis let out a laugh; the hospital room they’d previously been in disappearing around them. "You’re so strange."  He commented, doing nothing to bite back his brilliant smile.  Which was also doing weird things to Harry.

Harry shrugged, clearing his throat, "But really, you do need to get some sleep.  Your dads said you won't unless someone forces you to…  Which is why I'm here."

"Like a babysitter?"  The older teen questioned with a shake of his head and another roll of his eyes.

"I guess..."

Louis face quickly lit up again, as he propped himself into a seated position.  Harry let out a sigh, why did Louis have to make his job so difficult?  "Let's--"

"No Boo.  I'm not going to be your babysitter..." And that was also putting weird thoughts in his head.  "Sleep time."

Louis let out a huff looking inappropriately adorable and Harry really wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do with himself, or the other lad.  "You're acting like a child."

"I am a child!"  Louis retorted, his voice coarser than before, from overuse.  The burst of energy quickly left him.  "I'm not tired..." He mumbled leaning back on the headboard, pulling his duvet up to his chin.

"It sounds like you are."

He merely shook his head in response; and Harry couldn't help but think it was endearing the way his cheeks puffed out in a pout.

"It’s freezing in here.  I'm so cold!!"  He started, complaining again.

Harry still couldn't keep the small grin off his face.  "I'll go get you some more blankets."

When he stood, Louis reached out, grabbing onto his arm.  "Can you also get--” But he paused, eyes scrunching up as he looked at the younger boy.  Moments of silence passed and Harry was beginning to wonder if he was even going to finish his sentence, or let him go.  “You're…you’re so warm..."

Harry watched Louis’ gaze flicker to his before returning back to where they were touching.  He let go, trailing his fingers down the skin on Harry’s inner arm, till he was holding onto his hand.

Harry felt his shoulder’s tense.

"Why are you so warm?"  The older wondered aloud, and he had suddenly gone all soft and quiet, as he glanced up to Harry again.

A moment passed between them before Louis scrunched up his face, returning to his more energetic self.  "I'm so jealous!  You're like a furnace… or something!"

Harry let out an awkward chuckle.  “Here, I’ll go get those blankets.”  Louis didn’t drop his hand and Harry looked down at the even tighter grip.  “Umm, Lou, I have to… You’re going to have to…”

Louis shook his head, a firm line to his lips.  “If I let you go, I’m going to _freeze_ to death!”  Harry wanted to laugh at Louis’ melodramatic attitude, but he couldn’t with Louis holding onto him like he was.  He didn’t know why it always seemed to do something to him when he and Louis would touch.

Harry let out a short breath, “okay.  What do you want then?”

And when Louis’ expression lit up, Harry wasn’t _too_ worried...  “You really can make me feel better, Hazza!”  He beamed, taking a small breath before continuing, “I’ll go to sleep like you said I should, if you keep me warm!”  He paused again, taking Harry’s hesitation into consideration.  “I won’t get you sick, promise.  See, no cough!”  He demonstrated by shutting his mouth tight; but that wasn’t the reason why Harry had stopped responding.

With a shaky nod of his head, Louis let out a cheer, throwing open his covers and scooting closer to the wall to make room for him.  They’d never been in the same bed before… and it was weird; especially when Harry felt the older boy shuffle into his space and wrap arms around his waist, snuggling a warm nose into his chest as if he were his own personal teddy bear.  They were about the same size now, and it was nice… having Louis so close.

“You’re so warm.”  Louis laughed lightly, clearing his scratchy throat.

Harry felt the hum of Louis’ words thrum against his chest; he wondered if Louis could feel the way his heart was beating so quickly.

“Haz?”

Harry loved the way he could feel Louis’ breath caress his collarbones; distracting and fascinating to him.  “Hmm.”  He began to trace his fingertips up and down Louis’ spine, receiving a contented sigh from the older boy.

"Can you…”  There was hesitation from the other; one Harry wasn’t sure he liked.  But he was so pleased being so close to him he’d probably do whatever Louis wanted.  “…I want hear about your mom."

Harry only paused a moment before biting his lip and continuing his previous motions, enjoying the way Louis’ breaths seemed to even out when he did so.  "...Are you sure?"  He could feel Louis' nod his head.  "Okay...  Well, I…"  Harry let out soft huff.  "Umm, I don't really know what to say..."

"Anything, baby."

Harry's bit his lip again, harder this time, and he found it was even harder to form any kind of coherent thought after what Louis had called him.  That wasn’t something he normally called his friends, was it?  The older boy was sleepy and sick, though, so Harry assumed he probably just hadn't realized it had slipped from his mouth. 

"Uh, well my mum is really... I love my mum."  He whispered the last part, more to himself than to Louis, as if it were a secret.  "She made the best mac and cheese...  And she would always tell me a bedtime story.  Well, only on the nights when I was good.  But they were always nice to hear.”

He could feel Louis nod his head again.  "Did you live with anyone else?  Or was it just you two?"

"Yah, my dad lived with us."

"What was he like?"  Louis asked, voice even more muffled by Harry’s chest as he nuzzled himself closer.

The younger teen stilled, letting Louis adjust to his liking.  “…He was nice too.”  His voice was quiet and almost wistful as he thought back to those few good moments he’d had with his dad.  “But he could be really mean when I was bad."  Harry averted his attention to the watery shadows on the wall, barely formed from the descending sun outside the window.  He focused on each unknown shape, ignoring those memories inside his head.  The ones of his dad, that reminded him of how worthless he really was.

"Were you bad a lot?"  Harry was pulled back from his reverie; glad Louis couldn’t see his expression or the way his eyes kept shifting from surface to surface, unsettled and jumpy.

"All the time."

Louis let the younger’s quiet response settle in the still room; mind focused on the inflections of his tone, on his distracting hands-- trying to read him, to know even more about his Harry.  "What'd you do that was so bad?"  He couldn’t even imagine it, Harry being like that.  Even when he’d been younger and his dad’s would talk about Niall and Harry, they would always mention how good the boy was at school and how well behaved he was.

"Uh, well one time I made my mum a card with, like, sparkles and glitter on it, for her birthday.  It was really pretty…  But I… when I went to give it to her, I accidentally got some of the glitter and glue on my dad’s work shoes…"

Louis opened his eyes, to blink incredulously; Harry’s behavior wasn’t nearly as bad as his had been when he was younger.  He tried not to scoff, but covered it up by pretending he was clearing his voice. "That was bad?”  He moved away to look at Harry’s face, but immediately grew serious again when something about the younger’s expression was hurting.  The boy shrugged before nodding, slowly, thoughtfully, sight trained forward.  “What'd he do afterwards?"

"He punished me."   Harry responded immediately, as if it was the most obvious chain of events.  He pulled his arms back to himself, fiddling with his hands, clasping them together and breaking them apart before resting the two in the space between them.

Louis didn’t like the ghostly look on Harry’s face—as if he was reliving the moment.  He didn’t like not having him closer.  "…How?"

The younger glanced into his eyes before averting his gaze again.  He couldn’t say it...  couldn’t say how because he’d deserved the punishment, but he was too embarrassed by himself to want to tell Louis.

He couldn’t just stay quiet though.  Louis wanted _something_ from him; wanted to know...  Harry took a silent breath, moving his hand down towards his waist.  He lifted his shirt until it just barely brushed over the bottom of his belt buckle.

Louis eye’s widened in disbelief.  "Jesus, Harry.  That's-- are you... That's not okay, baby.  Parents shouldn't do that."

"I was bad Louis, I deserved it."  Harry mumbled back, quickly covering his belt again and crossing his arms over himself.  He didn't want to get into a fight with the older boy, but he had the smallest feeling like he'd just upset him.

There was a long pause, where Harry refused to look at him, before Louis asked another question, "Has Niall ever done anything like that to you?"

He shook his head immediately.  Of course, Niall hadn’t.  He was too nice; even when Harry was bad, he didn’t yell at him or punish him.

Louis shifted on the pillow to grab his attention, cupping the boy’s cheek with his palm.  "Honey you didn't deserve any of that."

Harry moved his head down, to look away.  He didn't want to argue.  Even if he disagreed.

"What was your mum like, Louis?  Did you know her?"  It was obvious he was changing the subject, but Louis must’ve been allowing it because he let out a sigh before moving back to where he’d been before, in Harry’s embrace.

“Yah I do.  I still see her like once a year actually.  She’s…well, she’s okay.”

“How did you end up with your dads?”  Harry continued his line of questioning, glad he had something to occupy his thoughts again.

“I was put into an orphanage; she wasn’t ‘fit to parent’…  Psychological problems or something.”  Louis was brief and it seemed he didn’t want to talk about it.  Harry decided to not pester him into giving more detail.  He was sure Louis’ sore voice would give out soon anyways, and it must’ve hurt.

Harry let out a preemptive breath.  "You should get to sleep now, Lou."  The older boy let out a soft groan, the exhale tickling at Harry’s chest.

"One more question and then I will, promise."  He sounded hopeful and Harry couldn’t just let him down.  He nodded, breathing out a heavy sigh to let Louis know he would.  "Were you also adopted?  How did you end up with Niall?"

"Umm, well, he actually used to be my first grade teacher."  Harry started, only being interrupted once by Louis’ ‘I didn't know that’.  He smiled, remembering when Niall would give him animal crackers during recess.  “Yah, I loved coming to school.”  But Harry really only liked going to see his teacher, who he sometimes thought might’ve been the only person who was nice enough to tolerate having him around. 

"But umm, I guess, one day it was late and I was still at school.”  He paused; smile falling back into a frown.  "I don't really remember it well..."  That was a lie; he’d thought about that day a lot the first few months he’d been with Niall.  "But he said he'd drive me home.  He'd done it before sometimes when my parents were late, so it wasn't anything new."

"And then what?" Louis urged, after Harry had stopped speaking.

He couldn't back out of responding now.  "Well… uh, when we got to my house there was a paper on the door.  I didn't know what it was at the time, but I guess it was a foreclosure notice… or something…"  Harry tapered off into silence again.

"Where were your parents?"  Louis asked, quietly, voice uneasy.

"They weren't there." 

There was a long pause before, "Then what?  What happened?"

Harry bit his lip, feeling uncomfortable with all the questioning.  "Niall made some calls and then he adopted me."  He knew it was an abrupt ending, and it seemed Louis had realized the change in his mood.

“Harry-”

“Sleep time now, Louis.”

The older boy let out a quiet huff.  He wouldn’t push it; but he certainly wasn’t going to let it go.  He couldn’t believe what Harry had just told him.  That woman he’d met the previous day did that to Harry.  To her son.  Let her husband belt him for getting glitter on his clothes, _glitter_.  Louis couldn’t even believe it; not to Harry.   And now, Anne, had the audacity to want him back after abandoning him.  Louis didn’t _want_ to believe it.  He wrapped his arms tighter around the younger boy, nestling his way closer.  He couldn’t even imagine how that must’ve made Harry feel; he didn’t ever want him to feel like that again.

He wasn’t sure he’d be able to fall asleep after hearing what he’d just had.  He moved closer instead, wishing he could know what the younger was thinking.  Louis couldn’t believe he hadn’t asked before.  He felt like he’d failed as a best friend; he hadn’t known about the bullying, or Harry’s parents abandoning him.  Not until recently and he should’ve… he hadn’t known anything…

 

Harry listened to Louis’ even breaths like a lullaby as he shut his own eyes, feeling better now that they weren’t talking about him and his family anymore.  He liked being around Louis all the time, but he found he quite enjoyed being around soft and cuddly Louis, and he really liked being all soft and cuddly with him back.  He sort of wished he could get used to the feeling.

 

Harry startled awake when he heard the doorbell ring.  He blinked, adjusting to the darkness of the room, the setting sun the only light filtering onto the duvet resting over them.  Harry moved to get up, hearing Louis groan, voice sleepy and still rough with sick.  “No.  Don’t go.”  He was holding onto Harry’s shirt with a vice like grip and Harry let out a chuckle, prying the boy from him, to stumble downstairs.

“Hello?”  He pulled the door open and immediately took a miniscule step back when he saw who it was.  By her expression it seemed she hadn’t been expecting him either.

“Oh, hi...”  She shifted a little in her shoes before smiling up at him.  “Umm is Louis upstairs?”

“Uh, yah, he’s, umm, was just sleeping.  I’m sure he’ll be up soon though.”  Harry responded, watching as Eleanor’s smile widened.

“Okay, sweet,” She moved her way past him to head up the stairs.  “Made him some soup!”  She spoke cheerily, holding up the lunchbox she’d been carrying.

Harry scratched at his head noticing the hearts and XO’s on the front of it.  “So did my mum…”  He mumbled slightly embarrassed. Of course Eleanor would bring Louis soup; she _was_ his girlfriend…

She let out a pretty laugh.  “Well let’s hope Louis is extra hungry then.”

 

Louis could hear footsteps on the stairs and he cleared his mouth, feeling the tingling coat his throat.  “Harry, I’m cold agai-- Eleanor?”  Louis stopped speaking when the two entered the room.

“Hi, love.  How are you feeling?”  She asked, coming closer to place a hand on his forehead.  He breathed out a huff, resting back on his pillow again.

“Shitty.”

“Well, I made you soup.  In case you were hungry.”  She responded, brushing some of the fringe off of his forehead.  Harry moved further into the room to grab his jacket off the desk where he’d left it, making sure to not look at the couple and give them their privacy as she whispered hushed words to him.

Harry paused when he was back at the bedroom door.  “I guess I’ll see you at school on Monday.”  He muttered, feeling the two of them look at him.

He stopped again when he heard Louis’ quiet words.  “You’re leaving?”  His head was tilted, expression still soft and sleepy from having just woken up and Harry felt pounding in his chest as he nodded in response.  Eleanor wished him a good weekend and he moved out of the room leaving the happy couple in peace.

Grabbing his old, well-worn shoes, Harry shut the front door tightly behind himself, beginning the walk back to his house; the warmth and comfort he’d felt wrapped up in Louis, all but forgotten.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been about a month (Harry is sixteen, Louis is eighteen).

It had been bothering him all week.  He hadn’t thought it would, he really hadn’t.  But having the weight of knowing he should probably tell Niall about his mum… and Louis’ mutterings to do so that he received every few hours, made him about ready to explode with the pressure of pleasing everyone.  He couldn’t do what Louis said and risk his dad kicking him out to go back to his mum, but he also couldn’t ‘not tell’ Niall, because really it should be the man’s decision.

But there was also a small part of Harry that knew his dad wouldn’t get rid of him even if he’d asked.

Harry had just gotten home from school, having walked rather quickly compared to his usual slow pace.  Most likely because of the nerves, and he had immediately thrown his bag to the ground and plopped himself on his bed, thoughts in aflutter.  Simon pawed at his leg to grab his attention, sitting on his lap when Harry didn’t respond right away.

He had to do it…

He would do it.

He would tell his parents that night.  Because the Malik-Payne family was coming over and Harry needed Louis there.  He needed the older lad to make him feel better if things didn’t turn out so well… and he just hoped Louis wouldn’t notice how selfish it was of him to ask for such help.

 

It must’ve been an hour that passed as Harry aimlessly stroked and cuddled with Simon, mind wandering, thinking about what he was going to do and how he was going to do it.  He had some semblance of a plan.   He was just going to outright say it.  If he didn’t, he wasn’t sure he’d ever build up the courage to do it again.

He stirred from his trance when he heard a light knock on his door and Simon jumped from her place on his stomach.

“Hey honey, we’re going to start cooking dinner if you want to help us.”  Claire’s voice mumbled through the door.  “And you know how I love having an extra pair of eyes to make sure Niall doesn’t eat all the food before its ready…”  She added with a laugh and Harry smiled to her words before calling out that he would be down soon.  His nerves were getting the best of him though and he wouldn’t be able to face them without messing up everything.  He needed Louis there.

Ten minutes later- Harry was counting- with Simon back in his arms, the teen scurried down the stairs when he heard the doorbell ring, tossing the cat to the carpet where it meowed angrily at him.  “I got it!”  He yelled out as he swung the heavy door open to see Louis smiling questioningly at him.

Harry let out a huff; he’d asked Louis to come to his house early and was so relieved to see him.  He just wanted to do it, even if he felt like his head was getting fuzzy and his stomach was in knots.  The nervous energy came out when he spoke, “Louis, I’m going…”  He tried to breathe to calm himself, before starting his sentence over, slower the second time. “I’m going to do it.”

The older lad eyed him curiously while slipping off his shoes at the door, before a wary “…Do what?” left his mouth.

Harry took another breath, reminding himself to just keep breathing.  So he wouldn’t pass out.  “Tell my dad... about my mum.  My real mum.  But I need your help.  I won’t… I won’t be able to do it unless you’re here.”

Harry felt his cheeks reddening at the statement, but found his trepidation lessening when Louis’ eyes lit with recognition, a second after another smile formed on his lips.  “Okay.  Yah, that’s great Harry!  I’m so glad you’re going to!”  He nodded along with Louis words, waiting for the older boy to follow him further into the house.  “Let’s just say hi to your parents first, and then figure out when and what you should say.  Yah?”

Harry nodded, but he wasn’t actually listening.  He only had one thing on his mind-- he had to do it before he lost his nerve.

Managing to not trip over Simon on the way into the kitchen, Harry made sure Louis was right behind him when he looked to where both his parents were.  Niall was stirring pasta sauce on the oven top, taking joyful little sniffs of it every few seconds, while Claire stood cattycorner him, at the other counter draining the pasta.  Both were oblivious to the newcomers in the room, too distracted by the newest auto-tuned pop song chiming out of the radio.

Harry took a deep breath, closing his eyes in anticipation for his parent’s reactions to what he was about to say.  He exhaled, letting out his words in one long stream, “MymumlivesinDoncasterandshetalkedtomeandshewantsmetocomelivewithhernow.”

It was the fastest Harry had ever spoken.

Everyone turned to stare at him; not quite sure they had heard his abrupt statement, curious as to why he seemed so frazzled and afraid of a rebuke.

Harry couldn’t tell what Louis’ expression was, but when he glanced back and saw surprise and disbelief on the older’s features, he grew even more nervous.  And felt even more like he wanted to puke.

He was suffocating with anxiety. Why had Louis looked at him like that when Harry had already told him that was what he was going to do; when Louis had insisted he should in the first place...?

“What?”  Niall’s forehead lifted in curiosity.  He flicked off the radio before taking the sauce off the stovetop, to give the boys his full attention.

Harry angled himself towards Louis, distress in the widened frame of his eyes and in the little creases that formed his frown.  Louis closed his mouth, stepping up to put a hand on the back of Harry’s arm, nodding to show him it was alright.

 Harry took a deep breath before turning back to his parents who were both looking at him now.  Harry repeated himself, slower this time, keeping his eye contact lowered.  “My mum… she lives in Doncaster now, and she says… she wants me to come back home and live with her and her new family.”  His words trailed off to mumbles near the end, but he was pretty sure everyone had heard what he said.

When he glanced up to his dad, Niall still looked confused, whereas Claire seemed worried as she glanced between the two of them.

“Harry’s mum?”  She questioned, looking for confirmation.  Harry lifted his hand to squeeze Louis’ where it still lay on his arm, and Louis must’ve seen the pleading in the younger’s eyes because he nodded to him before turning back to Claire.

“Yah, Anne I think…  She uh, the other week, Harry was at tutoring and I guess she saw him and told him she wants him to come and live with her…”

Louis really had only heard the tale-end of their conversation so it made sense why he was so undetailed in his response.  Harry hadn’t told him, because Harry hadn’t wanted to.  And he still didn’t want to…

But he would, because it was the right thing to do…  He cleared his throat to draw their attention back to him.  “…I was tutoring Gemma, and she… wanted to introduce me to her mum, so like, when she did, I guess her mum is---was mine and she was really surprised to see me.”  He felt the pressure of Louis’ hand increase the slightest bit, to comfort him every time he stumbled over his words.  He kept his expression neutral, as best he could, eyes downcast.  “And she said, she umm, had been looking for me, back at Cheshire, but we weren’t there, and, umm… that she wants me to come back and live with her… and Gemma, and her new husband.”  He took another crucial breath, relief surprisingly flooding his system after he’d told his parents.

Until he looked up that is.

Niall’s mouth was parted, speechless, his eyebrows angled in what looked to Harry to be anger or disbelief.  He hoped it was the latter and that Niall wasn’t unhappy with him.

But before Harry could apologize for being so difficult and beg Niall to keep him and not kick him out the doorbell rung, causing all of them to jolt back from their separate thoughts.

Louis glanced around, wary of the awkward tension in the room.  “That’s probably my parents…  I can go get it, if you want.”  He started pulling his grip away before Harry grasped onto his hand like it was his lifeline, squeezing a bit harder than he probably had intended to.

“No!”  Harry hoped the ‘please don’t leave me’ was evident in the quiver of his lip; that he was able to stop by biting down on the bottom one.

“We’ll talk about this later, okay?”  Claire placed a gentle hand on Harry’s shoulder, drawing his attention back to her.  “How about you and Louis go watch some TV while we adults make dinner.”  She lightly pinched his nose, smiling at him so caring like that Harry felt himself shyly mimicking her expression, before she walked past the two to get the front door.

The small smile on his lips stayed for only a few seconds more as Louis dragged him out of the room and into the adjacent one.

 

Harry took a seat, sinking into the plush of the cushion seats.  Louis kept giving side glances as he turned on the television, settling the channel to some random black and white cartoons.  “Hey Harry…”  He cleared his throat, looking to see Harry frowning and not even pretending to pay attention to the show.  “…are you okay?”

“I shouldn’t have said anything.”  Harry mumbled out, picking at the torn fabric near the bottom of his jeans as he pulled them up to his chest.

Louis was quick to deny his statement.  “No, it was great that you told them!  I’m so proud of you.”  He tapped him on the cheek so Harry would look up, so he could see the older boy smiling at him.  “And you should be proud of yourself too.  I know you didn’t want to, but you did!  Because it is important, Harry.  And Niall and Claire should know.”

 “Then, why did you give me that look?”  He knew Louis was aware of what he was talking about when the older boy’s face lowered into another frown.

“The timing just… probably wasn’t the best…”  He said lightly, as if not wanting to hurt Harry’s feelings.

The younger boy slowly fidgeted, nodding to Louis’ words.  “Okay, yah…you’re right.”  He could see the surprise on his parents faces when he’d told them. He maybe should’ve waited until a time when they could’ve discussed it further…  But he still felt slightly relieved for having already done it.

Louis opened his mouth to respond, but closed it, suddenly distracted by the mobile that vibrated alight in his pocket.  He pulled it out before grimacing at the words on the bright screen, ignoring the notification by slipping it back into his pocket with a disgruntled look.

Harry was staring at the TV screen then, so Louis didn’t say anything more.  He instead spent the next half hour using his thumb to rub small, soothing circles into Harry’s arm where his hand found a place to rest.

The younger wasn’t complaining.  And he wished he could have that rhythmic touch stay when they were called to dinner and Louis had to let go.

 

When everyone was seated, Niall at one head of the table and Zayn at the other, Liam and Claire on one side and Louis and Harry opposite them, the six began portioning food onto their plates.  It was oddly silent without Niall’s boisterous laughter and their parents’ normal bantering back and forth.  And Harry didn’t like the uncomfortable atmosphere that swirled in the room.

“Liam, Zayn, how was your cruise?”  Claire started and the two went into a few stories from their trip, that judging by Louis’ lack of interest, he’d heard a few times before.

She let out a laugh, and Harry was surprised his dad wasn’t also laughing.  “Yah, I can see you got a very nice tan.”

“It is pretty nice, isn’t it?”  Liam agreed before turning to the boys who were sitting across from him and Claire.  “Harry, how was your day at school?”  He started, cutting up the meatballs on his plate.

“Umm, good…”  Harry responded, looking up to be greeted with a smile from the older man.

“Great!  And Louis?  How was your day?”  He continued, scooping some more parmesan on top of his tomato sauce covered pasta.

“Fine.  The coach wanted to know whether you guys were coming to our next away game…”  Louis mumbled back, taking a drink of the water Harry had gotten him.

“Of course!  I do so love to see you play.”

Zayn gave him a proud smile, taking a long sip of his wine.  “We wouldn’t miss it.”

And the conversation continued as such, Niall saying absolutely nothing, except for a mumble here and there that no one could hear, and Harry was much too anxious by his odd behavior to look to him; lest he see disappointment or, even worse, be ignored.

“And Harry, how is tutoring going?”

The tension in the room rose to new heights and Harry felt like he could suffocate on the air if he breathed it in for too long.  All eyes, except for Harry’s, spared glances in the direction of the negative energy to see Niall rolling his food around his plate where it’d been unnaturally untouched.  The scowl on his face didn’t do much to hide his dissatisfaction.

“I, uh, like it…  It’s fun…”  He responded, stilted, staring hard at the fork on his plate, where his food had also hardly been touched.

Zayn seemed ready to say something, perhaps ask what Niall’s problem was, maybe to ask Harry more about his tutoring, when he was interrupted.  “I’ll go get dessert…”

If people were surprised Niall had actually said something, they were very good at hiding it.  Even after he left for the kitchen their expressions remained normal, except for the tiny glance Liam and Zayn exchanged between each other, that Harry tried not to read too much into it as he took another small forkful of spaghetti.

“What do you do, Harry?  At tutoring?”  Zayn asked, giving the teen his full attention.

“Umm, well, I mostly help this one girl,” _my sister_ , “Gemma, and she’s uh; just whatever homework she hasn’t done I help her with.”

“And you help her on her old quizzes right?”  Claire encouraged, and Harry smiled in relief before nodding his head.

“That is so fun!  We always knew you were super smart.”  Liam complimented, making Harry flush a light pink.  “Unlike some other teenagers I know…”  He teased, eyeing Louis, who gaped in contempt.

“Excuse you, who’s graduating in a few months?”  He quipped back.

“Well only the cutest, most precious little boy I know!”  Liam gave back and Louis squinted his eyes in disapproval.

“I’m not cute.”  He grumbled out and his denial brought a smile to everyone’s faces.

“Yes you are.”  Zayn added in, making Louis growl at him, as he turned to Claire, so she could defend his honor against the other adults opinions.  Usually Niall got to do the honors, but since he wasn’t present, it would be all up to her.

“You are a bit of a cutie Louis.”  She gave apologetically, as he growled again and turned to Harry who was smiling so widely and adorably back, he wasn’t quite sure his parents knew the definition of cute if they thought he was anywhere near Harry’s level.

“You are cute, Boo.”

He couldn’t stop himself from grinning back at the younger.  Though he was, thankfully, still able to shake his head in disagreement.

And it was the only un-awkward conversation they had because when Liam asked Harry to go into further detail about tutoring and Gemma his words were interrupted by a loud crash from the opposite room.  And it was hardly silent for another moment after, before Niall let out an explicative and Zayn left the table to see what had happened.

When it didn’t quiet down, and instead a stream of cuss words could be heard, as well as some more banging, Liam excused himself too, leaving their empty plates at the table.

There were hushed words from the kitchen when Claire cleared her throat, grabbing the teen’s attention.  “You two should go up to your room.”  She muttered to Harry before getting up as well, tossing her napkin down and heading towards the kitchen where the thrashing could still be heard.

Harry continued looking at the space where his dad had been, face pale and stomach swooping.  There was only one reason Niall was acting so strangely, and it was Harry’s fault.  Even when Louis grabbed his hand to lead him upstairs, and he felt those familiar, careful fingers trace circular patterns into his palm, he didn’t feel any better.

 

With the two of them now in his room, behind the firmly shut door, they separated, Harry going to sit on his bed and Louis to sit at his desk chair.

It was still silent, from earlier, and Louis knew Harry was thinking too much.  He could see the wheels cranking in his head and he wanted to distract the boy; anyway he could.  He roved the area with his eyes, thinking of anything to talk about. 

When he found a subject to comment on he turned to the younger boy.  “You still have that?”  He pointed to the galaxy lamp Liam and Zayn had given Harry as a homecoming present, when he and Niall had moved to Doncaster.  Louis had seen it on several occasions when he’d been over, but he hadn’t been there in a while and had almost forgotten how much Harry loved it.

The younger nodded, not really interested in talking.  Not when his ears were trying, in vain, to hear the muffled voices coming up from his room’s air vent.

“Can I turn it on?”  Louis asked, and Harry nodded again, but stayed fixed on the edge of his bed, fingers tapping against his knee.

Even when Louis tampered with it a bit, not quite sure how to turn the lights on, Harry hardly paid any attention to him.  So Louis gave up in a huff, slouching back against the carpet and pulled out his phone to entertain himself; or rather to find something to show Harry on YouTube, to continue his attempts of distraction.

Harry was still perched on the edge of his bed, his legs bouncing up and down, in nervous twitches.  He just barely noticed Louis scroll through his new messages before ignoring them, like he’d done before, and opening up his internet instead.  Out of curiosity, and for more reason, to hide his discomfort from the other teen (not that he thought he was doing a very good job), Harry spoke up. “Aren’t you going to respond to any of them?”

Louis looked to him, surprised he’d actually said anything, before he shrugged.  “They’re not important.”

And Harry nodded before pulling his thumb between his teeth and biting down on the tip of it, trying, still, to not let the mumbling yells from below bother him.

But he found he couldn’t stand not knowing what was being said.  It involved him… at least he was pretty sure it did…  And he wanted to know.

So he got up and inched over to the door, with less caution than he thought was possible.

He could feel Louis’ gaze follow his movements, to see him slip out the door, before hearing a cautious, “What’re you doing…?”

And with no response and after a brief moment of hesitation, Louis followed Harry, watching the younger creep down the steps where the parent’s voices’ were getting louder.  When the teen sat on the bottom step, legs tucked up to his chest, Louis shuffled down next to him until their shoulders were touching.  He ignored the way the smaller boy seemed so unnaturally still, too deep in thought, and sat, listening in to the conversation happening in the kitchen.

“How can she…”  It was Niall’s voice, muffled only slightly from the corner separating the kitchen from where they sat.  “After so many damn years?!”  There was another clang, like a dish was being thrown carelessly into the sink basin.  “After abandoning him?!”

His tone had Harry flinching further into Louis’ side.

“Stop throwing stuff.”  Liam’s voice ordered, serious and with an edge of disdain.  The scraping of chairs sounded through the hall.  “Have a seat, and for God’s sake, Niall, breathe.”  There was a moment’s silence.  In a much gentler voice, Liam continued.  “We know you’re upset.  But I think Harry probably is too.  And your tantrum won’t solve anything…”

Harry chewed on his lip, hating that they were discussing him when he was right there.  Especially because he knew it would make Niall feel even worse.

There was an irritated groan before a quick, “I know.  I’m sorry,” sounded out.  Though it didn’t sound like he really was all that apologetic.

“Now tell us, what exactly is going on?”  It was Zayn this time and he sounded unnaturally tense.

When silence followed his query, Claire responded.  “Harry’s mum is here in Doncaster and she told Harry she wants him to come back and live with her.”

Another long hesitation.

“…Can she do that?”  Liam’s voice carried over to them, and the question repeated over and over in Harry’s mind.  He could feel Louis looking at him, with concern and something like pity in his gaze.  Harry kept his eyes averted.

“If she’s serious, she can...  The law’s on her side.”  Zayn responded slowly as if thinking on it.  “She could claim she wasn’t there to sign the papers, that it wasn’t her choice for him to be adopted instead of being a ward of the state…  I’m not quite sure...  I could ask Shelby.  She’s a lawyer, she would know more about it.”

“…Yah, could you?”  Niall’s voice was scratchy and uncharacteristically vulnerable.  “I just… can’t let her take my son.”  And Harry felt something like warmth swell within him, at his dad’s words.  A feeling that washed out a bit of the anxiety he’d felt about the situation.

“We won’t let her take him, okay?  We won’t.”  Claire’s voice was soft and Harry could only imagine her expression was the same.

Louis must’ve noticed Harry’s change in posture as he leaned forward to capture Harry’s attention.  “Are you good?”  It took a while for Harry’s gaze to meet his own, but when the younger nodded, the two stood up to shuffle back to Harry’s room.

That night, Louis stayed over, and they fell asleep to Harry’s star lamp surrounding them with a million sparkling galaxies.  And if, after thirty minutes of lying in his sleeping bag Louis moved to join Harry on his bed, upon the younger’s request, well no one had to know.

 

Louis left early the next morning to shower and change at his house and Harry used the extra time to eat a small breakfast and head to school.  Harry had tutoring that day, and he was worried his mother would want to talk to him.  Niall wouldn’t want that, and Harry didn’t want to upset him further.

He tried not to worry or think too much about it.  It was much easier to do so when Louis pulled into the car park at the same time Harry arrived and they walked into the building together, discussing the complexities of their favorite singers’ voice’s, as they headed towards Louis’ locker.

Upon reaching their destination, Stan appeared looking like he was ready to pick a fight.  “Why didn’t you tell me you twat?!”

Harry looked to Louis to see him glance unconcernedly from Stan’s bewildered expression, to Josh’s nonchalant shrug where the other teen stood by Stan’s side.

Louis waved a flippant hand in the air before turning to open his locker, as if he was already done with this conversation before it had even started.  “I figured Eleanor would say something.”

“So you wouldn’t have to?  Come on man, I’m like the tenth person to find out.  Even Josh knew before I did!”  Stan turned to eye the other boy with a disgruntled scowl while Louis smirked, pulling out a few of his books, seemingly having no response to his friend’s overreaction.

Harry glanced between the three of them, noting the irritation on Stan’s face, the amusement on Josh’s, and the indifference in the quirk of Louis’ eyebrows.  He wondered if he’d be intruding by asking what they were talking about.  He couldn’t help his curiosity though and decided to inquire anyways. “…What happened?”

Josh turned to smile at him as Stan’s eyes squinted further into a glare that Louis was completely fine with ignoring.  “Louis and Eleanor broke up.”

Harry wasn’t quite sure he heard correctly and it took him a few long moments to process the information, and close his mouth from drifting open in surprise.  He looked in Louis’ direction, though he couldn’t read his expression, wondering if the older boy really didn’t mind the breakup as much as he was making it seem.  Harry bit his lip before turning back to Josh, curiosity still clawing at his insides.  Louis began closing his locker and Harry couldn’t hold back anymore, letting the quiet question slip from his lips, “…Why?”

But before anyone could respond, Louis let out a groan, slamming his locker door with more force than necessary.  “If you’re going to talk about my business, at least wait until I’m not here.”  And Harry immediately regretted opening his big, stupid mouth.  Especially when Louis stalked off, leaving Stan with no one to pout at and Harry wanting to kick himself in the shins.

Stan decided to answer him nonetheless and even though Harry wasn’t sure whether he should listen or not he stayed quiet as the older lad began to speak.  “Well, after I forced El into telling me, after I found out from this prick,” Stan began, gesturing to Josh with a head nod.  “She said it’s because they’re both going to different schools next year, and that they wanted a ‘fresh slate’, or some shit.”

He nodded in consideration before looking at Stan’s still irritated expression.  “Are you actually mad?”

His frown immediately turned into an impish smile as he swung his hand out.  “Nah.  I just like giving Louis shit.”  It took him a second to recollect his thoughts as his expression grew annoyed again.  “But I did have bets they’d get married...  There’s a waste of ten pounds.”

Josh let out a scoff.  “You’re such an idiot.”  Stan had a moment to look offended before Josh continued, “You really thought they’d get married?  Louis and _Eleanor_?”

Stan glowered at him, crossing his arms with a huff. 

“He is an idiot, isn’t he?”  Harry turned around to see Perrie walking towards them, speaking obnoxiously loud, especially for so early in the morning.  Of course to flaunt that Stan’s intelligence was less than par.  “Now where’s my money, hot shot?”  She threw him a smile as he pulled out his wallet, grumbling under his breath.

She turned to Harry while she waited, fluffing up his curls.   “You look super cute today Harry.  Dressing up for someone?”

He looked down at his outfit, at the baggy jeans and polo, drawling out a very unsure, “No…?”

So his clothing choice that day was a bit different than his usual jeans and band t-shirt.  But he wasn’t dressing up for someone…  He wasn’t _really_.  Not like the possibility of seeing his mother later that day after tutoring Gemma made him want to look presentable or anything…

He’d had a few tutoring session since the first run in with his mum, and she hadn’t shown up at anyone of them.  She had promised him space after all.

So he wasn’t dressing up for her… he didn’t want her approval, and he didn’t need her approval.  He had just happened to accidentally wear something that Claire told him brought out his eyes and that Niall always teased made him look a bit older.

So no.  Not for his mum.

“Thanks Stanley!  I’ll be sure to buy something nice with this.”  Perrie saluted the three of them before sauntering off towards her class.

Stan and Josh began walking in the opposite direction towards their own class, Stan muttering out an “I hate school,” beneath his breath that had Josh letting out a laugh.

“Well at least we’re almost out.”  He soothed, as Harry tuned them out and Cher picked him up on his way to English.

The rest of the day went by in a boring haze, except for lunch, where Eleanor and Louis didn’t sit next to each other, for the first time that Harry’s ever seen.  And when they did interact it was only for a very small amount of time, because they had to.  Having the two at the same table wasn’t really too uncomfortable for anyone else, but Harry just hoped Louis wasn’t feeling too down about the break...

Besides lunch though, the day was tragically normal, which Harry liked.  He could handle normal.  And he soon found himself sitting in the back of Perrie’s car, listening to her and Danielle discuss nail polish colors that he would’ve paid more attention to if he wasn’t wondering whether he’d see him mum that day.  Normal, he hoped.

 

When Harry was situated at his table in the library, notebook out while he waited for Gemma, he let his mind wander.  He hoped Louis wasn’t still mad at him for asking about his break up earlier that day.  It really was none of his business, but, much like Stan, he couldn’t believe that it had happened.  He wondered if school was the real reason they broke up and not something else…  What that something else would be, Harry had no idea.

But he stopped his intrusive thinking when Gemma ran over to him, pushing herself onto her tiptoes and using the table in front of her for support.

“Mum says you’re my brother!”  She claimed cheerily, before she arranged herself back on her heels.  “Are you?”  Harry’s smile became more strained than it’d been before as Gemma took a seat next to him.

“Uh, yah, I suppose…”  He responded, packing his own stuff away to clear room for her things.  He was surprised she hadn’t asked him before then.  They’d had at least four tutoring sessions since the incident with his mum.

She turned to eye him funny.  “If you are, then why don’t you live with us?”

Harry scratched his head, mumbling, “I, uh, I have a new family.”

She eyed him for a few more moments, before giving an, “Oh, okay!” and pulled out her things to begin working.  Harry was relieved and found his smiles came much more naturally afterwards.

 

When their tutoring session was coming to a close, Harry grew even more wary.  He hoped he wouldn’t have to see his mum.  Especially after what had happened the day before regarding his dad and how angry he’d been.

But when Gemma asked him, “Harry?  Can you walk me to the door?”  He knew he would have to.

Taking a deep breath and Gemma’s awaiting hand, which was so much more petite than his own; she led him towards the exit where they played another round of rock-paper-scissors sitting on the sidewalk.

When Anne arrived, he stood, much like the time before, wary and unsure, though it had been at least two weeks since they’d last seen each other.

Gemma hugged his side before skipping off to sit in her car, as if her mum had told her to do so the night before, and that the whole thing had been planned out.  Harry took a deep breath before facing his mother, who was smiling hesitantly at him.  She stepped forward, but he didn’t flinch like last time, so she took that as a good sign, her smile widening.

“Harry, baby, how are you?”  She slowly wrapped him in a hug that he immediately tensed up in.  Taking another breath, he found himself relaxing, the shock having already traveled through his body.  And he found it increasingly easy to forget why he was upset, with his mum’s warm embrace around him.  After all, he’d always felt safe when she’d held him, however little the amount of times that was.

She pulled back to give him a warm smile, much like the one’s he got from Gemma. “Honey… I want to set up a meeting with your caretakers.”

And he suddenly didn’t feel so calm and okay anymore.

“I want to discuss you coming back to live with us. Can you give me their number?”  She let him go completely to dig around for a pencil and mini notebook in her purse.

He only stared back, wide eyed and frozen in place, like a deer in the way of oncoming traffic.  He shook his head when she turned back to him and his voice was quiet when he said, “I don’t want to move back with you…”

She blinked in bewilderment; as if surprised he hadn’t changed his mind from the last time she’d asked him.  “I’m sorry darling, what was that?”  She tested.

And Harry felt even more afraid to repeat himself; not wanting to upset her, especially after she’d hugged him like he had always wanted.  But he remembered how upset and angry his dad was the night before and he did, still quietly, still barely audible.  “I don’t… want to move back in, with you.”

“Oh honey,” She grabbed him by the shoulders to lead him towards a bench a few feet away from where they were.  She sat him down before making her way next to him and taking his shaking hands in her own ice cold ones.  “It doesn't matter what you want darling, because you're still a child.”  He looked up into those calm green eyes and his stomach dropped, his shoulders hunching to make him seem just as small as he felt.  “You don't know what's best for you.  But I do.”  She took a breath and squeezed his hands.  “And what's best for you... for us, is being together.”

He shook his head, and felt that familiar prick of water stinging at his eyes.  But he couldn’t cry.  She’d always hated it when he did that.

“Now,” She dropped his hands to pick her pen and paper back up.  “What was that number again?”

 

Dinner was similar to how it’d been the day before, except Niall at least tried to make some conversation this time.  He still seemed weary and unkempt, more so than he ever did, and Harry tried to not blame himself for his dad’s disheveled and exhausted state.

So when Niall asked Harry if he had enough to eat, and if he wanted anything special for dessert, the boy responded accordingly so he wouldn’t be a hassle in any way.

Niall didn’t seem to see it that way and made him an ice cream sundae anyways.  And while Harry usually enjoyed the sugary taste, he thought it was too sweet, and hardly ate any of it.

 

 

When Claire left for the kitchen with the dirty dishes, Niall followed after her, before returning and pacing a few steps.  Back and forth, muttering to himself and looking distressed again.

Harry followed his movements with his eyes, wondering what he was doing.  His questioning was answered when Niall sat down in front of him, on the carpet, running a hand through his hair and trying to collect himself for what he was about to say.  “…I’m really sorry for my behavior yesterday, at dinner… I hope I didn’t scare you.”  He spoke quietly, ashamed, and Harry could relate all too much with the fidgety behavior his dad was displaying.

He shook his head, not wanting Niall to feel bad for anything having to do with him.  But his dad quieted him softly before the younger was able to say anything about it _not_ being his fault, as if he’d known that’s where Harry’s thoughts would head.

The blonde took a deep breath, knocking his knees together.  He grabbed Harry’s hands when the boy turned fully in his chair to face him.  Harry held back just as tightly, knowing his dad needed to know he was there and not going anywhere.  “…I’m really glad you told me, Harry.  And I’m sorry…”

Harry watched those blue eyes lower to the carpet in embarrassment, before returning to meet his again. “I shouldn’t have reacted like I did.  I just, after last time, I should’ve… handled it better.  I’m sorry.”  Harry shook his head again and Niall let out a soft chuckle before using Harry’s own hands, where they were still in Niall’s grasp, to squish his face, so he’d stop shaking it.  “Will you please forgive me?...”

 “Of course.”  Harry responded and Niall’s face graced them with a smile.  Though small, it was the most normal his dad looked since the day before, and he pulled Harry into a hug, scooting him over until they were sharing his chair so Niall could keep arms around his son.

 “Dad?”  He waited for some sort of a response before continuing, “I… gave my mum you’re number…  She said she’d call, she wants to set up a meeting...”

Niall didn’t even wait a beat to respond, “Okay.”  He squeezed Harry tighter to his side.  “Okay, we’ll handle this together.  Yah?”  He started rocking them a bit from side to side and Harry let out a laugh instead of tears, since he felt like crying _again_ , he was surprised after what happened earlier that he hadn’t.  “I love you, Harry.”

“I love you too.”  Harry mumbled back, before offering Niall the rest of his ice cream, who surprisingly declined it, instead taking Claire and Harry out later, to the nearest bakery for special treats and then to a movie for a family night.

It was enough of a distraction for Harry to forget some of the anxiety he was feeling about the impending meeting.

 

 

It had been exactly one week and four days since Harry told Niall about his mum.  And now, the three of them: Claire, Niall, and himself, were headed towards her house to officially meet each other.

To say Harry was nervous was an understatement, he couldn’t keep still, fiddling with his hands and knocking his knees together during the whole car trip there.  Buttoning and unbuttoning his flannel on the way to the front door to keep himself busy; tapping his foot while waiting for someone to answer the door after they had rung.

“It’s going to be okay, Harry.  We’ll be right here with you.”  Claire gave him a side hug and he nodded to her words.  And kept nodding until the door opened and he found himself stopping any and all movement.

His mother smiled out at them, quickly assessing each of the guests before she smiled excitedly at him.  “Harry, it’s so great to see you.”  She gave him a hug, as was quickly becoming routine, and Harry could see Niall tense from the corner of his eye.  She pulled away, extending a hand towards the blonde.  “Oh excuse me, where are my manners?  I’m Anne Cox, Harry’s mother.”  And Harry could hear the subtle weight she placed on the last title, as if declaring he was _her_ son and could therefore be no one else’s’.

His dad stepped forward with his own hand raised, no less mature in his response.  “We’ve met before Mrs. Cox, but you may not remember.  I’m Niall Horan, Harry’s dad.” He took a pause before stepping back and gesturing to Claire, “And this is my wife, Claire.”

Harry had already felt the pressure of the approaching conversation in the car and all week prior, but now he didn’t even want to go into the house.

But he did, when Niall and Claire entered, and he followed obediently when his mum lead them to a seating area and offered them tea.  Harry didn’t even touch his own, feeling the force of his mum’s expectations in the way she looked to him; and the difference between them and his own wants.

He wished he wasn’t so afraid of disappointing her.  Again.

Anne cleared her throat, drawing Harry’s attention back from where he was glancing around the dining room area, staring almost longingly at the happy family photos on the walls; where Gemma seemed to be glowing with excitement in each picture.  “I’m glad you were able to meet with me to discuss Harry’s living arrangements.”  She smiled briefly at her son before continuing to speak to his parents.  “As I’m sure you know, I want Harry to move back in with me.  After all, it’d be best for him to be with his real mother.”

Her statement had Harry ducking his head in discomfort and tapping his foot again.  He could feel his dad trying to hide a death glare and he was so relieved when Claire spoke in his place; as she was much better at controlling her emotions than he was. 

“Harry has fared very well without you for eleven years.  And I believe it should ultimately be his choice where he wants to live as he _is_ almost an adult.”

Anne shook her head, smiling in a way that Harry could only describe as condescending.  “But ‘almost’ doesn’t mean he is.  He doesn’t know what’s best for him.”  And Harry could see Niall’s hands balled into fists where he was trying to stop himself from saying something he’d later regret.

She opened her mouth to continue, but Niall clearly couldn’t contain himself as he interrupted her, stealing the words from her mouth.  “And you do?”  He tried to keep his voice calm when he continued, “What about when you left him completely alone at school when he was only five?  You must not have known what was best for him then.” Niall spared a glance in Harry’s direction, before reaching over to grab his hand under the table.  _Together_ , they’d handle this together.

She looked taken aback only for a second before reassembling her composure and glancing over to her son, pausing only a moment before saying what Harry really hoped she would reconsider.  “Regardless, Harry is going to move back in with me.”

He squeezed his dad’s hand before letting it go completely and looking up to his mum, who was staring at him intently, wanting him to agree with her like he always used to do.  “No, mum.  I’m not.”  And his voice was small, but he cleared his throat to continue.  Praying her frown and saddened look of disapproval wouldn’t remind him later how bad of a son he was; though it inevitably would.

He pressed his own fists together, digging fingernails into his palms.  “You didn’t want me.”  He took a deep breath, to steady himself, closing his eyes to just get the words out of his mouth. “But my mum and dad… they want me.  And I want to stay with them too...”

He gripped tighter, the tiny pricks of pain in his hand as small as they were, pinching, keeping him from forgetting to breathe, or overthinking his statements.  “I’m happy now.  And I know you’ll be happier too, without me.”

When he opened his eyes his mum was blinking incredulously at him, before she began sputtering, trying to find the words to refute his declaration.  “That’s not true, I…”

“You have Gemma, mum.  You don’t need me.”  He continued, and it was upsetting to admit it out loud.  But he knew it was the truth.

His mother continued to deny him, shaking her head, words growing desperate.  “I can take care of you both, Harry.  I can do both.”

He shut his eyes again, taking another inhale and feeling as if he just couldn’t get enough oxygen in his lungs.  He didn’t want to continue disagreeing with his mother, and upsetting her.  He pinched his skin again, staring out with a wavering tone that he only hoped would even out by the end of his sentence.  “Mum… if you love me, you won’t make me move back in with you…”

The words seemed to hang in the suffocating air.

And when Harry let his eyes drift open again, he could see his mum close her mouth, from where it’d been parted in disbelief, looking taken aback by how forthright he was being; by his ultimatum.

And Harry knew he wouldn’t say anything if she punished him.  Or ignored his wishes and made him stay...  Harry wasn’t even sure if she did love him enough to give him what he wanted.  And if she didn’t, he wouldn’t blame her.  He didn’t deserve it.

Harry stilled, trying his best to not look in his parent’s directions, to see their gazes of disapproval at raising such a rude, disrespectful child.  He couldn’t believe he’d just said all of that.  Especially to his mother; who he’d only ever talked back to once.  And whom he’d learned to never make that mistake again.

Before his mother could respond to him, Gemma burst into the room, scouting the area with her gaze, before cheering out, in an overly peppy tone, “Harry, you’re here!”

She clearly didn’t care about the tense atmosphere because she came over to hug him anyways and beg him to come with her so she could show him her room and her toys.

He tried declining her wishes, which only served for whining and more pestering.  Anne seemed too lost in her own thoughts to reprimand the girl so Claire turned towards him, to take control of the situation. “It’s okay Harry, I think we still have a few things to discuss.  You can go with Gemma, we’ll come get you when we’re ready to leave.”

Harry was slow to nod, but not because he was worried they wouldn’t get him, but because he still wasn’t sure what his mother’s response would be to his request.  But he muttered out an, “Okay…” anyways as he was dragged down the hallway by Gemma, and away from the uncomfortable air drifting between the three adults.

 

Gemma was talking his ear off where they were sitting on her purple fuzzy carpet, but Harry wasn’t listening to anything she was saying.  He couldn’t believe the nerve he’d had in standing up to his mother.  He’d been so afraid the entire time, and he still wasn’t sure whether she’d let him go.

He had no idea what was going on and when he felt tears drip down his face he wasn’t quite sure whether he should try to stop them.  But it felt right; like he should be letting all of the emotions out.  He’d had them for far too long, and he really didn’t want them anymore.

“Are you crying?”  Gemma suddenly asked, voice right in his ear where she was leaning into his side.  He nodded stupidly, not even bothering to wipe away the evidence.  He _was_ crying; small drops falling down his cheeks to land on the soft flesh of his upturned palms.  And he didn’t mind.  Not this time.

The small girl shifted next to him.  “I’ll hug you if you keep crying…”  She stated, as if it was a threat.  The thought made Harry let out a watery laugh.   He was just so in disbelief that he’d said those things to his mum; that he’d stood up for himself.

He could feel tiny arms wrap around his shoulders.  “You’ve left me no choice,” She started, voice serious.  “You’re still crying.”

“Thanks.”  He mumbled in return, as she patted at his head, flattening out the unruly curls there.

It was silent for only a few moments, Gemma continuing to pet his hair, using up the short attention span she had on helping him feel better, before a soft, “…Wanna see my beanie babies’ collection?” was echoed into his ear.

And that was enough for him to laugh again, and nod to her question, suddenly much more relaxed after letting himself cry.

 

It wasn’t until a good bit later, after they’d begun playing with her stuffed animals, that the two were being called to come back downstairs.  Harry had long since stopped crying; the only evidence that he had the small pinkish patches around his eyes.

When he made it to the main floor, Gemma tagging right behind him, both Claire and Niall gave him warm smiles where they stood near the front door.  He gave a weak smile back, before turning to his mum who was hovering near the room they’d sat in earlier.

She was rubbing her hands, over and over, in a nervous habit and he followed her into the adjacent room when she asked to speak to him privately.

Anne frowned only slightly when she noticed the puffiness around his eyes.  But putting a surprisingly gentle hand on his cheek she spoke, voice slow and measured.  Unsure.  “…You don’t have to come back home, Harry… if you don’t want to.”  She fluffed his curls, much like she used to always do, the saddest smile on her lips.

But he could only stare in confusion; like he couldn’t actually believe what she’d said.  “Really…?”

She was slow to nod, before she leaned forward to kiss him on the forehead and give him one last hug.  “I’m sorry.”  And Harry couldn’t believe what he’d heard.  He couldn’t believe she was actually letting him go; that she actually loved him.  And the thought that he’d won; that he’d stood up for himself and was getting what he wanted was making him want to tear up again.  He really couldn’t believe it.  Not until Anne dropped her arms and let him go, to turn away before he could see her expression; leaving the room without so much more as another glance in his direction.

When Harry walked back out to the foyer where his parents were talking to Gemma, he felt the lightest and heaviest weight sitting on his chest.  It still hadn’t dawned on him, exactly what had happened.  Even when Gemma gave him a final hug as she showed the guests out the door, his mind was reeling.  What was his mum sorry for?  For leaving him?  For trying to make him leave his family?

Harry could feel himself wanting to cry again, wanting to curl up and sob just because he could.  But when Niall threw an arm around him as they walked out towards their car, Harry figured everything would be okay; because even if he did cry, he had people in his life who could pass him some tissues and fret along with him… And most important of all he had a dad who loved him; and that thought alone made Harry think that maybe his tears weren’t something he had to be ashamed of anymore.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a few months. Harry is sixteen, Louis is eighteen!

“Ooh, you should wear these jeans!”  Cher exclaimed, pulling the tightest pair he owned out from the bottom of his wardrobe- where they had been specifically shoved after last being washed.  “I’ve never seen you wear these before...  When’d you get them?”

The pause Harry took to form a response was just barely long enough for Grimmy to cut him off with his own question.  “Aren’t those your blow job jeans?!”  He was looking over the edge of his phone, to see the black skinnies; the only pair Harry owned.

And he didn’t have to nod for the evidence to be written in the unnatural flush of his cheeks and the way he avoided eye contact with the other lad.

“Wait, what?  Blow job jeans?”  Cher looked between the two, eyes squinting before, “Grimmy explain.”

The other lad spared a glance in Harry’s direction to make sure he wasn’t looking completely mortified before responding- though he probably would’ve answered regardless of Harry’s embarrassment.  “Every time I’ve taken our baby to a party and he’s worn those, there’s practically a line of suitors wanting to blow him.  It’s truly amazing.”  And Harry was even more embarrassed because it definitely couldn’t be true.  He stuck to Grimmy’s side most of the time during the parties anyways; there was no way people wanted to talk to him or… do stuff like that… with him.  No way.

She turned to give Harry a once over before throwing the pants at him, managing to almost hit him in the face with them.  “Well put them on then.  I want to see!”

Toddling off to the bathroom to begrudgingly do as she said, the other two- mostly Cher, since Grimmy was lazing on Harry’s bed and being rather unhelpful- threw more clothing items onto a pile on the crowded carpet in search for a fitting shirt.  Or rather a shirt that would make Harry _look_ really fit.

When she had a couple that might do, she carried them into the hallway, knocking on the bathroom door when she passed it.  “Hey Harry, I’m going to put these shirts out here for you to choose from.”

“O-okay.”  He called back.  She paused a moment, to put them on the ground, listening intently to the muttered curses and jumping sounds that were coming from inside the room.

“You’re okay, yah…?”

“Umm… yah.  Just, these pants are tight.”  He mumbled back and she let out a quick, dainty laugh before going back into his room and jumping on top of Grimmy, much to his distaste, and stealing his phone to browse through his apps.

“Honestly, you have nothing on here.  What is this?”

“It’s all music, my dear Cher.  And mighty fine tunes at that.”  He stated, plucking the mobile back from her hands.

She eventually settled on playing Tetris on her own device as they waited.

When Harry walked back in, two pairs of assessing eyes landed on him, before a wide grin spread across Cher’s face.  “Ow ow!  Now I can see what you mean.”

Grimmy quirked an eyebrow and Cher rolled her eyes before clarifying.  “About the blow job jeans. Harry you look sexy!”  And she laughed at the bright red color marking his cheeks.  She assumed it was because he was self-conscious but it was really because she kept tossing around the words ‘blow job’ which reminded Harry of the two times he’d gotten one.  Neither of which he really wanted to remember.

And after the barfing incident that had occurred after the second was a main reason as to why he hadn’t worn the jeans since.

“Okay, well now that we’re all ready, we just have to wait a bit.  Can’t arrive too early.”  Cher informed them as Harry began folding his shirts back up and placing them in their proper place in his closet.

“But it’s Louis party…?”  He questioned, wondering why they were waiting when it was their friends’.

Cher just shrugged her shoulders.  “I don’t write the party etiquette rules.”

“It’s not like you’ve gone to nearly enough parties to do a good job at it anyways.”  Grimmy lipped.

“Hey just because I don’t go around partying every weekend, doesn’t mean I’m a novice to the partying life.”

“I even think Harry’s more knowledgeable than you on that front.”

Harry opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off.  “And that’s only because you’re always dragging him to them.  I know he doesn’t actually want to go to them, right Harry?”  Cher asked as both pairs of eyes landed on him again.  He gawked and stuttered out a few “uhhs,” and “umms” and really anything to stop himself from having to reply.  It’s not that he didn’t like the parties, per se, but he also enjoyed staying in and playing with his cat, so he really wasn’t sure how he should respond.  Especially when both his friends wanted him to agree with them and not the other.

In the end he decided to change the subject; he seemed to be getting better at diverting topics he didn’t want to discuss.  Especially after all the years he’d endured of not letting people know what was happening to him; with the bullying, and his teacher.  He was glad for it too when they instead began discussing the aspects of vegetarianism.

And soon the conversation lead to the impending party and what it signified: the ending of another year in school and the graduation of all of their older friends.  And Harry couldn’t stop himself from wondering how odd it would be that next year.  He turned towards his two friends, taking a seat next to them so he could look over their shoulders at what game they were playing.  “Don’t you think it’s going to be a bit strange?  It just being us three at lunch and stuff…”

And he received two pondering looks on his friend’s faces as they thought about his question, before Grimmy let out a light chuckle.  “Yah, I’m going to miss Perrie flicking her food at me.  I swear it happened seriously every day, whether intentionally or not.”

“Yah she does have a habit of talking with her hands…”  Cher mimicked the movements, throwing her phone onto the duvet so her hands could fly through the air and almost hit both Harry and Grimmy on more than one jab.

“While holding her fork; with food _on_ it.”  Grimmy added.  He was shaking his head as he they joked about Perrie’s eating habits and Harry knew if Perrie was there she’d be having none of it.  As she would be teasing Grimmy just as badly about his meticulous hair styling in the morning, and how it takes him a good thirty minutes to do _just_ his quiff alone.

“Well at least your boyfriend isn’t leaving.”  Cher ended up grumbling next, with a pout on her lips.

Grimmy held up his pointer finger to stop her.  “Ok first of all, I don’t have a boyfriend, unfortunately.  And secondly, you’re still going to see Josh like every day since he’s not even going to university.  So you can shut up.”

“Regardless-” Cher began before being cut off by Harry’s questioning voice.

“-So he did get a job?”  He’d not yet caught up with all of his friend’s future plans yet, seeing as Louis had been talking his ear off at the past few lunches they’d had, but Cher didn’t seem to mind filling him in.

“He’s working for his dad’s automobile business.”

“Oh, cool…”  Harry recalled when Josh had first told him about the store.  “And Louis _and_ Danielle are going to University of London?”  He asked to clarify.  He was only positive about the Louis bit.  He wasn’t quite sure whether Danielle had made up her mind yet or not.

Cher nodded, mumbling off where the others were heading as well, taking count on her fingers to make sure she didn’t forget anyone.

That seemed to be a good time waster, as the next moment they looked at the clock, they were late enough to qualify as being on the verge of fashionably and probably not going to show.

So the three of them went out to Grimmy’s car, that he’d driven them there with, and Harry called out a goodbye to his dad, and Liam and Zayn who were staying at the house so they wouldn’t be in the way of Louis’ party.  It was men’s night in and Claire had gone to visit her family, to give them the house to themselves.

Harry almost forgot his present for Louis on the way out, but he made sure to put it in Grimmy’s dashboard to make sure to have it when they got there.

And when they arrived, the party was at full bloom. 

People seemed to be spilling out of the house, carrying the raucous noise from inside the thick walls with them.  They were lighting fireworks that glimmered out across the grass-- the only thing that seemed to overshadow the sparkling shadow of the moon’s glow.

Cher and Grimmy were grinning at each other as they called out greetings to few people already outside, lighting up their own sparklers before tossing the lit things to the ground after a few moments, in order to find drinks--immediately.  Harry followed them into the house, being squished against the wall as he made his way through the familiar thin halls to get to the kitchen.

There were drinks everywhere, some spills shining off the counter that Grimmy made a face at when he accidentally slid his hand through them.  He, of course, had to lick it off his hand when Cher dared him to, washing the awful taste out of his mouth with the drink Harry had poured for himself.

The lad ended up pouring a different drink for Harry, in apology, being much more liberal in his alcohol to soda ratio than Harry had.  Cher complained about not getting one, so Grimmy reluctantly made her one too as they gave a toast and drank to the end of the school year.

They didn’t have to go far to find one of their friends as Stan tumbled into them, embracing them in the largest hug he could.  “You guys made it!!!”  He cheered over the noise, squeezing them again as they congratulated him for graduating.

“Thank you, thanks.  I know, so glad to be done!  And now off to Uni!”  He cheered some more before stealing Harry’s drink, not that the younger minded, and downing it within a few seconds.  He let out a very graceful burp before running after one of his football friends who had just come in and pantsed him in the middle of the kitchen.

“I’m not nearly drunk enough… yet, to see that.”  Grimmy mumbled around another gulp of his drink.  Cher let out a bark of laughter, only half paying attention to what was going on around her as she tapped away on her phone, most presumably to let Josh know she was there.

When Josh soon found his way to them, their congratulations were much the same as they had been with Stan—except there were no appearances of too tight plaid boxers that time; which everyone was relieved for.  Well, except for maybe Cher.  She’d probably end up seeing the type and color of Josh’s pants before the end of the night anyways.

Before Harry could ponder that thought further, Grimmy pulled him away to look for their other friends, and invariably get away from the couple who was- from the looks they were giving each other- very close to ripping their clothes off right then and there.

They ended up dancing in the living room with the rest of the jumping, sweaty bodies around them as Harry glanced around in search of their host.  Eventually they had spotted Eleanor, Danielle, and Perrie and had chatted to them for a bit, but Harry hadn’t yet seen Louis.  It’d been at least a few hours since they’d gotten there, and he was having plenty of fun, and plenty to drink, and was ready to see the older boy.  He figured the party could only get better when that happened.

 

And when he brushed through the crowd, again, in search of the boy, a laugh caught his attention from the stairs.  He glanced over to see Louis smiling, bright and lively, at something the girl he was talking to had said, and the smile brought one to Harry’s own face as he pushed towards the front door.

He jogged out to Grimmy’s beat up old car to grab the gift he’d made for Louis; because no, he couldn’t wait to give it to him at a later date.  And he was so glad that Louis was still on the stairs when he came back in.

Inching up the few steps, he stopped below where Louis was standing, catching his attention as Louis’ eyes lit up when he glanced past the girl to see him.  She turned around when she realized Louis was no longer immersed in their conversation and when she saw Harry yelling a not very loud “Congratulations!” to him she whispered something in his ear, placing a hand on his forearm before disappearing down the steps.  Harry’s eyes lingered where she’d touched and when he moved further up to get closer, he felt the need to reach out and touch the same place.  Because he didn’t like it when people he didn’t know had their hands on Louis like she had.

But he refrained, standing on the step below the older boy, and holding his hands, and the gift, behind his back.  When Louis looked down at him, eyes alight with something like fondness, Harry’s breath caught and he almost forgot what he was even doing with himself.  “I, uh, have something for you!”

Louis tilted his head, and quirked his right eyebrow, unable to hear Harry over the noise erupting from the rest of the house.  He looked perfect, skin a golden tinge, cheeks a pink color from the alcohol and heat in the house.  His smile was radiant and his fringe was brushed up and to the side; styled to look like it’d been windblown and appear as such.  It seemed soft and if they weren’t at a party Harry knew Louis would’ve let him put his hands in it.

“I have a present for you.”  Harry repeated, slightly louder than last.  But Louis still seemed confused.  It wasn’t until Harry pulled the wrapped gift out from behind his back that recognition crossed his face.

“Okay, yah, come upstairs, I can’t hear you.”  Louis shouted down to him, taking the steps two at a time when he knew Harry was following behind him.  The music was less deafening the farther they got from the stereo and when they went into Louis room and shut the door, it was only a dull thrum.

“What’d you get me?”  And he practically tripped on his way to sitting on the bed.  It was clear that he’d been drinking heavily before this and Harry could do nothing but smile at his drunken state.

“Well, it’s a graduation present…”  Harry muttered, moving to sit down next to him on the edge of the mattress as he removed his shoes to mimic Louis’ position.

They shifted to get comfortable and it seemed Louis had forgotten how large his bed was because he was sitting directly in front of Harry, their knees bumping and his hands resting on Harry’s ankles as he awaited receiving his gift.

“So what is it?”  He questioned, eyes following the gift as Harry lifted it up, to present to him.  When Louis’ hands slipped away to reach for the present, Harry only felt slightly disappointed.  The little grins Louis kept flashing him as he peeled back the paper was making his heart warm back up though; and he let himself grin just as brightly back.

“I just thought, that when you’re driving back and forth from Uni you might want to listen to something.”  Harry stammered, beginning to explain the gift as Louis flipped it over in his hands, to see a track list Harry had jotted on the back and a CD inside its hard edges.  The longer Louis didn’t say anything, the hotter his cheeks grew.

Louis looked up and threw his arms around him, though their legs were squished between their chests.  “Thanks Hazza, I love it!  I’m sure the music’s in great taste too.”  He complimented, teasing as he grinned and pulled back, his fingers lingering on the back of Harry’s neck for longer than seemed natural; not that Harry minded.  Not that he’d ever mind when it came to Louis.

And when Louis looked up at him again, from where he’d been tracing the titles with his eyes, he was grinning.  “Will you miss me?”  He questioned, flirty grin on his lips.  And Harry didn’t think he’d been that close earlier…  He nodded though, watching the older tilt his head and bite down on his bottom lip.  “Yah?”  He asked softly, for confirmation again, gripping at the corners of the CD case in his hands, following the edge with his fingers.

“Are you scared?”  Harry asked as Louis looked back up at him, scrunching up his nose in thought.

“For Uni?  Nah…  It’ll be an adventure.”  He smirked, and Harry watched the way the older boy’s eyes flit all through the room, dim light casting shadows of long, dainty eyelashes onto his cheeks.  When he looked back and met Harry’s gaze, they stared for a while.  And it should’ve been weird; it probably would’ve been if it was anyone else.  But it was just Louis, and Harry felt a strange sort of calm, though his pulse was racing for reasons he wasn’t quite sure of.

“I’m gonna miss you too.”  Louis murmured glancing down at his present.  He paused before placing it on the bedside table to reach towards Harry’s face, placing those careful hands into his hair.  “I’m going to miss your curls.  Especially the springy bits.” He grinned, pulling his fingers through the soft strands.

“You only said that so you could mess it up.”  Harry mumbled back, pretty scarlet coloring his cheeks.

“Oh, good Hazza.  You’re catching on.”  Louis rolled his eyes letting out a soft hum.  “I’m going to miss your dimples too.”  And Harry couldn’t stop himself from smiling, Louis pressing into the dips on his cheeks.

“You only said that-”

“-So I could poke your face?”  Louis finished for him, before catching his gaze again and nodding.  “You’re right.”

And he seemed to be spurred on by the smile on Harry’s face and the sparkle in his eyes as he continued.  “And I’m going to miss your nose.”  He pinched it, wiggling it back and forth.  “And your… eyebrows.”   He laughed, trying to follow them with his thumbs when Harry scrunched up in retaliation.  “And your adorable little ears.”

He cupped them with his hands, and leaned closer to inspect their size when Harry muffled out a, “they’re not little…” in response.

Harry was biting his bottom lip and blushing still; soaking up the attention Louis was giving him, and the older boy watched Harry look down at his hands, as if he was embarrassed by his actions.  Louis let his hands trail down the line of his jaw so he could tilt the younger’s head back up.

“Okay, but still cute.”  He mumbled, watching Harry’s mouth form a sheepish grin.   When he looked up to meet those stunningly green eyes, for only a second, the younger’s eyebrows were raised in a question.  But Louis found his gaze quickly falling back to those pretty pink lips when Harry tilted his head, and parted them to speak; only allowing him to suck in a soft breath when Louis leaned even closer, the smallest of spaces separating them now.

Harry shut his eyes when he felt that gentle mouth press against his own, and he couldn’t help the peal of satisfaction tingling over his skin; or the quickening pace of his heartbeat.  He could feel Louis caress the skin of his jaw when he leaned further into the kiss, tilting his head so their noses were no longer bumping. 

And Harry didn’t think he could breathe, or function for that matter.  Not with Louis kissing him like he was; and he could feel the butterflies in his stomach moving around in the most sporadic way.  He reached up, grasping at Louis’ shirt to anchor himself, letting out the tiniest sound when Louis’ tongue licked over his bottom lip.

He couldn’t comprehend what was happening.  It was Louis.  Not someone else kissing him.  That had started kissing him first.  His heartbeat quickened further, his cheeks reddening with the thought.

Harry took in a deep breath when Louis parted a second to gather his own.  He didn’t have time to open his eyes within that moment to see the way Louis looked at him- like he was the most beautiful thing the boy had ever seen- before leaning back in to kiss him again.  Softer the second time, with the sweetest of touches to his jaw, thumb stroking back and forth along the line of it.

Harry missed the feel of Louis pressed up so near to him though, so he leaned forward to get more; wanting more and never wanting to stop.

He was kissing Louis and when the older boy hummed with pleasure, the sound shouldn’t have sent electricity through his veins.

And the second time Louis licked over his lip, Harry opened his mouth just the slightest, still so timid; because he wasn’t used to this, kissing.  Not with Louis.  And that meant something to him, even if he wasn’t sure it did for the older.  And when he met Louis’ tongue with his own he could feel his cheeks burning with a dark flush, and he gripped Louis’ shirt even harder.

But when he tasted the alcohol in Louis’ mouth, he pulled back just the slightest.  He remembered having that taste in his own mouth.  When he’d been so drunk that he’d let someone put their mouth on him.  He remembered regretting it, ever since it’d happened.  What happened with Max, he didn’t want to recall.  And Louis… Louis was that drunk.

He probably didn’t even know what he was doing; he probably didn’t know he was kissing Harry at that moment.

Louis was so drunk he would probably regret knowing he’d kissed a boy, his friend, the next morning.  If he would even remember it at all.

Harry, without warning, shoved Louis away, where his hands had been on his chest, stumbling himself away from the bed; eyes wide with unmasked hurt when he looked back at the older.

It took Louis a few seconds to realize what had happened, why his hands and lips suddenly felt so cold, before he turned to the younger, surprise accentuating his features.

Harry’s chest was heaving and he wanted to disappear with the way Louis was looking at him.  As if he was a wild creature about ready to flee; and maybe it was a bit true, but he didn’t want Louis to think so.

The older boy put his hands up, moving to stand as Harry backed further to the door.  But he almost fell over as he stood and Harry knew just how drunk he really was.  And that hurt.  It really hurt to know that he was only a drunk kiss, and nothing more.  “Wait, Harry, I’m sorry...  I won’t do it again.”  He already regretted it.  “Please don’t leave…”

Harry swallowed, blinking back tears.  He shouldn’t be upset, he should’ve expected Louis just wanted to kiss someone, and that he was nothing but a warm mouth.  Louis and Eleanor had always made out at parties before, and since Louis was single now, he probably missed doing so.

Harry stepped closer to the door, grasping at the cool metal of the handle.  “You won’t even remember this tomorrow morning.”  He mumbled as his only explanation, rushing out of the room and trying to hide his swollen lips and permanent flush from the people around him as he walked down the stairs towards the front door, bumping past blurred faces.

 

His last words repeated over and over in his mind.  _You won’t even remember this tomorrow morning_.  And Harry knew it was true, Louis never remembered anything the day after a party if he’d had a lot to drink.  Which going by the way he’d tasted was what had happened.  And when the sentence repeated again in his mind, as he walked back to his house, the night air cooling his warmed cheeks, he felt his heart drop.  Louis wouldn’t remember their kiss, but Harry would.  He would remember the way the older boy felt pressed to his lips, the way he smelled so sweet.  The gentle touches of his satin hands and the breath that warmed his cheek.  Everything.  And he already wanted to kiss Louis again; he wanted to so badly.  But he knew he couldn’t.  Because Louis didn’t want to kiss him.

 

He was still disquieted when he stopped outside his front door; was still upset and alone.  Taking a deep breath and trying to push those thoughts out of his mind, he stepped inside, hearing the TV on and banter filling the hall.

“No, he’s clearly a genius.”

“I think you’re very mistaken.”

“Niall, I am not mistaken.”

“He’s just disagreeing with you to get you riled up, love.”

“And looks like it’s working!”  There was an obnoxious laugh followed by a beat of silence before a startled yelp and a, “Don’t kick me, you wanker!”

Harry felt himself being pulled towards the voices, not wanting to be by himself; needing the affection he knew he could get there.  When he inched his way into the room, shadows blocking him out from being seen, he could see his dad, Zayn, and Liam squished together on the couch.  Zayn, who was stuck between the two bickering men, was shaking his head, unable to hold back a small grin.

They had multiple blankets covering themselves, since the air conditioning was on full blast, and were tucked into each other’s sides.  It looked unbelievably comfy and Harry continued getting nearer, one small step at a time, since he didn’t want to interrupt if they didn’t want him there.

He was looking at the ground when he stepped up to the edge of the couch, brushing his fingers over the thick fabric, and was illuminated by the flashes of the TV screen over his figure.

“Harry!”  Niall cheered, turning in his spot to grab at the boy.  “What’re you doing home so early?”  He asked, pulling him into a hug, and practically dragging him on top of the three of them.

“I was, umm, feeling a bit tired…”  He mumbled out, already feeling slightly better with his dad’s arms around him, even though he had the couch arm digging into his stomach.

“Oh okay, wanna watch Young Frankenstein with us?”

He figured by the earlier talking he’d heard that they weren’t _really_ watching that intently, but he still didn’t want to intrude on their ‘men’s night’ so he paused a moment too long before muttering a quiet, “Are you sure…?”

He looked up to see Zayn and Liam nodding their heads, with smiles on their lips as they grinned at him.  “Of course Harry.”  Liam spoke up, grabbing Harry’s arm where it was somewhere near them- as he was still being awkwardly squeezed in Niall’s embrace- before tugging him into the small wedge between him and his husband.  Niall groaned and began complaining about how that was completely unfair when Liam snuggled Harry in the blankets and Zayn ruffled his hair.

“How about I sit in the middle and Harry sits on me so we all get some love!”

“Nope.”  Liam enunciated, turning back to look at the screen.

“Okay… how about I lay on top of you all then!”  Niall continued suggesting.

“No.”  Zayn responded this time, and a groan could be heard as Niall pouted into the popcorn bowl.

Harry knew his dad wasn’t actually jealous of him getting all the attention though.  He, in fact, seemed oddly happy about the situation, like he was so, so unbelievably glad that Liam and Zayn loved his son as much as he did.

Harry buried himself in their arms, trying to not think about how Louis had probably done the same exact thing many times before.  He tried pushing Louis out of his head all together, and it seemed to be working as he settled further into the movie, enjoying the random conversation between the parents.

His concentration, that was being used to not think about Louis touching him, was momentarily interrupted as he felt the pocket next to him vibrate, and Zayn pulled out his mobile to read over the screen.  “Louis texted me.”  He supplied to the awaiting group.  And at the mention of Louis’ name, Harry tensed up again, still feeling the trace of those lips against his own.

He was glad the lights were off to hide the burning flush of his cheeks and the way he chewed on his bottom lip, to forget how the other boy had licked over it.

“Oh, what’d he say?”  Liam asked, reaching over the two in the middle to grab some popcorn from Niall, and pulling back empty-handed, much to his chagrin.  Harry was also curious about what Louis was going to say-- he hadn’t received a text from the boy; or an excuse as to why he’d done what he had - but he stayed hushed, glued to Zayn’s side.

“He says he’s going over to Stan’s.  And that he’s going to crash there tonight.”  Zayn mumbled back, the bright screen illuminating his features and adding a slightly haunting look to his high cheekbones and long lashes.

Liam stopped moving beside Harry, before a frenzied, “He’s leaving a bunch of drunken teenagers in my house, unattended?!”  Niall had enough gall to let out a small chuckle as Zayn quickly texted something back.

He received a response a few minutes later.  “He says Eleanor and Danielle volunteered to house sit.”   And when Eleanor’s name was brought up, Harry felt a sting in his chest, like the butterflies in his stomach from earlier had been replaced with bees.

The only reason Louis had kissed him was because he and Eleanor had broken up and he didn’t have anyone else to make out with…  Louis was straight after all, and Harry really wished he wasn’t friends with both of them because it would hurt even worse the next time he saw them together.

“Oh, okay, well I feel much more relaxed.”  He couldn’t tell whether Liam was being serious or not, but found he couldn’t care all that much, stomach pinching and swirling with discomfort.  Louis probably wanted to stay at Stan’s because he _didn’t_ want to remember he’d kissed Harry.  It probably had been so bad that he was now disgusted.

Harry hated that thought, he hated that he’d run away; and that Louis wanted to do the same by going to Stan’s.  He squished himself even tighter between Liam and Zayn, hoping they wouldn’t notice the light sheen on his eyes and the sparkle of wetness forming, that he quickly wiped away.  He really, really hoped Louis wouldn’t remember any of what had happened, the following day.  Because he didn’t think he’d be able to handle what would invariably come next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm seriously so sorry for updating so late!!!!! It's been almost a month since I last updated and I can't even believe it's been that long! I'm especially sorry to the people who I told I'd update soon to; I seriously didn't even realize... But anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter! And thank you so much for your comments and your kudos' and your hits and your bookmarks!!!! You guys are seriously the best and nicest people! <3 I hope you all have a super fantastic week!
> 
> And it'll probably be another month again before I update cuz my beta is going to Germany for a few weeks so I won't have her wonderful assistance... Sorry. But thanks for being patient!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a month or two!

The breeze blew at the back of Harry’s neck, cooling him down where the sun was beating; heating his skin into a clamminess that had him itching for shade.  He tried to ignore the dry warmth surrounding him as he focused on his friends’ efforts to seat themselves in Stan’s car.

It wasn’t long before their struggle was commented on, Louis’ tone bemused as he watched the rest of them become determined to squeeze into one vehicle.  “You do realize there isn’t enough room for all of us, right?...”

Harry glanced around the rest of the car as he slipped into the backseat.  Grimmy was pressed to his side, in the middle, and Josh was next to him, taking up the third spot in the back.  Danielle yelled a very chipper “shotgun” as she ran towards the front of the car and Stan took the driver’s spot, both of them very clearly ignoring Louis’ question. 

Cher and the older lad stood outside the car, glancing warily into the tight confines.  “Well squeeze in, cuz I can’t drive any other car and no one has a bigger one.”  Stan supplied, putting his key into the ignition to start the air conditioner.

“Unless you want to wait and leave in a few hours with Eleanor and Perrie…”   Danielle offered in exchange, turning around in her seat to glance out the open door to where Louis stood.

Harry was momentarily distracted from looking at Louis’ adorably thoughtful expression as he turned to see Cher hop onto her boyfriend’s lap, shrugging with an air of indifference. “Works for me!”

And he almost immediately turned back to see Louis glimpse from the open door next to them to everyone inside, hardly sparing the younger boy a glance where he was seated right in front of him.  Harry found himself picking at the sides of his jeans waiting for Louis to make his decision.  If he did what Cher had, he’d end up sitting on Harry’s lap; and Harry hated that he _really_ wanted that to happen.

Hesitating for just barely too long, Louis finally muttered an “of course,” and planted himself on top of the younger boy, before telling Stan to hurry up and slamming the door with more force than he’d probably intended.

“Since we’re already breaking the law… I’m not putting this car into drive until everyone has a seatbelt on.”  Stan ruled, bellowing over the other voices that were effortlessly overpowering his.  There were some complaints and Harry wondered how tight of a fit it would be to squeeze both him and Louis into one seat belt; how Louis would have to lean back into him, and he’d feel all of the boy flush against his chest.  “That means you too Louis.” 

There was a grunt of protest from the older boy, before an elongated pause and a timid reply, sweeter and slower than any before, “Harry will be my seatbelt.  Won’t you Haz?”

And he stalled at the nickname, feeling hands tug his arms around the other’s waist, till they were snug over Louis’ midsection.  And it was the most Louis had touched him since the end of the school year… since they’d kissed. 

It felt like the first time in a long time that he’d called him by his nickname.

Louis didn’t turn around to meet his gaze, but kept his palms rooted on top of Harry’s as he yelled at Stan to ‘chip chop, want to get there before midday, yah?’ and Harry didn’t mind their position in the least.  He was curious though, whether Louis remembered the night of his graduation party; because he didn’t think the older lad would’ve ever wanted to touch him again if he had...

Recalling the memory of that night brought back the burn of Louis’ lips to his own and Harry found himself nuzzling his head into Louis’ back to bury his blush away.

The older teen’s voice seemed to go slightly off kilter as he finished chastising Danielle for her music choice, where she sat shotgun and had top pick of radio station.  Grimmy easily took over the conversation in Louis’ sudden silence, unbuckling himself – much to Stan’s wails of panic – to bend over the middle partition and change the station, since he was a such a connoisseur when it came to the ‘auditory arts’ as he liked to claim.

And the rest of the two hour road trip shared many similarities to that moment, Louis’ statements dwindling away whenever Harry would do something- like pull him closer or play with the fingers of his hands- and maybe Harry should’ve been keeping closer tabs on himself, stopping himself from being so clingy, but it had never been a problem before, so he didn’t think much of it then.  Especially when Louis made no attempts to stop him.

Harry would’ve been plenty fine staying where he was all day even, with Louis sitting on his lap and continuously pulling Harry’s arms tighter around himself ‘for safety reasons, of course’.  And he hardly wanted to let go of the lad when they finally arrived to their destination and parked, escaping the confines of the too packed vehicle.

When they got in line, smiles mirroring each other’s as they waited in anticipation for the opening of the amusement park- the last big thing they would all do together before the older members of the group went off to Uni- they retold memories they’d had together, and though it was a bit bittersweet, everything seemed to be okay.

And when they finally reached the front of the line of their first roller coaster, it was one of the most frightening things for Harry to decide he was actually going to ride it, since he’d never gone on one before; and he sat next to Danielle when they finally loaded in.

His hair was a mess afterwards and while Cher laughed, snapping a picture of it, she quickly helped him brush it out with her fingers.  He could’ve sworn he felt Louis glancing in their direction every few seconds that it happened, deep frown set on his lips.

And while it mostly just made him wonder if Louis _would_ ride anything with him, or help to fix his mussed up curls the next time, he only received those few furtive glances from the lad.  Even when Perrie and Eleanor later joined them, and they all split a blue cotton floss, he didn’t spare Harry a look. 

The only plus side to being ignored was that he didn’t feel bad about enjoying the lovely taste that lingered in his mouth- that reminded him of what Louis had tasted like- since he was being so obviously overlooked by the very boy himself.

After their short candy break, they continued riding- almost every coaster in the park- and the only one Harry swore he wouldn’t ever get on was the last that they rode: the Drop Tower; that Perrie had dared Stan to get on.

Harry was pretty sure he could hear Perrie’s piercing scream over everyone else’s and made a mental note to tease her about it later.

And on the way out of the amusement park; now that the sun had begun to set and there were less people meandering around in their little groups, the nine friends split back up to drive the two hours home.   It ended with Perrie, Louis, and Harry offering to ride with Stan and the rest piling into Eleanor’s buggy; since her car was so much ‘cooler’ than the other boy’s.

Harry knew Louis was exhausted after being so energetic that whole day, child-like excitement having caused him to rush around the park as quickly as he could, to experience everything as soon as possible.  It wasn’t even five minutes into the drive home, with Louis sitting next to him in the backseat that he felt the older boy drifting off, leaning on him for a more comfortable position.

He was all soft contours forming to the side of Harry's body; cheek gently pressed into his shoulder where his head lay.  Quiet breaths left Louis’ parted lips and Harry had to turn away to stop himself from being weird and looking for too long.

His eyes focused outside instead, watching the scenery around them blur past, dark trees and deeper blue shadows clinging to the fuzzy edges of his vision as he zoned out himself, feeling the heavy weight of Louis on his side.  He couldn’t quite keep his hands still though, as they found their way to touching, just barely thumbing up and down Louis’ inner forearm, eliciting the smallest of shivers from the boy.  It only made him bury further into Harry, seeking the warmth that the younger had.

 

When Harry did glance back down, he could feel his heart pick up speed.  He watched, fixated on the way the dim light seeping inside the car placed odd shapes all over Louis’ hollowed cheeks, fanning over his lashes and accentuating the sharp line of his jaw and the rounded bow of his lips.  He watched the shadows move, the darkness clouding Louis’ features again, and the moon brought just enough clarity for him to see the way they clung to his softness.  He wanted to kiss them away.

Harry turned aside again, gripping his palm into a fist and taking to reading the road signs outside the window, instead of reading into why the smallest of crinkles wrinkled Louis’ forehead.

He really wanted to know why it felt like Louis was distancing himself.  Why he hadn’t really talked to him, or hung out with him, besides when he had _had_ to, to make it seem like nothing was wrong.   A small part of Harry hoped it was just because Louis was really busy with planning to go to Uni, and that it wasn’t for some other reason that he didn’t know of.  Harry wondered if wishing Louis’ and his relationship would go back to normal was hopeless or not.

Harry shut his eyes, leaning his head on top of the older boy’s, letting the quiet thrum of music- and Louis’ muted breaths- lull him into a daze, bordering on the brink of asleep and awake.

He thought he could overhear Stan and Perrie’s voices, hushing whispers at each other.

“I don’t get it.”  Perrie mouthed, softly.  Harry kept his face relaxed, hardly paying much attention to anything but the feel of the warm body next to his.  “Is that why he was so upset?  I thought it was just ‘cos he was hung over.”

“That was partly the reason, I guess…”  Stan muttered in response and Harry wondered, momentarily, what they were discussing.  He was thankful they were being so quiet though, because he found himself getting closer to just drifting off completely.

“They’re so cute.”  Perrie mused, and her voice sounded just barely louder, like she’d turned around in her chair, her tone projecting towards them.  “Louis’ an idiot.”

And it was a few moments before Harry could hear Stan hum his response, “They’re both idiots.”

And he easily turned his attention back to the simple rhythm of Louis’ pulse, that he could feel through the tips of his fingers where they encircled the older teen’s wrist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super short chapter this time, I know. BUT I was able to squeeze it in before my lovely beta left so... now it'll be about a month before I update again! Thanks for everything! I love you all!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been eight months. Harry is seventeen, Louis is nineteen!

"I think he's ignoring me."

Harry knew Louis was ignoring him.

Especially as he looked down at his phone, at the only text the older lad had sent him since going off to Uni eight months prior.  A simple, ‘Happy birthday Haz’ and that was it.  Absolutely nothing else.  Harry supposed he should be glad Louis had actually remembered his birthday though, that must’ve meant something…

"Why'd he be doing that?"  Harry turned to look at Grimmy who had his legs propped up on the table in front of them, lit cigarette hanging loosely from between his lips.

He was pretty sure he knew why Louis was ignoring his texts and never telling him when he'd come home to visit his parents, but he didn’t think he wanted to admit to the reason.  So he copped up to his default response, a shrug and a mumbled “Not sure."  He paused to think of how to word his worries.  “I just, maybe, I did something to annoy him or...”

Or he finally realized Harry wasn't worth being friends with.  He didn't like thinking that was the case, but maybe Louis had had enough of him too, like his parents had when they’d left.

"Or?"  Grimmy questioned, waiting for Harry to continue.

"Or maybe he just doesn't want to be my friend anymore..."  He sounded whiny and almost needy and he really hoped Grimmy wouldn’t judge him for it.  The laugh though, cackling in the hush, that was his response startled Harry back out of his thoughts.

"You can't honestly believe that Harry."  He looked to see Grimmy's eyebrow quirked, thin lips turned up into a smirk.  He opened his mouth to respond before thinking better of himself and shrugging instead, turning away to look at his boots.  “I’m sure whatever it is that’s crawled up Louis’ ass, it isn’t you.  That boy likes you way too much to be acting the way he is unless there was a reason.”  Grimmy’s words made Harry’s blood spin.

“I really don’t think he does… not anymore at least.”

And Grimmy must not have heard him, or decidedly ignored that silly comment, as he continued with his train of thought.

“Harry you’ve been really upset lately...  Everyone’s noticed it.”  He was about to question Grimmy’s statement, deny it if he could, but the look he was given when his mouth opened in rebuttal stopped him.

The boy continued after another slow drag on his cigarette.  “And I think it mostly started after we hung out with Perrie and Stan last month...  And they said Louis had come home to visit them.”

“Wh-why would that bother me?”  Harry stammered back, crossing his arms in annoyance.

“Because he didn’t try to hang out with you.”

“I’m not jealous, Grimmy.”  He was even able to make himself sound appalled at the idea, which must’ve been for appearances sake only, because they both knew it was a lie.  “I know Perrie and Stan have been friends with Louis for a lot longer than I have.  He doesn’t owe me anything.”

“Yah, but he didn’t even text you, to tell you that he was coming home.  You live, literally five minutes away from him, there is no way he couldn’t have stopped by to say hello.”

Harry stilled.  Grimmy had hit the nail right on the head.  And he was having a hard time thinking of a good enough response to his comment.  ‘He was probably busy’ just didn’t feel right when the words washed over his tongue, ready to be used.  So he didn’t say anything.

Grimmy was right, of course he was.  He and Cher had spent so much time with Harry over the years, they knew when he was off.  Cher was even better at knowing _why_ , and he was sure Grimmy had picked up on some of these conclusions from their conversations about the topic.  He really had been in a disconcerting mood lately; ever since that birthday text.  Because how was Harry supposed to understand that.  If Louis wanted to drop him as a friend completely, why did he send it?  It had him itching to know, because he never responded to any of Harry’s other messages.  But he couldn’t just ask the boy.  He couldn’t.  If Louis didn’t want to talk to him, he wouldn’t force the older lad.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t be sad about it.

Or really, really upset.  Whatever.  He was rather good at suppressing his emotions.  If his friends thought he had been down for the past few weeks, they only knew the half of it.

 

Later that night when Harry got home, he immediately buried himself in his bed and slept.  And he spent the whole next day in bed as well.  He just stayed curled up in his blankets and sheets, petting Simon, fiddling with a bit of school work, reading a small portion of the book he’d been trying to get through for months, but none of it was enough to distract him from thinking about that certain boy he was dying to get out of his brain.

He hadn’t really realized, or cared, that he’d skipped both breakfast and lunch that day.  He wasn’t up for eating anyways.  Too busy pondering everything else in his life.  Why people always ended up hating him.

He had his face mushed into the side of his pillow, fingers picking at the hem of his duvet when Niall knocked and came bumbling over to where Harry was, landing on his knees at the side of the bed so he could be on the same eye level as his son.

“What’s wrong baby button muffin Curly McCurlinson pants?”  And the stupid name had its desired effect as a small smile began forming to the side of Harry’s mouth.

“What is a baby button muffin… whatever you said pants…?”

“You, of course!”  Niall continued, unabashed, before the grin drifted off his face and he reached up to feel Harry’s forehead, brushing a few strands of stray curls to the side while he was at it.  The touch was so soothing, so comforting and caring that Harry closed his eyes, half wishing his dad would just continue petting his hair all afternoon until he could fall back asleep and stop the constant thrum of _Louis this, Louis that_ going on in his mind.  He knew Niall couldn’t but he appreciated the continued combing of his curls even as his dad began speaking again, voice wondering, “You don’t seem warm.  Are you feeling ill?”

“No…”  Harry hummed back, picking at the bedspread again.

“Usually you’re out of bed by this time of the day…”  Niall continued, tilting his head to the side to grab Harry’s attention.  So he could read the truth in his expression instead of relying only on his words alone.  “Is everything alright?”

“…I’m just a bit tired, I guess.”

Niall nodded, stroking at Harry’s cold cheek.  “You’ll tell me if there’s anything wrong, right Harry?”

He could see the concern in his dad’s eyes.  Could feel the worry radiating off of him because Harry knew, Niall still hadn’t forgive himself for what had happened.  How he hadn’t known about Harry’s teacher; how he still wouldn’t have known if Claire hadn’t found out and told him.

Harry placed a hand on top of his dad’s where it had stopped moving on the top of his head.  “Yah dad, I will.  Of course.”

Niall met his eyes, frown drawing creases on his face.  “It’s just, you like to keep things to yourself a lot.  You always have...  And I, I want to know what’s going on in that crazy head of yours, okay?  I want to know what my baby Curly McCurlinson pants is thinking.”  And the name made them both let out small huffs of laughter.

“Okay.”  Harry nodded, bringing a warmer smile to his dad’s lips.

Niall trusted him to tell the truth, but Harry couldn’t say what was bothering him.  Not this time, not when it involved Louis.  Because if his dad knew, Zayn and Liam would eventually find out and either listen to Louis and start disliking him too, or yell at Louis and cause the older lad to hate Harry even more.  He just couldn’t tell his dad.  He could only imagine things getting worse if he did.

“Well, I love you.” Niall reminded him, as he pressed a kiss to his forehead, standing up to sit on the edge of his bed.  “Oh and the boys are coming over tonight for dinner.  Claire has your favorite stew made, since you haven’t eaten all day… and we’d all really love it if you could join us.”  He took a pause to squish Harry’s cheek.  “I know it’s not the same now that it’s just you hanging out with us old farts and everything, but Liam and Zayn love seeing you.  If you’re feeling up to it that is.”

Harry nodded along to his words, letting out a very uncertain, “Maybe…”  Because both Zayn and Liam were sure to talk about Louis, and Harry didn’t think he’d be able to stomach listening to them.  Not when he was still this upset.  Not this soon after finally admitting to himself that, yah, he wasn’t worth Louis’ friendship; that he’d been left behind.

He really didn’t think he’d be making an appearance at dinner that night.

So he just continued lying in bed.  Even after his dad left with a promise of bringing him back some food.    He didn’t want to move.  And though his body felt that way, his brain certainly didn’t as it continued whirring with self-loathing and way too many thoughts.

Harry knew he shouldn’t have said it.  He shouldn’t have told Grimmy that he didn’t think Louis wanted to be his friend anymore.  Because now he was thinking about it even more.  Mulling over every single thing he had ever said and done that would have made Louis dislike him; and there was a lot. 

He had done it again.  He’d been so awful that Louis didn’t want him anymore.  He always knew he was irritating and rather pitiful; and definitely not worth being friends with, but he’d assumed he’d been good the last few years, ever since moving to Doncaster.  He’d hoped maybe he had become less annoying, or was, at least, better at hiding it.

But the fact that Louis didn’t want to speak or see him anymore made him want to cry.  He never denied that he wasn’t a sad, lame excuse for a human being.  His best friend didn’t want to be his friend anymore.  And that notion, of Louis being irritated with him and wanting him gone, was almost as painful as when he was five and wondering why his mom didn’t love him and his dad had left.

Harry rolled over in his sheets, upsetting Simon’s relaxed position and making her hiss at him.  He deserved it though.  For being so incredibly daft and thinking Louis might’ve actually thought he was special.  Like that kiss might have actually meant something.

Louis had finally realized the truth.  Harry wasn’t worth any of his time.

And Harry really, really hoped Zayn and Liam wouldn’t come upstairs to say hi to him, because he didn’t want them to realize exactly how right their son was.  He didn’t want to lose them too.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a little over a year! Harry is eighteen and Louis is twenty!

He put the sunglasses on the counter to be rung up, noticing the racks and racks of clothes stuffing the small boutique.  The girl behind the counter snapped her gum at him before asking, in the least perky tone, “Is this all for you today?”

And Harry nodded, pulling out his wallet as Cher chirped in, “Don’t forget this!” and placed a small tube of lip gloss in between them.  Harry only rolled his eyes before purchasing the two items and turning around to give the sunglasses to Gemma’s awaiting hands.

“Thanks Harry!!!!  You’re the best older brother!”  She cheered throwing her wild gangly arms around him and dawning the sunglasses atop her head.

“Definitely.  Best older brother ever!”  Cher imitated, giving him a freshly glossed, sticky smooch to the cheek before hooking their arms together so that Harry had one girl on each side of him; to make dragging him to the next store in the mall, that much easier.  Not that he really minded going shopping with the two.  In fact, he was quite enjoying himself, and was glad he could buy his sister a present.   

And bringing Cher along allowed him to have the most ‘impeccable’ advice in picking out clothes he could take to Uni.  She very much enjoyed dressing up the two siblings like they were her own life size Barbie dolls and Gemma didn’t seem to mind her choices as much as Harry did; as Gemma was much more relaxed wearing skin tight jeans and figure-hugging tops than Harry was (being as she was a secondary schooler now).

“You have to buy that!  You look so hot!”

Harry blushed hard, tugging at the shirt so it wouldn’t be so revealing.  “Don’t say that Cher, my sister’s right there…”  He mumbled feeling terribly embarrassed as she continued giving him more revealing things to try on.  He knew he’d gotten a bit more muscle the past year, as he’d started spending a lot of his free time at the gym, but he didn’t think he looked good enough to be buying so many v-necks.  Or sheer jumpers.

“Just get it, you won’t regret it, I swear.  In fact, if you like someone, wearing it will definitely get you a good lay!”  He just shook his head at Cher’s suggestion, flushing even harder, before hanging it back up on the rack.  “Fine, then you have to get this black knit sweater!  It’s on sale.”  She passed the next item over to him and he looked wearily down at it, feeling soft fabric before shrugging and heading towards the cashier with another few pairs of black skinny jeans and a beanie.

“Thanks for going shopping with us, Cher.  All of my friends are going to be so jealous of my new clothes!”  Gemma beamed, swinging her bags back and forth after they had exited.

“Her fashion sense is way better than mine, right Gems?”  Harry asked her, grinning between the two.

She wrinkled her nose up at him.  “You don’t even have a fashion sense…”

“Shows what you know.”   He huffed, pulling out his phone where it was vibrating in his pocket, peeling off to the side of the hallway so they wouldn’t block other people from getting through.

His smile immediately fell.  He could hear Claire’s frantic tone, her words cracking with flashes of upset and panic.  He felt the blood drain from his face as he listened to what she was telling him.  Not _wanting_ to believe her; even as he responded with a weak “goodbye...”

When he finally managed to hang up, long after the dial tone buzzed, he felt ill.

And the girls noticed immediately as Cher gripped his forearm, to steady him, unsure if he was about to pass out as he teetered in his spot.  “What’s wrong Harry?”  Her tone was so similar to Claire’s, clouded with worry, as she saw his face pale further.

He replayed Claire’s words in his head.  Finally muttering out a shaky, “My dad’s in the hospital.”  He could hardly think, his mind cluttered with anxiety and his dad being hurt.

“What happened?!”  Cher asked, immediately starting to pull Harry towards the car park.

“A car accident...”  He was dazed, couldn’t connect the statement with his voice, feeling disconnected from his own body.  He was tripping over his feet, lost and unsure of what he should’ve even been doing.

“We’re leaving.  I’m going to drop you off at the hospital.”  He nodded, feeling Gemma grab the bags from his hands as he went to sit in the front seat, posture straight and mind so lost Cher had to pull his seatbelt over him, herself.  He felt like an idiot for not having even thought about it when his dad had just been in a _car_ accident.

“Hey, do you want me to stay?”  Cher asked when they were on the road, after they’d sat in silence for fifteen straight minutes, Harry in no state to talk.  “For support…?”

He looked at her, waiting for her questions to process in his mind before, “No.  Thank you.”  His sentences were stilted and he wished he could’ve been a bit more coherent. 

“I want to stay with Harry.”  His sister spoke up from the backseat looking worriedly between the two older teens.

Harry shook his head, as if to clear it, before speaking again.  “It’d be better if you went home, Gems.”  There was an uneasy pause.  “Thank you though.  I’m sorry about…”  He shrugged, referring to the whole situation, but being unable to actually say so.

“There is _nothing_ to apologize for, Harry.  You’re good, okay?”  Cher pulled into the hospital’s drive, stalling the car outside the entrance.

Harry apologized again anyways, before Gemma hugged him from the backseat and Cher squeezed his arm comfortingly.

He stumbled up the steps into the main area, searching the rows of chairs and heads of people for Claire.  She was seated to the side, hands clasped together, looking about as lost as Harry felt.  He immediately ran over, feeling Claire’s arms around him before her words even began to register, telling him everything the doctors had informed her about Niall’s condition.

Everything went by in a whir.   Liam showed up at one point, wrapping the two of them in hugs, but Harry hardly noticed.  Not until Zayn showed up and tried getting him to talk.  He hadn’t said anything since entering the building, face so pale the doctor had to ask _him_ if he was going to be alright.

He wasn’t.  Not until he knew for sure his dad was okay.  He wouldn’t be able to breathe normally until the doctor’s said so.  He still couldn’t believe what was happening.  He needed his dad, needed him to be okay.  The residual shock made time quickly pass by and he was barely processing any of it.  When Liam tried shoving water into his hands Harry didn’t drink any of it.  When he pulled out his phone to text Cher what was happening with his dad, he could barely tap out the words without fumbling on the keyboard and having to start all over again.

When the doctor finally came out to tell them Niall was still being worked on, but would be okay, he could feel himself breathing easier, repeating in his mind that his dad would be fine; continuing to think about Niall and how much he loved him, and needed him.  He rested his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands beneath his chin.

Harry finally had calmed himself to a normal point.

Before he immediately froze up again.  “I got here as soon as I could.” 

Harry snapped his head in the direction of the familiar voice.  His throat constricting and his breath catching.  He would’ve recognized that pattern of speech anywhere.  And his eyes felt glazed as they rested on Louis.  Where he was being pulled into a hug from Claire, looking so gorgeously flustered and worried, Harry felt his heart triple its speed.

“Thanks for coming Louis.  Niall would be so glad to know you’re here.”  Harry immediately diverted his eyes back to the tiled floor between his feet; blood rushing to his brain and flooding it of all thoughts.  Louis was there.  He was back.

Harry felt like he was going to throw up.

“Are we able to see him?”  Louis asked, and his voice was so striking, the sweet rasp and accent like the most heartbreaking symphony to Harry’s ears.  He felt himself praying the older boy wouldn’t notice him; would just keep ignoring him like Harry had finally gotten used to.  Or tried to pretend didn’t bother him anymore.  But Louis was back and that meant all of those familiar emotions were drowning Harry’s system all over again, all at once.  And he hated the feelings rolling around in the pit of his stomach.

Now that he knew his dad would be fine, all he could focus on at that moment was where Louis was in proximity to himself, and how he was warring with his own thoughts; wanting to be noticed, but knowing that if he was, everything would hurt so much more.

“No, the doctors are still working on him.”  Claire informed the lad, before sitting back in the chair she’d been occupying, picking up her coffee just to cradle something in her hands.

“What happened?”  Louis asked next, looking between the three adults.

When Claire didn’t look like she would respond, Liam spoke up for her.  “It was a car accident…  The other guy passed out behind the wheel and drove threw a red light, slamming into Niall’s car...”

“He has a couple broken ribs and a punctured lung.  And he might have a mild concussion from the airbag.”  Zayn explained.   “But the doctors say he will be okay.”

Louis nodded, watching as Liam and Zayn sat back in their seats, on each side of Claire where they’d been comforting her before, when they hadn’t been sure what Niall’s condition was.

Harry was a few seats away, having had to stop listening to their soothing statements, needing to be alone to cope.  And he felt it when Louis’ eyes fell on him; the searing that prickled at his skin when Louis’ gaze draped up and down his body.

He wasn’t sure he was breathing with each step the older boy took towards him.   Kept his own eyes glued to the ground, hands clenched so tightly together they were starting to hurt. 

Louis finally stopped next to him, an uneasy “Hey,” breaking from his lips.  He took a shaky pause, eyes buzzing around the room though he was very clearly talking to the boy next to him.  Harry could feel his own pulse jumping out of his veins, beating so hard he was sure it would break skin.  “I’m really sorry about what happened to your dad.  I, uh, how are you feeling…?”  He didn’t make any move to sit in the empty seat beside Harry’s own, immediately frowning and closing his eyes as if he was trying to stop himself from speaking more, very clearly stumbling over his words.  “That’s not actually… of course you’re not fine…”  He steadied himself, a few minutes of silence passing between them, where he could calm himself further.  Harry didn’t have enough of a voice to say anything, his throat too dry to form any words.  He wouldn’t have known what to say anyways.   And the next statement out of Louis’ mouth had him even more lost.  “I… missed you.” But it was quiet, and sounded wary.  As if Louis wasn’t sure that’s what the younger boy wanted to hear.

It wasn’t.  Harry scrunched further into himself, rigidly nodding to let the other know he wasn’t being ignored.  He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t make eye contact; he was so disoriented.  He’d thought Louis had hated him.

But he couldn’t just stay silent.  Not when his heart was screaming his response.

“…I missed you too.”  He mouthed, just barely able to form the sentence under the weight of his chest.

Louis let out a small, even breath, something like relief and remorse working its way onto his expression as he moved, very timidly, into the seat besides Harry’s own.  He was on the edge of his seat, so uncomfortable sitting next to the younger lad; so obviously disconcerted.  Harry fidgeted in his own spot, trying to keep himself from noticing every slight movement Louis would make.

He must not have been trying hard enough as he watched Louis’ hands on the armrest, small, delicate fingers tapping a beat, that made Harry’s chest want to capsize.  He remembered looking at those tiny, gentle hands so often before, picking up Harry’s drinks to steal for himself, playing with the airplane necklace he wore around his neck, messing with his hair.  He watched the way the other moved, so normally, so agonizingly similar to before, when they’d still been best friends.  And he was reminded again, that he hadn’t seen him for two years.  Louis hadn’t wanted to see him for two years.

Having Louis there was almost his own personal salvation, and hell.  Because with Louis next to him, he couldn’t possibly think and worry about his dad, which was almost a relief because he didn’t want to think about how Niall had been in an accident, was being fixed up right then.  How he must’ve been in pain.

But Harry had to suffer himself, watching the way Louis tried to keep his mouth shut and not say anything to him.  How he kept a painful distance between the two of them.  How Harry had to pretend he wasn’t dying because Louis was back and hadn’t ignored him; had actually missed him.

It was hours of painful silence before Louis cleared his throat.  “Do you want to, maybe, go for a walk?  Might help to clear your head of this awful hospital smell.”

Harry felt the aching grow as he got up to follow the other boy out.

It was past midnight as they began to walk next to each other in the dark and Harry wasn’t going to start crying, he wasn’t, but he could suddenly feel tears growing, overwhelming him, because Louis was there, again; and he couldn’t understand why he was so dependent on the other boy.  He stopped where he was, unable to go any further with Louis beside him, acting like everything was normal.

He was glad they were outside now, the car park lamps weaker in brightness than the orange headlights of the cars driving by the hospital.  It wasn’t enough to illuminate the shadows where Harry stood, hands caught in fists at his sides as he stared at the freshly dampened pavement.

When Louis felt the boy stop next to him where they’d been walking, he turned to him, immediately seeing tears, knowing by Harry’s posture that he was close to completely losing it.  “Harry…  Shit.  Please don’t cry.”  He was hesitant to pull him into a loose hug; it’d been too long since he’d had the younger boy in his arms.

He shushed him; trying to keep his arms still from smoothing at the boy’s curls or rubbing circles into his back, unsure of what was normal for them anymore.  “Your dads going to be fine...”

“That’s not why.”  Harry sniffed out, feeling how tense Louis was around him.  And hating that after so long, it seemed Louis really did dislike him.  He hated that it wasn’t his dad that had him bawling, but Louis.  Everything always came down to Louis, and he hated himself even more for it.

“Then why are you… crying?  What’s wrong?”

“It’s been two years.  Why are you here?”  He didn’t bite it out, he didn’t yell it at Louis; he just asked, so quietly, unable to stop the fresh wave of tears from dripping down his cheeks.  He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the response, but Louis stayed where he was, not moving away.  Harry began rubbing at his eyes, needing the stupid tears to stop.  He was so pathetic.  “Why are you holding me?”  His voice cracked on the words, but he was finally able to get ahold of himself.

Louis became even stiffer at the question, before slowing, awkwardly pulling away.  “I’m, uh, sorry.”  He cleared his throat, taking a step away.  But Harry followed him, grabbing at the front of his shirt, needing to be in his space as he mumbled out a quiet, “Please stay.”

At the soft spoken words, Louis pulled Harry back into his arms and they stood like that, in the silence for a few more minutes, the only noise belonging to the passing cars and the gentle thrumming of energy into the lampposts.

When Louis dropped his arms, he cleared his throat again, brushing a hand in the short hair at the back of his head as he looked out at the almost empty car park.  “We should probably go back in.”  And Harry rubbed at his eyes and nose again as he followed Louis towards the entrance.

When they walked back in they could see a doctor talking to their parents and Harry rushed over, Louis right behind him.  They were able to catch the tail end of what she was saying, “—is stabilized now and will be moved to the general ward tomorrow.  You will be able to visit him there within the designated hours.”

He tuned the rest of what she was saying out, exhaling the heaviest sigh of relief.  His dad would be okay, _was_ okay.  He thanked the doctor with the rest of them when she left, immediately turning to hug Claire.  He couldn’t even believe how comforted he felt to know his dad was safe again.

The good news buzzed between the five, making all of them that much more relaxed.  Though they all wished they didn’t have to wait another day to see Niall.

Claire patted at Harry’s back, pulling back so she could speak to him.  “You should go home, Harry.  You look tired.  And we won’t be able to see your dad until tomorrow anyways.”

He nodded to her suggestion; his exhaustion finally hitting him as he did so.  He had been out the whole day and night before and the worry about his dad, and having to deal with his sporadic emotions when Louis showed up, had him feeling almost drained.

“I didn’t drive here…”  He mumbled, looking over to Louis when the older lad spoke up.

“I can take him.”

Claire nodded, before turning back to her son, removing her arms from around his shoulders.  “We’re going to stay for just a little bit longer.  Get some sleep honey, okay?”  She kissed the top of his head when he nodded.

“I’ll be here first thing in the morning.”  He responded before turning to be hugged by Zayn and Liam, listening as his mum thanked Louis who merely shrugged, giving a small smile.

And then the two headed towards the exit, quiet and distant again.  And Harry was still unsure of how Louis felt about him.  He was completely lost again and he could feel himself drifting back into unknown territory.  Why had Louis told him he’d missed him, and held him when he’d been crying?  Because he must’ve hated Harry when he’d stopped talking to him, right?

And Harry felt even more exhausted now that he was thinking about it; because everything was just so complicated.  He really wished he knew what was going through Louis’ mind.  Especially when they pulled up to Harry’s house and Louis got out, following him upstairs, as if it was a conditioned response; something he was so used to doing he hadn’t even thought about it when he first got out of his car.

He stalled at the door of the bedroom before insisting he’d go make tea while Harry changed his clothes.

And when Harry left the bathroom after having splashed water on his face, he came back to his room to find Louis placing a cup of tea on his bedside table, before turning to make his way to the other side of the room as Harry went to take a sip of it.  Louis was studying the painting on Harry’s wall; the only assignment he’d created at school those three years before that had ever made it onto his wall.  It was of the two of them sleeping on the couch after having fallen asleep during ‘Spiderman’, tucked under a shared blanket, the first time they’d ever met.

Louis had seen the painting before, on the many occasions he’d been to Harry’s room, but he continued staring at it as Harry slipped into his bed, putting down his cup of tea.  “I should probably… leave now.”  He muttered, sounding uncomfortable again as he moved to pick up Harry’s cup to take back downstairs, before thinking better of himself and leaving it.

Harry felt his stomach twist, his throat go dry again when Louis began to move away and towards the door.  “Don’t go.”  His voice cracked and Louis stilled.

“Please… don’t go.” He repeated, in a smaller tone, hoping that the quieter he said it the less regret he would have at making Louis’ decision that much harder.   For still being so clingy.

Louis stood in the middle of the room, looking between Harry and the door, nervous twitch to his brow, thin lip caught uneasily between his teeth.

With a gripped fist and a small inhale that didn’t go unnoticed by the younger lad – as if Louis was preparing himself - he walked over, pulling back the duvet to enter its confines and surround himself in the soft blankets.  And Harry could selfishly surround himself with Louis’ arms and warmth.

The younger boy pulled at Louis’ shirt until he moved closer, invading his space and warming the air with his even breaths and soft words, “I won’t leave you, Hazza…”

And the words sent his mind whirling with more questions and even more uncertainty.  He had to know; the what-ifs his mind was generating slowly killing him.

“Why did you ignore me?”  He managed to muffle out, his lips brushing Louis’ collarbone and making both boy’s pulses quicken.

There was a long pause before Louis responded, tone clearly even and measured.  “I was figuring some stuff out with myself… I’m, I guess, I didn’t think you’d be, this upset.  I’m really sorry.”

Harry shut his eyes tight, focusing on the steady beat of his heart so he wouldn’t start crying again when he opened his mouth to speak, “I thought you didn’t want me anymore… to be my friend…  I thought maybe you hated me.  Because I’d done something…”  And it sounded even more shaky in the quiet of the bedroom, where Harry was being so inconsiderately needy and soft, baring his thoughts to the boy who wanted anything to keep his own secrets hidden.

He could feel the soft pull of Louis’ hands as he shuffled lower on the bed until Harry’s gaze was on his own.  “You didn’t do anything Haz.  I’m sorry you thought that.”  Harry could see him swallow before shutting his eyes and moving just the tiniest bit, until their foreheads were touching and he reopened them.  “I’d never want to get rid of you, ever.  You’re my best friend, Harry, yah?”  The moon’s light sparkled off his eyes and pressed into Harry’s chest.  He nodded, tucking himself further into Louis’ embrace.   Tucking himself back into a reality he used to know.

 

 

“Harry,” He let out a hmm, inching towards the velvety soft voice, wanting to be enveloped by its comforting murmur.  “…we have to get up now.”  And the sentence left off in a squeak, a quiet little noise that Harry wanted to catch and keep for himself.  To listen to whenever he felt lonely; he scrunched even closer to the warmth, the noise, letting the words finally begin to slowly register in his mind. 

When Harry blinked his eyes open, he was met with the beauty of a blushing Louis, mere centimeters away from his own flushing cheeks; lips so close.  He immediately sat up, ripping himself away from the older boy who, after a second of composing himself groaned as he sat up, rubbing at his face and rolling out of the bed.  Harry could feel his own face beating red now and couldn’t believe how close he’d been to Louis; how close he’d gotten to capturing those soft sounds with his own lips.

He immediately pinched himself, shaking his head to wake himself up completely and stop the weird thoughts from continuing to tumble around in his brain.

“You want to get to the hospital for visiting hour’s right?”  Louis asked, stretching his back and keeping it to Harry the whole time he spoke.

“Yah, umm, let me just get changed.”  Louis nodded before trekking downstairs to finally wash Harry’s teacup from the previous night.  Harry mentally chastised himself for putting Louis in such an awkward position.  They were sort of friends again, at least, it didn’t seem Louis hated him, he didn’t think.  So he really didn’t need to give the older boy a reason to start then.  Of course, Harry wasn’t going to get his hopes up.  He’d just take what he could get, knowing that when Louis went back to Uni, things could very well go back to the way they’d been for the past two years.  Harry considered maybe asking Louis whether he’d figured out that stuff with himself.  To see if he’d go back to ignoring him again.

That thought continued stirring in his head as he made his way downstairs, freshly groomed, brushed, and clothed.

“Hey, before we go, can we stop by my house first?  I want to change out of these clothes.”  Louis asked, putting on a new teakettle.  He waited for Harry to nod before continuing, “Claire left you a note on the table.”  He gestured to it and Harry fumbled his way in its direction, reading the clean scrawl.

_I left for the hospital already.  Make sure you and Louis have breakfast.  You especially, please._

And Harry looked up to see Louis looking over at him, lips pressed together in a thoughtful expression.  He turned back around to pull out two bowls for cereal, as if reading Harry’s mind.  He was nonchalant when he spoke, but Harry could tell he was trying too hard.  "Looks like you had a bit of a growth spurt while I was at Uni.  And a bit of a muscle spurt too.  You've been working out?"

"Sometimes yah." Harry responded, going to the pantry to pull out the cereal he and Louis used to eat together after sleepovers.    It was weird, how they tried to act normal when everything was very much the opposite.

But the rest of the breakfast, things did start feeling a bit more natural, as they chatted about a lot of the stuff they’d missed; Louis telling him about school and asking him how he was.  It was weird though, how they both kept their eyes to themselves and skirted around each other when they were cleaning up.  Before, neither would’ve cared about bumping into each other or shoving one another, but now Harry would do anything to make sure Louis wouldn’t want to ignore him again.  And if that meant keeping himself in check, he would.

He didn’t know why Louis was being so reserved though, but he assumed it must’ve had to do, again, with whatever he was figuring out for himself.

It didn’t concern him at the moment though as his mind kept reminding him of his dad and how badly he wanted to see him.

When they made it to the hospital Harry could hear Niall’s laugh down the hall from where they were asking a nurse for his room number, and he didn’t think he’d ever felt more relief in his life.  He thought his dad should always be laughing.

Harry jogged the last few steps to get there, slamming the door open so he could see for himself that his dad was okay.  He moved towards Niall to a shout of “there he is!” from the very man himself, wrapping his arms around broad shoulders and  nudging his face into the small space between his shoulder and neck, that had the older man laughing and patting at his back.  He made sure to not squeeze too hard, and be as gentle as he could, so he wouldn’t discomfort him, but he didn’t think he was going to be letting go any time soon.

His dad didn’t seem to mind as he rubbed at his back, continuing his laughter and speech from earlier, answering Claire’s question with a witty remark.  And Louis must’ve finally entered because Niall stopped his ministrations, genuine surprise in his voice as he spoke.  “Louis?  I haven’t seen you in forever!”

Louis sounded unsure as he began responding.  “…Yah, I’m sorry.  I should’ve tried harder to come by at some point…”

There was only a beat of silence before Niall’s chipper, “It’s fine, you were busy I’m sure!  Well what are you doing standing over there, come give me a hug!”  And Harry was just glad Niall had another arm so he didn’t have to move from his spot.

“How are you feeling?”  Louis asked, taking a step back from the bed.

“Meh.  I’ve definitely felt better, but it’s not too bad.  Just a bit of compression around my ribcage, but I’m just pretending like I ate a huge meal.”  He let out a laugh for himself before continuing.  “The hugs are definitely helping.”

And Harry popped up just long enough from his spot, to kiss his dad on the cheek and say, in his most serious voice.  “…I was really worried.”

Niall let out another chuckle, this one more relaxed.  “Like I told Claire, you guys worry too much!  The doctors said I’d be fine, and here I am, feeling fit as a fiddle!”  He paused, thinking on that statement.  “Okay maybe not a fiddle.  More like a tuba…”  The pain meds Niall was taking hadn’t really made him tired, but they certainly did nothing to suppress his weirdness.  In fact, Harry wouldn’t have been surprised if his dad was partially high at the moment.

“You feel as fit as a tuba…?”  Claire asked, clearly amused.

“A big, fat tuba, yes.”  Niall responded, just as someone came bustling through the open door, containers stacked high in his arms.

“I brought cookies and cupcakes!”  Liam declared, putting them down on a side table before coming over to give Niall another half hug, thanks again to Harry’s large body blocking the way.

“Liam!!!”  Niall cheered before immediately mellowing out.  “I actually, don’t think I’m allowed to eat that…”  He glanced out the door to see no one, doctors or nurses more specifically, passing by.  “But give me one, I’ll sneak it.”

“Not on my watch.”  Claire huffed, grinning when Niall grumbled at her.  “Where’s Zayn?”

“He had to go into work, but should be here in a few hours.  Immediately after he gets off.”  Liam replied, sitting down next to Louis and Claire in the seats by the window.

“Tell him to not hurry.  I’m not going anywhere.”  And Niall didn’t even sound bitter when he said it.  Which made the rest of them feel so much better, since Niall was still being his happy-go-lucky self.

But of course Liam had to go through his whole list of ‘how do you feel? Does anything hurt terribly?’ before he suggested going to find a doctor to ask about Niall’s diet, and whether he could eat any desserts.  Claire volunteered to go with him and Niall very much liked that idea as he was watering at the mouth to eat one of Liam’s famous cupcakes.  Liam Payne was a baker after all; and a very good one at that.

And when they were gone, Harry finally moved over, finding his way into the chair by Niall’s bed to hold his hand instead and give him a bit more space to breathe, as Niall began questioning Louis about school.  Harry was very content with listening to Louis’ responses about everything he’d done over the year.  Even the bits he’d told Harry that morning.  Anything Louis talked about was interesting to him.

And when the conversation shifted to Harry, he kept mostly silent listening to his dad tell Louis all about his plans.  He didn’t speak until he was directly questioned, too busy thanking any higher power that his dad was fine and seemed to be just as chipper as he usually was.

“He’s actually going to London University too, just like you Lou!  Going to be rooming with Grimmy, right button pants?”

“Oh, yah,” He nodded when he realized Niall was talking to him, “he really wanted me to go with him…”  He shifted his gaze, to see a glimmer of something like hope in Louis’ eyes.  Which surprised him into a sheepish grin.

“You’re coming to London?”  Louis asked again and Harry nodded before returning to his duty of guarding the pastries from Niall’s wandering hands.

But Niall was too distracted to try to grab one as he turned to Louis, lifting his brow in a question, “You didn’t know that?” which immediately cut Harry back into reality; dropping the smile from his lips.

It was almost like he had forgotten in his moment of contentedness; Louis had missed two years of his life.  He actually wasn’t resentful about it though, he was too unbelievably relieved; that Louis was willing to take him back and that he hadn’t actually been mad at him in the first place.

“Yah, I guess it just never came up.”  The older lad responded back before Niall nodded and forced Harry to feed him the yogurt he’d been given from the hospital that morning; though it wasn’t really forcing when Harry was all too happy to do so. 

And when Claire and Liam came back with good news involving Niall and the permission to eat _one_ cookie, and Zayn showed up an hour later, everything seemed like the good old days again, with all six of them enjoying each other’s company.  It was horrible that it had to take Niall going to the hospital for things to feel slightly normal for Harry again and he wished he wasn’t so awful for being almost glad about it.  But now Louis wasn’t ignoring him and his dad was on his way to full recovery.

Harry took a deep breath, praying that he wouldn’t be glad about the whole messed up situation.

But that little niggling feeling, accompanied with a smile, picked its way at his heart as he listened to the ridiculous conversation going on around him.   And he grinned back at all five of the people he loved the most, hating himself that much more.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a few months. Harry is eighteen, Louis is twenty.

Box after box was shoved into the small room, crowding the squeaky bed to the left of the entrance.  There was a wardrobe that Claire was helping to empty clothes into as Niall and Harry made the bed and hung up posters- to make it seem as at home as it could be- all the while singing along to one of their favorite songs.  It was all very cheery, or it would’ve been if they all weren’t hyperaware of the fact that in a few hours they wouldn’t be seeing each other for quite a while.

“We have to finish getting the boxes from the car.”  Niall reminded, stepping away from the band poster he’d just finished putting up, hands on his hips, nodding his head in approval at how un-crooked it was (as he’d just spent the last thirty minutes fixing it to perfection).  He turned around to start heading towards the door when Harry spoke up, stopping him.

“I’ll get them.”  He was looking around to find something else for Niall to do.  “Uh, Dad, can you maybe figure out the computer thing?”

“I can help with the boxes.”  Niall responded immediately, sulking because he knew why Harry was stopping him.  He still wasn’t okay with it though.

“You’re not supposed to overexert yourself...”  The younger mumbled, well aware of the fact that the past few weeks had been annoying his dad nonstop; since he had to refrain from doing some of things he normally would’ve.

“I’ll help you Harry.  Let me just finish with sorting these socks and shorts…”  Claire offered, messing with the shelves and their contents as Niall finally conceded, handing over his keys to the car.

“Okay, I’m going to head down real quick then.  Be right back.”  He shuffled off, heading down the steps to the car park.  Stepping out into the dry heat, he was thankful that it wasn’t too warm, though moving around so much was causing him to build up a sweat, a sticky sheen itching at his nose. He raked a hand through his curls, pulling the car trunk open to see the rest of his stuff waiting to be removed.

With a silent sigh, because he wasn’t really sure he was fully onboard with ‘moving out’ quite yet – which probably wasn’t very good as he was at London University right then, starting his first semester the following week– he rummaged through his belongings, looking for the heaviest things he could take, trying to strategize how he could stack items atop each other, to make fewer trips.

He practically jumped when he felt a finger jab into his side and Louis appeared next to him, a bright smile on his mouth and a silly ‘hello Harold’ falling from his lips.

“Hello to you too.” Harry mumbled back, grinning because there was no way he couldn’t; not when it was Louis.  And he thought he’d be used to it by then, seeing as Louis had done nothing but shower him with attention ever since the night after they’d cuddled.

Once his dad had been discharged from the hospital, right when summer had begun, Louis had hardly left Harry’s side.  They were constantly seen together, spending nights at each other’s houses and days loitering about, and Harry couldn’t have been happier about it.

It was only at small points in their day, usually when Harry would be admiring Louis, as he habitually did, that he would think about the real reason why the older lad had ignored him for so long.  Louis had said it was because he was figuring something out with himself, but Harry often found that answer not satisfying enough, questions bubbling up in his mind about what it was _exactly_ that had taken up all of Louis’ attention and time for two whole years.

But because the older hadn’t actually told him what that ‘something’ was Harry couldn’t stop wondering if maybe, he _had_ done something to bother Louis and the other lad was just too nice to say.

Harry didn’t know though and because he didn’t, he found himself extremely antsy, worried that he’d accidentally repeat the action.  He didn’t want to risk Louis ignoring him again; not after getting him back.  Not after soaking up everything the blue eyed boy would give him with a greedy heart and eager, open arms; maybe he should ask him.

“Where are your dads?”  Harry asked instead, bringing himself back to reality, nudging his sweaty nose into his shoulder to wipe the perspiration from it.  He knew Louis had moved in earlier that morning and Liam and Zayn should’ve still been with him.

At least, he hoped they hadn’t left yet, without saying goodbye.

Louis leaned a hip on the ledge of the car trunk, crossing his arms in what could only be classified as an amused stance.  “Well, Dad One is in the car bawling his eyes out and Dad Two is trying in vain to calm him down.”

“Why’s he crying?”  Harry asked, instantly worried, looking over his shoulder to find the upset man himself, to comfort him in any way he could.

Louis smiled larger at Harry’s reaction, as if he couldn’t help how endeared he was by the younger’s behavior.  “Cuz he says he’s going to miss you.”  He rolled his eyes fondly and all Harry could do was blush and apologize quietly; though he couldn’t stop feeling inanely happy for having caused that reaction in Liam.

“I don’t even think _my own_ dad or Claire are going to cry when they leave later…”  He added in watching the breeze bristle at Louis’ loose tee, showing off a sliver of tan skin that Harry was quick to avert his gaze from.

Louis let out a chuckle, “Nah, they’ll probably save the tears for when you aren’t there.  My dad’s just always liked to be dramatic.”

“Sorta like some else I know…”  Harry teased.  Louis’ expression didn’t falter.

He gave another light sigh, ignoring Harry’s jest, before grinning at him and quickly assessing the open trunk and its contents.  “Let me help you…”  He reached in for a bag, waiting patiently for Harry to finish up so he could show him to his room.

“Nice.”  Louis mumbled when they entered, inspecting the area with scrutiny.  He said his greetings to Niall and Claire before putting the bag of Harry’s stuff atop the empty mattress on the other side of the room.  “This Grimmy’s bed?”  He asked curiously and Harry nodded before informing him that the brunette wouldn’t be there until the following day, though he was pretty sure Louis didn’t care either way.

Eventually, after all of the bags and boxes were done being unloaded into Harry’s new home, Liam and Zayn made their way to Harry’s room, seemingly well composed and acting as if nothing had happened.  Liam of course had to snap a few photos with his camera, that yes, he had brought, and if he made sure to put a picture frame on Harry’s bedside table housing an old photo of Liam, Zayn, Louis, and Harry at his parents wedding then Harry was sure to thank him, and give him an extra long hug, for his own sake, of course.

After which the four adults wanted to take their sons out for an early dinner, before they’d begin their drives back to Doncaster, and they decided on going to a nice fish and chips place within walking distance of Harry’s dorm.  It was bittersweet, eating with everyone, and Harry was reminded of how much he hated goodbyes.

 

As they made their way back to Harry’s dorm, to their cars, Harry tried to not get too upset; he had to do this, move out, he wanted to go to Uni.  And when they made it to the car park and Liam pulled out his camera to take ‘farewell photos’ as he liked to call them, Harry could see he wasn’t the only one who was going to miss his parents.  Louis shifted where he stood, messing with his grey beanie to sweep his flattened fringe over.  Though he liked to act like his parents were annoying, as he complained about having to take a photo, Harry knew it was all a ruse.  Louis couldn’t care less if his dad took their photo.  He probably actually enjoyed the special treatment.

“Smile boys!”  Liam called bringing up his camera.  Louis’ arm slipped around Harry’s waist and he couldn’t stop himself from leaning into the older lad’s body, giving the camera his largest, most excited grin.  He could tell Louis was doing the same when he glanced to look, loving the parent’s commentary about how they were ‘just so cute.’  Harry couldn’t agree more.

But when he began to pull away, he knew it was finally time to say goodbye to his parents.

He turned to his dad first, not wanting to initiate the unpreventable farewell, but knowing it had to come eventually.

Niall wrapped him in a warm hug, and though it was already warm outside, Harry wouldn’t have had it any other way.  He didn’t think he’d even care if he began sweating again.  “I’m so proud of you!  Going to college!”  Niall gushed, bringing him in closer to smack his lips against his cheek.  He wiped at the wet spot immediately after, grinning down at his son.  “So proud!”  He repeated, making Harry wrinkle his nose up to disguise how pleased he was at hearing Niall say so, and to hide his frown at this being their final goodbye.

Niall just kissed his wrinkled nose before letting out a bright laugh and squeezing him tight again.  “I’m going to miss you Harry!”

“Be good.  Call us, okay?”  Claire pressed a much neater kiss to his temple as Liam called out a watery, yet seemly chipper ‘cheese’ and Niall came around to Harry’s other side so they could smile for the camera.  Both Claire and Niall squeezed Harry as hard as they could when Liam continued snapping photos at them, making Harry’s smile grow even more when they started batting the other away so they could have solo photos with him.

It was a very similar process with Liam and Zayn as they gave him their goodbye hugs and Zayn made sure to give him his best words of advice.

And Harry knew he was going to miss them so much.  He half contemplated sneaking into the backseat of his dad’s car so they could take him home to Doncaster.  But when he looked over to see Louis smiling fondly back at him, as he was saying his own goodbyes, he was reminded that he wouldn’t be completely alone.  He was so relieved then, that both Louis and Grimmy would be there with him, so he wouldn’t be on his own.

The adults began walking away towards their vehicles, after finishing their adieus, and Harry felt a tugging at his heart.  He didn’t want to see them go, he really didn’t.  So he yelled after them something dumb, anything to stall their departure.  “Tell Simon I love her.”  He called out.  “And don’t forget to feed her… and pet her every morning!  Oh and right after she eats supper, she really likes that.”  Harry rambled off trying not to lose his cool.  Which he very evidently was.

Claire gave him a thumbs up with a, “don’t worry, Harry.  We’ll send you pictures of her daily!” while Niall ran back over to give him another hug.

“I love you!”  Niall squeezed the words into him and Harry quickly repeated the statement, knowing that he was going to miss his dad the most.  “If you have any trouble, I’m only a call away.”  He reminded and Harry could only nod, his mouth shoved into a hard shoulder as Niall crushed him even tighter than he had before.

When he finally did toddle back to the car, Harry ignored the obvious wetness he saw in Niall’s eyes, pretending that they were just irritated from a stray curl poking him in the eye; because if his dad was crying, Harry would most certainly start.

The two boys waited at the edge of the sidewalk, for their parent’s cars to pass, waving and trying their best not to frown.  It wasn’t until they were far gone, and Harry was suddenly feeling so, so alone, that Louis tapped him on the forearm, stepping closer to his side.

“Wanna see my apartment?”  He must’ve known Harry needed to get his mind off of his parents; he’d probably been homesick himself many times before then, and so the younger merely nodded, following Louis to the nearest bus stop.

 

They had to sit apart on the grungy seats, but Harry didn’t mind too much; they were at Louis’ stop quick enough, squeezing past people to get out the creaky doors.

“Here it is!  Crappy student flats!”  Louis exclaimed holding his arms out to introduce the dingy building.  “It’s much better looking on the inside, promise.”  He muttered, leading Harry up the stairs to the third floor and down a long hall past peeling plastered walls.

“This is it.”   Louis acknowledged, twisting the handle of his place and allowing Harry admittance.

The sounds of a teakettle going off and the noises of a TV playing in the background immediately greeted them, and if Louis wasn’t so content, Harry would’ve thought the place was uncomfortably hectic as Danielle whirred past them to get to the screaming teapot.  It wasn’t until the pot was off the flame did she realize there was someone else there.

“Harry,” She had a backpack that things were being tossed into, but she was able to stop long enough to give him a quick hug.  “It’s so great to see you!”  She hurriedly went back to scurrying around the kitchen, filling up a travel mug to take with her.

“Sorry I’m in such a hurry.  I’ve got dance practice that I’m totally going to be late to…  I mean, I didn’t even know Louis was bringing you around today or I would’ve made sure he brought you sooner so we could’ve talked!”  She poured plenty of milk and sugar into her coffee as she bestowed the older lad with a squinted look.  He effortlessly ignored her, busy with his own task of using the newly heated water to make two cups of tea.  “Tomorrow Louis and I are taking you and Grimmy around campus so we can talk then, okay?”  She turned back to him and Harry nodded as she buzzed past, giving him another quick hug before slipping on her shoes.  “Awesome, sorry Harry, I’ll see you guys later though!  Bye Dan!”  She yelled further into the apartment and didn’t wait for a response before speeding out the door.

“She has year round dance practice.  Keeps her super busy, but she loves it.”  Louis informed him, passing over a steaming cuppa to the younger.  Harry nodded finally glancing around his surroundings.  It was a quaint little kitchen with two doors, one leading towards the main room and the exit, and the other leading to a separate part of the main room, where Harry could hear the television playing.  “Well while we’re at it, let me introduce you to Dan!”  Louis spoke up, putting his drink down.

Harry followed him into the adjacent room to see a brunette lad with earbuds in his ears, strumming on a guitar and absentmindedly watching the TV.  When he saw the two boys staring at him, he quickly pulled out his headphones, gazing up at them with a closed mouth smile.

“Dan, this is Harry.  Harry, this is Dan.”  Louis quickly introduced and the two strangers exchanged small hellos, it seemed Dan was pretty shy himself.  “Dan was my roommate first year here, and I guess I just couldn’t get rid of him.”  Louis told Harry with a toothy grin, receiving an eye roll from the other man and a strummed note of discord on his guitar.

“Yah, _you_ couldn’t get rid of _me_ …  As I strictly remember it, you were the one who needed a third person to room with you and Danielle.”  He raised his eyebrows plucking more notes, much gentler than before.

“Semantics.”  Louis shrugged.  “But you can’t deny, you’d be homeless now if it weren’t for me!”

“Sure Lou, whatever you say.”  He grinned and Harry didn’t like it.  Not because he didn’t like Dan, but because Dan and Louis seemed pretty close, and Harry didn’t know really anything about the roommate.

He blinked.  Unaware, as he moved closer to wrap his arms around Louis, that it probably wasn’t normal to pull your friend into your chest and want to keep them there.  He kept his eyes on Dan as he did so.  Not that the older was really paying his behavior any special attention.

“What are you doing…?”  Louis asked stiffly, giving the younger an odd glance.  And Harry shrugged, opening his mouth, but stopping himself from saying what he had intended.  Knowing the explanation of ‘showing Dan that you’re mine’ wouldn’t be acceptable, nor was it true.  Harry didn’t know what had just come over him, and he momentarily gawked, unsure what to do then.  He didn’t have an answer for Louis and he felt his cheeks flush.

He was so glad when Dan cleared his throat, drawing Louis’ concentrated attention away from him.  “I actually have to head out now, for band practice.”  He began standing up, reaching for the guitar case and swinging the now enclosed instrument over his shoulder.  “It was nice meeting you Harry!”  And he sounded sincere, even though he must’ve thought the lad’s behavior was a bit odd.

“Yah, same…”  Harry quickly added in, trying to ease the awkward out of the room.  And Dan gave him another tight lipped smile, which seemed okay enough, as he gave Louis a quick wave and left.

Harry pulled himself away from Louis, trying to ignore his questioning gaze.  He didn’t know how to respond, he still didn’t really understand what had come over him anyways.  “Can I see your room?”  He inquired instead, Louis finally giving him a shrug after an unnaturally long pause before leading him further into the flat.

“And this,” he opened the door, showing Harry a surprisingly clean room (seeing as he had only moved in earlier that day, it made sense), “is mine.”

Harry walked in, quickly noting the desk piled with all of Louis’ favorite books and a duffel bag, probably still full of his clothes, lying on the bed that was covered in grey sheets and a soft looking navy blanket.  There were pictures on the wall, and lots of posters, similar to how Louis’ room in Doncaster looked.  Harry beamed, feeling as if it wasn’t the first time he’d been there, though it was.  He gave Louis a quick grin, “I like it.”

He continued taking in everything, the wardrobe and the textbooks and laptop sitting on top of it.  The bedside table and the jar tucked towards the lamp there.  Harry immediately flushed, staring at the jar adorned in ribbons with the scribble “Louis’ wish jar” written on the side of it, which was so familiar to him.  It was the present he’d made for Louis when the boy had turned eleven.  He couldn’t believe he still had it after so many years.

And he stated as much, blinking down as the other lad moved to his side.  “You still have that…?”  He pointed towards the jar and Louis grinned, shrugging his shoulders. 

“How else do you think I’ve been passing my exams?”  He poked Harry below the ribs as the other’s grin only grew.  “I’m thinking I’m going to have to empty it soon… It’s running out of room.”  Louis noted, eyeing the present.  “I’ll probably go back through and read some of them though.  See which wishes _actually_ came true.”  He teased and Harry flushed remembering that he’d been so certain when he was nine that writing down a wish would make it come true.  Obviously now that he was older, he knew a simple jar, of all things, couldn’t possibly make anything come to fruition.

Louis continued muttering about how he was positive he’d wished for a dog a few dozen times and that still had yet to happen.

Harry only grinned further, and when Louis suggested they watch a movie, he easily complied, following Louis’ lead and sitting atop the cozy bed.

Feeling nostalgic since this was his first night at University, even though he hadn’t been to any classes yet, Harry suggested they watch Spiderman like they had the first time they’d met.  Louis agreed and set it up on his computer, placing the small thing in front of them, near the bottom of the bed as they situated under the sheets and kept a foot of space between them.

At first it didn’t seem to bother Harry.  He hadn’t really even noticed the separation of their bodies, but like all things, when he did, it started to pester his mind.  And as the opening credits began to play, all that his mind could register was that Louis had seemed hesitant to let them touch ever since they cuddled that night Niall had been in the hospital.  Sometimes he wouldn’t mind when Harry was sitting next to him, and their thighs would press together, but Louis never seemed to really initiate their touching.  Harry didn’t like it.  They always used to touch and cuddle.

And it wasn’t normal when they didn’t cuddle.  It just wasn’t…  Which reminded Harry that of course things still weren’t normal, he didn’t think after the two year gap they really could be.  He wanted to know; could feel that thought creeping up his throat like it often did when he found himself in Louis’ presence.  That curiosity as for why Louis had ignored him.

He’d said he’d wanted to figure himself out, but had that been an excuse?  What if Harry really had done something to bother him and that’s why Louis wouldn’t get near him…  Harry glanced over at the older lad, seeing his bright eyes mimic the action of the movie, lighting up with how enthralled he was.  But he’d seen it before, Harry knew that, he knew he’d seen it many, many times, since Spiderman was his favorite superhero.  So he didn’t feel too terribly bad tapping Louis on his wrist, as he pulled his knees up to his chest.

And he didn’t sound too terribly uncomfortable as he spoke, “…I wanna talk, Lou.  Can we talk?”

Louis immediately shifted forward, pausing the movie and turning to look at Harry with furrowed brows.  “Yah, of course.”  He moved cattycorner on the sheets so that he could see the younger’s expression and the worried slump to his lips, still close enough he could reach out to Harry if he wanted to, which the boy knew he didn’t.

Harry kept his eyes focused on his hands, fidgeting in his lap, knowing Louis was waiting for him to continue; having realized by his voice that Harry wanted his undivided attention.  “Did you figure out what you needed, with yourself…?  Is that why you aren’t ignoring me anymore?”  And he didn’t shake as badly as he thought he would when he asked.  His voice was a bit higher pitched, and more rushed.  But he was glad he was able to ask; he didn’t like confrontation, but he didn’t like the uncertainty in his gut even more.

Louis paused, mouth falling open slightly only to shut again a moment after.  He shifted his attention to the duvet, much like Harry’s had been earlier.  “I did…  But that’s not the only reason I…”  His voice faltered off like he could feel the gravity of his words; like he didn’t really want to admit to knowing about the elephant in the room.

“Didn’t talk to me?”  Harry continued for him; wondering where his confidence was coming from.  He couldn’t believe he had enough willpower to shove the words out of his mouth.  But he wanted to know, even though he knew it had to have been his fault, why Louis hadn’t wanted to talk to him.

Louis glanced up at him, before giving a slow, anxious head nod.  Harry opened his mouth to apologize for even bringing it up, noticing how uncomfortable Louis looked, but the older boy held up his hand to stop Harry from speaking before taking a deep breath.  “Ok the thing with myself, it’s, I don’t know, I… I guess I’ll just tell you.  I was, umm, figuring out, that I… I’m gay?  Like proper into guys.”  He glanced up again, deep burn on his cheeks, looking almost pained to be telling Harry what he was.   He quickly continued, clarifying why he seemed so uncomfortable with the whole situation.  “And it may not seem like it’s a big deal cos’ I have two gay dads, but it’s still huge for me.”  He let out a sharp, breathless laugh.  Harry wanted to reach out a hand, to comfort him, but he could tell Louis wasn’t done talking; wasn’t finished explaining himself and would’ve probably flinched away from Harry’s touch.

He looked back up at Harry, finally making prolonged eye contact.  He cleared his throat, scratching stiffly at his wrist.  “I mean, I dated Eleanor for two years.  I had tried to convince myself I loved her so many times and I just… it’s a big deal.  And I’m scared to be gay, a bit, because some people don’t like, you know, people who like the same sex.  Even my parents would get, I don’t know, people would say snide things to them, and yah it’s not often, but it still happens.  And I just…  I thought you were mad at me…”  He ended up saying the last few sentences without stride; letting them rush out of his mouth like he couldn’t possibly get rid of the words quickly enough.

But Harry was amazed by his very last statement, it stirring within his mind; catching on his thoughts.  Louis eyes were worried as he stared unknowingly towards Harry’s blank expression, before the younger’s quiet question tumbled out.  “Why, would I be mad at you?”

Harry tried to not wrap his mind around the fact Louis was embarrassed to be telling him he was gay.  Harry tried to not think about an oddly warm feeling in the pit of his stomach at knowing that he was.  He didn’t know why he’d be feeling that way anyways, so he just continued staring at Louis, waiting for the older to continue.

Louis let out a huff, looking up towards the ceiling, as if knowing that moment was going to come, and wanting to stave off having it for as long as possible.  But he couldn’t wait forever, not with Harry staring at him curiously, head tilted and eyes so confused and cautious.  “Because I kissed you…  And I know I fucked up, I shouldn’t have kissed you, I don’t even know if you’re gay and I’m just so sorry.  If it like grosses you out or something, I’m sorry.”  He quickly babbled out, crossing his legs in front of his chest as if creating a makeshift barrier.  “And I was confused and too much of a coward to bring it up before...”  He mumbled out, his cheeks a soft pink that Harry could feel mimed his own.  Harry tried to keep his eyes from searching for those lips, knowing he would only want to reach for them with his own if he saw the perfectly timid line they were formed into, Louis awaiting his response.

He shook himself out of the silence, voice strong as he started out, slowly quieting the further he continued.  “I could never be mad at you.  And I wasn’t grossed out… I didn’t think you had remembered.  I thought, you…”  He was so thankful it was dark and he could only barely see the blue of Louis’ eyes.  “I thought you hated it.  And that you hated me…”

Louis let out a brash huff of laughter, bringing his hands up to rub down his face.  “Shit.  This is so fucking messed up.  I’m such an idiot.  It was just a kiss and I was so embarrassed when you left and I, I never hated you, Harry.  I don’t hate you.  I’m so sorry, Haz.”  Harry let the words settle in his mind, finally allowing himself to see Louis’ flustered face as the boy took another deep breath.  “I’m so freaking sorry, Harry.  I was acting like a child and I should’ve known better, but I didn’t…  And, I love you so much.  Why would you think I hated you…?”  He asked quieting.

Harry shrugged, but he knew why.  Louis waited, watching Harry pinch at his long fingers, “Because I… hate me.”  He muttered, like a whisper.  But he couldn’t let the statement hang there, he had to continue, “I’ve never told you.  I guess…  I, people hate me.  I don’t know why,” He was stuttering, rubbing at his hands and his palms, “well I do know...  But they...  I was bullied when I was in Cheshire.” He took a breath.  “You sorta know about that…”

“Which is why you moved to Doncaster.”  Louis said, urging him to keep going.

And Harry’s movements stopped as he stared hard at his knees.  “Right.”

He _had_ told Louis that was the reason.  He had lied before; he couldn’t tell the truth now.  He swallowed the lump in his throat back down.  “And my parents left me.  Because they hated me.”

Louis could tell Harry wasn’t going to continue. He bit his lip, “Harry, there are so many people who love you now…  Niall, Claire.  And my parents love you to pieces.  Cher, Grimmy, Gemma, Perrie, Stan, they all love you.”  There was another silence, Louis hoping Harry would listen to his words and believe them.  “We all do.  You’re so amazing, Harry.”

Harry was quick to shake his head, curls brushing past his flushed cheeks and itching eyes, the pounding in his chest tearing up his eyes.  But he wouldn’t cry, not this time.  “I act differently when we’re together…  I’m happier around you.”  He emphasized in the silence, his only excuse.  He wanted to give Louis a reason for thinking something like that, when Harry was anything but.

Louis sucked in a deep breath before letting out a stream of words.  “I shouldn’t have been so stupid.  I’m so unbelievably sorry...  I won’t ever stop talking to you again, even if things get weird between us, _ever_.  I’m really sorry.”  There was another stilted silence before the soft words scratched at the walls, seeping into the cracks in Harry’s mind.  “The truth is, I have no idea what I’m doing...  I honestly need to grow up.”

He let out a self-depreciating laugh, and Harry was reminded of all those birthdays when Louis would complain about getting older, about how he wanted to be like Peter Pan.  “But you don’t want to grow up…”    

“Yah and because of that I was an immature twat to you.”

Harry bit his tongue at the statement, shaking his head in a frenzy. “Don’t say things like that.  It wasn’t you, it was me… I… Please stop.  I’m sorry.”  Harry hated that Louis was saying such things about himself.  He could feel Louis shift on the bed, moving as if he wanted to get closer, but knew he shouldn’t.

Louis shook his head, making sure he had Harry’s attention.  “No, Harry.  It was my fault.  Not yours.  I’m such a shit friend.  Stan said you’d been acting normal when you’d hung out with him.  I seriously didn’t think you’d be this upset, that you’d hate yourself, because of _me_.”

Harry was quick to counter his statement, feeling his stomach twist in discomfort.  “I don’t hate myself because of you.  I only like myself when I’m with you.”

“So when I was gone, you… didn’t.”

Harry blinked up at him, “I overreacted, I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have brought it up.”  He fumbled his words, feeling the blankets around his legs start to scratch at his skin, or maybe that was the discomfort crawling at his flesh.  He didn’t want to be talking about it anymore, not after he’d made Louis upset.  It wasn’t the older boy’s fault.  It was Harry’s, and now he had gone and made everything even worse.

“No.  Harry.  You should’ve.  I’m,” He took a deep breath, eyes lowering in regret, “so sorry.  And you didn’t overreact.  You did nothing wrong.  And I should’ve realized, I was too… I only thought you were mad at me.  I didn’t think of any other ways you could’ve been upset.  And god, I wish I was better at understanding people.  But I never know what you’re thinking, Harry.  And it kills me.”  He was flustered again, speaking almost too quickly.  But every word he voiced stuck with Harry, repeated twice over in his mind, clinging to its every surface.

“I guess, that makes two of us…”  When he looked up to meet Louis’ gaze, he felt a tension surrounding them, a compression on his chest and a sinking feeling in his gut.

“Will you please forgive me, Haz?”

Harry bit his lip, words slipping out, “I already have.”

Louis slowly shook his head once, keeping eye contact.  “No, not from before.  I want to give you a proper apology.”  He took a deep breath, squeezing his hands into fists.  “I’m sorry that I ignored you and was so stupid and selfish.  I shouldn’t have, and I was being an immature idiot and I’m just so sorry.  And I love you so much and none of this was your fault.”  He unconsciously mimicked Harry, biting his lip before he could continue.  “I’m really sorry, Haz...  Will you please forgive me?”

And he actually looked worried that Harry wouldn’t forgive him.  As if Harry could ever do that when it was Louis asking him for forgiveness.  He nodded, the smallest smile, barely perceptible, placing itself on his lips, “Thank you for apologizing…”

The upturn of his lip quickly disappeared as Louis continued, tone still serious.  “Will you promise me to stop thinking it was your fault…?  And that I hated you.  Because I don’t.  I never have, honest.  Can you do that for me?”  When Harry didn’t respond, just blinked back at him, Louis’ expression grew more dismayed, voice coming out tinny, pleading.  “Please?”

Which snapped Harry out of his reverie, “Okay… I’ll try.”

“And I’m going to make it up to you.  I don’t know how, but you deserve...everything…  So just tell me what you want, and I’ll do it.”  He continued tone growing just the tiniest bit brighter, trying to be more lighthearted, “If you want me to do your laundry for the rest of your life, I’ll do it…  Granted I’m really awful at folding clothes, but it’ll be done.”  The edge of Harry’s mouth began to turn up at Louis’ suggestion.  “Or if you want me to buy you ten cats and take care of them all, I’ll do it right now.”  He paused only a moment before he was jumping out of the bed, almost knocking his computer off of its carefully constructed table of sheets.  “Actually that’s a great idea!” He turned back around to give Harry a look, “let’s go.  We’re going to go buy ten cats.”

Harry let out a small, delighted laugh, grabbing Louis’ wrist before he moved too far away, tugging him back towards the mussed bed covers.  “Louis, it’s eleven o’clock.  There are no pet stores open…”

Louis lowered himself onto the edge of the bed, face scrunched in thought.  “Harry, you’re so right…  First thing tomorrow morning then.”   He concluded drawing another laugh from Harry’s lips.  Pretty enough that Louis couldn’t hide the smile he had at seeing Harry’s little giggly face.

“Let’s finish watching the movie.”  Harry hummed, looking back at the now blackened screen, pulling his arm away so Louis could scramble back over him towards his spot.

“Is that what you want?”  He asked, immediately booting up his computer again.  “Then it’s done.  Maybe we’ll actually make it to the end without falling asleep this time.”

Harry nodded, bumping their hips together, as he moved closer into Louis’ space.  “I think we will.” 

It wasn’t until ten minutes further in the movie that Harry felt Louis turn towards him, whispering out a timid.  “…Thank you for telling me, Harry.”

And Harry gave him a small smile back, “its fine...  Thank you for apologizing.”

“I promise it won’t ever happen again.”

He nodded, “I trust you.”  And he waited for Louis to turn back towards the screen before tucking his head onto the older lad’s shoulder.  “Is this okay?”  He asked, relaxing against Louis’ solid weight, the fabric of his soft shirt.

It was a silent moment before Louis responded, quiet smile evident in the way he formed his words.  “Yah… course it’s okay.”

They stayed still the rest of the movie’s length; Louis not wanting to disturb Harry’s comfort, and Harry not wanting to move any further from where his body was pressed to Louis’.  The film did little to distract Harry from his wondering thoughts or his wandering eyes as he continually found himself glancing up to see Louis’ expressions at the movie or more often to see the older boy already looking back at him and grinning shyly when he was caught.

Harry felt like things could maybe finally start being normal again.  And feeling Louis’ even pulse beneath his shirt when Harry begged to cuddle later that night, and seeing his impish grin as he pulled at Harry’s curls, just to be annoying, told Harry more than asking any questions ever could.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a few months!

“So I was wondering… if you wanted to go on a date with me?” The blonde batted her eyelashes up at him, red stained lips pressed into a pristine smile.

Harry paused where he was reaching for his backpack, mind blanking. His eyebrows furrowing in concern as he blinked back at her.  “I, uh…”

“It’ll be fun Harry! I’m a real catch.”  She teased, tossing her wavy hair over a petite shoulder.  And he just followed the movement, quite unsure as to how to respond.  Nothing like this had ever happened to him before.

“Umm, I can’t Taylor… ‘m sorry.” He mumbled the last bit, shifting the bag strap over his shoulder and moving with her to the exit of the lab room.

She squinted back at him and he tried to not blush under her scrutiny. He really didn’t like what was happening.  “Why not?”  She sounded offended and that’s exactly what Harry had wanted to avoid.  Because he didn’t have an excuse, he didn’t even know why he’d said no.

And the first thing that popped into his mind was the first thing he said, “Umm, cos’ I already like someone… else.”

She was appalled at his response. And so was he, his mind short-circuiting as it tried to process what just left his mouth. “You do?!”

No, he didn’t. At least, he didn’t think he did… and when she asked him ‘who it was’, he didn’t have an answer.  But the pattering of his heart seemed to be saying a different story. Taylor must’ve realized she wasn’t going to get a response because she heaved a sigh before telling him she’d see him in class the next day, leaving while Harry’s mind was still whirring with thoughts of _someone_.

He startled when she brushed past him before he was momentarily distracted again, someone clapping him hard on the back. “Harry!  What’s up?”  There was a subtle pause before, “Was that Taylor you were talking to?”  He turned to look at the ginger lad standing beside him, to see him lift a thin eyebrow up until it was blocked by fringe.

“Uh, yah…” Harry replied, suddenly beginning to feel bad for having made her upset.  Maybe he should’ve just told her yes even though he really didn’t want to.

Ed glanced off in the direction she went. “What’s _she_ mad for?”  Ed’s ability to tell her emotion as she walked off only served to make Harry feel guiltier.

“She… uh, asked me out on a date…” He said, quietly enough that only Ed could hear.

But the other boy didn’t seem to hold the same reservations as he responded with a loud, “Really?” He looked around as if he, himself, couldn’t believe it.  Harry was very much in the same boat.  “So what’d you tell her then?  Judging by her look I’m going to assume it wasn’t good.”  He let out a brief chuckle as if replaying the moment in his mind.

Harry shrugged before muttering an embarrassed, “I may have told her I already like someone else...”

Ed made a low whistling noise from the back of his throat, causing Harry to hesitate in his steps, “Was that bad of me?”

The other lad was quick to shake his head. “Nah man if you’re crushing on someone you shouldn’t feel obligated to date anyone else.  Even if that person is your lab partner.”

Ed grinned and Harry was going to correct his assumption, admit that it’d been a lie and that he didn’t actually like anyone. But he couldn’t… because the stream of crush related thoughts dancing in his head and the irregular skipping in his chest really wouldn’t let him.

Harry settled into the bustle of the campus around them and was mildly surprised Ed was still walking with him. He figured Ed had probably just gotten out of class too, and didn’t have another one to be at.  “I’m actually meeting someone at the Tea Lounge, if you want to join us.”

Ed gave a quick shrug. “Sure mate.  Who?”

“Uh, my friend Louis.” Harry responded and he could swear his heart leapt at the name and his head was spinning at just the thought of seeing the older boy.  He had no idea what was wrong with him.  Maybe he was just hungry; he hadn’t eaten breakfast that morning...

He turned back in when Ed started talking again. “Oh, right you introduced us before!  At that party last weekend.”

“Yah, that’s right.” Harry nodded, remembering the fun he’d had there.  And the extreme amounts of alcohol he’d consumed.  He’d made sure Louis’ lips stayed far from his that time though, and it seemed Louis’ mind had been on the same track as they had stayed in a group setting throughout the whole evening, not once venturing off together to be alone.

Harry was suddenly a bit relieved Ed would be joining them for tea.

 

When they reached the café Harry moved inside so as to not block the passerby’s from getting through. He scanned the area before pointing towards a table with only two spills on its surface.  It’d be the best they’d get as they headed over, the shop usually packed and bustling with more students than just the fifteen or so that were already there.

It wasn’t long before Louis was stepping through the door and heading towards the two underclassmen when he saw them. “Hey Haz!”  He beamed at the boy and Harry had to contain his own grin as Louis glanced towards the ginger next, expression friendly. “Ed, right?”

With a head nod and a few courteous statements the group scattered their belongings along the chairs and table to stake claim to them as they stepped up to the counter. They each ordered a warm drink, in order to combat the growing cold outside and Harry found it very fitting for fall weather.

It wasn’t really chilly outside, yet, but it was getting nippier which meant wearing too big sweaters and cozy scarfs. And Harry found he enjoyed that time quite a lot, merely because that meant Louis would be dressed in his jumpers.

He looked so unbearably cute in the sweater he was wearing that day. It fell past his tiny hands and he had to push the fabric back so he could grab his things. Harry wanted to grab Louis’ hands himself, to see how small they were in comparison to his own.  But when he realized that wasn’t a normal thought, he repeated his drink order to the woman behind the counter and ignored all other ideas he had of Louis and hand holding.  And a tiny feeling stirred in the back of his mind, sounding a lot like ‘crush’ and a little less like ‘best friend.’

And after sitting back down, drinks with them, they began talking about concerts – Ed having gone to at least five the summer before they’d met – and it was vastly interesting. But even still, Harry often found himself mesmerized by the excited faces Louis would pull at Ed’s stories and the grimaces he’d give the drink in his hands, which he apparently didn’t like very much.

When he nonchalantly slipped his palm around Harry’s cup of tea to bring it towards his own mouth and take a sip, Harry couldn’t help but to pout at the older lad. Enough so that Louis had to respond when he noticed it.  “What Hazza?  I’m just _trying_ your drink.”  He didn’t even put it back in front of Harry when the boy hummed out a scoff.

“You steal my drink every time we come here.” He thought he did a pretty good job at sounding like he was annoyed, though he was quite the opposite.  It was almost like Louis was inadvertently kissing him by drinking his drink.  Except… no.  It wasn’t.  It, kissing Louis, was a no.  No.  He cleared his throat, “It’s always the same order so I don’t know what you’re ‘trying’ exactly, when you already know how it tastes.”

Harry glanced over to Ed for only a moment to see him staring back at the two bickering lads with a quirked lip and curious eyes.

Harry turned back to Louis at his whiny voice. “Yah, but yours is so much better than mine.”

“You could always just order the kind you like instead of trying something new every time...” Harry responded back, as if it was the most obvious solution.

Which Louis clearly didn’t agree with because he let out a snort, drinking from Harry’s cup again. “Now where’s the fun in that?  That’s what I have yours for.”

And Harry smiled, picking up his phone when it buzzed with a text, not really bothered by Louis’ continued sipping of his tea anyways.

 

**Taylor Swift:**

     I know your shy, but I think its cute. So if you change ur mind about a date let me know!!  xx

 

“What’re you doing? Harry!  Hazza.  Haz…?”  Apparently Louis had been calling his name for a few seconds as he stared aghast at his mobile before Louis yanked it out of his loose grip.  It shocked him back into reality as he tried grabbing it back, groaning out a “No, Louis.”

But it was too late. Louis frowned, reading over the text a few more times before passing it back, frowning towards Harry.  “Who’s Taylor?”

“Just a classmate.” Harry quickly replied, feeling the tension in Louis’ posture.

“A classmate who asked Harry out on a date earlier.” Ed added and Harry gawked at him, wanting to tell the other lad just how mean that was to say, given the situation.  Ed seemed to be enjoying watching the interactions between the other two play out though, as he merely smiled.

“Oh…” Louis mumbled, before a very unconvincing, “hey, congrats.  Is she pretty?”  He was scowling down at his cup, playing with the sleeve on the outside of it.

And Harry only stared back, eyebrows furrowing with a frown marring his own expression. Louis didn’t have to be so… weird about what they were discussing.  Harry didn’t like it and he could feel himself growing more bothered with each thing Louis did.  “I told her no.”

Louis sipped at his drink, an uninterested pause passing before a quiet, “Oh? Why?”

He only looked up from the table when Ed responded for Harry, “He told her he likes someone else.”

Harry’s cheeks grew heated and he looked down at the table as well when he felt Louis’ eyes scan his face. He was just glad the older lad didn’t ask him who it was.  Harry wasn’t even sure himself, and he was so relieved when the three of them split up to go to classes – or, in Harry’s case, back to his dorm room.

But when he was finally back, and nestled into Grimmy’s bed with the very roommate beside him reading a magazine, he couldn’t stop from sighing and mumbling to himself until Grimmy finally gave him his attention. “What is the problem, dear?”  His questioning was sarcastic, but Harry knew he would pay attention when Harry actually started talking.

The younger boy continued looking up at the ceiling before a grumbling, "I think I like someone..." slipped out.

But he wasn't quite sure about what he was feeling; because emotions were weird. He knew how he felt about Louis was different from how he felt about anyone else, but he still wasn’t sure.  He had always wanted that kind of attention from Louis, so he was really just quite confused.

Grimmy gave him a sideways leer. "Yah, I know."  He let out a little chuckle when he saw Harry's confused and mildly worried expression.  "Well just tell me who it is so I can have a laugh and tell you I saw it coming for years."  He urged, knowing Harry would need the extra guidance.

"I'm-uh...Louis?" He mumbled looking over at his desk so he wouldn’t have to see his roommate’s reaction.  But Grimmy did just what he said he would, an amused laughter filling the room, slipping off their posters on their walls and settling on the linoleum of their floors.  And Harry was blushing even harder than he already had been.  "You were right…?"  He asked quietly peeking up at his friend through his curls.

 Grimmy wiped at his eyes as if what Harry had said was so funny it had made him cry.  "Of course I was right Harry. I was pretty sure you'd had a thing for Louis ever since I saw you two together the _first_ time..."  He took a pause, thinking about his words.  "That's why I didn't hit on you; no one wants to get on Louis' bad side."

Besides the deeper red that encompassed his face when his best friend insinuated he would've hit on him, Harry continued, "what do you mean get on Louis' bad side...?"

"I mean, I already know he doesn't really like me, but hey, he'd like me even less if I decided to take his precious ‘Hazza’ away." He waved his hand flippantly before his eyes lit up and he turned to Harry.  "He'd probably even have a cow knowing you were in my bed right now."  He began reaching for something in his pocket, rustling the sheets around them.

"Hey what do you mean? What're you doing?"  Harry questioned as Grimmy produced his phone, a devilish smirk giving him away.

"Nothing Harry, nothing at all." He pulled it out an arm’s length distance away from them.  "Smile for the camera babe."

And Harry didn't smile for the camera, because he was anxious about what his friend was doing. So instead he stared at Grimmy wanting to know what in the world he had meant about taking away Louis' 'precious Hazza.'

And when the snapshot was taken, Grimmy removed his arm from where he'd stuck it behind Harry for the photo and began typing away on his mobile. When the noise for a sent message went out, he finally turned back to Harry where he'd been ignoring the boy, too intent on doing damage elsewhere.

"Hey you got your phone on you?"

Harry shook his head, mouth already open to continue questioning Grimmy. "No, it's on my bed over there."

"Oh ok, well I'll go get it for you." Grimmy stood, stretching, his shirt showing off a bit of lean stomach as he walked the few steps to Harry's bed, producing said phone.

He tossed it over, Harry opening it to find nothing there. He looked to Grimmy, confused yet again.

"Why do I need my phone?"

"No reason." Grimmy merely shrugged, with a grin that clearly meant there was definitely a reason.

"You won't...say anything, will you?"

"To Louis? Nah, your crush is safe with me dimple boy."  And as Grimmy began rummaging around in his stuff, looking for who knows what, a little ping let off Harry's phone.

**Boo bear:**

     Hey Haz... U busy ?

     Wanna come over?

 

And another ping a second later, before Harry could even move towards the keyboard to respond,

 

**Boo Bear:**

     I can come pick u up

 

**Boo bear:**

     Oh and tell grimmy I'm going to kick him in the balls the next time I see him.

 

Harry ended up taking the bus instead, to save Louis from having to waste gas money. And when he made it to Louis’ flat a good ten minutes later, he let himself into the apartment.

Upon not seeing Louis in the main hall or the kitchen, and noticing no one watching the TV, Harry walked the few steps down the side hall towards Louis’ room where he paused outside the door, overhearing the voices inside.

He recognized Perrie’s accent immediately, though it was a bit fuzzy sounding, and he peeked through the door to see her face on Louis’ laptop monitor on his desk. Danielle was leaning on his bed while Louis sat in his desk chair, listening to their friend go on, “Here me out, I may not be good at maths but even I know two plus two equals four, right?…  And you and him, you guys _equal four_.”  Harry leaned out of the doorway so he wouldn’t be spotted.  He wanted to know who she was talking about; _what_ she was talking about.  “Do you understand what I’m saying?”  She asked after a beat of silence.

Louis cleared his throat. “No I think you lost me Pez…”

The rest of whatever he was going to say was drowned out by Danielle’s laughing. “Haha what the fuck?” She opened her mouth, mimicking the blonde in a voice that was clearly not Perrie’s, “You and him equal four.  What does that even mean?!”  She continued cackling.

“Harry.” Harry’s eyes flew open as he turned towards Dan who was standing behind him, eyes squinted as he looked at the younger.  “What’re you doing?”

Harry tried schooling his expression into one of innocence as he stuttered out an incoherent, “Um, uh, I was about to go in.”

Dan nodded slowly, before heading into the bathroom across the hall from where he was standing. Harry let out a sigh as he lightly knocked and pushed past the door to greet the others.

“Harry!” Perrie shouted, as she hadn’t seen him in the longest amount of time, out of the three.  He quickly said his hellos, hoping the others wouldn’t catch on to the fact he’d just been eavesdropping.  He hoped Dan hadn’t realized what he’d been doing either, and that he wouldn’t tell them later.

Danielle grinned at him, “I’m not sure your tutoring Perrie in maths all those years ago really paid off.”

Perrie looked aghast at the statement, before yelling over the screen, “You shut your mouth Dani, my maths is fine enough the way it is.”

She merely grinned back, letting out another chuckle.

“What’re you guys talking about…?” Harry asked, but was immediately shushed by Louis’ very jumpy response.

“Nothing...” He glanced between the two girls before turning back to Harry and placing a more eased grin onto his lips.  “I was just about to sign off with Perrie actually.  And Danielle,” he turned towards the darker haired brunette, “you had a study group or something to go to right?”

She let out a groan before eyeing the boys and throwing her arms in the air. “Oh, don’t remind me.”  She began her journey towards the door, calling a quick “Bye Pez, call me!” over her shoulder.

“Bye Dani! I will!”  Perrie replied, just as cheery.  Before she immediately lost her smile, expression growing serious, demanding, as she pointed at Louis.  “Don’t forget to do what I said.”

He rolled his eyes before flicking her a quick wave of goodbye. “Yah we’ll see.  Bye Pez.”

“Bye loves!” She called back as Harry waved and the screen blanked out, Perrie hanging up on them.

It was a few moments before Louis turned around, fully composed, to smile sweetly at Harry. “Wanna get take-out and watch YouTube videos?”

 

It wasn’t until much later when Louis was washing the empty tray for the cookies that Harry had just finished baking and Harry was standing next to him rinsing his hands in the other half of the sink that Louis nudged his hip with his own. “So, Hazza… you told that girl that you liked someone?”

Harry’s throat suddenly felt tight as he squeaked out something that sounded like an affirmation. Louis went over to dry the dish as Harry wiped his hands over a dishtowel.  Louis stuffed another warm cookie into his mouth before speaking again, “…I didn’t know you liked anyone.”

“Yah, uh, I didn’t really,” his voice was breaking all over the place and he cleared his throat, “I wasn’t, umm, sure, I guess.”

Louis eyed him up and down, a bit of a nervous edge to his frown. “Who is it?”

“Umm.” And that was his only response.  Before he shook his head faintly.  There was no way Harry could tell Louis that he had a crush on him.  That would make things so weird between them because there would be no way Louis could like him back.  And Harry really didn’t want Louis to ignore him again. 

But he did wonder… Louis had promised to not let things be awkward between them, regardless of the reason. Maybe Harry should tell him...

He continued shaking his head instead.

“Harry…” Louis began, slowly drawing out the name.  “Tell me who you like.”  He was demanding and Harry backed away from the older boy.  “Please, tell me...”  It sounded like Louis was teasing, but by his expression and the topic being discussed, he was oddly serious.  “Don’t make me tickle you...”  He lipped and Harry was only able to roll his eyes before Louis was suddenly charging for him and he jolted, running out of the room and tripping on Dan’s shoes in the process.

He was able to regain his footing, looking back to see Louis right on his tail as he moved forward and straight into the arm of the couch. He groaned landing on the soft cushioning before shimmying onto his back just in time to protect himself from the attack Louis had threatened him with; or that he tried to protect himself from, at least.

Harry yelped, seeing Louis smiling at the little laughs flying from his pink lips. “Tell me who you like,” The older lad continued, grinning at the spectacle, his fingers playing over the youngers ribs, watching Harry thrash around.

“No, I can’t.” Harry squealed and Louis only pressed harder, digging deeper to keep those beautiful noises from leaving Harry’s mouth.  “Stop, stop.”  Harry wheezed, grabbing lightly to Louis’ wrists when he slowed to a gentle caress on his abdomen.  He was still smiling, bright flush and wet eyes from laughing so hard.  “I can’t tell you.”  He licked his lips, Louis tracking the movement.  He was quieter, turning his gaze away from the older, but keeping his hands caging Louis’ to his skin.  “You’ll be mad at me…”

Louis stirred out of his state of discomposure, “What do you mean?” He blinked owlishly down at the boy laid out in front of him, their hips barely touching.  “….Don’t you know who I like…?”

Harry’s eyes snapped up to meet his, palms gripping tighter, though his voice gave nothing away when he mumbled, “You like someone?” He dropped his hands, scooting up the couch to sit up in the small space between the arm of the chair and Louis’ body.

The quiet word seemed to slip out on its own accord. “Who…?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.

And Harry wondered if Louis could feel his heart hammering, see the rise and fall of his chest. They were so close, separated only by an arms distance, their hands even closer as if wanting to reach out for each other still.  Harry nudged his socked toes into Louis’ thigh, looking up at him through long lashes.

Louis gazed back, apparently lost for words. At least Harry thought so, until he spoke, blinking against the muted lights flashing off the TV screen. “I like you.”

Harry heard him, heard the quiet murmur, his pulse fluttering to the same speed as the butterflies in his stomach. “What?” But that seemed to be the only response his mind could come up with at the moment, trying it’s hardest not to shut down from everything he was trying to process.  He suddenly felt too hot under Louis’ scrutiny, his cheeks blushing rose, teeth working over his plump lower lip.

“I’ve liked you for a while actually.” Louis clarified, watching the reaction play over Harry’s face. He couldn’t take it anymore, tearing his eyes from Harry’s unreadable expression, keeping his attention towards the couch beneath them. “And I know I’ve been shit at showing it, so I understand if you like someone else…  I mean after we kissed, I… I couldn’t stop thinking about you.  And so when I came to London, obviously I figured the logical thing would be to ignore you….” He let out a cough of laughter, looking back towards Harry with a remorseful grimace.  “I hoped it’d go away, my crush...  But it didn’t.”

“Why’d you hope for that…?” He was soft in his question, low drawl harping across the buzzing air. 

Louis still hadn’t heard a straight response from Harry, didn’t know if his feelings were returned. He couldn’t control the uneasy timbre in his voice as he continued, “Because I didn’t think you could ever like me.  Like that...”

“I do though.”  Harry surprised himself with how steady his own tone was.

Louis looked back at him with his own look of uncertainty. “You…?”

He didn’t need to finish before Harry was nodding, brushing his fingers over Louis’ where they were still lying on the couch cushion near their legs. He kept his feather light touch atop Louis’ hand, feeling the heat beneath his skin.  “I like you.”  Harry repeated, quieter, not wanting to cut through the burning electricity thrumming between them.

Louis gave him a timid smile before echoing the statement. “I like you too.”

They stared at each other as if still unable to believe what the other had admitted. “You already said that…”  Harry laughed breathlessly, needing to say something, to focus on something besides the way Louis’ too blue eyes were looking into his own, as if trying to figure something out.

Louis’ face finally lit into that grin that Harry so loved as he began to speak frantically, letting out in one breath, “I like you, I like you, I like you!” before he pulled away from Harry’s hand to jump up with a sudden wave of energy.  He was beaming now, eyes alight with excitement.  “Wow, I can’t believe this!  Perrie and Dani were right. I’m such an idiot.”  He laughed, beautifully and Harry found himself unable to stop his own bright grin at seeing the older boy smiling down at him.  Until Louis suddenly moved back to where he’d been before, taking Harry’s hand in his own and scooting the tiniest bit closer to the younger.

He stalled for a moment, the proximity making everything more intense. Harry held his breath, tried to keep the smile off his lips as Louis leaned closer.  “…Harry.”

“Louis…” He chirped back, feeling so lightheaded and suddenly so out of sorts.  Louis was inching closer, stroking his fingers over Harry’s palm and making the younger buzz with anticipation.

“Can I kiss you?” Louis hummed into the air near Harry’s lip like he couldn’t help himself from getting as close as he could.

The little giggle Harry tried so hard to hold in must’ve been answer enough as Louis pushed his lips forward, brushing them tenderly over Harry’s. He moved back an inch to make sure Harry was okay with what he was doing.  And when the younger nodded frantically, needing the feel of Louis against him again, for longer, the older did as wanted, pressing his mouth to Harry’s.  He pushed deeper with the kiss, but made sure to keep his lips closed tight, just enjoying the innocence of it.

He pulled back, caressing a hand over Harry’s cheekbone, over the pink tint stained there. “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while.”  He admitted with a soft chuckle.  Harry pressed another soft kiss to his pretty lips before Louis was mumbling something Harry wasn’t sure he’d wanted to hear from Louis so badly until he did. “Can I take you on a date?”

Harry bit his lip, focusing his attention away from the tingly sensations left behind from Louis’ touch, looking towards the older to see him smiling fondly down at him. Harry let out a breath. “When?”

Louis pecked him again, and it didn’t seem like either of the two could keep their mouths apart. Harry wasn’t complaining, he didn’t want to ever stop if he was honest.  “Next week?  Friday?”  Louis quickly asked as if his mind was reeling with all of the places he wanted to take Harry that he’d never thought he’d be able to.  “After classes?  I can pick you up!”

“You sound excited.”   Harry observed, grinning and scrunching up his nose, his mouth hurting from smiling so hard.  He hoped Louis could fix that with kisses.

“I’m ecstatic!” Louis supplied, and, as if hearing Harry’s inner thoughts, pressed another kiss to his rosy lips.

Harry nodded into the kiss, pulling a laugh from Louis’ mouth. “What’re we going to do?”  He questioned, blinking away the haze of Louis that was surrounding him.

“I want to take you out for dinner. At a nice restaurant.”  He responded, seeming to have the same problem as Harry himself.  When Harry opened his mouth to ask another question, Louis pushed a finger to it, stopping him with his words, “The likes of which will remain undisclosed to you.”

And though Harry pouted about Louis not telling him, he was too busy being nervous for the actual day. He wasn’t quite sure why, he’d eaten dinner alone with Louis for years, but he knew it was going to be extremely different that time.

So after getting off the phone to Cher’s squeals and having Grimmy help him pick out an outfit, he waited for Louis to pick him up at his dorm. And when Louis showed up at his door with a bouquet of flowers, Harry really couldn’t help how bright his smile grew and how light he felt from that point on.

He was still nervous and beyond worried Louis would suddenly change his mind about the whole date thing, but he quickly found himself forgetting his anxiousness as Louis talked to him, like everything was normal, but yet like it was all a bit different. The way the older looked at him kept Harry’s heartbeat skipping at an odd pace and he would’ve found it exhausting if he wasn’t so happy, blushing and giggling every time Louis teased him, or complimented him.

When Louis parked outside a fancy restaurant near the outskirts of the town, Harry found himself fiddling with his jacket, worried he wasn’t dressed up enough with his tight jeans and partially unbuttoned collared shirt. Louis was in a similar outfit though, fitted jeans with a loose t-shirt covered by a jacket.  Harry was blinking at the lights flooding out from the restaurant when he glanced over to see Louis opening his door for him with a smile that could charm the pants off of any boy or girl.  Harry flushed, using Louis’ extended hand to step out and onto the street.

Louis reached up to tug at one of his curls, “You look beautiful, Haz.” He wondered if Louis could read his facial expressions and he’d been that obvious about feeling underdressed.

His timid smile was paired with a fresh blush creeping up his neck, “Thanks Lou.” He wanted to reach out and kiss the older boy, but they hadn’t done so since the previous week when Louis had asked him out on a date.  He wondered if Louis just didn’t want to kiss him anymore, maybe his breath smelled funny…

“Hi, we have a reservation. Louis.”  The older spoke to the hostess as Harry looked around the small bistro after they’d entered.  There were pretty fairy lights dangling from the ceiling and brightening up the room, candles alight on each dark wood table.  Other than a few other couples and a family, but it was relatively empty but warm and friendly nonetheless as they were seated at a little table right in the back corner.  It was tucked away from the rest of the world, where they could be alone.  And Harry bit his lip, fiddling with his napkin.

“Everything looks so good, I have no idea what I’m going to get!” Louis supplied into the quiet, over the soft melodies flooding the restaurant, as Harry glanced over the menu as well, tearing his gaze away from watching Louis do so.  His eyes widened at all of the options, at their insane prices.  They were all so expensive and he began worrying over his bottom lip again.  He wasn’t sure if Louis was planning on paying, he would if it was an actual date, right?  But everything was just so much money.

Louis must’ve sensed his concern again because he looked up to smile at him. “What’re you going to get, Hazza?”

“Umm, I don’t know…” He began scanning for the cheapest thing when Louis spoke up again.

“Harry, I want to buy dinner for you. Pick out whatever sounds appetizing.”  Harry flushed, but nodded, eyes going back to what he’d thought looked good earlier.  “Umm, I’ll probably get the fettuccine…”

Louis read over the menu before nodding his head. “That does sound delicious!  I may get the risotto…”  He mused as the waitress came up and took their orders.  When she left and Harry was studying the painting on the wall to their right, Louis tapped his foot with his own, leaning forward on the table.  “So, what’s new?”

Harry blinked back at him, unable to control the light pattering of his pulse. “Umm, your dad called me earlier today…”  Louis’ eyes widened at the information as Harry continued, “He asked me if I knew who you were going on a date with tonight.”

Louis let out a bright laugh and Harry blushed further remembering the conversation. “Did you tell him?”  Louis asked, grinning at the flustered boy.

Harry shook his head, “He seemed really frustrated. Said you wouldn’t tell him no matter how much he begged…”

Louis laughed again, a raucous noise that Harry really wouldn’t have minded listening to again. “Yah, well, I just didn’t tell him because I like to see him pout. Plus then he nags Dad Two constantly and it really is much more entertaining than it should be.”

“You’re a menace.” Harry lipped back and Louis grinned further.

“Plus I was thinking, maybe we could tell our parents together, if, you know, you wanted to.” And wow, that meant Louis was planning on there being more than one date.  Harry had been mildly worried Louis hadn’t told his dad because he didn’t want Liam to know he’d stooped so low as to go out with Harry.  How stupidly worried Harry had been...  Louis had even asked him to trust that he didn’t hate him, and to stop thinking everything was his fault, but Harry hadn’t.  He was going to have to work harder at that. 

And he nodded. “Yah, we could, umm, do that.”  The food was placed in front of them before Harry turned back to Louis to tack on a quick, “If you want.”

Louis grinned, nodding as he picked up his fork to begin. Harry did the same and put a bit of his pasta into his mouth immediately melting into the flavors.  It was amazing, cooked to perfection.  And when Louis fed him a bit of his rice, he noted that it was also delicious, though he was blushing to no end from being fed from Louis’ own fork.

And when they finished their meals, and had a cannoli each, Harry was full, and happy. They went outside and ended up in the store next door which sold CD’s and was much too hipster for Harry to resist; at least that’s what Louis said on the matter.

They both ended up buying something and when they were in the car, before they’d even left the street, they both pulled them out to give to each other. And it was so stupid that they’d each gotten each other something that they laughed and fought over whose CD to listen to first.

Louis forced Harry to play the one he’d bought for him, in the end, and Harry really enjoyed it. Louis told him he knew he would, based off the obvious unpopularity of the band and the obscure cover art.  Harry stuck his tongue out at him in response.

And at the end of their date, Louis walked him to his room and Harry really didn’t want him to leave, but it had to happen. What he didn’t expect was Louis to press a sweet kiss to his cheek and squeeze his waist, before pulling away with a ‘goodbye.’  And if they happened to text the whole rest of the night, it was no one else’s business.  Except for maybe his too-quickly beating heart's; but that was expected.

 

Another week later there were still no kisses and still no relief from the way his pulse would quicken with every brush of their hands and skip with every gentle squeeze of his thigh. Harry wanted more, he couldn’t help it, but he could wait, he supposed.  Especially when Louis asked him out on another date.  He hoped Louis would kiss him after it was done.

It didn’t happen, except for another peck on his cheek; though their second date was fantastic. They had walked around the zoo, taking pictures with the animals and making ridiculous noises whenever they passed each exhibit.  Harry was pretty sure his cheeks were as pink as the flamingos they saw when Louis grabbed his hand and held it the whole time, squeezing it to grab his attention whenever he had something silly to say.

It was the most fun Harry had ever had at a zoo; which was astounding as it’s runner up was the time when Niall had pretended to be a baboon and had done such a good job at it that the monkeys in the exhibit thought he was one of them; and had therefore come up to the window to howl at them.

But this was definitely the best trip because after they visited the penguins and Louis did his best interpretation of what he assumed they were saying to each other, which Harry found unbelievably funny and had laughed obnoxiously loud at, they went into the butterfly house where a large monarch had landed on Harry’s shoulder. This had sparked Louis into telling him it happened because he was as beautiful as a flower, and other similar similes and soliloquies about Harry that had him blushing and giggling like a twelve-year old.

 

And when it was the following week and Louis wanted to go on another date with him, hadn’t tired of Harry yet, the younger lad made his way over to Louis’ flat for a night in.

He entered to find Louis standing over the stove with a look of deep concentration on his face. He thought he looked adorable, and moving closer he was pretty sure he’d never seen Louis look so serious before.

He glanced past the older lad’s elbow as he snuck up behind him, to lean his head on his shoulder and snuggle into his back, seeing a mixture of white in the pot that was being stirred around.

Louis jumped a bit before settling back into Harry and turning to peck his cheek. “Making homemade mash!”  He cheered excitedly, before mumbling, “Hope it tastes good…”

Harry pulled the spoon out of Louis’ hand, feeling a bit lightheaded from the cheek kiss, as he was still unaccustomed to such affection from Louis, stepping away to bring a bit of the potatoes up to his mouth. He swallowed the portion, expressing his delight with a pleased face.  “It tastes great, Lou!  What’d I do to deserve a meal made by the very kitchen-arsonist himself.”  He grinned when the older lad rolled his eyes and flushed.

“Yah, I know I’m shit at cooking. But I decided to give it another try to impress you.”

“It’s working.” Harry grinned, putting the spoon back into the bowl.

Louis beamed back before swiping a bit for himself with his finger. Harry tried to not stare when Louis popped the digit between his lips to suck the white off.  “Thank you.  Dad Two gave me the recipe.”  Harry had always thought Liam was the cook in the family, but he supposed Zayn probably had some good recipes too.  Louis cleared his throat before turning around to grab Harry around the waist and pull him closer. “I also have some chicken in the oven too.”

“Sounds good.” Harry hummed, “What else do you have planned for tonight?”

“Well… I was thinking we could just relax and watch some movies or something? I know it’s not elaborate or anything, but—“

Harry was quick to cut him off, “It’s great Lou! I love it.”  He glanced around the kitchen at the mostly already washed dishes and cups before glancing at the mash and asking, “Is there anything you would like me to do to help?”

Louis followed his gaze around. “Most everything is done actually.  If you want to go pick out a movie that’d be great!”  He added, gesturing towards the living room.

“Any movie?” Harry asked, knowing Louis always made fun of him whenever Harry got to choose; usually because he always picked out a Disney movie or one where the main character falls madly in love; he was a bit of a sap, but he knew Louis secretly loved it.

Louis let out a laugh, poking Harry in the side. “Yes, any kind. Even if it’s the grossest, cheesiest rom com ever.”  Harry bit his lip, to hold back his grin, as he marched into the other room, pondering what to watch.  He flipped through the options in his head before deciding it most definitely had to be a romance; so that maybe Louis would kiss him if he was good enough.

He chose ‘The Notebook’ his favorite of the bunch, though ‘Titanic’ was certainly up the list, and readied it before heading back into the kitchen to the smells of warm food as Louis pulled the chicken out of the oven. “Wow, Lou, that looks great!”

“Thanks Haz.” He dished out the chicken, which looked to be wrapped in some other kind of meat, and put a bit of the mash to the side of it.  Harry contentedly took his and Louis’ plates into the next room, placing them on the coffee table.  When he turned back around, Louis had two wine glasses in his hand and a bottle in the fold of his arm.

He placed them down next to their plates before sitting himself at the end of the couch, Harry relaxing on the opposite side, taking a glass from Louis’ awaiting hands. They toasted and Harry smiled happily, sipping a bit of the drink before reaching for his plate and cutting up the meat, trying some of it.  There was the subtle taste of mozzarella inside and Harry couldn’t help the noises he made to indicate that he thought it was quite delicious.  The mash was great too and even Louis seemed extremely pleased by his own cooking.  It sounded like he was so proud of himself that he’d be telling everyone about the first meal he’d ever cooked the next day, and probably the following one as well, and then after that for a really long time too, probably.

After finishing up their food and starting a second glass of wine, Louis turned the DVD on, not surprised in the least at the decision Harry had come to. And it was only in the opening credits when Harry left his end of the couch and crawled under Louis’ arm, sidling in next to him.

Eventually, after their stomachs had settled from dinner, Louis grabbed a blanket and stretched his legs out the length of the couch before moving to pull Harry into his lap, even though the younger’s gangly limbs were probably quite uncomfortable. Harry shifted himself around to face Louis instead, sitting easily in the spot above Louis’ hips.

Louis grinned feeling Harry’s eyes on him, as he continued watching the movie. “You’re missing out on Ryan Gosling telling Rachel McAdams he wrote her for a year…”  Louis mumbled though the TV was much too quiet for Harry to really be hearing anything anyways, besides the sound of Louis’ melodic voice.  They’d turned the volume down halfway through the movie to talk quietly, so he really didn’t mind that he was missing some of it.  He’d seen the movie plenty of times before anyways.

“Thank you for dinner.” Harry mumbled quietly when Louis turned to blink up at him.  His soft smile was enough to make Harry’s pulse speed up.  Louis leaned forward to give him a kiss on the lips and it was something Harry had been waiting for.  He happily complied; so glad to be kissing Louis again.

“Hazza…” Louis pulled a breaths distance away, Harry blinking his eyes open to see Louis biting his lip in anticipation. “Will you be my boyfriend?”

And Harry really should’ve seen that coming. Of course dating Louis would lead to something more, it just never crossed his mind before that moment.  And he suddenly shook his head.

He didn’t want Louis to do that. He didn’t want it to hurt more if Louis left.  “I do-on't." He continued shaking his head, frantically clenching his hands so as to grab some semblance of self-control as he tried to even out his thoughts.  "I'm not... I won't make a good boyfriend."  He felt a tightness in his chest as he tried to back up out of Louis’ arms.

He didn’t want Louis to have to do something like commit to be his boyfriend, even when Harry so badly wanted to say yes. He shook his head, slower the second time, mumbling, "You don't want that.”

Louis stopped him from getting too far though, wrapping a hand around Harry’s fists to stroke fingers over the soft skin and ease them into relaxing. “I do want that.  So much, Harry.”  He pulled Harry back towards him, back into his space.

Sweeping a hand through his curls, to brush a stray lock behind his ear, Louis rested his palm on Harry’s cheek. “I want to take you out on dates, to the movies or to that cute little café a few blocks away.  And hold your hand.”  He punctuated his words with a squeeze to the palm he still had in his own.  “I want to be able to kiss you whenever."  And he pulled Harry close enough to breathe his air, before planting a soft kiss to his lips.  “When you’re doing homework or baking something sweet...”  He mumbled against his mouth and Harry was having a hard time concentrating on what was being said.

But he was able to shake his head still, brushing his lips against Louis’ and growing breathless at the feeling. Louis stilled his movements, “I want to tell people that I have the loveliest, most charming boyfriend; and that, yeah, he's the one with the pretty curls and the cute dimples.”

Louis stroked his cheek again, a harder kiss passing between them before he moved back. “I want to be with you, Harry...  Do you want that, with me?"  And he did seem uncertain, waiting for the other’s reply.

It was only a moment before Harry was leaning forward again, exhaling a quiet ‘yes’ against his lips as he fell back into their kissing. “I want to be your boyfriend, yah.”  Harry supplied, moving impossibly closer into Louis’ embrace, until he could feel Louis’ heart beating next to his own.  He pulled his mouth away to curl up on his chest, hiding his burning cheeks, his lips tingling with the warmth that Louis’ left behind.

Louis wrapped arms around him, petting through his hair and grinning into his sentences. “I’m so glad, Curly.  So happy.”

And Harry didn’t have to respond, he just needed to bury himself closer, thrumming his fingers over Louis’ heart in time to its beat, for the older boy to know that Harry felt the same. That he was happy too.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been a little over a month. Harry is eighteen, Louis is almost twenty one!

Droplets of frigid water flicked onto Harry’s forehead; the icicles dangling off the bar above him melting as they began to adjust to the mid-day temperature.   He kicked himself off the ground and into the air, feeling cold wind sting his cheeks as he creaked to and fro on the swing set; almost knocking into Louis where the older boy was holding his mitten covered hand, swinging in his own chair.  It was such a bad idea to hold hands, as their separate seats continued trying to meet and tangle them together.

Louis had demanded they held hands while swinging though, and Harry wasn’t one to deny such a sweet request. So they dealt; their boots continuing to bump each other’s and their knees colliding.

“He’s actually ignoring me. Or trying to at least...”  Louis glanced in Harry’s direction to give him an impish grin.  “He always gets this really upset puppy dog face whenever I enter the room.”

Harry breathed out a chuckle, creating a puff of white smoke in front of his lips as he imagined Liam trying in vain to get his son to feel bad for his actions. It had been about a week since Louis and him had gotten out of school for their winter holidays and according to the older lad, Liam hadn’t done anything but threaten him with coal for Christmas if he didn’t finally spill the details on his relationship.

“It _has_ been awhile Lou.  You really should just tell him that we’re… dating.”  Harry’s voice grew softer as he neared the end of his sentence, trying to bite back his obnoxiously large smile from appearing.  But he really couldn’t help it; much like Louis couldn’t help the fondness overtaking his own features as he watched Harry’s reaction.

“Yah, probably will… If I remember.”  His smirk told Harry that Louis wasn’t going to be trying very hard to do so, purely to continue torturing his father.

He slowed them down by digging his boots into the snow beneath them, dust flurrying up towards their knees. Louis swung into him as he moved to stop as well, pulling him up from the swing when they were both grounded so they could trudge towards the middle of the park.  It was the same one they had sometimes visited when they were younger – the best spot to cloud watch, they’d agreed – which was why they always tried to do so when they were there.

Louis jumped onto the pillowing snow, yanking Harry down with him until they were side by side looking up at the grey backdrop above. There weren’t really any clouds, seeing as there was no blue in the sky at all, but Louis amused himself, and Harry for that matter, by muttering that he could see “a piece of grey paper… or a slab of concrete”.  And Harry had giggled before deciding he was much too cold and wet to continue lying there for much longer.  He stood up before pulling his coat’s hood over his head so that there was a fur frame surrounding his pink-cheeked face and blocking his beanie covered ears from the cold.  “I’m freezing Lou…  Can we go?”

“Of course, babe.” The other lad hopped up, brushing off his pants– though they were about as damp as Harry’s– turning towards the younger to affectionately laugh at the face he was making.  “You look like an Eskimo…”

“Don’t make fun of my hat.” Harry grouched, before grinning and tugging on it so it fit over his ears better.  “At least I’m warmer now.”

“I bet I can make you warmer.” Louis hummed, the words creating his own cloud of smoke as he leaned forward.  Harry closed his eyes expecting to feel Louis’ chapped lips against his own, but he was surprised when that desired outcome didn’t happen.  Instead he could feel Louis’ nose gently nudge over his own and he involuntarily giggled, opening his eyes to see Louis smiling back at him.

“What’re you doing…?”

“Eskimo kisses, Harry. So our lips don’t freeze together.”  Louis explained eliciting another small laugh from Harry.

“I’m pretty sure it has to be a lot colder for that to happen…” Louis shrugged before leaning back in to give him another light tap to his nose, brushing them past each other.

Harry leaned into the feeling this time, cheeks pinking even more as he breathed Louis in. The movements were so soft, so sweet Harry didn’t care that they’d been outside for a good portion of the morning and that he was almost numb with the cold.

As long as Louis continued what he was doing, Harry figured he could stay out for much longer still.

But Louis seemed to have other plans as he pulled away to Harry’s hums of dissatisfaction. He chuckled, grabbing Harry’s hand again.  “Okay Elsa, let’s get you home before you freeze your cute little face off.”  And the Frozen reference, no matter how cliché it was, had Harry smiling like a dork, as they had watched and cuddled during that exact movie the previous night.

“Some people are worth melting for...” Harry mumbled, following next to Louis.  “Or in this case, freezing.”

But Louis only shook his head with a snort before leading Harry back to his house.

 

It wasn’t until they were clothed in warmer, dryer outfits, with Harry’s cozy socked feet in Louis’ lap that they managed to stop giving each other love-sick eyes.  They turned on the TV in Louis’ room to watch something besides the other’s stupidly enamored expressions when a knock on the door drew their attention.

After a moment, Louis’ dad entered, looking despondent and wearied. Zayn cleared his throat, giving his son his most piteous expression.  “Please, Lou…  You have to tell your father who you’re dating.”  And it didn’t escape either Harry or Zayn’s notice that the edge of Louis’ lip quirked up at the statement.  Zayn continued, unfazed, “He keeps talking about it.  He thinks you don’t tell him _anything_ anymore.”

Louis was full on grinning at that point. “That’s ridiculous, Dad. I tell you guys everything!”  His chipper voice was a tip-off to just how much he was enjoying their conversation.  Harry really couldn’t stop staring at the lad’s smile and grinning himself.  He was properly whipped.  “…Except for this.”

Zayn’s tired sigh refocused his attention on the discussion at hand. “I know you want to be secretive and all Louis, but please, for me. _And_ for Liam’s sake, tell him who you’re dating.  If you don’t I think he’s going to cry himself to sleep, _again_.”

“He cried himself to sleep?!” Louis seemed much too delighted at the thought.  He really was a little menace; Harry was so endeared.

“Well, he was really drunk… you know how your father gets when he’s tipsy…” Zayn continued, eyes still shining with hope that his son will do as asked.

Louis pursed his lips. “Right.”  He turned to look towards Harry, his thumb running over Harry’s bare ankle for a moment, before he was turning back to his dad.  “Okay, fine...”  He gave an exaggerated sigh, much more amused than Zayn’s had been.  “Later when Niall and Claire come over I’ll make a proper announcement at the dinner table.  Is that okay?”  He turned again to look at his boyfriend, as if asking Harry the same question; since it involved him as well.

Harry gave a small nod before grinning and turning back to see Zayn’s relieved smile, the wrinkles in his forehead disappearing for a moment. “Oh thank you!” He let out another breath, relieved this time as he left, calling out a chipper, “Liam, honey, I have _great_ news.”

 

It wasn’t until a few hours later when Harry heard the brash, unmistakable Irish accent fill the lower halls of the house, “Is it time to break out that fine Christmas wine yet?”, that he knew his parents had arrived. And he suddenly felt a bit nervous about their mealtime announcement.

He told Louis as much and the older boy responded with a confident, “Don’t worry about it, love” and a quick peck to his nose.

They decided to join their parents soon after, to ‘help’ with their food, or in other words annoy them while they cooked, and dinnertime arrived faster than Harry had thought it would. They all crowded around the dining room table, sipping their drinks and munching tenderly on their meals.

It was mostly silent, Liam continually side-glancing Louis as if waiting for him to speak up.

And when Louis caught his eye for the tenth time, in the prior ten minutes, he put down his fork before huffing, “Okay, alright, everyone I have an announcement to make…”

And Liam immediately pushed his hardly-touched plate away, squealing with excitement as he grabbed the laptop he had stashed underneath his chair; Louis immediately grimacing at the machine. “…Isn’t that a bit _unnecessary_?!”

Liam turned to him with wide eyes as the other parents slowly quieted. “No way.  I have to Facebook them immediately when you tell us!”

“Or google.” Zayn added in, grinning as he squeezed his husband’s shoulder.

“Or google them, yes. What if they’re a convicted criminal?”  It was obvious Liam was joking about them being a convicted criminal, but he clearly wasn’t joking about looking them up as he readied his hands over the keyboard and eagerly stared at his son’s perturbed expression.

Niall interrupted Louis’ sure to be wily response, taking a gulp of his wine. “You’re dating someone Lou?”

And instead of Louis responding himself, his parents were quick to do so for him; Zayn nodding in Niall’s direction, Liam chirping up a proud, “He is,” before Claire was speaking, giving her husband a questioning glance. “…You didn’t know that?  Harry told us he was…”

Niall immediately shook his head, refilling his empty glass. “No, Harry told us _he_ was dating _too_.”

And Harry flushed at the mention of his name, ducking his head. He’d actually told his parents that he was ‘dating Lou’… but he supposed he wasn’t too surprised that they hadn’t heard him; they certainly hadn’t reacted the way he’d thought they would’ve.

He figured he needed to work on not mumbling so much in the future.

“Alright Louis, we’re ready.” Liam trilled, obviously unable to wait another moment. “I’m so excited.” And his statement was clear in the way he was bouncing up and down in his seat like a child waiting to open their birthday presents.

“Oh Jesus, this is so embarrassing. Put the computer away.”  Louis pleaded, cheeks flushing.

Harry couldn’t stop from laughing at his reaction, Liam looking blankly back at his son. “But Louis, you’ve waited so long to tell us, I just can’t do that…  I have to see who they are immediately!”  He paused to scan the table, as if the rest of the inhabitants could convince Louis to hurry up.  “Especially since you said you were serious about this one.”

Louis immediately groaned and Harry immediately blushed, trying to not make eye contact with any of the adults. Much less Louis.

After a moment of grumbling, Louis spoke up with a mortified sigh, “You don’t need the computer Dad, you already know them…”

“We do? Oh goodness!  Just tell us already!”  Liam shut the laptop to appease his son, but turned fully towards him to assert that the boy had his full attention.

Claire reached out where she was sitting next to Harry to feel his forehead, “Harry you’re really red are you feeling okay?”

He turned his attention away from Louis for only a moment to squeak out, “Yah, no, I’m fine…” He would be, at least, if Louis just told them and got it over with.  He couldn’t handle the waiting anymore.

Liam seemed to agree ten-fold, “Well who is it?”

Louis looked towards the table, biting his lower lip, before “I’m dating Harry…” After a long moment he turned back towards the adults, reiterating his point.  “…Harry’s my boyfriend.”

There was a gulf of silence and Harry and Louis exchanged glances, both waiting for a response of any kind, letting their embarrassment slowly dwindle away.

It was deathly quiet though and Harry was extremely uncomfortable, all eyes staring at him and the other boy.

Niall was the first to open his mouth with a, “Huh…” Everyone turned to see him observing the ceiling, looking as if everything suddenly made sense. He leaned back to grin at the two.  “No wonder I saw you two kissing when there wasn’t any mistletoe around!”

Another stream of silence, before Liam, “You saw our children _kissing_ and you didn’t say anything?”

His apparent irritation only lasted a millisecond though as he was turning back to the young adults bearing the largest beam Harry had ever seen the man make, squealing , “Oh my god!” and “My babies are in love!!!”. And in return, in the madness, Harry could hear echoes of Louis grumbling, “Stoppp Dad” and “You’re soooo embarrassing…”

He turned to Zayn who hadn’t said anything yet, to see the man shaking his head, running a hand thorough his hair and squinting his eyes at the table. “How could I not have realized…”

“They _have_ always been pretty close…”  Claire added in to the mess of shrieking and giggling from Liam’s part and the uncontrollable chuckling from Niall’s, as she pinched Harry’s reddened cheek because she was close enough to do so; letting out her own a laugh when Harry tried swatting it away, much too embarrassed by all the attention at the moment to handle anything more.

When Louis put a hand on his thigh, squeezing to let Harry know he was there, it calmed him immensely. And when they were finally able to wrangle in the madness, and stop Liam from asking questions about how they knew they liked the other and when that was, specifically, they were able to finish their meals in an almost forced silence, though everyone kept grinning at them anyways. 

And when they exchanged Christmas presents, as tradition were to uphold, things were _almost_ un-weird and the boys could _almost_ ignore the way the adults kept subtly ribbing at their newfound relationship status.  It was horrifying really and Harry would’ve hated it, if he wasn’t so happy that he could call Louis his own.

And seeing the way Louis lit up when Harry told him his present was an appointment he’d made for him, to get that skater tattoo he’d wanted for so long, and that Harry would even pay for it; he really couldn’t be more content. And he now had concert tickets to his favorite band that Louis was going to take him to.  He was a very happy boy.

 

It was a few days later when Harry and Louis arrived back from visiting Gemma, that they were lazing in Harry’s living room, sitting side by side on the couch. Though there was hardly any butt-space or wiggle room for them to move, at all, Harry was fine with their positioning.  He was in the middle of trying to read a book, squished between Louis’ body and the back of the couch, when Simon jumped on them and tromped around for their attention, making sure to pounce on Harry’s face for good measure.  And when he complained about it, Louis kissed him all better, which led to kissing him just for fun, and then making out because they really were just awful at keeping their mouths off each other.

It was almost more comfortable though, each of them having more space when they turned to face one another, Louis’ hands resting on Harry’s waist where his came up to cup Louis’ cheeks.

And it was great, Harry enjoying the feel of Louis’ lips on his own, not really taking notice when the older lad’s hands trailed down to rest over his back pockets, to squeeze.

Harry startled as he tried to settle back down into Louis’ palms instead of jumping out of them like he suddenly had the urge to. Louis didn’t seem to have noticed Harry’s distressed squeak or his fidgeting as the older lad continued kissing Harry fervently over his jaw line and down his neck.

He stopped his squirming, taking in a deep breath. He still had his jeans on, he was fine, Louis could touch him down there…  It was fine; it didn’t mean it would lead to anything else, anyways.

Harry had just been surprised was all, which is why he’d reacted how he did, it wasn’t weird that Louis wanted to touch his bum.

As he settled back into the couch cushions, relaxing into Louis’ kisses, the gentle sucking behind his ear, he didn’t think he actually minded having Louis’ hands on his bum either, even as his fingers began to knead at the flesh through his pants.

He was surprised to find himself pushing back into the touch, letting out a huff when Louis pulled his lips away from his neck and the bruise he’d most likely left behind. He moved his hands, bringing one up to thumb over Harry’s wet, plump bottom lip, parting his mouth to lick into it.  Harry could feel Louis press a finger onto where he’d left the purple mark behind, causing him to whine from the pinprick stings on the spot.

When Harry heard the front door opening, he immediately shoved Louis off of him, reacting faster than he thought possible as he pulled his phone out of his front pocket to press it to his ear. “Yeah, Cher, totally!”  He was speaking too cheerfully, way too quickly to be natural as Niall busted into the room dripping snow onto the carpet.

“I’m home!” He cheered as if that wasn’t blatantly obvious.  “Louis, what’re you doing on the ground…?”

Harry continued talking on the phone before ‘hanging up’ and turning to see his dad staring curiously at the groaning lump on the floor.

“That’s actually a really good question…” Louis mumbled, pushing himself up onto his elbows.  He ran his hands over the flooring before a thought must’ve sparked in his mind and a smile crossed his lips.  “I just wanted to check to see if this room really does have the softest carpet.  Hazza said it did.”

Harry nodded at the statement as Niall thoughtfully fell to his own stomach, spread eagle on the floor to feel for himself. “Hmm, I guess it is pretty soft…” he intoned rolling around a bit, before bouncing back up and telling them he was going to watch some telly and disappearing down the hall.

Louis turned to squint at Harry once his dad was gone, an unamused sulky expression on his face. “That hurt.”

“Sorry…” Harry let out a sheepish laugh, brushing Louis’ hair back to where it had been before his fall had knocked it about.

Louis merely leaned up to give him another peck to his lips; Harry’s heart humming and cheeks flushing in return. “Ready to go buy party supplies, love?  Nothing screams ‘birthday party’ like streamers.”

Harry nodded before following the older out the door, making sure to grill him on what kind of cake he wanted.

They decided on a triple chocolate layered since Louis was such a fan of sweet treats, and the next day Harry helped him toss streamers around his house, in no real fashioned order, in anticipation for their friends to arrive. It was Christmas Eve and more importantly Louis’ birthday, which meant an excuse for a party to celebrate the very boy himself.

And when the whole gang arrived, the eight of them chilled in Louis’ TV room doing absolutely nothing except for chatting and munching on crisps; and it really was one of the most relaxing days of their break so far.

Harry really missed having them all their together. The only one who wasn’t present was Grimmy but he was used to his best friend being ‘unable’ to attend Louis’ events and vice versa.  He was just glad the rest of them could come though, it’d been awhile since he’d seen them last.

And most of them, like their parents, kept giving Louis and him impish glances and smirking grins, teasing them about _finally_ getting together.  It was a bit awkward when they said stuff like that in front of Eleanor, but she didn’t seem to mind too much so Harry tried to not think about it either.

 

Halfway through Stan telling one of his football stories, Harry went into the kitchen with the empty bowls of crisps to refill them, stumbling in on Cher, Perrie, and Danielle all huddled around the counter chattering about. They quickly swallowed him into their group and he realized almost too late that they were talking about boys.  He wasn’t sure how comfortable he was with how their conversation was going.

"Yes and I really want to have sex with him!!" Perrie huffed, opening the fridge to pull out another can of soda before returning to the counter to continue, "We've been dating for _forever_ already and I'm so ready."

Cher and Danielle exchanged squints before the younger girl spoke up with a skeptical tone, "You've been dating for, like, a week..."

And she was met with a scoff. "That's long enough!  And you, Cher, can shush.  You and Josh were banging the day after you got together."

Harry fiddled with the empty bowls in front of him, chewing at the inside of his cheek. He had never been a proponent of talking about, or listening to people talk about sex, and he was often able to sneak out of conversations of the sort…  But he really didn’t think he could at the moment.  Not when he had been pulled in to the girls circle earlier; he had an obligation as a good friend to listen.

And it’s not that he didn’t want to hear about his friend’s love lives, he really did. But that tight queasy feeling in his stomach that often arose with the nonchalance at which his friends spoke about sex, really wasn’t very comfortable.

Cher was quick to open her mouth, as if to respond with a witty remark when instead she shrugged, "Yah, that's... actually not an exaggeration."

"Plus boys are always horny. They love sex."

Danielle laughed, rolling her eyes at Perrie’s statement. " _You_ love sex."

"Uh, is that normal...?" Harry began, finally speaking up after staying quiet for so long.  "Having sex... like immediately?"  He tried not to flush at his question, tried to not be embarrassed by his complete lack of knowledge on the subject.  He hated how naïve he was suddenly feeling in the moment and he really hoped the girls wouldn’t pick up on it.  But of course they did.

Perrie and Danielle swapped looks before the blonde spoke up first, after a moment of thought. "Well no...  I mean you can have sex whenever you feel like it.  Some people just have sex early on, and lots of it." She scrunched her mouth, contemplating her next words.  "But it's usually normal to want to do stuff with your boyfriend or girlfriend, I suppose."

Harry nodded dumbly to her words, mumbling an awkward, "...right of course." And after another beat of silence, "Does, do you think Louis wants to..."

The question only hung in the air for a second before Danielle was responding to his query. "Definitely.  I mean he did a lot of stuff last year...to like figure out if he was gay.  And him and Eleanor too."

It wasn’t a surprise; Harry knew Louis was more experienced than he was.  He knew Louis and Eleanor must’ve done stuff when they were dating, but he’d just never thought about it before that moment, not really anyways.  His eyes widened slightly and a frown pulled at his lips.

Cher must’ve realized his minor moment of panic at what to say next as she quickly spoke up in his stead, "Hey we should probably go back to the party now."

She received head nods in return, the girls beginning to head back into the other room when Perrie turned around to face Harry again, reaching out to momentarily squeeze his hand. "But Harry don't worry about it, sex really isn't that bad!"

Danielle agreed with her, before quickly adding, "I'd bet you’d like it once you’ve tried it!"

And Harry froze up all over again. Because he hadn’t… he hadn’t liked it.  The words his teacher had said echoed in his mind, ‘Don’t act like you don’t like it.’

He hadn’t. He didn’t.

Harry flinched when Cher reached out to touch his arm, immediately trying to cover up his odd behavior with a normal smile; at least, as normal a smile as he could make in the moment, now that his stomach was stirring uncomfortably and his palms were clamming up.

He gave his friend a quick head nod, ignoring the curiosity in her expression in hopes that she wouldn’t ask him about it, before he was picking through the cabinets to finally refill their snack bowls, avoiding any chance of talking to her.

 

The group was finishing up their prior conversation when Harry returned from the kitchen, quickly passing out the crisps. He moved to sit on the couch next to Danielle when he was done, Louis scooting back to lean in-between his parted legs and hook an arm around each of them.

And in turn, Harry shifted forward to play lightly with Louis’ hair, trying to not think of what Danielle and Perrie had said; trying to not notice how close Eleanor was to his boyfriend and how she kept reaching out to elbow him or to swat at his arm.

Harry knew he shouldn’t have been jealous; Eleanor and Louis were friends and Eleanor used to always act like that around the older boy. It shouldn’t have been a problem then, now that he knew they had most probably done stuff together...  He shouldn’t be jealous.

Perrie rolled onto her stomach where she was lounging on the carpet, momentarily distracting Harry with her next question. “So Eleanor, any news on the boy front?  You missed our convo in the kitchen just now…”  She grinned up at the other girl, raising her eyebrows in interest.

Harry on the other hand was not so interested as he listened to Eleanor’s reply and over-exaggerated sigh, “Unfortunately no. I guess I just haven't found someone as brilliant as Louis here.”  Harry tried to not be bothered by her response, continuing to stare at the top of Louis’ head, trying to not tug on his locks for his attention.

Even as Eleanor fluttered her eyelashes at Louis and poked at his side.

Harry was just over-analyzing anyways, all of their friends were touchy feely; and just because Eleanor and Louis used to date didn’t mean she couldn’t treat him the same as everyone else did. Harry really just needed to stop being a jerk and stop being bitter; and stop from thinking about his teacher as he was still a bit unsettled after their talk in the kitchen.

“I’m sorry love, but if you’re waiting for someone as brilliant as me to sweep you off your feet, you’re going to be waiting for a long time.” And Harry let slip a little smile at Louis’ response, but he really wasn’t feeling so good.

And of course Eleanor laughed one of her beautiful, captivating laughs. Harry wanted to cover Louis’ ears so he wouldn’t be able to hear it.

“Oh piss off, I only said that cuz it's your birthday.” She bit out, taking a swig of her beer.

“And because it's true. I'm brilliant!”  Louis clipped just as smoothly back.

Danielle moved to grab a handful of crisps from the bowl in Stan’s lap; leaning back to laze on the couch and nudge Harry with her foot. "I don't think anyone here would agree with you on that…  Except for maybe Harry.”

Josh took a swig of his drink before speaking up himself, “I'll agree with you, Lou. _I_ think you’re brilliant.”  It was unclear whether he was being sarcastic or not, but Louis decided to take his friend seriously and respond with his own compliment of choice. “Thank you Josh, you’re my favorite.”

And Harry had enough energy to pout and mutter a tiny, “Heeeyyyyy.” Enough so that Louis grinned up at him before turning his head to the side to leave a kiss on his knee.  He almost wanted to gloat about it, to remind everyone– Eleanor– that Louis was _his_ boyfriend.  But instead he kept his mouth shut, chastising himself for his jealousy; and besides the one comment, he didn’t say much else, letting the others banter in his stead.

To try to make up for his silence, he hugged all of their guests goodbye as they left later that night, following Louis to his bedroom afterwards to hang out for a little while longer before he’d have to leave himself.

The conversation in the kitchen, though, continued nudging at Harry’s brain, filling him with unplaced worry and dread; even as Louis passed him a video game controller where they sat on his bed.

Harry hadn’t realized how bad of a boyfriend he must’ve been being.

Louis probably wanted to have sex with him and he couldn’t even take off his shirt in front of the older lad… Louis had probably had had sex with a lot of people like Danielle had said; he and Eleanor probably had too… and that meant they shared something special that _he_ and Louis didn’t.

But Harry was scared… he didn’t want to have sex. He knew he’d freak out if they ever tried; would think of what happened with his teacher.  But he couldn’t just put off pleasing his boyfriend.  He didn’t want Louis to break up with him.

And as he began pressing his mouth to Louis’ instead of playing the video game, pushing the controller out of his grasp, he crawled on top of the older boy’s lap to straddle him and push their lips together harder, wanting more. All he could think of was how Eleanor must’ve pleased Louis; and how he didn’t think he’d be able to.  Harry’s kisses grew more fervent with every passing moment.

Until he was pulling away, with a harsh breath, staring down at his boyfriend as Louis blinked open his eyes, cocking his eyebrows curiously as he was probably wondering why Harry was being so aggressive. Harry bit his lip, fiddling with the fabric of Louis’ shirt.  “Did you ever… have sex with Eleanor…?”

And Louis’ immediate reaction was surprise, and confusion before his expression grew wary. There was a long moment of silence before he even thought about responding.  He was cautious when he mumbled his assent.

Harry nodded, keeping his eyes averted. He knew that’d been the case, but it still didn’t help the twinge he could feel pinching his chest.  He cleared his throat.  “…Was she the only one?”

Another long pause before Louis was responding again. A quiet, “No.”

“…Okay.” And Harry was leaning down, kissing him again, though it was mostly one sided, Louis still too lost by what was going on in Harry’s mind to respond properly.  After a while of Harry pressing hard kisses to Louis’ mouth and whining, wriggling around to try to get the older lad to respond did Louis give a little bit, a look of confusion still on his face.

Harry continued smothering Louis with his attention, sitting back to pull his shirt over his head and move back in to kiss Louis again. He didn’t like being bare in front of the older, it was foreign, something he’d never done before.  But he had to be better somehow, and this was how he’d get comfortable shirtless around Louis.  It had to be.

Except Louis pulled back almost immediately, tilting his face away to stop Harry from kissing him. When Harry realized that’s not what he wanted, he sat up straight, looking down at Louis with worry, a red hot flush working down his chest when the older lad glanced back up at him with concern, voice uneven, “Put your shirt back on.”

Harry stilled where he’d been fidgeting under Louis’ gaze, suddenly ten times more self-conscious. Maybe Louis didn’t want him to be shirtless because he thought he wasn’t that good looking.  He flushed in embarrassment, “Do you not like the way I look?”

Louis didn’t let his eyes drag over Harry’s body, stopped himself from taking the sight of him in. “I’ve never seen you shirtless before, Haz...”  He stated it as a fact and a chill ran up Harry’s spine at the truth.  Harry never changed in the same room as Louis; never wanted to be around another person without the protection of clothing surrounding him.  “You’re only doing this because you know who I’ve had sex with.”  Louis had to look away from the younger.  “Put your shirt back on.”

Harry feverishly shook his head. “I want you to touch me.” _I want to be normal._ He grabbed Louis’ hands tight, pulling them towards his sides.  The older lad’s eyes jerked towards the planes of Harry’s chest when his fingers grazed the soft skin.  His fingers lingering where Harry’s ribs parted when the boy drew his own palms away, to rest them on Louis’ clothed chest.  He just wanted to be normal.  He just wanted to be a good boyfriend.  He could handle the touching; it couldn’t be that bad.

His eyes were clamped shut as he felt Louis’ thumb rub the smallest circle onto his side. He kept them closed when Louis removed one of his hands to drag Harry’s mouth down to his own.  Harry could handle that.  He eagerly kissed back; to get his mind off the sensation tingling over his skin as Louis dragged his hands slowly up and down his bare sides.

Until he pulled away again and Harry blinked, drawing his own mouth back, to feel the fabric of his shirt being pushed over his head and back down over his arms.

Louis looked to be struggling to keep his hands off Harry even after he fitted the shirt back on, but he let out a hefty exhale, a quiet breath anyways, “You’re beautiful, Haz...” He was answering an unasked question, but Harry melted at the response.  He leant forward, much more comfortable with his clothes back on, to nuzzle into Louis’ jaw, kissing at the skin more gently this time and drawing another heavy breath from the older.

“Harry, stop.” His voice sounded strained as he reached for Harry’s chin to lift his head and see those doughy green eyes.

“Am I doing something wrong?” Harry bit his lip, chewing feverishly, feeling the weight of rejection.  He just wanted Louis to be happy that he was his boyfriend.

“No, babe. Not at all,” He let another sigh as he glanced away, “I just want to make sure that you’re not doing this stuff coz’ you know who I’ve… had sex with.”  Harry chewed on his inner cheek as Louis continued, “Another day, okay?  And tomorrow’s Christmas… I certainly can’t keep you here much longer or _Santa_ will definitely make it to your house before you do.”  He was teasing Harry again and that was always a good sign.

Harry mumbled a quiet ‘okay’ shuffling off of Louis’ lap in the process.

The older lad followed him up and out of his bedroom, mumbling a random question, as if that would get Harry’s mind off the rejection he was feeling. “Do you think I should cut a piece of cake for Niall and Claire?”

Harry nodded, offering the smallest smile, “They’d love that.”

And things were slightly un-weird again as Louis gave him a simple, tiny peck when he left with a container of cake and a ‘thank you for the party, Haz.’

Harry felt so stupid for his behavior though. Maybe Louis _hadn’t_ wanted him like that…

He didn’t like that he was almost relieved if that were the case. Harry just wanted to not feel so uncomfortable about his body, wanted to be able to please his boyfriend if he ever had to.

When he got home he locked his bedroom door, slipping the lights off and turning his laptop on. He felt so weird pulling up the first porn site he could find, plugging in his earbuds in the process.  He’d never done something like it before, had never wanted to; the thought almost making him queasy.

But he wanted to know what to do if Louis wanted something more from him. He wanted to be a good boyfriend.  And he could feel himself growing uncomfortable in his pants, as he fidgeted to adjust himself from digging into the zipper of his jeans.

Whenever he’d gotten hard before – he was a teenage boy after all – he would just ignore it until it went away, but in that moment he thought that maybe he should try touching himself; to see if he would hate it; to see if it would remind him of what had happened before, when his teacher had touched him instead.

He suddenly shut his computer screen, clenching his hands, willing the clouded memories of that classroom, of his old bedroom away. He was still uncomfortably hard and he rubbed at his heated face still unsure what he should do to rid himself of his problem.

If he watched gay porn, he wondered if he’d be fine. As long as he didn’t think of Cheshire, of what had happened, he figured he would be.

Harry tossed off his jeans and pants, until his bottom half was completely bare and he took a shaky inhale before pulling off his shirt as well. He looked down at his chest, trying to remember how it felt when Louis was touching him; when those gentle hands ran over his sides before moving to his spine, tracing over each knot.  His stomach coiled further and he clicked play on the video, glancing at himself before tentatively running a finger up the base of his cock as the boys on screen began to moan and rut against one another.

A shuddery breath left his throat as he watched, beginning to palm himself thoroughly. When he started a steady stroke he continued imagining Louis moving against him, his hands grasping the skin of his hips; kneading his bum like they had the few days before.  He hoped that wasn’t bad, thinking of Louis as he got off, but he quickly lost those worries imagining Louis’ mouth on his own, licking past his lips and into his mouth.

A shivering sensation overtook him as he thumbed over his tip, clenching his eyes shut and letting out a tiny whine.

They flew open immediately after that second of blackness, as he gripped at the base of his cock, chastising himself for closing them, for even that small moment. He hadn’t been able to see his own fist; he’d felt his teachers hands in its place.

It’s not like he could actually remember what had happened all those years ago, but his anxiety was making it terribly difficult to not reimagine how he’d felt in those terrible moments. There was the start of a cold sweat shining on his skin and he took a few steadying breaths, disgusted that he wanted to continue after imagining what he had; knowing he was right on the edge of getting off.

He stared down at his palm, biting at his lip to keep the noises in as he began stroking again, repeating Louis’ name like a mantra in his mind. Maybe then he could finally release; without a sickening feeling crawling up his spine.

With his eyes open he focused back on the men on his computer. When he imagined Louis’ hands on him again he was able to come with a whimper, curling in on the sensation.

It wasn’t until he came down from the high, grabbing tissues to wipe up his mess that he could feel a bit of wetness lining his eyes. He wasn’t crying, but he quickly wiped at his tear ducts anyways.

He really, really wished he wasn’t so fucked up.

He laid back down after putting on his warm Christmas pajamas and a sweater that Louis usually liked to steal from him, cuddling up in his bed. He sent a quick text to the older lad feeling extremely guilty for everything he’d done – getting off to thoughts of his boyfriend; for _being_ a bad boyfriend – but he only typed out an apology for his clingy behavior instead, and a simple ‘I love you’.

When Louis didn’t reply right away he assumed he was asleep and Harry put down his phone deciding he needed to do the same. But before he could, he flipped on his star lamp to remind him that he wasn’t in his old house anymore; just a small reminder that he was safer, farther away from it all, before he shut his eyes and felt the exhaustion take over.

 

Harry awoke to Christmas music blasting from somewhere in the house, that he was going to assume was the kitchen. He scurried to get up, checking his phone to see a message from Louis and a ‘Merry Christmas everyone!’ group text from Cher.  He tapped over Louis’ name to see his reply.

 

**Boo Bear:**

Happy Christmas, darling !! And nothing to apologize for sillyzs.  Can’t wait to see you ltr xx

 

He only felt slightly better as he made his way towards the origin of the blaring music, both Claire and Niall exclaiming their Christmas cheers at him as he entered the kitchen. When his dad kissed his cheek, Harry could almost forget what had happened the previous night with each merry tune that played.

“Thought we’d let you sleep in a little bit, bug. You weren’t home when we went to bed.”  Claire explained, pinching Harry’s other cheek, that hadn’t just been kissed, and smiling at him.

“Sorry about that...” He pulled on the third Santa hat they owned, that wasn’t being worn by his parents to fully immerse himself in the spirit.  He grinned beginning to help them with breakfast preparations, telling them all about Louis’ party and informing them that he brought them back some cake.

Which they each had a piece of, even before eating their breakfast.

And when they finished with their meal, Niall stuffing his down even faster than usual because ‘presents!!!!’, they moved into the living room to sit around the immensely bright tree. They opened their gifts one by one and Harry was so content, sitting in the cozy room with his parents and seeing their ecstatic faces, excited by what they’d received.

It only got better when Claire brought in warm coffee and hot chocolate for them all as they talked about anything and everything, and it wasn’t long before Harry had to leave the two to cuddle on the sofa as he went back up to his room to shower and change for the day ahead.

He pulled on a nice top, his usual black skinnies, and his boots and coat, bundling up for the snowy, windy weather outside and when he was done freshening up, he returned to his parent’s side to wait for his ride, easily squeezing into their cuddle fest.

Louis texted him when they were at his house and Harry rushed out to yells of ‘have fun’ and ‘tell Z and L a Merry Christmas from us!’

Harry did as such when he squished into the fancy car and Liam turned back to him from the passenger seat to throw an extra scarf over his neck. He grinned back before feeling Louis lean over and press a dainty kiss to the edge of his smile and he looked over to his boyfriend feeling his own smile grow even larger.  Liam had the decency not to coo too loudly at the display of affection.

Zayn turned up the heat, driving out of their neighborhood with his own enthusiasm showing, “Are you excited for the show, Harry?”

Harry nodded with a quick affirmation and a, “Thanks for inviting me.” He was actually really ecstatic to be seeing _The Nutcracker_ for the first time.  He didn’t think he’d ever seen a ballet before, but Danielle always talked highly of ballet dancers, though that wasn’t the style she danced.

He glanced over when he felt Louis tugging on his hand, holding it to most likely gather his attention. But Harry continued, unintentionally, ignoring him, turning to the front when Liam began to address him.  “Of course, Harry!  We’re so happy you could come, plus Louis would be complaining even more about us ‘dragging him’ to see the show if you weren’t here.”  He paused a beat, “So we should actually be thanking you.”

Harry finally turned to smile fondly at his boyfriend. “No problem.  The pleasure really is all mine.”  And Louis stuck a tongue out at him for good measure as the car ride continued with them talking about their mornings and really anything Christmas related, including the presents they’d received.

It seemed that Zayn had gotten Liam and Louis a puppy that year and the two easily spent the rest of the car ride showing Harry pictures from their phones of the small furry fluff ball. They had named him Loki, all three of them being such huge comic book fans, and Harry couldn’t wait to meet the new addition of their family, teasing Louis about how the ‘wish jar’ must’ve worked if his puppy wish had finally come true.  Louis agreed with him only so that he could show the boy another photo of his dog.

When the four made it to the theatre, the hall was packed with pink cheeked, runny nosed kids and smiling adults all chattering away with the brightness of the holidays and festivities shining around them.

The show was absolutely brilliant and it didn’t hurt that after the first scene Louis had toed off his shoe to run his leg over Harry’s, hooking their ankles together where they sat next to each other. He’d also snogged him in a corridor during intermission, and that wasn’t too bad either.  Even when Liam grinned at them knowingly when they came back, whispering things into Zayn’s ear.

The rest of the ballet went off without a hitch and when they made it back to Harry’s house to drop him off, all of them went inside to say hi to his parents, and show them pictures of the new puppy.

Eventually Harry, Niall, and Claire had to leave to visit family, and so the crew split up to return to their separate homes. Harry really didn’t want to leave Louis’ side, but he also wanted to visit his family so he begrudgingly hugged his boyfriend goodbye and got into his dad’s car to drive the few hours it would take to get to Claire’s family’s house first.

He made sure to text Louis while he was there, informing him over text on whether Candice— Claire’s cousin’s daughter who had wanted to marry him when she was seven– still wanted to. She was twelve now, but it seemed her infatuation had only grown, much to Louis’ chagrin.  Louis was too immature to not admit he was very jealous that the little girl got to spend her Christmas afternoon with Harry when he was stuck at home, alone, watching Christmas movies.

Harry merely sent him kissy emoji’s in return, which seemed to pacify the older lad enough for him to stop sending pouty photos of himself to Harry; though he continued sending photos of Loki anyways.

When it was nearing late afternoon though, Harry and his parents drove to his grandmum’s house where they ate dinner with her and his Uncle Greg’s family. Harry loved Theo and his new baby cousin so he was properly entertained, playing with them the rest of the night and trying in vain not to miss the fact Louis had to go and could no longer continue texting him.

 

It was when they were heading home, after a wonderful Christmas with their families, that Harry received another text from Louis; the older lad telling him that he was going to come over to his house later to see him again.

Harry would’ve been worried that the two of them were maybe getting a bit too attached– seeing as he missed Louis even though they’d already been with each other earlier that day– but he was too besotted with his boyfriend to really think too hard about it.

And if when they arrived home, Louis was already waiting outside puffing warm air onto his hands, then well, Harry really just grew more infatuated.

He was quick to meet Louis on the front step, his parents using the garage to get in, hoping that the boy hadn’t been outside for too long waiting for him. When he was sure Louis was alright, he waited, wondering why they were outside and why Louis didn’t want to come in yet.

“Do you remember the first Christmas we spent together? The one where you gave me that wish jar for my birthday…?”

After a moment, Harry nodded, spurring Louis to continue. “And do you remember when I stole that mistletoe from my dad’s so they’d stop kissing?”

Harry grinned, recalling the memory of how proud Louis had been at his own mischievousness. He then blushed remembering the following events.  When Louis had shown him the plant, they’d kissed so that Santa would still bring Louis his presents.  It was Harry’s first kiss, even if it didn’t really count since he was only eight...  But nevertheless it had been his first, and Harry was definitely okay with it being from Louis.

“Well…” Louis hedged, before flicking his head upwards and glancing towards the awning above them.  Harry followed his eyes, to see a piece of mistletoe pinned to the ceiling.  He wanted to laugh at the awful duct tape job Louis had done and the fact that it was cheesy beyond measure, but he was too giggly to really do anything except for smile when Louis stepped closer to him.

“I don’t know about you, but even though Santa already came to my house last night, that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t start being good for next Christmas.” Louis grinned, pausing a beat, “You know, don’t want to break any ‘mistletoe rules’ or anything.”  Harry couldn’t believe how stupidly romantic Louis was being.  And he loved every moment of it.  Especially as Louis reached out to grab his hands and step even closer.

“What happened to _Eskimo_ kisses?”  Harry grinned, their mouths only an inch apart now.  It really shouldn’t have been as exciting and novel as it felt, Louis and him had kissed plenty of times before.  But each new kiss seemed to make Harry’s pulse quicken the same amount as it had that first time; his cheeks flush that same bright shade of red.  He continued, “Not worried about our mouth’s freezing together anymore?”

And it was Louis’ turn to grin, “Nah, you were right. Probably not cold enough for that to happen,” before he pressed a chaste kiss to Harry’s lips.

And he kissed him a few more times before he let out a birr and tucked his cold pink nose into Harry’s scarf, holding him close. “And now you can take me inside Horan, I’m freezing.”

Harry moved them towards the door, before stalling to unlock it, “Only if you bring the mistletoe.”

Louis smirked at him before running up to grab it off the ceiling. “Cheeky.”  And Harry grinned back, opening the door and leading the way to the warmth inside, knowing that that Christmas had been his favorite so far, and that with Louis he knew they would only ever get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the really long wait!!! I'm hoping to get these last few chapters done in a more timely matter so that that won't be the case for these next ones, but thanks for sticking around!  
> I hope you guys' enjoyed this update and thank you again for reading and for all of the kudos', bookmarks, subscribes, and comments! You are all too nice and I love every single one of you very much. I hope everyone had and/or has a good fall break!


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been two months. Harry is nineteen, Louis is twenty one.

Harry tapped the door open wider with his foot, dragging a blanket over his shoulder with him as he balanced two tea cups in his hands, making sure to not spill any on the carpet or his nice new trousers.

“You’re a Godsend, Hazza.” Louis exhaled, perking up from where he was lazing on his bed, reading from a textbook.  He fixed his glasses from sliding off his face as he grinned up at the boy, taking the cup from his unsteady hands.  With an obnoxious smacking noise, he leaned forward to leave a chaste kiss on Harry’s nose and keep watching as the younger moved towards his desk, planting himself in the seat and rucking the blanket further up his shoulders.  “Dan and Dani were thinking about going out this weekend with a couple of friends…  Wanna come with?”

“Go out _where_?”  Harry inquired lightly, blowing the steam from his tea.

Louis rolled over onto his back, shoving the textbook to the side. “A club, I think.  Or a bar…”

Harry grinned at his boyfriend, as if Louis didn’t already know what his answer would be. “…Yah sure.”

“Good.” They knew they wouldn’t be seeing much of each other the rest of that week anyways, both of them too busy with exams and schoolwork to really have a chance to get together.

 

Harry didn’t have too much time to miss Louis though before it was the weekend and they were at the nearest bar, sloshing back drinks with their friends. It was mostly the others drinking, like their lives depended on it, as Louis and Harry were plenty fine slowly sipping and sharing whispered laughs with one another.  Even in public they were disgustingly affectionate; their friends really needed no help in teasing them for it.

In fact it almost seemed impossible for them to be even _more_ affectionate with each other when they were alone.  But later that night, after they were both fairly buzzed and back in Louis’ room, they at least made it behind closed doors before they were snogging each other’s faces off. 

Louis lead Harry back towards his bed, guiding him to lay out on its surface, so he could kiss him easier and hover above his lean form. Harry was fine with that prospect, enjoying Louis’ roaming hands hiking his shirt up.  He’d gotten used to the feeling; found he didn’t mind gentle fingers tracing over his abdomen or above his spine anymore.

What was new though, was when Louis rubbed downwards, and Harry could feel how hard he was. And how it felt when he brushed over Harry’s own erection.

He breathed out, accepting the kisses, his own body pushing up to get that thrilling sensation rushing through his skin again.

It wasn’t until Louis reached down, as if to unbutton Harry’s jeans that he jerked, moving his own hands to capture Louis’ and pull them back up towards their chests. “No no no.  Like this,” he let out a few panicked breaths, feeling his throat closing up as he tried to calm his mind.  “Can, we, umm, like this…”  He nudged his hips back up to explain what his mouth couldn’t.  “Wanna like this…”  He pushed his lips back to Louis’, squeezing his hands tighter as Louis pressed back with the same momentum, undeterred from Harry’s behavior.  He continued, eliciting the tiniest moan from Harry’s mouth, which was easily lost in the sounds of their hips moving together, their lips brushing between pants of breath and long drawn out sighs of “I love you,” and “so pretty.”

When Harry settled back down into their rhythm, he absorbed himself in the burning he could feel low in his belly, the clenching of his stomach muscles. Letting Louis kiss down his chest, where his unbuttoned shirt was agape, had Harry’s breathing increase in rapidity, and he reveled in the feeling; wanting more, whining for Louis’ mouth back on him when the older lad leaned up, a warm huff of laughter grazing the younger’s jaw.  And then Louis was kissing him again, ten times harder than before, accelerating the movement of his hips.

Harry gasped on his own breath as he shuddered through his orgasm, grasping Louis’ hands tighter as the older lad continued to his own release. And after he had come down, Harry immediately flipped them over, pressing messy, swollen lipped kisses all over Louis’ mouth, jaw, and cheeks, moving his hands to tangle in his hair and brush through the strands.

Louis was leisurely grinning into the kisses, stroking lightly at Harry’s lower back. “You’re so cuddly…”  He noted, finally kissing back with just as much fervor, instead of just giggling to himself like he’d been doing.  Not that Harry really minded that too much either.

He pulled back to look down at his boyfriend; a small, shy smile working its way onto his face. “I love you,” He mumbled before burying his face into Louis’ neck to hide his flush.

Louis lifted Harry’s head back up, giving him another quick kiss. “Love you too, Hazza,” before giving him another.  “Always.”  He squirmed after a moment, “Even if that did leave quite an uncomfortable spot in my pants...” He paused a moment for Harry to laugh and agree.  “How bout we change into some sweats?”

“Okay.” He rolled off of him, and they both took their turns in the bathroom cleaning themselves up and readying for bed; as it was already decided Harry would spend the night, like he so often did.

And he was even more content to curl up in Louis’ arms later that evening. He’d been able to _do_ stuff with his boyfriend, had actually _enjoyed_ it.  He was proud of himself, wouldn’t have minded giving himself a pat on the back either, (even if that was a bit weird considering the circumstances...) but instead he just snuggled further into Louis’ embrace, pecking him only one last time before falling asleep; his body still buzzing from their earlier activities.

 

The next few days had Harry constantly thinking about that night. How much he’d enjoyed it.  He found himself thinking that maybe sex wouldn’t be that bad either and that maybe he was being scared for nothing.

But then the reminders of what had happened with his teacher quickly shoved that idea right out of his head. There was no way he was going to risk it; he couldn’t let Louis find out about his lie.

He wanted to do more with his boyfriend though, maybe try touching him... The thought had him blushing bright red for the rest of the week and he was glad Louis didn’t seem to notice.  Because admitting that he was still having dirty thoughts about the older boy, and sometimes, maybe, still getting off to thinking of him, was embarrassing enough; he didn’t need it written all over his face.

The sentiment of getting closer to Louis continued to plague him though and it was the following weekend when the two were laid out on Louis’ bed, making out, that the words slipped of their own accord from Harry’s mouth, “Can I give you a blow job…?”

Only a moment’s pause passed between them, Louis blinking up at him in surprise; before he almost spluttered on his response, “F-Fuck yes. So much yes.”  And Harry grinned timidly down at him, nose scrunching in amusement before he leaned forward to give him another kiss.

He could feel his heart rabbiting as he moved back, scooting his way down the bed. Chewing on his bottom lip, he fiddled with the ends of Louis’ sweat pants, sitting back on his haunches to look down at the older.  “Umm… I don’t… I’ve never done this before, so… I’m not really, sure, what I should do…?”

Louis let out a breathless laugh, grabbing Harry’s hand to gently smooth them over with his thumb, “It’s fine, Haz. It’s going to be wonderful.  No matter what you do.”  He paused a moment, stilling his fingers.  “Unless you use teeth… try not to do that…”  He began stroking Harry’s hand again, grinning lazily down at him.

Harry nodded leaning down to near the bulge in Louis’ pants, awkwardly laughing and clearing his throat when he pulled the older lad’s pants down. He couldn’t even believe what he was about to do, couldn’t believe he was seeing Louis naked for the first time, and he kept giving him nervous glances as he reached forward to touch him.  Louis continued giving him encouraging smiles, between chuckles at Harry’s bashfulness, and later muffled groans as Harry continued stroking him, strengthening his grip.  Harry was in awe, fascinated with the expressions Louis was making; watching him lose himself in Harry’s touches.

“…O-okay, I-I’m going to, umm, do it now…” Harry fidgeted his hands, clearing his throat, waiting for the go ahead from the older lad.

Louis gave him a fond grin, a small snort at how cute he was even as he was doing the most obscene things with his hands. “Go ahead, love.”

Harry nodded, slowly taking Louis in, trying to not think too hard about what he was doing. Lest he wanted to be overwhelmed by the fact he was giving his boyfriend a blow job for the first time. Ever.

The taste was bitter, but he easily ignored it in favor of listening to the sharp noises Louis began to make as he started moving his tongue and mouth. He tried to mimic the porn he’d seen; quite unsure as to if he was doing anything right.  And when he reached too far and gagged, he pulled off with a cough and a choked, “Sorry.”

Louis was breathing heavily himself, for obviously different reasons, as he stroked his hands through Harry’s hair and managed to sit up on his elbows to grin impishly down at the boy. “You’re amazing.”

And Harry nodded again; pretty sure he wasn’t really doing that great a job. But for his lack of practice, he tried to make up for in effort.

He bent back down to continue, this time managing to not choke as he took him in further. After a few more bobs and a lot of overthinking, Harry began to worry whether Louis was _actually_ enjoying it or not.  He didn’t want to force the older lad if he didn’t want it. 

Like he had been.

Harry popped off to a protesting whine. His voice was hoarse, deep and rasping, “…umm, is it, are you good…?”  Louis tugged subconsciously at his curls as he continued to exhale warm breaths over his cock.

“So good.” Louis panted, looking down to see Harry’s obscenely wet mouth, his rosy flushed cheeks and dovelike wet eyes.  “You’re so beautiful...”  He murmured before dropping his head back onto the pillow with a groan as Harry returned to sucking him off.

He just had to keep his focus on Louis; on the way his stomach muscles would jump at every hum of his tongue beneath Louis’ cock; at the praises fluttering from his pretty lips. He continued, putting even more effort into pleasing Louis, trying to reach as far on Louis as he could, feeling the burn and ache at the back of his throat and in his jaw.

There was far too much spit and Harry felt dirty, the saliva dripping down his chin. But Louis didn’t seem to mind and that was all Harry cared about, even though he could feel his own erection throbbing painfully in his jeans.

He really wanted to reach down and palm himself, but it was all about Louis in that moment, so he refrained. And it wasn’t long before Louis was grunting and pulling Harry’s mouth off his cock, coming onto himself instead.

Harry was amazed, at what he’d been able to do to the other boy. He was only growing harder the longer he stared at Louis laid out in front of him, breathing heavy with his own flushed cheeks.  He again had the inclination to touch himself, to relieve the pressure, but when Louis reached down to do it for him, Harry nearly jumped out of the bed.

“…Can I?” Louis asked as Harry shot up, scooting out of the boy’s space.

Harry worried over his bottom lip wiping the saliva and precum from his chin as best he could with his wrist. Until he remembered he was supposed to be acting normal, and him almost having a panic attack because Louis wanted to touch him down there, was not normal.

He realized then that he wasn’t ready for that; those horrific memories suddenly at the tip of his consciousness again.   He leaned down to pepper kisses over his boyfriend’s mouth instead, so Louis wouldn’t see the panic in his eyes; keeping his lower half as far from the other as he naturally could.  “W-was that okay…?”

Louis paused a moment, humming in thought, before grinning into their kisses, “It was _amazing_ Hazza.  Best blow job ever.”  He teased and Harry smiled back already feeling a bit better by the fact he’d been able to please the other.

“We should get you cleaned up…” Harry found himself murmuring next, catching sight again of the mess on Louis’ stomach.

“I can wait.” He mumbled back, “Want to get you off first…”  And as if to prove that point, his hands began moving towards Harry’s hips, before Harry quickly snatched them up to bring towards his lips instead.  He brushed kisses over the backs of them.

“I’m actually feeling really tired Lou… So, can we just go to bed…?” His voice was shaky, but it was easy to disguise as a post-blow-job-sore-throat instead of what it really was, which was him being too pathetic, again, to let his boyfriend touch him.  “After we clean you up of course…”  He continued quietly, shifting to press tiny kisses beneath Louis’ ear and getting off the bed a moment later.  He could tell he was still relatively hard, but he was used to not doing anything about his erections before; he could wait it out.

He glanced back to see Louis looking up at him, disconcertedly, before mumbling an equally muddled, “…Okay…” But that seemed to be it, as Harry returned with a warm towel and Louis quickly wiped himself down before changing clothes and getting back into bed.  Harry followed after him, newly changed as well, laying with his back to his boyfriend so Louis wouldn’t be able to feel his lingering hardness.  It was really uncomfortable with Louis’ hand coming to rest on his lower tummy like it so often did, because Harry’s cock wanted so badly for Louis to reach down and touch it, but his mind wanted nothing of the sort. He knew he would cry if he did.

Harry tried to breathe evenly, to convince himself to calm down, just so he could get comfortable enough to sleep.

When Louis pressed a few kisses to the back of his neck, it did help to soothe him, but it still wasn’t enough. And when he knew Louis had fallen asleep, by the cute snuffling noises he made, Harry tried to think of anything that could kill his boner.

It took him way more time than it ever had before, but he was finally able to fall asleep in Louis’ arms a good few hours later.

 

 

Harry was a pretty decent boyfriend. At least, _he_ thought he was being a relatively adequate partner.  Mostly because he liked getting Louis off so much and he almost seemed to have an obsession with giving the older lad blow jobs.  What made him better still was that every time Louis wanted to return the favor for Harry, he would say he wasn’t feeling very good or that he was just too tired and Louis didn’t have to do anything.  He figured that made him an even better boyfriend because he could pleasure Louis and Louis didn’t have to pleasure him back.  Every time he’d decline, he always felt like Louis wasn’t very happy about it though.  But still, it made sense to Harry… and he hoped his logic matched up with Louis'.

But of course, when Harry started to have his doubts it was because, after a few more times of giving Louis blow jobs, the older lad stopped letting Harry get him off as frequently. Oftentimes asking him why he wouldn’t let him touch him too.

Harry would just flush and say he wasn’t feeling up to it, and then ask whether it’d be okay if he could just kiss Louis and go to bed. And Louis always said okay, never pushed it, and Harry hoped that meant he wasn’t mad.  He really couldn’t see why he would be though.  Harry was plenty fine with satisfying Louis.  Even if it was irritating trying to go to bed so hard; as the whimpers Louis often made had a way of getting him unbelievably riled up.

Harry couldn’t tell the older lad why he wasn’t comfortable though, not about what had happened with his teacher, and most certainly not about his lie. He didn’t want to risk reminding himself of how much those memories still affected him by letting Louis touch him and him reacting badly.

It’s not that he didn’t want to be closer to Louis, or that he didn’t want to feel good. He very much would’ve loved if Louis could touch him and make him see stars and send jolts of pleasure shooting through his veins with every caress.  But he just couldn’t… he was scared and unsure, but he knew beyond a doubt that he didn’t want to mess up his relationship with Louis.  Because Louis made Harry happy and Harry wanted to hold onto that for as long as he could; because if Louis ever did find out about his past he would most surely leave him.

 

 

Harry batted his eyelashes open, yawning into his pillow and curling up a moment to retain his sleepy heat. He remembered momentarily waking when Louis got out of the bed an hour before, kissing him on the temple before he’d promptly fallen back asleep.  Now though he was awake and he stuffed his hands under his matted curls, roaming the room with his eyes for any signs of the older lad, noticing the heavy shadows littering every corner and the pattering of soft rain tapping on the window.

He sat up, his back straining as he stretched it taught, rubbing hands through his messy curls and smiling at the fact he was in Louis’ bed. He loved sleeping curled into the other, loved being his boyfriend.

Harry stepped out of the tangled mess of sheets, quickly locating a clean pair of pants he’d left there the prior week and slipped them on, making his way to the bathroom next to freshen himself up for the rest of the day ahead.

Blearily, he yawned again, quietly making his way out into the hallway and pausing when he could hear his boyfriend’s chipper voice. He took a few more steps forward before he sat down, near the side of the hallway, not wanting to not disturb Louis who was animatedly talking to his dad on his mobile.

“Studying, sure...” Liam’s voice mumbled through the speaker, and if Harry sat up straight he could see Louis’ back where he sat at the kitchen table, phone next to his books as he twirled a pencil between his fingers.

“Don’t sound so skeptical! I am.  Right now, hear this?”  He flipped through the textbook set out in front of him, using his other hand to flap around a few of his study packets.  “That’s the sound of studying.”

Liam let out a chuckle, acquiescing, “Alright, alright, I believe you.” There was a momentary pause, another small chuckle before, “Sooo how’s the boyfriend?”

Harry could tell there was a smile in Louis’ voice, “Yah, he’s good.” He couldn’t help but grin himself, a warm feeling tingling in his chest.

“That’s great!” Liam continued, “Where is he now?  I’d love to talk to him!”

“No can do, dad, he’s sleeping, but I’ll tell him you say hi.” Harry smiled again, biting his lip while pointing his socked feet inward, blushing to himself.  He had the best boyfriend.

“Well I suppose that sounds reasonable. And is there anything new to report on?”

There was a hesitant pause before Louis’ normally confident response. “Nope…”

At the answer, Liam began to chatter about what was happening back in Doncaster. Supposedly his book club was reading a really provocative novel and he seemed to be enjoying Louis complaints way too much as he described why it was so confrontational.

And while Liam told him about his volunteer work, Louis slowly stopped responding as frequently as before, as if something else was occupying his mind. Harry sat up straighter, craning his neck to the side to look past the doorway and over the counter, to see Louis fiddling with the edge of one of his papers.  He moved back down, relaxing onto the wall, enjoying listening to Liam prattle on. 

Harry was only slightly surprised when Louis interrupted him at the end of one of his stories. “Actually, dad… there is something… umm, it’s really, uh… awkward to say...  You’re probably going to laugh...”

Liam paused his talking at Louis’ words, curious as to why his son suddenly sounded so serious. He responded in accordance, “No I won’t Lou.  What’s up?”

“Well… it’s about Harry…” And Harry furrowed his brows, opening his eyes where they’d been shut with calm.  Louis’ tone had an edge to it that was making his insides squirm with worry.  “Uh, he… just, okay, so we’ve like… done stuff.”  Harry could feel his cheeks heating up in embarrassment as he fidgeted where he sat.  “Like stuff that is more than making out… and it’s just every time we do, do stuff, he doesn’t ever want me to like… give him anything in return?”

He paused a millisecond before continuing, so Liam couldn’t say anything until he was completely done humiliating himself. “It’s like he doesn’t want me to touch him… and God, this is so awkward!  But like, is that normal…?  I mean, you and dad dated when you were younger…  I just don’t know if I’m doing something wrong…”

The silence that followed Louis’ questioning was deafening. Harry tried to stop his sudden wooziness.  “Lou… you know, you have to be careful with Harry, right…?  Take things slow?”

“What do you mean?” There was a short pause, Harry holding his breath, already moving to get up, realizing he’d been shaking.  “Wait I’m taking you off speaker phone…”  There was another short pause where Harry was getting up to grab his phone and keys from Louis’ room, hearing the question repeated, “What do you _mean_?”

Harry felt the blood rushing to his head; he could hear the pumping of his heart in his ears, the pulse throbbing through his veins.

He was silent as he walked towards the door to the flat, slipping out into the hallways and making his way towards the exit as quickly as he could, not even half aware of what he was doing, as if he was on autopilot; mind rattled, hands still shaking. He let the dry air of the building escape into the chilly outdoors as he pushed open the final door to leave.

Harry hardly even noticed the cold rain; didn’t care that it soaked him as he made his way away.   As far away as he could.

He didn’t want Louis to know. He didn’t want him to know that he was dirty and disgusting.  That he’d lied to him.

He let the cloth around his chest, arms, and neck suffocate him. Let the wet denim on his waist and legs drag him down, itch at his prickling skin.  He was headed towards his dorm, but his unsteady legs weren’t making the job any easier.  He didn’t want to think about how Liam was probably telling Louis right then what was wrong with Harry.  Why he was so fucked up.

A few passing cars splashed water up onto the sidewalk, little sprinkles drenching his shoes even more than they already were from the rain. He didn’t even care that he didn’t have an umbrella; he wouldn’t have been able to stop his hands from trembling anyways.

He felt disgusting, thinking back to when he’d been with his teacher in her classroom, when he’d wanted to tell Louis after it had happened. How Louis hadn’t been there.  How he would’ve found out a long time ago if he had.

But now, now there was no stopping the inevitable. And Harry would have given anything for Louis to never find out.

“Harry!” Harry immediately froze at the voice, the rain spattering against his pale face, flattening his hair until it too was dripping icy water on his neck and shoulders.  Harry didn’t want to look at him; see the revulsion he knew would be there.  Louis would try to cover it up, but his expression would either be one of pity or disgust.  Harry didn’t look.

Louis pulled the car to the side of the road, as close as he could go, the thrumming of the rain on the metal rooftop making it harder for him to hear the younger, to see the broken look on his face.

Harry fidgeted where he stood, biting on his lip to stop it from quivering. Louis called his name again, voice distraught, “What are you doing?  You’re going to catch a cold…” his wavering tone tapered off near the end as Harry still hadn’t responded to him.

So it was pity then. Louis would pity him until he realized how disgusting and dirty Harry really was.  Then he wouldn’t want to have anything to do with him.

Harry could feel his eyes watering up. He didn’t want Louis to break up with him.

“…I,” his voice just barely broke, before he was clearing his throat, speaking just slightly louder than his previous word, “I had to leave…” He bit his lip, “I, forgot… I have a lot of stuff due tomorrow.”

“Like homework?” Louis’ tone was colored with confusion, as he beckoned Harry to get into the car; he had to know he was being lied to.  “I could’ve driven you…”  He finally mumbled when Harry gave in and got into the vehicle, Louis immediately turning up the heat.  He pulled off his jacket to give to Harry, but when Harry ducked his head and didn’t take the offered material, Louis placed it on the dashboard instead.  He pulled back onto the road, brows furrowed, voice quiet, “You could’ve told me you were leaving…”

Harry breathed in the heated air watching the passing cars continue to splash at the streaming puddles out on the road; the sky’s tears dropping to the earth in lost, erratic drips.

“I’m sorry.” He clenched his fists, dampness still clinging to each small pore of his hand; his skin growing chilled under their surface.

Louis put the car into park, stalling the vehicle as they finally arrived at Harry’s dorm. He was clawing to get out, his skin itching where Louis’ eyes rested on him; on the side of his neck, his cheeks and eyes. “Harry…” Louis began, quietly, uncertain as he paused for the younger to show that he was listening. 

And after a moment’s silence Harry finally turned to look at him, Louis’ expression relaxing, only barely, hesitantly as he stared into Harry’s leaden green eyes. He must’ve known the answer would be a no, but he asked anyways, slowly letting the words fall into the groggy air, “…are we… still okay for tonight…?”

Harry blinked away the frustration, palm already cracking the door next to him, speckles of rain flicking onto his wrist. He turned away from Louis again, watching the droplets sting at his skin.  “No. I don’t... think so.”  He paused, chewing on his inner cheek.  He didn’t want to push him away, but Louis would ask questions.  Be sickened with him.  He took in a deep breath, voice unsteady, “I’m sorry, Lou… I just have a lot to do.”

Louis stayed silent for a long moment, studying Harry’s profile. Harry really wanted to leave.  His tone was airy, hurt, as he responded.  “Okay… Harry.  Text me if you change your mind…”

The younger gave one quick nod before rushing out into the rain and away from his comfort, trying to not think about how upset Louis had sounded. Harry reminded himself that Louis was just in the “pitying” stage and would be glad Harry wasn’t around when he got over it; when he realized Harry was just a liar and fucked up all the same.

Harry really hated himself sometimes.

 

It was sometime that night; in the aching hours of the morning, when one should never let themselves delve into the darker parts of their mind, that Harry finally broke down crying. He could finally admit that he’d been an idiot for thinking he was being a _good_ boyfriend.  He couldn’t even tell Louis what was wrong with him.

It was stupid of him. He’d known he wasn’t boyfriend material; had known from the very beginning when Louis had asked.  He didn’t deserve the older lad; Louis didn’t deserve to be lied to, to be stuck with someone who couldn’t even handle being intimate with him.

Harry realized that morning that he was going to have to break up with Louis; knew that it was the only thing he could do.

And that’s why he was sobbing, trying to be quiet so as to not wake Grimmy, where the other was sleeping on the opposite side of the room.

Harry didn’t want to break up with his boyfriend; wanted to put it off for as long as he could.

He didn’t want to be alone again; didn’t want to be sad like he’d often been before when Louis wasn’t by his side.

But the inevitable would have to happen, and it was knowing what was to come that had Harry evading Louis every time he went to his lectures, ignoring his texts and calls, crying every time he was alone.

 

It was only four days later when Louis had had enough and there was a knocking on Harry’s door. He knew who it had to be.  He stayed where he sat, moving to cup his face in his palms.

“Harry… please answer the door. I know you’re in there.”  Louis’ voice climbed through the mahogany door.  It was now or never… Harry stood; chewing on his lip as he moved to let the lad in.

Louis had on a flustered scowl, as if trying to hide the hurt in his eyes as he moved past Harry into the room. “Did you hear me on the phone the other day…? Is that why you left?”  Harry’s lack of response must’ve been answer enough as he plundered on, voice catching on his words, “M-my dad didn’t tell me anything…  I don’t know why you’re ignoring me.”

Harry just stared back, brows furrowed, lip caught between his teeth to keep from wobbling. He didn’t want to break up with him, but maybe Louis would do it for him and make the job easier.

“What did you hear…?” Louis continued, sounding more upset with every moment Harry didn’t respond.  His voice grew harsher, “What did you hear, Harry?” and he stepped further into the room, turning his back to the younger.   Harry could see him pressing hands over his face.

And he whirred around when Harry finally responded, “I think we should break up…”

The older stared back at him, hurt, his lips parted in shock, “What…?” His hands clenched as he continued looking at the younger’s lack of expression.  He sounded upset, dismayed and quiet, so quiet, “Y-you don’t mean that…”

Harry kept his eyes diverted towards the ground; unable to stand the quiver in Louis’ voice, unable to show his face. He didn’t deserve him.  He needed him to leave before he started crying all over again. 

Louis’ voice caught, “W-why won’t you tell me what’s wrong, please?” And the confusion grew to desperation as he stepped closer to the younger.  “He didn’t say anything… I don’t know why you’re doing this.”

Harry shook his head, speaking with more force than he thought he could muster. “Please, get out…”

The older lad paused, as if unsure what to do, hurt flooding his expression. “You don’t have to tell me anything…  Harry, just please, you don’t mean it.”

And Harry could feel himself breaking down inside. But he kept his face stone cold, breathing out, repeating his earlier request, “Leave Louis.”

It was the longest silence, each deafening moment sending another stabbing sensation into his chest; stomach twisting in the most uncomfortable of ways. “Please.”  He repeated, barely above a whisper.  And still it was too loud, sent spikes into his own ears and throat for having to say such things.

Louis slowly turned around, shoulders shaking as he walked out.

Harry closed the door behind him and he couldn’t even make it back to his bed before he was crying again, painful sobs wracking through his body. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, wished in that moment that he didn’t have to, so it wouldn’t hurt so much.

He was the worst; he hadn’t wanted to. Louis didn’t deserve him.

 

It was two days later that Harry, having skipped every one of his classes, was still curled up on his bed. And he could hear Grimmy shuffling around behind him, before a knock came to the door and he went to answer it.  Harry prayed it wasn’t Louis, he wouldn’t be able to handle seeing him.  There were some muffled words that Harry easily ignored until he heard that distinct accent reach his ears.  Harry immediately turned at the voice, eyes finding that shock of dyed blonde hair and that rosy pale face.

“Yah… I’ll just, umm, be back later, then.” Grimmy responded to whatever the visitor had said, giving Harry a quick small smile before grabbing his bag off the ground and shutting the door lightly behind himself.

“Da-ddy?” Harry sniffed, quickly rubbing at his eyes knowing they must’ve been pink from his last tear session.

Niall quickly bounded over, sitting on the bed and pulling Harry into his arms, resting a hand in his curls and another on his back. “My button muffin pants… I missed you.”  He leaned away to stroke at Harry’s cheeks, at the fleshy, puffy bits beneath his eyes.  “I think you need a good cuddle.  And a good talk.”

Harry’s lower lip quivered as he could feel the teas re-welling on his waterline. He let Niall pull him into another bone-crushing hug.  “…How’d you know…?”

“Zayn and Liam told me what happened…” Niall began, “Well, as much as Louis told them.  I’m still a bit fuzzy on the details…”  He combed a hand through Harry’s curls as the younger sniffled, pulling away to wipe at his eyes.  Niall stood up, dragging the bag he’d had with him closer to the bed.  “Here, I brought snacks.”  He began unloading all of Harry’s favorite treats and drinks onto the bed, including juice boxes.  “Claire made you your favorite cupcakes too.”  He indicated, pulling out a container with a few pink iced goodies in it.  When he was finished emptying his bag, he sat back down, smiling towards his son.  “So how bout we eat these yummy treats and you tell me what’s going on?”

Harry gave him a sheepish, sniffling, “O-okay…” before opening the first chocolate bar he could find. Niall sat still, not eating any of the food as he waited patiently for Harry to begin.

Harry finally looked up from where he’d been eyeing his sheets. “What did L-Liam tell Louis?”  He asked quietly.

Niall seemed to take a few moments thinking over it, face growing morose the more time that passed. “He asked him if he knew why you moved...” But that didn’t seem to be what he was so troubled about, as his expression became glummer the further he continued, “I didn’t know you were being bullied…”

Harry didn’t have any excuses for it. He had never told his dad.  He didn’t have enough energy to be upset about it.  It was a long time ago, he was getting over it.  “I’m sorry…”

Niall shook his head, placing a hand on Harry’s knee, squeezing in comfort. “No Harry, I’m sorry that I didn’t know…  I’m really sorry.”

Harry could tell his dad was upset about the fact he’d only just found out. He didn’t want that at all, so he reached forward to take hold of Niall’s hand.  “It’s fine, Dad.  I was never bullied in Doncaster.  You helped me, when we moved…”

Niall gave him a sad smile before pulling him into another hug. He knew Harry was just trying to make him feel better.  But he was there to make Harry feel better.  He sat back, sticking a straw in one of the fruit drinks, “Here try this one. They’re really good.”

He nodded and Niall waited again for Harry to speak when he was ready.

It wasn’t long; though it felt like hours of frustration and anxiety as Harry finally asked what he’d been dying to know. “D-did Liam… tell L-Louis?  The real reason…?”  He knew Louis had said his dad hadn’t told him anything, but he still wasn’t sure.  He didn’t know what to think, everything was so messed up.

Harry kept his eyes diverted. It was still uncomfortable for him to talk about what had happened with his teacher; even when it was with his dad; especially when it was with him.  “No he didn’t.”  Harry nodded to his words immediately feeling the tiniest twist of relief wash over him.  “It’s your decision to tell Louis.”

Harry could feel himself getting teary eyed again and his voice broke on his words as he reached up to rub at them, “I-I don’t want to.”

It was to no avail though as he began to cry again, his words coming out in hitched breaths, “I broke up with him, D-dad… I didn’t want to…”  He cried harder at his own admission.  Saying it out loud made it sound so much more final.

Niall quickly pushed the snacks aside so he could pull Harry into his arms, shushing him and rubbing gently at his back. “You don’t have to tell him what happened right now, Harry, you can wait.”  He continued his soothing, giving Harry quiet reassurances.  When he’d calmed enough that he could breathe normally, Niall spoke up again, keeping his hand splayed tenderly on Harry’s back.  “Claire and I were talking, Harry, about something important…”  He pulled back to pass Harry a tissue and wipe at the dampness on his cheeks.  He paused to make sure he had Harry’s full attention before he continued.  “…We would really like you to see a therapist…”

Harry rubbed at his nose, listening as Niall calmly continued, “Back in Cheshire, when I was looking for somewhere else to move us, we didn’t really have a lot of money… With court, and buying a new house, and everything…  But now, with Claire’s and my paychecks, we can afford it…”  He thumbed over Harry’s cheek giving him a reassuring smile.  “We think it would be really good for you.  And your therapist will be able to help.  You don’t have to break up with Louis.”

“I-I don’t know… I don’t…” Harry responded back, breathing picking up.  He wasn’t sure; he didn’t want to have to tell a random person what had happened to him; relive the moments once again.  But, his dad said they could help, maybe they could help him to be normal...  Maybe they could help him stop messing everything in his life up.  He took a deep breath to stop from freaking himself into a panic attack.

“You don’t have to decide now, Harry, but we’d like you to think about it…” Niall added, watching his son worriedly.

Harry slowly nodded, meeting his dad’s clear blue eyes and watching a small comforting smile form on his face. He pulled Harry into another hug and they continued talking, about everything that had happened.  And Harry was feeling so much better with Niall’s calming words and soothing warmth as the evening progressed.

He loved his dad so much and it was moments like then, that reminded him how thankful he was to have Niall in his life.

It wasn’t until it was nearing eleven and Grimmy was reentering their room with a package in his hands that Harry realized Niall would probably have to be going soon after that.

Grimmy turned towards Harry, lifting the bag up to show him, mumbling, “This was sitting outside for you…” before he was placing it by the foot of the younger’s bed.

Harry quickly glanced to it, thanking his roommate as Niall stretched his arms above his head, nudging Harry’s side after with an, “Alright, I should probably get heading back... We both have school tomorrow and I have a few hours’ drive to get through…”  He began moving out of the bed, picking up the discarded snack bags and candy wrappers to toss in the trash.

Harry really didn’t want him to leave, but he was right, they both had class the next day. “Thanks for coming, Dad.”

Harry stood as well, to stretch his legs and to show his dad towards the exit. “I missed you...”  He added, holding his arms out for a goodbye hug which was happily received.

“I missed you too, muffin! And I’m going to call you tomorrow, so make sure your phone is on.”  Niall kissed his cheek twice before pulling away to grab his jacket and keys.

Harry opened the door for him, “Drive safe… I love you.”

“I love you too.” And Niall ruffled his hair before saying his goodbyes to Grimmy and walking down the hall away from their room.

Harry turned back towards his bed, glancing down at the bag by his feet; at the piece of paper sat atop it with his name scrawled across its plane surface. It was handwriting Harry had seen many times.  He felt his stomach tighten as he stared down at it.  Maybe Louis was sending him back some of his things; maybe he really was over him already.

Harry didn’t have the courage to open it and see. He moved past the package back to his bed, and shut his eyes tight trying to fall asleep, thoughts surrounding whether it was hopeless to ask for Louis back; whether he really should get therapy…  If it would ever be possible for him to stop hating everything he’d been through, and in turn, himself.  He wasn’t feeling hopeful.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovelies!! So technically this is the very last chapter and the next one will be an epilogue! I really, really hope you all enjoy it! And thank you to everyone for sticking around for so long. You guys are all magnificent and I love every single one of you very much! xx

Harry skimmed through his notebook, reading nothing, seeing nothing.  He should’ve been doing his work; needed to be studying…  But his mind was only focused on one thing, the one thing that had been constantly pestering him for the past two days.  The package Louis had left him.

He could see it from the corner of his eye, could feel it staring right back at him, begging to be opened.  His clouded thoughts were interrupted, becoming clear only as he glanced up to Grimmy when his name was called.  “Harry, hey, are you good?”

After a moment of hesitation, he slowly nodded, closing his notes to watch the other boy rummage around his things.  “I’m going to step out to Kelly’s for a bit.  We’ve got a shitty project to do…”  He took a second to glance back at the younger.  “If you need anything just text and I’ll come a’runnin.”  He grinned, hoping Harry would return the look.  The older lad had obviously noticed Harry’s lackluster behavior the last week; probably didn’t want to leave him alone for long, but Harry gave him a smile back and a small nod.

“Thanks roomie… I think I’ll be good though…”  He tossed his pencil and notes to the ground, lazing down on his bed.  “You better not make Kelly do all the work.”  He added much to Grimmy’s enjoyment.

“Don’t worry Harold I’m a dedicated student.”  The boy blew a kiss as he exited, “Ciao.”

And when he was gone, after only five minutes, Harry shifted on his bed, eyes crawling back to the package Louis had left him; that he still didn’t want to open...

He was too afraid to see what it was.  It’d only been a day though, since he’d gotten it, and even then the curiosity, the want to know what Louis had given him, was slowly eating him away.

He looked out the window to see a few streams of sunlight trickling through the heavy clouds above, as he moved off the bed to ease onto the carpet.  He was anxious as he pulled the bag closer to himself.

Slowly, hesitantly, he opened the packaging, to reveal the present he’d given Louis all those years ago.  The wish jar; with its weathered ribbons and scribbled label.  He could feel his heart’s pace quicken as he stared down at it and traced the lids dents with his finger.  Picking up the note he had yet to read, his fingers clenched, tense.  He didn’t want to know, if this was goodbye.  It just didn’t make sense for Harry to be receiving this, of all things.  But he didn’t want it to be over, so he found himself slipping the paper open to read Louis’ message.

_Harry,_

_Please read my wishes.  They’re all the ones I’ve ever written about you._

_-L_

It was all that was written and Harry was even more confused by the request.  What did Louis’ wishes have to do with what was going on… why did he want Harry to read them?  Harry’s hands were shaking as he gripped the lid of the jar, struggling to get it off with his trembling.  He reached inside, pulling the first folded paper out.  It must’ve been from when Louis was really young, the writing childish and rigid, “ _I wish Harry could visit more_ ” and the next one, simple, silly words that had Harry smiling timidly as he read over the words, “ _I wish Harry could’ve seen my football game today.  I kicked butt and I think he would’ve liked it._ ”  The more he read from the younger Louis the further he was overwhelmed with bittersweet thoughts; Louis _had_ always thought about him.  The jar was nearly full, Louis had thought about him as much as he had thought about Louis.

The next wish had him catching his bottom lip between his teeth, worrying over it as he thought back to when it must’ve been written, “ _I wish Harry had never been bullied._ ”  When he had lied to Louis about why they had left Cheshire.

When Louis had hugged him and told him that he was glad Harry was there with him; had taken care of him, and cuddled his worries away.

He could feel tears itching at his eyes as he pulled out the next few pieces, letting out a snort, his smile quivering as he traced over the words with his fingers, “ _I wish that I could… maybe… kiss Harry..._ ” remembering that night Louis _had_ kissed him.  And the next, after that night, “ _I wish I could stop thinking about that kiss…_ ”, when Harry was sure Louis was disgusted with him.  But Louis hadn’t been, Louis had wanted to...  Harry placed the scrap of paper gently to the side, in the neat pile of folded wishes he had started next to the jar.

The following one had his heart aching, remembering when he and Louis were no longer talking, “ _I wish I hadn’t messed things up with H_ ”, he’d hated that time.

There was a few similar to it after, as if Louis couldn’t get Harry off his mind those years he’d been ignoring him.  Harry bit his lip harder, trying to keep his emotions at bay, as he read more.

“ _I wish he knew I have a crush on him… and that he’d like me back_ ”,

“ _I wish he would let me kiss him again_ ”,

“ _I wish Haz will let me take him on a date_ ”,

“ _I wish he’ll say yes when I ask him to be my boyfriend…  Just putting this in here for extra luck._ ”

“ _I wish Harry would tell me what’s wrong._ ”

“ _I wish I was a better boyfriend_ ”,

“ _I wish Harry wasn’t hurting._ ”   One after another, the words stung at Harry’s heart, pulling at his chest and the tears in his eyes.

“ _I wish he knew how much I love him…_ ”  Harry sucked in a heavy breath, finding it harder to breathe.

There was only one more creased paper at the bottom of the jar, and another letter to read.  Harry tried evening his breathing, though it still came in shallow gasps as he grabbed at the last worn piece; frayed at the edges as if it’d been tucked away in someone’s pocket and held often; looked at often.

He silently opened it, the writing different from the ones before, yet still so familiar.  Harry could feel the tears traveling freely down his cheeks as he held the paper to his chest.  His own words, from the night he’d visited Louis, his own wish from years before, mocking him.  “ _I wish he was here_ ”.

And Harry cried harder, knowing the wish was still true.  All he wanted in that moment, what he’s always wanted was Louis.  He held the paper in his fingers, recalling how scared he’d been that night, when he’d wanted to tell Louis what had happened with his teacher, how he had felt wanting Louis to be there to make everything better; to make him forget about it, to help him, to bring a happiness to his smile like he had always done.

He kept the thin paper folded in his palms as he quickly made for the final note Louis had left him.  He choked on his sobs, rubbing roughly at his tears, clearing his vision to read Louis’ careful scrawl,

_I’m not leaving this time, Harry. Not after everything we’ve been through._

_When you read this please call me, or come see me.  Please._

_If you don’t… I’ll come to you. Because we’re not throwing this, what we have, away.  I am in love with you, Harry, so much… and I need you.  Please call me._

_-Louis_

Harry reached for his cell phone, tears trailing his cheeks in wet lines and leaving stains on his sleeves where he rubbed at them.  He dialed Louis’ number, his voice hitching as he tried to restrain himself from saying anything he’d regret.  But once Louis picked up with a questioning of his name, he lost control of everything, mindlessly babbling over the line, “I-I’m s-so sorry, I’m so s-sorry L-Lou,” over and over.

Louis had to speak loudly, trying to quiet his bumbling, his own tone shaky, “H-Hey, it’s alright—“

Harry cut him off again, barely getting out his stammering over the line, “C-can you c-come over, p-please?”  There was a moment, where Harry finally quieted enough to hear his heart in his ear, and the quickened pace of Louis’ breathing on the other end; almost worried Louis would say no when there wasn’t an immediate response.  He didn’t worry long before there was a tap on the door, Louis’ voice calling through, unsteady, “…Open your door, love.”

Harry faltered a moment, letting his phone drop to his side as he looked towards the mahogany, standing up on shaky legs.  He bit his lip stepping towards it in a few large strides, gripping the cold handle tightly before pulling the barrier out of the way.  Louis stared up at him with anxious eyes, his own phone dropping to his side as he looked Harry up and down.  “I was on my way here, to talk to y—” His statement was immediately cut off, Harry throwing his arms around the smaller lad’s neck, instantly wrapping himself in the other, as tight as he could; never wanting to let him go again.  “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” fell from his lips like a prayer, tears cascading from his shut eyes to dribble over the back of Louis’ shirt.  He hoped it was enough, that Louis would forgive him; that he wouldn’t leave again no matter how much Harry pushed him to.

Louis murmured soft assurances to him, lulling, rubbing tenderly at his tense back, feeling Harry’s apologies ghost over his neck where the other boy had hid himself.

Harry melted into every one of Louis’ words, every one of his touches.

In that soft velvet tone, Louis continued his soothing, “I told you I wasn’t leaving this time…”  He rubbed at the spot where Harry’s shirt rode up, feeling the younger boy shiver into the touches, burying his face further into Louis’ neck.  Louis pressed small kisses to Harry’s curls, behind his ear where he could reach.

Harry held tighter, stopping his rambling and sinking into the feeling of Louis’ arms around him.

“C’mon baby,” Louis began, and Harry wanted to wipe at his tears, but they only came harder at the endearment.  He was still Louis’ baby… Louis still wanted him.  “Let’s go inside.”  He gently moved Harry backwards, keeping his hands splayed beneath his shirt, on the soft skin of his sides; Harry keeping his head tucked into Louis’ shoulder and away from his concerned, attentive eyes.

Harry took heavy breaths when they stopped, the door shut tight behind him, as if a promise that Louis really wouldn’t be leaving.

With Louis’ quiet encouragements, he was able to pull away enough to wipe at his eyes and nose, trying to not to look at the older. “I… I w-want to tell you… what’s wrong…”  He wiped harder, feeling the ache in his chest again at the quiver of his own voice.  “...C-can I?”

It was only a beat of silence, before Louis was responding and Harry was finally catching his gaze; a mixture of unease and that look that Harry knew; that brought only one emotion to his mind, love.  “Yeah.  Yes, please, I don’t want to hurt you again.”

Harry shook his head, quickly, almost violently at Louis’ last remark.  Words tumbling from his mouth nearly as swiftly as they had when he’d began begging Louis for forgiveness.  “I-I was the one w-who broke up with you…”  Tears stung at his red eyes again, but he ignored them to continue, “I,” not getting very far before a hic upset his speech and the wet began leaving renewed trails down his cheeks, “ _I_ f-fucked up.  _I_ hurt us.”

Louis stopped Harry’s jerky movements, reaching his hand up to cup Harry’s face, to glide a thumb over his damp, softly pink flushed cheeks, “Hey, no.  No, you didn’t.  It’s fine.  I’m here now, you’re here.  We’re okay…”

Harry nodded at his reassurances, continued nodding, unsure how to proceed, unsure what to do next.  Louis took his hand guiding him over towards the bed, past the empty jar and its contents, taking charge for him.  “Let’s get comfortable first, okay?”  He paused a moment, staring at the blankets and sheets as if he too was hesitant on how to proceed.  “Can I hold you?”  He asked quietly, turning to look at the younger.  Harry nodded mutely, wanting that more than anything.  Wanting to never be out of Louis’ space or away from him again; even the foot apart was much too far.

Louis gave him a smile, that didn’t quite reach his eyes, moving the blankets back and sitting the pillow up against the headboard before seating himself against it.  He opened his arms in invitation, allowing for Harry to fit snuggly between his legs, fumbling large limbs until he was small and snug in Louis’ embrace.

The blankets were pulled over their laps and Louis tightened his hold pressing a quick kiss to Harry’s temple, as if he couldn’t help himself.  And Harry settled back into him, having wanted nothing more the past week than to be tucked into the older lad’s arms like he was then.  He was suddenly hit with the warmth of something tender, loving, tingling through his chest.  Being cared for, in a different way than when Niall had visited.  With Louis, he felt himself relaxing, an almost pleasant buzz overtaking his senses; an unspoken yearning being fulfilled just by being near him.

After a few moments of Harry curling up into Louis’ chest and letting the older squeeze his hands and pull each up to his lips to kiss the backs of them, he spoke, steadily and assuredly; tone strong; for the both of them.  “Whenever you’re ready, sweetheart,” and another short moment passed, before he murmured one more reassurance into Harry’s curls, “I’m not going anywhere…”

Harry nodded, biting his lip to recover from his upset, and stop from tripping over his words.  He made himself smaller in Louis’ arms, as best he could, relishing in the feeling of being surrounded by the older.  He was quiet as a mouse, inhaling silently, tangling their already clasped hands further, “…I lied to you...”  He tensed as he spoke, even at those four simple words, knowing if he couldn’t even say them with ease he was only going to struggle more with the rest.

Louis pressed his lips to the back of Harry’s head after a moment, the simple gesture letting him know it was okay, that he was waiting for him to continue.  He took a hallowed breath, looking down at the uneven surface of the duvet, so, so relieved that he wouldn’t have to face Louis as he began.  “I-I was b-bullied when I was younger, I told you that before… but that wasn’t the reason w-why we m-moved to Doncaster…”  He took a steadying breath trying to still his wobbly tone.  “And I lied to you when I said that it was the reason… And I’m, I-I’m really sorry, Louis.”

“I forgive you.”  Louis hummed immediately.  “Of course I forgive you, Harry.”  He murmured, relaxing Harry again until he was warm and pliant in his arms.  He took both of Harry’s hands in one of his own to use the other to rub gently over Harry’s arm.  “I love you.”

Harry took a few deep breaths, knowing he’d have to start explaining himself eventually.  After the quiet in the room had been much too long, Harry let the bitter words slip out.  “I-I had a t-teacher… a-after my dad… adopted me.” He didn’t want to; he didn’t want to tell Louis.  He took another haggard breath.  “And she,” he swallowed on his words, changing his train of thought, knowing Louis probably didn’t understand what he was saying quite yet.

“It happened t-three times…”  He squeaked out, chewing on his lip and willing the repulsed feeling in the pit of his stomach away.  The sickening chill from traveling over his skin.

“The f-first time… I, I was in her classroom… waiting for m-my dad to pick me up and, and she,” his voice fell to a whisper, “she touched me…”  He shut his eyes, feeling Louis’ warmth on his skin as he pressed his mouth to Harry’s shoulder, to stop himself from speaking, leaning into the younger, grasping at his side.  Harry kept his eyes closed, the words coming to him more easily than he’d expected, as he had told them too many times before, when he’d been in a courtroom full of people.  “The second t-time, she was b-babysitting me and,” another deep breath, “she put her mouth on me.”

He could tell Louis was trying to stay calm, could feel him grasp his hand tighter than before.  He hoped he wasn’t disgusted with him.  But he remembered the earlier thought he’d had, about being wrong when he and Louis had kissed the first time.  How Louis hadn’t been repulsed with him.  He was going to trust Louis; trust that he loved him enough to not want to leave.

“The last time, w-was when I was thirteen, and I w-was alone with her again…”  He focused on Louis’ steadying breaths, opening his eyes to focus on anything except for what was leaving his mouth.  He could say it, he could do it.  He had to… “And then she… _w-we_ had s-sex…"

He understood in that moment, he’d been silently crying, light tears falling from his chin and soaking splotches onto his shirt.  It was almost like he hadn’t stopped crying since he’d pushed Louis away from him that week prior.   He really wanted to stop, though at the moment, they almost felt relieving.  Letting the tears out, and the disgust he had of himself, leaving with them.

“Did you give your consent, Harry?”  Louis’ tone was soft, though there was a stiffness to it, that had Harry shifting, unsure if he wanted to turn to face the older, to see for himself the emotions playing out on Louis’ face, or not.

“N-No.”  Harry replied quickly.

Louis’ response was just as immediate.  “Then you didn’t _have_ anything.  She _did_ that to you…”  A tense moment passed, before Louis was turning Harry in his arms, readjusting so Harry’s side was now pressed into his chest, his head tucked beneath the older boy’s chin.

Louis rubbed soothingly at his back.  “I was going to t-tell you… A few d-days after it happened we… we were coming to visit, but you were at a friends’…”  Harry continued, feeling himself calm as he listened to the beat of Louis’ heart.  “I was going to tell you, but I… you weren’t there.  A-and so I d-didn’t tell anyone.”

Minutes passed, long drawn out seconds where Harry could feel Louis’ rigid frame next to his own, trying to take in everything Harry had given.  Louis leaned back only far enough to kiss at his temple, leaving his mouth there to press his next statements into Harry’s heated skin.  “I’m sorry, Hazza.  I… I didn’t know.  I’m so sorry.”  Harry stared down at where he held Louis’ palm in his lap, the fingers tense as he lightly gripped at them.

“How did Niall find out…?”  Louis asked next, his tone quiet again, calming like all he wanted was for Harry to feel safe and comforted.

Harry sunk further into his embrace, “Claire, s-she told him.”  He closed his eyes, exhausted.  “She figured it out.”  He explained further, before he blinked his tired eyes open.

His voice carried up as he murmured his quiet question into Louis’ neck, “Do you hate me now…?”  Louis was still there, that had to mean something.  But Harry had to hear the response leave Louis’ mouth before he would truly believe.

Louis released Harry’s hands to wrap him in a hug, murmuring his response into Harry’s curls again, wanting him to believe him.  “No, you know I could never hate you, Harry...”  He backed away to cup Harry’s chin.  Harry could finally see his expression, could see his misty eyes, and the wetness that lined the bottom of them.  He had a tight expression, brows furrowed, upset, “I love you so much.”

“Are you grossed out… by me?”

“Not with you Hazza, never with you.  I’m disgusted with what she did… it is so, so wrong.”  He pulled their foreheads together, resting them against each other, finally shutting his own eyes, to keep the tears at bay.  “You know that right?”

He moved back to look into the dark green of Harry’s eyes.  The younger shrugged, answering with a small head nod.  He took a few more deep breaths, feeling as if a weight was being lifted the more he spoke.  “I-I think, I think I’m going to g-go to therapy… My parents, they want me to.”

Louis pulled him into another hug, Harry shifting to a more comfortable position.  He moved to face him, hoping Louis didn’t mind as he pressed his entire self to the older, to get as close as physically possible.  “Do you think that’s a good idea?”  He asked next, timid.

Louis squeezed tighter, pulling Harry even closer.  His voice was thick as he responded, “I think so, darling.  I really think so.”

Harry gently stroked through the back of Louis’ hair, nosing into the soft skin by the base of his ear.  “I’m scared to…”  He admitted, loving Louis’ palm continuously running soothingly up his spine, to the base of his neck and back down; reminding himself that Harry was with him, reminding Harry that he was also with him, in turn.

“I’ll be right there, outside of the office, waiting for you, wherever you want me to be.  And your parents too.  Or my parents.”  Another long movement down his spine.  And back up.  “We all love you, and we’ll always be here to support you.”  And another calming motion.  “You don’t need to be scared anymore.  You’re not alone.”

Harry could feel himself smiling, a small relieved grin, a quiet, “I love you,” into Louis’ neck.

“I love you too.”

Harry backed away to see Louis, “I’m sorry for saying what I did...  I-I didn’t, I don’t want to break up…”  His smile dimmed as he continued, “I missed you.”

Louis grabbed his chin, to tilt it up towards him.  “I missed you too, boyfriend.”  And when Harry looked surprised by the term, his tone grew serious, reminding, as he enunciated his words, “I forgive you, Harry.”

Harry nodded slowly, watching every movement in Louis’ expression, for any signs of dissent.  “So, we can still be… together?”

The older lad gazed back, “I’m not going anywhere.  You’re _my_ boyfriend.” His tone grew lighter, just barely, teasing, “And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Another small smile tucked its way onto Harry’s mouth.  “Nothing?”  He asked back, quietly, afraid to break the fragile moment.

Louis leaned forward, to press a chaste kiss to Harry’s lips, repeating, “Nothing.” on his way back.  Harry could feel the flush on his cheeks, the burst of fluttering in his stomach at the contact.  He wanted to kiss him again; for longer.

And so he timidly did so, moving his lips to Louis’ soft breaths of approval.  But too soon, for Harry’s liking, Louis pulled away again.  He opened his eyes at the calling of his name, “Harry…”  The older boy seemed serious again, worried as his brows creased in concentration.  He was looking to the side, down at the wish jar on the ground, away from the younger.  “I didn’t force you to like, do anything you weren’t comfortable with, did I…?”

It was Harry’s turn to tilt Louis’ face towards his, to catch his soft blues with his own.  “No… I wanted to do everything...” He leaned forward to nuzzle his nose into Louis’ cheek.  “I always want to be close to you…”

“And I, you, my love.”  Louis murmured back, again tracing light fingers over his spine.

Harry dropped his head to rest it on Louis’ collar, the warmth and soothing Louis was providing him reminding him of the exhaustion he was feeling; crying his eyes out and not having slept well for the past days had Harry on the verge of falling asleep right there.  Right where he was tucked into Louis’ arms, and could feel his affection surrounding him. “Thank you.”  He murmured, quietly.

Louis hummed in acknowledgement before, “You know I love you, right?” making Harry let out a tiny laugh.

“You know _I_ love _you_ , right?”  He asked lightly; though Louis words did warm him further.

His boyfriend smiled into his hair.  “Just making sure you know…”  He ran his hand through Harry’s curls again, “I will, _always_ , love you.”

Harry shifted away to see his boyfriend.  To let the words settle around them.

Louis’ gentle hand found his face again as he rubbed lightly at Harry’s cheekbone, grinning at him, crinkling his eyes in the way Harry loved to see.  The once, scared little boy, smiled back, just as sweetly, knowing he wasn’t alone anymore.  He found people who loved him, who would always love him.  He leaned closer, smiling into the kiss he left on Louis’ mouth, murmuring with more assuredness than he’d ever felt before, a soft, “I know.”


	28. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It has been six years! Harry is twenty five and Louis is twenty seven.

Warm rays of light flickered through the clear panes framing the walls, cascading odd shapes onto the children milling through the hallway as they scuffled their shoes with giddy laughs and thrilled smiles.  A little boy kicked his feet contentedly where he sat on a miniature yellow chair outside his classroom, memorizing the sparkling patterns of light flickering off of everything around him; holding his, normally short, attention.  He glanced up to follow the bobbing heads of the other kids with his eyes as they made their way towards the exit, waving excited goodbye’s to one another.

It wasn’t until he was looking at the doors leading outside that he quickly recognized that cheerful dimpled grin and caring green eyes of the adult that was nearing where he was.  He jumped up with all of his boundless energy to scamper towards the man, meeting him halfway there.  “Daddy!”  He cheered stopping right in front of him, practically standing on his toes as he beamed up at him.

And Harry grinned right back at his boy, ruffling his fringe and fixing the backpack on his shoulders so it wasn’t slipping off his small frame.  “Hi, Buddy,” he pressed a quick kiss to the child’s soft cheek before scooping him up in his arms, feeling petite limbs tighten their hold around him as if they were trying to squeeze the life out of him.  “Were you waiting long?”  He asked easily, working his way through the slowly dissipating crowd back towards where he’d come from.

“Nope.  Mary just left and Jayce was here too.”  The boy responded, grinning with how tall he was now that he was in Harry’s hold.  He could get used to being that tall and hoped he’d grow quickly so he wouldn’t have to wait so long.

“Well good.  And did you have fun today?”  Harry continued, flattening the slight cowlick at the back of the boy’s head as he listened to his well thought out reply, “Mmhmm,” before he was enthusiastically nodding his head.  He was always so animated, and Harry mused that he was similar to his father in that respect, especially when Louis had been younger.  “We went on an adventure too!”  The grinning six year old continued.  Harry warmed at the term, remembering when he and Louis used to go on their own adventures back when they’d been children themselves.  He was able to hold back a chuckle, but couldn’t quite do the same to the budding dimples on his cheeks.

His son took a big breath of air to explain, as quickly as he could, apparently, as he let out his words in an eager whoosh, “We were mermaids!!  And we battled these evil sharks that were coming to get us, but I wasn’t scared.  It was awesome because we were able to get away!!  And Mary destroyed one with her mind.  It was cool!”

Harry did let himself laugh that time, grinning back, as he pushed through the doors to the outside, sun warming their skin fully.  “Sounds like it!  I’m just glad you guys got away safely, sharks are scary business…” He mused easily and the boy patted his cheek.

“Don’t worry Daddy, we’re awesome!”

“Oh, I know.”  Harry replied easily, hitching his son up again where he’d been sliding down a bit.  His pace had slowed drastically ever since he’d entered the building, but they were finally a few paces away from their car and he was being tapped on the face again.

“Is Papa picking us up?”

“Yes, he is…”  Except Harry hadn’t been able to answer before Louis was moving away from where he’d just slipped out of the driver’s seat to near them.  And when he was finally near enough their son practically lunged out of Harry’s arms to attack the other man.

He was always extra cuddly after class, as if a whole day without them was too unbearable for him to handle, but Louis merely laughed in amusement as the boy pecked him on each cheek.  Only for a moment though, before he was forcing Louis to put him on the ground by wriggling around like a wild creature.

“Hello...”  Harry started grinning, not hesitating at all as he leaned forward to give his own kiss to the man, smiling with that same overwhelming fondness he always seemed to get around him.

“Hi love,” Louis replied, twisting a lock of Harry’s long hair behind his ear.  “Ho-“

“Come on!  Come on!”  His words were cut off as tiny arms, with a lot more force than anticipated, shoved at their hips.  Both in attempts to move them from blocking his entrance to the backdoor of the car, and to, probably, coerce them into doing as he said.  “We have to go to Grandpa and Grandma’s!  Come on!”

“So bossy…”  Louis teased after a moment of looking down at the little menace’s imploring eyes, before he sighed heavily, like moving away from Harry was the hardest thing he’d ever been asked to do.  “Fine...”  He grumbled as he made his way to the driver’s side to slip into his designated seat, the other two immediately following his lead.

“Buckled up?”  Louis asked, eyeing their son in the rearview mirror where he was in his booster cushion clicking the device in position and humming an exasperated “yes”.  Harry replied with his own affirmative as well, just to clarify the importance of road safety to the other two, though it certainly wasn’t the first time they’d heard as much from him.  And after Louis was finished poking his husband in the side he was putting the vehicle in drive to back out of the school’s car park.

“My parents’ house, yah?”  Harry asked when they finally reached the main roads that would lead them down the familiar path to Doncaster.

“Are Granddad’s 1 and 2 going to be there too?”  Their son chirped up immediately after Louis responded with a confirmation.

Harry situated himself so he could turn in his seat to see the little brunet staring out the window in anticipation.  “They will most definitely be there.  They can never wait long to see you.”

The boy scrunched his nose up in a grin, turning to face his dad with widened, hopeful eyes. “Do you think Granddad 1 made cookies?” 

Harry let out a warm chuckle after pursing his lips in thought, “I think so...”

“I _know_ so.”  Louis added after a second, flipping through the radio stations to play some music beneath their conversation.  And Harry knew he was right, because if Liam _hadn’t_ made them a dessert of some kind, it would have been the first time he hadn’t out of the last ten times they’d visited.

“Oh no.”  The tiny voice suddenly wavered, worried.  His tone was conspiratorial as he hushed out his next question, “Grandpa isn’t going to eat them all again, is he…?”

Harry grinned, reaching back to pinch at his shoed toes, “No, I’m sure both your Granddads _and_ your Grandma won’t let that happen.”

“Good!”  And it wasn’t but a few minutes later that the six year old was out cold, napping off his most certainly exhausting day as quiet snuffles filled the cab of the car.

Louis kept the radio volume low, just loud enough for them to hum along if they wanted, and Harry watched with a concentrated gaze, the relaxed edge to the other man’ features.  The sun’s light found them in the car as well, glittering off of Louis’ tan skin and keeping Harry’s attention as he openly admired. 

Louis didn’t seem to mind Harry’s gaze, used to it after so many years of having it trained on him, but he did stick his hand out after a moment, offering it palm up to his husband.  Harry smiled delightedly, grasping it with his own and finally turning towards the front, feeling their fingers curl together, fitting perfectly into each other’s.

“How was your day, love?”  Louis asked and Harry warmed further at the endearment.  He didn’t think he would ever be over Louis calling him pet names; the effect of which always had him giddy and pleased.

He hummed, slowly mulling over his thoughts, “I gave the class a test today.  Most of them did really well on it.”  He paused a moment, squinting his eyes, “At least the one’s I’ve graded so far have…”

Louis shuddered, doing a pretty spot on interpretation of Harry’s students that day.  “Ah maths tests… That subject was always a torture for me.”

“And that’s why you were an English major.”  Harry retorted, pulling a face at him.  Though Louis didn’t like it very much, Harry was just happy that their son seemed to actually enjoy doing maths problems; though he wasn’t very far along at all and could dislike it in the future, he at least liked it then.

Louis sighed, “Don’t remind me.  I have an article due Monday morning that I may or may not have finished…”

Harry grinned at his husband before, “That’s okay, I have a few things to grade this weekend too…”  He turned to glance back at their son, as if unable to help it.  He always found himself watching the crazy ball of energy, ever since they’d adopted him two years before.  And the little boy soundly napping behind them was one of the best things that had ever happened to the two.

Harry could relate to Niall then, as his dad had often told him that same thing, when he was a teenager.  Thinking of his parents had him smiling softly; he was just as excited to see them.  “The parents can watch him,” he suggested easily, “and we can finish our work this weekend.”

“Simple enough.”  Louis replied, before a moment passed and he grew more enthusiastic as he seemed to remember something, “Oh yah!  Stan’s getting the group together again, in a few weeks.”

Harry nodded along, squeezing Louis’ hand in his own.  “Cher mentioned it on the phone the other day!”  He was also very thrilled he’d be seeing them all again.  “It’s been a long time.”  He mused, watching the traffic on the other side of the road move past at increasing speeds.

“It really has been.  Danielle should be there too...  I think she’ll be between dancing gigs.” He paused a moment, remembering back to his conversation.

“And the rest?”  Harry asked, mind straying to the last time he’d seen Eleanor, Perrie, and Grimmy.

“Mmhmm, and it’s a family event now since Stan just had a kid of his own.”

Harry felt himself growing even more excited the more they talked about it and he grinned at the new information, “That’s great!”  No longer would it be just him and Lou, and Cher and Josh with kids.  Now Stan and his wife were joining the ranks of parenthood.

He turned back in his seat again, to watch their son kick absently in his sleep, a smile gracing his lips as he silently watched.  He didn’t think he and Lou had ever been happier than when they’d added a third member to their family.  Their son was their light and joy and even if he was a bit wild sometimes, and like Louis, enjoyed getting himself into trouble, he was their little angel.

Harry still felt like their family was missing a little something though… or perhaps a little someone.  He turned towards his husband, still feeling a warm gentle hand in his own.  “You know Lou… I think we need another baby…”  He pursed his lips, quieting as he continued, “I was hoping maybe we could adopt a baby girl...”

Louis squeezed his palm back, “Hmm…” before a light grin worked its way onto his face, “Me too.”

Harry beamed.  “Yah?”  He clarified eagerly, though he knew, from Louis’ expression that he meant it.

The older lad nodded, eyes back on the road, though that beautiful smile was still tucked away on his expression.  “Absolutely.”  There was another gentle stroke to the back of Harry’s knuckles.  “After the weekends over, we can start the paperwork...”

“I love you.”  Harry immediately hummed in response, into the excited energy now buzzing through the car.  He leaned over to press a chaste kiss to Louis’ cheek, feeling scratchy stubble tickle his chin as he pressed another one to his jaw.  He moved away before Louis could crash from the distractions – as road safety was still the most important thing.

And rather than kissing Harry’s mouth like Louis wanted to, he lifted his husband’s hand to kiss the back of it instead.  Keeping the warm skin pressed to his lips, he hummed his reply, “I love you too.”

A calming silence enveloped them as Harry looked out the window, thoughts running off to what it would be like with a little girl running around their house.  How their son would have someone to play with, how he would have another baby to dress up and tuck into bed, and Louis would have another tiny footballer to teach and take care of.

He grew so lost in his contentedness and his thoughts of the future that he hadn’t even realized when they made it to Doncaster, until the car started slowing down into a neighborhood.  He looked out the windows, at the inviting, recognizable brick houses and the people meandering about on their lawns, gardening and soaking up the sun.

He untangled his hand from Louis’ as they reached their destination, to brush it through his curls when they pulled into the driveway.  When he turned to wake their child up, the boy seemed to already have noticed their arrival as his head lolled to the side and he was suddenly blinking the sleep out of his eyes.  The six year old perked up almost immediately when he realized the car was stopped and he moved to look out the window before flinging his seat belt off and jumping out of his chair.  Louis and Harry followed him soon after, stretching their stiff arms and legs now that they could.

“We’re here!!!”  The youth cheered, sounding even more energized now that he’d had a nap.  He ran a few laps around the car as Louis removed their luggage from the trunk, so used to his child’s weird ways that he didn’t even bat an eye each time the boy poked him in the waist every time he passed by, before he was running away again.

Harry caught him on his fourth lap, squeezing tight and hauling the wriggling, yelping child in his arms.  “You’re a monster!”  Harry teased, tickling at the six year olds sides where he could reach, though the squirming definitely wasn’t helping.

“No!  Papa help!!!”  Their son choked out, and Louis smirked at the boy’s pleas before shuffling over to assist Harry in tickling him to more screams of protest.  When Harry finally put him down, he only hissed at them like a vampire and scampered towards the bags Louis had placed on the pavement.  “I’m telling your parents!” He threatened before flashing all of his tiny white teeth at them and steamrolling his bag away.  Harry was reminded again how similar their son was to Louis when he was younger, boundless energy and a rampant imagination.

He turned back to Louis to see him sneaking closer, a mischievous grin on his face.  It seemed that Louis wasn’t finished with his tickling as he lightly grazed a few fingers over Harry’s tummy before Harry was letting out a squeak and quickly clamping the offending hands in his own.  “No.” He mumbled, mouth forming a pout as he tried to stare down his grinning spouse.  Louis inched a bit closer instead, wriggling his wrists to try and free them, but after a few seconds he seemed to relent and exhaled on a sigh.  He really hadn’t been trying that hard and when Harry could tell he _wouldn’t_ be attacked he eased his grip and let go.  And without backing away, Louis stepped closer to kiss at his frowning lips.

“I guess I’ll just have to tickle you later then...”  He promised and Harry couldn’t stop the sheepish grin from making its way onto his expression at his husband’s tone.  Louis didn’t relent though and continued, his voice softening so only Harry could hear, “Preferably when everyone else is asleep… on your old bed…”  and Harry was flushing terribly hard as he checked to make sure their son was nowhere in hearing range.  He didn’t want to scar the boy.  “But… only if I get another kiss.”  Louis puckered his lips exaggeratedly, awaiting his treat and Harry could only huff a small laugh before lifting his hand to tap Louis’ cheek so he’d stop.  But then he leaned forward to meet Louis’s mouth with his own.

He had a momentary reminder of all the years after university when they would come back to visit their parents and ended up exchanging a few kisses (making out) in the driveway so they would refrain from doing so inside.  They had a bit of an attachment problem after having sex for the first time, and maybe they couldn’t really help having their mouths apart for long periods of time...  They were working on it.

“Stop being gross.  I’m right here!”  The six year old called from the front stoop as he looked at them with a disturbed expression; one which had Louis laughing.

“Good.  Be grossed out.” And he gave Harry another kiss to torment their son; he was just like Liam and Zayn in that respect.

Harry didn’t have much more time to muse over that thought before his son was running back over and a hand was snatching his from Louis’ to tug the two of them, quite forcefully, towards the door.

“Okay?”  He asked, still sounding frustrated, when they finally reached the stoop in front of the door.

He always liked to be the first in the house, but he just stood there instead, glancing up at them each, before pulling downwards on their hands.  When they realized what he wanted, as that was often the signal, they both leaned down to press a few kisses each to his cheeks as he scrunched up his face in a grin.

“Okay!”  He then released their grips and speedily grabbed his bag to charge at the door.  When the barrier was finally out of the way he scurried inside at lightning speed, yelling out an enthused, “Grandpa, Grandma, Granddads I’m here!!!”

And the noises in the house, the babbling of a TV and the oven timer beeping off, quieted as the sounds of the adult’s cheers filled the air.  Harry could hear Niall’s exclamation where they still stood outside the home, “Button muffin pants _junior_ is here!” before an umph was heard, that Harry presumed meant he was being attacked with an armful of little boy.  Immediately after which he could hear Liam’s just as enthusiastic, “I made cookies!  Now where’s _my_ hug?”

Harry’s grin widened as he moved forward, but Louis stopped him from stepping inside, grabbing at his hand to get his attention.  He could overhear Zayn’s chuckled, “Where are your parents?” and the disgruntled, groaned response of “kissing…”

He turned to face Louis, seeing his bright grin from also having overheard their son.  “Haz,” Louis started, glancing up to meet his eyes.

“Lou…”  Harry responded back, slow smile working its way onto his mouth as he fit himself closer to the older lad, until they were only a few inches away and the tips of their shoes met.

“One last kiss before we go inside...”  He hedged closer, nudging Harry’s cheek with his nose and nuzzling into the slowly pinkening flesh.

Harry groaned in response, though the smile never left his lips and Louis could tell, could feel it in the gentle breath fanning his cheek.  He tilted his head, their mouths slipping easily together; Harry leaning into the delicate caress of Louis’ hand cupping his jaw.

Soft lips moved together, small noises of approval sliding from Harry’s tongue.  And when Louis pulled away with a tug to Harry’s bottom lip, he could tell his cheeks were flushed a bright red; the smirk on his husband’s face indicating as much.

He took a shaky breath to calm the ridiculous beating of his heart as he turned back towards the door, keeping his hand gripped firm in Louis’.  Taking a step into the quaint home, he was immediately surrounded with familiarity and nostalgia.  And he spent a moment taking it all in; letting his mind reminisce upon all of the memories he and Louis had shared in that place, all the adventures.

He pulled the older lad in next to him, to be closer; and Harry realized, with that always present warmth by his side, that no matter wherever they ventured in the future, whatever would happen, he would always have a home in Louis.  And after everything they had been through, he would always be in love with that bright, boisterous boy he’d met at the age of seven; and that beautiful, happy boy would love him, always, in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAAATTTTTTTT??!!!! I finally finished this massive fic??!!!!!!!! It's time to celebrate!!!!!!!!!!!! And thank all of you who made it to the end with me, too!  
> First a special thanks to my beta elizamackenzie for cheering me along and editing all 28 of my long rambling chapters. I certainly wouldn't have been able to finish this without you. Next, a GIGANTIC thank you to everyone who has ever commented on one of my chapters as they both made it easier and more enjoyable for me to continue, and they also brightened my day many, many times.  
> Lastly, I would like to say a humongous thank you to everyone who has subscribed, kudos-ed, and/or bookmarked my fic! It makes me so unbelievably happy when people do. You guys are really freaking awesome!  
> Anyways, I hope everyone has a great New Year and that your holidays were fantastic! So much love to all of you!!!! <3 <3 <3


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